"ladies, remember: superficiality is yer best friend! yay!"
wow. i just found a *ahem* "wonderful" article on the msn website about "how to dress like a bombshell" or some idiotic title of that nature. reading through the article, i discovered that it was more a guide about "how to be the most shallow and superficial person in yer group of friends" or "how to impress people with yer appearance: for those who have no personality". the article was an excerpt of a book called "the bombshell bible". riiiight...
here's the article: yer guide to superficiality!
some highlights:
We have to face certain wardrobe facts, Bombshell. Styles change and this means that your wardrobe should too. Every couple of years you should expect to endure the pain of getting rid of your favourite pair of jeans. It won't be easy and you need to understand that what you paid for them or who you met when you wore them doesn't matter. The same goes for things like shoes and boots. Eventually you will have to adopt the "out with the old and in with the new" credo.
oh puh-lease. you should throw out yer favourite clothing just because it isn't "in" anymore? we should all conform and be good little automatons and throw out our clothing when big brother tells us that the times have changed? *sigourney weaver voice* well, screw that! i don't know about the rest of you "bombshells", but i don't exactly have $4000 every year to blow simply on clothes. and who said that you need to listen to the status quo when they tell you the times they are a-changin' fashion-wise and the only way to stay a "bombshell" is to make like a borg and adapt? here's a question for you: do you need to rely on a fashion article to help you wipe yer ass, too? case in point: YOU HAVE A BRAIN. USE IT. if you don't want to throw out yer disco boots from the 70s because you think they're totally funky, then don't. a tip to the writer: personality and confidence are what make women bombshells, not how they dress.
Remember not to be intimidated walking into these high-priced havens, you are as worthy and as beautiful as the next shopper, so walk in like you could buy the whole place if you wanted to but keep it light-hearted!
yep, because i totally need a fashion article to validate my worth upon this earth! tee hee!
Anything out of date, ripped, fading, ill-fitting or just plain wrong will be tossed or donated accordingly. This is not the time for sentimentality ladies!
*vomit*
:Remember that an outfit has to make you feel fabulous, so if you are not 100 per cent comfortable with a certain style, then don't wear it. Bombshells are never slaves to the latest trends; we just bear them in mind and make them our own.
*blinks* "bombshells are never slaves to the latests trends...?" whoa, nice attempt at covering up, there, guide to superficiality! i think that has to be the best line in the entire article; the article urges you every chance it gets to go out to high-class stores, look in magazines, look at celebrities, all to see what the latest trends are--and then it tries to backpedal and say that "bombshells" have minds of their own. classy. another tip to the writer: if you really want to convince yer audience (or at least just the intelligent ones), here's a word you should get to know: CONSISTENCY. another good one would be SINCERITY, but that might be pushing it.
Now for big item number two: a fantasstic (no, I did not misspell that) pair of jeans. This is essential for the Bombshell because great jeans can go anywhere with you and can do pretty well anything for you, even at a moment's notice. You know what I'm talking about and you'll have to get used to the idea of buying a new pair just about every other year. There is no way around this.
"yes sir, captain sir! no way around it, sir!"
or alternately:
"we are the borg. you will buy a new pair of jeans every year. resistance is futile. there is no way around this."
i'd like to know what happened to their previous allusion to the fact that bombshells have minds of their own...
***
so there you have it, folks.
here's the article: yer guide to superficiality!
some highlights:
We have to face certain wardrobe facts, Bombshell. Styles change and this means that your wardrobe should too. Every couple of years you should expect to endure the pain of getting rid of your favourite pair of jeans. It won't be easy and you need to understand that what you paid for them or who you met when you wore them doesn't matter. The same goes for things like shoes and boots. Eventually you will have to adopt the "out with the old and in with the new" credo.
oh puh-lease. you should throw out yer favourite clothing just because it isn't "in" anymore? we should all conform and be good little automatons and throw out our clothing when big brother tells us that the times have changed? *sigourney weaver voice* well, screw that! i don't know about the rest of you "bombshells", but i don't exactly have $4000 every year to blow simply on clothes. and who said that you need to listen to the status quo when they tell you the times they are a-changin' fashion-wise and the only way to stay a "bombshell" is to make like a borg and adapt? here's a question for you: do you need to rely on a fashion article to help you wipe yer ass, too? case in point: YOU HAVE A BRAIN. USE IT. if you don't want to throw out yer disco boots from the 70s because you think they're totally funky, then don't. a tip to the writer: personality and confidence are what make women bombshells, not how they dress.
Remember not to be intimidated walking into these high-priced havens, you are as worthy and as beautiful as the next shopper, so walk in like you could buy the whole place if you wanted to but keep it light-hearted!
yep, because i totally need a fashion article to validate my worth upon this earth! tee hee!
Anything out of date, ripped, fading, ill-fitting or just plain wrong will be tossed or donated accordingly. This is not the time for sentimentality ladies!
*vomit*
:Remember that an outfit has to make you feel fabulous, so if you are not 100 per cent comfortable with a certain style, then don't wear it. Bombshells are never slaves to the latest trends; we just bear them in mind and make them our own.
*blinks* "bombshells are never slaves to the latests trends...?" whoa, nice attempt at covering up, there, guide to superficiality! i think that has to be the best line in the entire article; the article urges you every chance it gets to go out to high-class stores, look in magazines, look at celebrities, all to see what the latest trends are--and then it tries to backpedal and say that "bombshells" have minds of their own. classy. another tip to the writer: if you really want to convince yer audience (or at least just the intelligent ones), here's a word you should get to know: CONSISTENCY. another good one would be SINCERITY, but that might be pushing it.
Now for big item number two: a fantasstic (no, I did not misspell that) pair of jeans. This is essential for the Bombshell because great jeans can go anywhere with you and can do pretty well anything for you, even at a moment's notice. You know what I'm talking about and you'll have to get used to the idea of buying a new pair just about every other year. There is no way around this.
"yes sir, captain sir! no way around it, sir!"
or alternately:
"we are the borg. you will buy a new pair of jeans every year. resistance is futile. there is no way around this."
i'd like to know what happened to their previous allusion to the fact that bombshells have minds of their own...
***
so there you have it, folks.