Teach me the Blue Lantern Oath!
Because you never asked for it, here's some more random crap I pulled from my brain innards. My brainnerds, if you will.
Now that I've gotten myself thinking about brains, does anyone else agree that using brain as a verb is hilarious?
I wish people would use brain as a verb more often.
I also wish I had my own band of technicolor ninjas like on Calle 13's Electromovimiento video. Yeah, brutha!
Hey, everyone! Have I ever told you where my name came from? I mean, why my mom named me Sergio? My mom told me a bit of it not too long ago, but last weekend she told me a little more about it. Gather 'round, friends! It's time for The origin of Serge's name! Now with 20% more super hotness!
Okay, so here's what I had already known previously: When my mom was younger she used to know this boy named Sergio who was, I don't think I'm overstepping my bounds for my namesake here, the prettiest young thing ever. The way my mom described him I think it's safe to say he was so pretty she wanted to cry. (So that's where I get that from!)
She didn't name my brother Sergio because she was of the mind that you should always name either your first or last son after his father. At the time, she didn't think she'd have any more children, so she named Fred after daddy dearest. Super yawn!
Eight years later came yours truly! After I was born, people kept asking where my name came from, and somebody made the snide-ass remark that she must've had a boyfriend name Sergio. She went along with this just to piss off my dad. (So that's where I get that from!)
No, apparently she never actually went out with this super hot Sergio. Something about her grandmother giving her shit and making her stay away from him or something? I forget.
Well, apart from being super gorgeous my mom tells me he was also a musican! This shit is just too much! I was named after a beautiful, beautiful boy who was also a musician. That is awesome and nine tenths. But dammit! I am neither beautiful nor musically talented.
I would love to meet this Sergio and give him what for over setting the bar so high.
I'm watching the hell out of Telehit, it's become one of my favorite channels evahr. Not only is it cockawesome beyond normal tolerance levels, it restores in my faith in Mexico. Why? Because a reggaeton video was on right now and it made me mad. Then I realized it's the first reggaeton video I've seen in, like, two weeks on this channel.
So after that I was all, "Yes, Mexico. Give me that sweet, sweet love."
I'm willing to overlook the fact that they seem to love Ashlee Simpson's "Outta My Head."
That, and I'm fairly certain El Monchis (The Munchies!) is the greatest show ever. Yurem was on an episode of that.
Oh, and Diego was on Sweet Addiction. I have no choice but to approve.
If Telehit aired Niños Ricos then I would have no need to watch any other channel ever again.
Hey, Lor, remind me to show you that picture of Diego posing with WonderWoman. It will make your day. Plus several days more
I find the term oral bowel cleanser horribly disturbing. I'm fairly certain the fear of ever needing one of those is enough to make me never need one of those. I'll make sure my oral bowel never needs a cleansing.
I do love talkin' some shit.
What?
Didn't see that joke coming? That's okay.
I've been meaning to add a joke about how I get excited when I buy a toothbrush to my Myspace profile, I only remember it because I just got a new toothbrush and actually said to myself, "When I get home I am going to brush my teeth so hard!"
And I totally did.
As I write this paragraph, it's Thursday, Aug 20th. Tomorrow Dad wants to go to LA. I really do want to go. Among other reasons, I want to hit up Plaza Mexico because I'm literally going mad with craziness (yep) trying to find a copy of Juan Son's Mermaid Sashimi. They might have scored a few imports but what if I go there and find nothing? I know I'm very one note, and that Juan Son is all I've been able to talk about lately, but dammit I can't help it. Once I have the Cd I'll be able to once more retreat to the Batcave and not bother anyone anymore. Everybody wins!
Really though, let's not forget the real, petty-ass reason I don't want to go. I don't want to miss Niños Ricos. It's true. I don't have a DVR or any other convenient way of recording the show and I absolutely refuse to miss it. What's kind of funny is this addiction has helped me come to terms with how little I need TV in general. I'm willing to miss any show I watch. Except for this one.
Just hook it to my veins, Telemundo.
Hey! That reminds me! Or did I already write about this shit? On August 1st, Mexico got its very own Telemundo network. This is cool for several reasons. They get a lot of established Telemundo programming but they get cool original telenovelas. Like one about Emiliano Zapata! Which means there's probably a lot of cool shoot shoot bang bang. Neat! I'd like to see that. I wonder if the OG properties are also RTI Colombia productions, though. They film quite a few telenovelas specifically for US consumption via Telemundo. And if it's a big enough success here (why wouldn't it be?) maybe they'll eventually also air Niños Ricos in Mayhico. Awesome.
Update! Dad tells me Friday morning that my Aunt Clara is in LA, and I would dearly love to see her! So I says yes after all. But after going all that way it turns out she was not where we were told she was going to be. Uh-huh. She was in Garden Grove and dad didn't feel like going all the way out there. So we went to my uncle Amado's instead.
But not before hitting up Plaza Mexico! But, what? PM totally sucks now! Disco Azteca is closed, and with it went my hopes of finding an import of Mermaid Sashimi. Sob! The last bastion of cockawesomery is Alma de Mexico. I almost bought a marionette and a giant Lotería set (They had El Borracho instead of El Charro!!) but I said no! Maybe I could finagle a trip to Ameoba! (In the end I didn't even have to do that, Ozzy let me order it online yay!)
When we finally got to uncle Amado's place, cousin Ozzy was on his way out. He told me he was going to a poker game with some friends and invited me to go with him.
Ozzy wore his AdultCon cap, and not to be outdone, I brought my Weinerland beanie. I feel it was just as good.
When we got back he showed me Green Lantern: First Flight because I've kind of wanted to get into Green Lantern for a while. Something about Johns being the greatest thing ever or some such tomfoolery. (Like I would know) And after seeing the promos for Green Lantern's Blackest Night storyline I have to say I am excited by the notion of the Blue Lantern Corps! Why? Because their fucking rings are powered by hope! I love the fact that their power rings are obstensibly the most powerful of all, but are worth dick unless an active Green Lantern is in the vicinity. Love it!
If such a geeky thing were to exist I would make an awesome Blue Lantern. Dreamy kid like Serge = teh powah.
Ozzy's the biggest comic geek I know (in fact he bears more than a passing resemblance to The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy) and I value and respect his opinion. However, he doesn't like the idea of there being any Lantern Corps other than Green. That having been said, I have no problem buying a Blue Lantern logo shirt and waving it in his face accompanied by such maxims as "Suck it, bitch!" and "Eat my shit!"
See, I'm still not a comic book guy, I just like getting overexcited about most anything. Especially if somebody else don't like it.
And that's the end of me. Now it's Lor time.
Here's another splendiferous week of recaps just bursting with Niños Ricos flavor. Kitty cat dresses! Homemade porn! Pulling your sister's hair! And public outings! I told you quite a bit of the Santi/Diego goings-on already, but the best stuff happened before the locker room. Even if it isn't what the teasers promised us. Plus what I already told you will make a little more sense after you read that shit. Have fun!
I call this one, He's a bad man! But in his heart he wants to be good!
Actually, what I really call it is...
Oh! Before I begin, I give you something totally unrelated to NR! That cut title reminded me. It's Las JotiMañanitas lyrics! Or as you know it, "Faggy Birthday." See, I actually paid attention to them this time. Here they is!
En un día como hoy
Un niño nacio
¡No tenemos la culpa que jotito salio!
¡Que jotito salio!
Which, translated as only Serge can means:
On a day like today
A boy was born
It's not our fault he came out a little faggy!
He came out a little faggy!
And the line that repeats is actually sung to the tune of Happy-Birthday-To-You. Que-jotito-sa-lio!
It's actually, "It's not our fault he turned out to be gay" but jotito is another one of those adorable diminutives you've come to love. It's the diminutive form of joto, more commonly referred to as fag. So both little and faggy work. What a fucking language. It's a wonder you don't speak fluent-ass Spanish by now, mein Lor. Now, to the land of telenovela!
Monday! And we're still at Hard Bar! The boys have gotten into a fight, Alex caught them at it, and now the cops are involved. They want to bring in the boys for a drunk and disorderly but neither of them have had anything to drink. This whole thing is just a misunderstanding. A slightly pink around the mouth Esteban says, "We're best friends, officer." Pipe convinces the cops to let them go and things is okay! But now that Alex is pissed she won't go home with either one of them. Pipe offers to take her and Anaís (winkwink) home and off they go.
Back at Dorotea's place, PSP kid Miguel is still in the mood for lurve. Dorotea says he must have gotten the wrong idea from the chat they had in her office that day. Miguel says, "Oh, I've got a lot of ideas! About all the fun stuff you and I can do together." This kind of naughty talk goes on until Mauro shows up. Miguel actually (factually) brings up threesomes and a pissed off Mauro kicks him the eff out.
Manny's lawyer Vanessa is pissed the fuck off. She tells Cesar that his son showed Manuel some video of the two of them during the getting of on. She's disgusted he would make a recording like that and says if Cesar doesn't destroy that footage she'll have his shit killed. And she looks 100% serious. Vanessa just don't give a fuhck.
Back at the office, Monica and Diego's mom Aura are still gettin' all shlicked up. Monica says the night is still young (since Alex just got off work I'm guessing it's just after midnight) and she knows the perfect place for the two of them to go to. They've been talking about their failed love lives so Monica suggests a certain place where you can go and, you know, get a little friendly with people. Aura says she's not really into that, she'll just go home. As you all know, she's got a little boy at home to think about! I wonder what he's up to.
I'll tell you! Diego and Santi are still hanging out and Santi seems a little friendlier than usual. Never mind that they totally gloss over the fact that Diego calls Santiago on being jealous of Manuel sleeping over the other night. Diego says he's drunk and should maybe take it easy. Santi's like, "I'm not drunk! Look at this!" and he stretches his arms out wide and tries to cross one foot in front of the other to stand on one leg. He fails spectacularly and falls toward the balcony's railing. Diego catches him before he can hurt himself and the two look at each other for a moment with the ultra puppy dog eyes. Aura walks by at this exact moment and thinks they're holding each other so she decides to leave them alone. Diego says, "You...should probably lie down. You're drunk."
(This is NOT the scene we were promised. I specifically remember Diego admit to Santiago that he likes him. Then he tries to move in for a kiss and Santi freaks out and jumps away from him.)
We're at the hospital now. Back at Isa's house, Karina was freaking out and calling for help. Guillermo was the only other person in the house at the time and he finds Karina stumbling out of the bathroom. She's in a lot of pain and she's hemhorraging badly. She's afraid she's lost the baby and Guillermo rushes her bloodiness to the hospital.
Guillermo calls Eduardo and tells him he needs to get his ass to the hospy. Gasp.
Bloody vaginal discharge: For when your telenovela storylines ain't drippy enough.
After leaving Hard Bar, Esteban heads to Isa's house. He's feeling a little randy or something, I don't know. Isa, as usual, a total bitch to him until he mentions the possibility of sex. Then she's like, Oh! Really? and is totally into it.
And the two of them totally get it on! Or they might have, if Isa's dad hadn't come knocking on the door. He says Karina's in the hospital. She's lost the baby.. Then Eduardo hears a noise in her room and asks who's with her. She says "You don't want to know." And closes the door. By then Esteban's getting dressed again. It seems daddy killed the mood. Esteban says he doesn't want his dad walking in on them or anything. And Isa is left all alone with her disgusting headboard that's really a ginormous image of herself.
(No, really. Her headboard is a giant portrait of her. Classy!)
Juan's kickin' it at home on his little netbook when his dad barges on in. "Hey, thanks for knocking, dad!" but Cesar ain't in the mood for Juan's shenanigans, I'll have you know. Cesar wants to know how the crap he stumbled upon his super secret recording equipment and how dare he show Manuel video of him getting it on with Vanessa? Cesar says he doesn't make those recordings for fun, he keeps them to make sure none of the women he sleeps with will try to blackmail him later. "Gee, dad, I had no idea you had such a noble purpose behind it all!" Still thinking the whole thing pretty funny, he asks, "Hey, pop, I can still have access to your secret porn archives, right?" Not feeling the love, Cesar gives Juan the telenovela BITCHSLAP! and Juan actually looks close to crying this time.
He just wanted some porn! With his dad in it. Ew.
Earlier, when Lucía and Guillermo go back to the apartment building with their paperwork all filled out, the guy suddenly tells them the apartment's already been rented out. Just like that. The two of them think the guy's acting a little weird but they can't do shit about it so they go. Neither of them know that Monica's using her mover-and-shaker powers for evil by totally screwing over the both of them and making it nearly impossible for either of them to find a new place to live.
When Lucía gets back to the De la Torre house, Veronica says they need to talk about something extra super double important. I'll give you the gist. The gist is this: I need you to get the hell out of my house. They don't have anywhere to live yet but she says fine. She'll be out of the house and out of her hair by tomorrow morning.
David's on his way home after workin' the streets (in his taxi, I mean) and getting Alex mad enough to refuse him a ride home. His thuggishness Arturo comes over to say hi to David. He wants to know how David's doing with the taxi. David says it's hard to break even when he can only make the rounds at night since he has to go to school during the day. So Lord Thugnificent Arturo says he's got a business proposition for him! "You know I'm not interested in any of your strange business practices." But Arturo says, "No, this isn't strange at all! Listen, while you're at school during the day, how's about letting me take the taxi around and you take over again at night like you usually do?" David says he'd have to think it over.
Morning time is here and Santiago wakes up in Diego's bed. Diego's sitting in a chair watching him sleep and he says, "Good morning! You must be feeling the hangover by now so I brought you a little something." and points at the nightstand, where a glass of water and some painkillers are waiting for him. A haggard but grateful Santiago says thanks and makes a mad grab for the pills and water, then comes the sudden realization of where he is and he starts freaking out. Diego says, "Relax. Nothing happened. You were too drunk to drive home last night, that's all. Nothing happened." and walks out.
A little later, the boys make it into the kitchen and Diego's mom has breakfast ready for them. Santiago apologizes and says he can't stay. Aura says, "But Santi, you should really have something to ea-" 'Sorry! I have to go!' and he gets the fuck out of there as fast as his skinny jeans will take him. Diego runs after him, "I'll see you at school, then! Won't I?"
Aura says, "I'm sorry, did I say something? You don't think he's embarrassed after last night?"
"Nothing happened last night, mom. At least not what you think. Santiago got drunk and he passed out. We just went to sleep. Really. Nothing happened."
'Santi didn't seem to think so.'
"That's what worries me."
(Iván had something interesting to say regarding the boys tonight, "lol I think Santi is a little bitch. Grow a pair, Santi, and go get Diego!")
So, not a good ending for The Little Prince and ADORABLE FAGGOT SON.
Back at the De la Torre house, Alex has her and her mom's luggage out front and David's helping put it into the cab. David tries to apologize for last night but Alex isn't even mad anymore. She's like, pfft, whatever, bitch. Just then, Santiago gets home on his super shiny crotch rocket. He asks what Alex is doing and she says she's moving out. Aunt veronica wanted her and her mom out as soon as possible because of their whole money crunch. "What?! Let me talk to my mom. I'll-" But Alex says it's okay, it really is for the best. When Santi asks where they're going to stay she says they'll be kickin' it in a hotel for a while. Santi says, "I'm really sorry, Alex. You and my aunt Lucía know you can count on me for anything if you need me." A cheery Alex says, "I know we can! I love you!" and gives her cousin a big hug. Aw! David tries to open her cab door for her and she's like, psh, I got this.
Later that day Santi's working on his bike when Esteban comes over. "Where's Alex?" 'She doesn't live here anymore.' "What? What do you mean?" 'I mean she doesn't live here anymore.' Esteban grabs Santi's shirt collar and repeats himself more clearly, in loud words so Santiago can hear him, "Where did she go?!" Santi's like, "I don't know. She said she'd call once she gets situated. You're just going to have to wait."
Esteban lets him go. "So. Why didn't I see you at school today?"
'I'm not going back to school anymore.'
"Why not?"
'I'm sick of dealing with you whiny rich kids every day. I've got enough problems of my own without you brats. I'm just sick of you all. Sick of everything.'
"Whoa, now, Santiago. Don't tell me you're having another one of your existential crises again?"
'Yeah, Esteban, I'm having another existential crisis.' and after saying some morbid shit regarding the sweet release of death Esteban gives him the mad-ass stink eye. "You be careful with that." like Santiago wanting to kill himself was a personal insult to him. You'd think Esteban cared about the guy.
Esteban checks in on mom. He knows what she's up to so he says to her that he likes Alex, so she better leave her and her mother alone. If she doesn't, he'll tell absolutely eeee'erbody that she schtupped Isa's dad.
Dun dun DUUUUUN!
-
Welcome to Tuesday! And to make sure I don't make shit way too long again, it's time for a format change! That means I'm going to shut the fuck up for once! From now on you're getting all the gay without the mess! So I'll mostly be writing for Santiago and Diego now. I'll still pepper in the good stuff happening elsewhere, but because you wanted it that way...you get the gay. When there is gay to be had.
So what happens? Well, Telemundo seems intent on giving us table scraps between the biggie scenes featuring los gays. So nothing happens until the end of today's ep, and even then very little. So here's a little of what else is happening.
Alex gets settled into her hotel room and when she goes back out to thank David he tells her how he really feels about her. His reward for such a corageous bearing of his heart is being totally shot down. She cares for him, but only wants him as a friend. Ouch!
Juan's told both his dad and Amelia he's totally cool with the two of them hooking up. But Cesar knows that Juan knows about his super secret and super naughty recording equipment, so I don't know if he sees what's coming.
PSP kid Miguel sees Dorotea in her office and tries to get it on with her yet again. She implies she just might scratch his itch in exchange for some information. Namely: WHO BE RAPIN'? Or so I'm guessing.
Juliana is also still trying to bone Mauro, and comes on to him in the library. He gets mad and raises his voice and everyone stares. Sigh, bitches.
Continuity be damned! Esteban gets a magic haircut today. Alex calls him from her hotel room and he wants to take her out on the town. When he picks her up his hair is shorter than it was in his room immediately before this scene. Hrm! They go to the country club and Monica happens to be there, she's perfectly nice to Alex until she realizes she's Lucía's daughter and then becomes la super bitch. Esteban tries to smooth things over by telling her Monica's bipolar. Haw.
Vanessa, Manny's lawyer gives Santiago's dad Roberto the money is desperately needs to pay off his gambling debts and in says she wants to make some investments in the companies of Roberto's that are going under. Ooh, with drug munnies, mayhaps?
In the cafeteria, Lucía and Berta (David's mom, who, as I said before, also played Giovanni's mom, yay!) discuss some shit. Shit like Berta asking Lucía and Alex to stay with her family until they can find a new place of their own.
Gasp! Alex just broke David's heart and now they're totally going to be living together. I smell whacky Colombian sitcom spinoff!
Diego's sitting by himself in the cafeteria today and Matías sits down and asks what he's doing. Diego says, "I'm just waiting for Santi." in the saddest, most heartbreaking voice ever. *
Being a dumb ass, Mati doesn't know what the shit Diego's talking about, so he says he wants to invite Diego to, get this, an Orgy! Diego just smiles and says, "No, thanks. I have more important things to do today."
Mati's like, "Whatever, party pooper." and leaves Diego to be all sad and lonely again.
Whacky spinoff number Two! Los Días y las Orgies de Matías the horny!
(*Iván says I was exaggerating but it really was sad! It actually made me want to cry a little. It was like, Eeyore's pitiful stick house falling over. Or Charlie Brown's christmas tree! Eugh! Maybe I'm just a snivelly little bitch today 'cause I got to the part in KH2 where Dr. Finkelstein's experiment goes around stealing christmas presents because it wanted a heart and hoped to find one in the love people give in presents, and that scene always gets to me. Oh, KH and NR love of mine)
After school, apparently immediately after, 'cause he's still in his uni, Diego goes to visit Santiago. "I didn't see you at school today. It's not about last night, is it? Because I already told you, nothing happened."
Santi says that's not it. "I'm bored. I'm bored of everything." Then one of my timers went off and went to ABC for some reason SO I FUCKING MISSED WHATEVER HE SAID AFTER THAT. Then he says "Not one person in my family deserves to be alive." And Diego just stares at him with them puppy dog eyes like he usually does.
So yeah, Santi's suicidal. Again. So let's make a game of this. Take a drink.
-
Wednesday and we once again are more or less given as little as Santi and Diego as possible. But what we do get is pretty good. Also since I'm writing mostly about them for all you know they were in the entire episode! Funderful!
Most of today's ep takes place either at the country club. Manuel happens by Esteban and Alex and says hello. Esteban and Manuel play nice but Alex is unaware that the two of them totally hate/plan to destroy each other now.
But Alex isn't left alone for long, 'cause Isa comes by and is a total bitch to her. She even goes so far as to offer Alex A BUTTLOAD OF MONEY to stay away from Esteban for good. Haw.
Matías gets to the club with Lola and Rocío. See, he still plans on getting them all nuded up so he can take pictures to post to their website. Manuel kinda likes Rocío so they pair off and get all tee hee.
Mati and the girls are by the pool when Esteban comes to talk to him. They shoot the shit for a bit before they see Santiago and Diego walking along the pool together having a very pleasant conversation. (I thought Santi was supposed to be suicidal again but he looks happy enough with Diego right now)
Mati says, "Would you look at those two girlfriends!" And Esteban turns to look. "You know, everyone's already saying Diego's gay and it looks like he's dragging Santiago down with him."
Esteban says, "If you ask me it looks like Santiago doesn't have a problem with that at all." and they stare at the boys gettin' all friendly with each other again.
"Get this, Esteban, today at school I invited him to the club with me and these fine ass ladies and he told me he had more important things to do, and now he's here with Santiago?"
Esteban says, "So you think it's about time we cross these two off the man list?"
'I think so.'
Oh noes! If they out Diego to everyone I'm pretty sure Santiago will probably sell him out because he's still a self-hating homo and how will they fall in love then, Lor? However will they fall in sweet, forlorn, secret gay love?
At Juan's house, Juan's dad has a proposition for him. He thinks it's about time for Juan to become independent. He's going to buy Juan his own apartment and he won't have to worry about paying for anything at all. Juan's like, "That's great, dad! It's also a great way to tell your son you want him the hell out of your life!" But he takes the apartment, of course.
Wasting absolutely no time, Cesar has Amelia over and they get crackin' on the mackin'.
(It's true, Mati is a total dick, but I absolutely love how he and Santi get along in this episode, look!)
Mati is still chillin' by the pool when Santiago sits down where Esteban was. "Hey, Matías, I thought this place had rules regarding not bringing your hookers to the club."
"That's not very nice, you know! That one in the black over there is David's sister."
'David? David, David? Our David? That's his sister?'
"Sure is, isn't she a beauty?"
'Matías, don't tell me you're planning on raping these girls? Going to drug them, too?'
"Not at all, Santi! These girls will definitely be awake! And they're definitely going to enjoy it! Say, Santi, why don't you use those aquatic skills of yours and give those girls some swimming lessons? They're embarrassing themselves."
Santi can't help but laugh at what a total shitbag Mati is. And yes, Mati called him Santi! Nobody but Diego ever does that.
Guillermo shows Lucía the cabin that is going to be his new home. It belongs to Isa's dad, and out of the goodness of his heart Guillermo gets to live here now. Really, it's just to get him well out of town so he can continue banging his wife.
Back at the club, Diego's in the pool teaching the girls how to swim while Mati and Santi are still playing nice.
"Hey, you know, people at school talk. They're all saying Diego is gay. And you've been gettin' awful chummy with him lately."
'What? Don't be ridiculous.'
"Really. But it looks like he's plenty interested in Lola!"
Santiago almost breaks his neck twisting around in his chair to see Diego holding Lola up in the water.
"Say, I think Lola likes him, too. Not that I can blame her, just look at that bod!"
'Listen to yourself. You sure you're not the one who's gay?'
"Oh, what's wrong Santi? You're not jealous, are you? ~You like Diego!~"
Santi just shrugs him off. But continues to stare at Diego.
And over at casa de Cesar, he and Amelia get on up to the bedroom for some baby makin'. After which (yeah, after) he asks again to make sure she's legal. Oops! Too late, daddykins.
-
ThursdayThursdayThursday! It's Thursday. Here's what happened:
It's getting late, Mati and Manuel are waiting on Lola and Rocío, who are now wearing their school unis because they told their folks they were at the library instead of going with some rich boys to der club. But you don't care about that, so here's what the boys are up to!
Santi and Diego are in the locker room. Hanging out like boys do. In nothing but their towels. What?
"You know what, Diego? You may be talented in a lot of things, but I don't think being a swim teacher is one of them."
'Aw, really? And I was just starting to like the idea.'
Obviously still thinking about what Matías said to him earlier, Santi asks (like a total hypocrite), "Hey, Diego, have you ever considered not hiding at school anymore and telling everyone you're, um--"
'Say it, Santi.'
"--That you're gay? People at school are already talking."
'Are they?'
"Maybe if you told your friends that--"
'Those people aren't my friends, Santi. You know that. If they knew, they'd eat me alive.'
Uh-ohs!
Alex's mom goes to see her at Hard Bar and when she sees the little pink kitty dress she's wearing she. is. pissed.
Back at the De La Torre house, Santiago's in his omg ginormous room, and he's acting a little weird. First he's at his desk on his laptop, then he gets up and locks his door. OMG LOR HE'S GOING TO LOOK AT GAY PORN! No.
He picks up his phone. OMG LOR HE'S GOING TO CALL DIEGO AND BE GAY WITH HIM! No.
It turns out, he calls Anaís. Yeah, you read that shit right. His dumb ass calls Anaís. He says he wants to go to Hard Bar and she is only too happy to say yes.
Sergejecture time! Do you think he's maybe trying to get back in Anaís' good graces so he can downplay his friendship with Diego if and when they out him at school? Oh shit, son.
So there's Santi! Sitting with Anaís and Alex in her little pink kitty dress at Hard Bar! He's having a nice enough time bobbing along to the music with his drink (Hey! I think Santi's a lefty!) but he doesn't seem to be aware of Anaís at all. It's kind of funny.
After Lola gets home, David suspects her bullshit story that she and Rocío were at the library. So David asks Lola where she really was. She says, "The library, silly." and David goes, "Oh yeah? Then why is your hair wet?" and he manhandles Lola's damp locks in an abrupt and manly fashion.
He can't believe she's still pullin' shit like skipping school when he had to jump through hoops to get her back in.
Oh, brotherly love! Sweet, hair pulling brotherly love! <3
Alex's mom is still at Hard Bar and now she's joined by Esteban. The two of them agree that they don't like Alex working here, which leads to a conversation about how Esteban likey likes Alex. He assures her his intentions are good. And why wouldn't they be? He's already fucked her.
Aaaah! But she don't know that. I forgot.
Because Juan bribed one of daddy's guardy guards, he now has a copy of some good old daddy-on-Amelia action. He's checking it on his little bitty netbook and says "Eureka!" Not really. What he actually says is (not joking), "Homemade porn!"
The next morning it's time for school and Lucía can't wake Alex up. She's angry again and says this job of hers is already starting to effect her. She's going to be too tired to study for school and if that happens she better quit working. But Alex gets up and says she can manage. With the tips she made last night she can pay for another night's stay in their hotel room. She likes working, and if it helps them out of their tight money situation, all the better!
Oh, and Guillermo wants Lucía and Alex to move in with him to the cabin on the outskirts of town. Ooh.
That's all for Thursday! See you on Friday! Here's what happens: Diego is outed to the whole school! Ta!
-
Wow! It's Friday, and as you know by now, I totally did not get to see this episode! The following is what little I could cobble together from the episode's teaser preview, my buddy old pal Iván, and Monday the 25th's recap.
Like I said up there, Diego is outed at GMS! He walks into the classroom and up on the board is the slogan WE DON'T WANT ANY PERVERT HOMOS AT SCHOOL. Really, it said we don't want any perverted homosexuals at school, but tha't s little dry. Maybe I should have gone with dirty fag? Oh, and like I told you over the weekend, some people in espaneesh speaking countries still consider homosexuality a form of sexual perversion, so there ya go.
Diego says "Who the hell wrote that there? You bunch of ignorant---"
But Esteban cuts him off and says, "Not ignorant. Homophobic. There's a difference."
And Diego is basically like, yeah I'm gay! It's mah body, I do whatIwant!
Ok, he didn't say that, per se, but Anaís comes up to defend him and erase PERVERT HOMOS from the board.
She also tells the class, "Diego's probably still more of a man than any of you other boys!" Oh shit, yo.
Laura speaks up too and tells the whole class she's a lesbian. ¡Auu!
Santi sits there and says nothing.
Later, Diego and Lesbian girl Laura have a nice little chat, the gist of it is they vow to each other not to take any shit from any of the other kids at school. They clasp hands together in a show of gay solidarity. WONDER GAY POWERS ACTIVATE!
Form of steam! Of the bath house variety! 'Cause, you know. They're gay.
Later later, Diego conronts Santiago and asks why he totally ignored him and didn't have his back during his fabulous outing.
Santi sits there and says nothing.
When Santi gets home after a long day of sitting there and saying nothing, he asks where his dad is, Veronica says he's left the house. He's renting a room with, oh I forgot her name. Gabriel's sister. Which means he is now living with Gabriel, haw! Roberto has a thing for Gabriel's sister (The maid, not Rocío. That would be both gross and illegal) which is funny, given that her brother Gabriel is currently fucking his wife. Joy!
That's it! Except for this, David sees Alex and Esteban kissing. Oh no. He is mad now. OH SHIT.
¡Pásatelas super duuuper!
If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny DeVito
Gets crackin' on the mackin'
Serge
Now that I've gotten myself thinking about brains, does anyone else agree that using brain as a verb is hilarious?
I wish people would use brain as a verb more often.
I also wish I had my own band of technicolor ninjas like on Calle 13's Electromovimiento video. Yeah, brutha!
Hey, everyone! Have I ever told you where my name came from? I mean, why my mom named me Sergio? My mom told me a bit of it not too long ago, but last weekend she told me a little more about it. Gather 'round, friends! It's time for The origin of Serge's name! Now with 20% more super hotness!
Okay, so here's what I had already known previously: When my mom was younger she used to know this boy named Sergio who was, I don't think I'm overstepping my bounds for my namesake here, the prettiest young thing ever. The way my mom described him I think it's safe to say he was so pretty she wanted to cry. (So that's where I get that from!)
She didn't name my brother Sergio because she was of the mind that you should always name either your first or last son after his father. At the time, she didn't think she'd have any more children, so she named Fred after daddy dearest. Super yawn!
Eight years later came yours truly! After I was born, people kept asking where my name came from, and somebody made the snide-ass remark that she must've had a boyfriend name Sergio. She went along with this just to piss off my dad. (So that's where I get that from!)
No, apparently she never actually went out with this super hot Sergio. Something about her grandmother giving her shit and making her stay away from him or something? I forget.
Well, apart from being super gorgeous my mom tells me he was also a musican! This shit is just too much! I was named after a beautiful, beautiful boy who was also a musician. That is awesome and nine tenths. But dammit! I am neither beautiful nor musically talented.
I would love to meet this Sergio and give him what for over setting the bar so high.
I'm watching the hell out of Telehit, it's become one of my favorite channels evahr. Not only is it cockawesome beyond normal tolerance levels, it restores in my faith in Mexico. Why? Because a reggaeton video was on right now and it made me mad. Then I realized it's the first reggaeton video I've seen in, like, two weeks on this channel.
So after that I was all, "Yes, Mexico. Give me that sweet, sweet love."
I'm willing to overlook the fact that they seem to love Ashlee Simpson's "Outta My Head."
That, and I'm fairly certain El Monchis (The Munchies!) is the greatest show ever. Yurem was on an episode of that.
Oh, and Diego was on Sweet Addiction. I have no choice but to approve.
If Telehit aired Niños Ricos then I would have no need to watch any other channel ever again.
Hey, Lor, remind me to show you that picture of Diego posing with WonderWoman. It will make your day. Plus several days more
I find the term oral bowel cleanser horribly disturbing. I'm fairly certain the fear of ever needing one of those is enough to make me never need one of those. I'll make sure my oral bowel never needs a cleansing.
I do love talkin' some shit.
What?
Didn't see that joke coming? That's okay.
I've been meaning to add a joke about how I get excited when I buy a toothbrush to my Myspace profile, I only remember it because I just got a new toothbrush and actually said to myself, "When I get home I am going to brush my teeth so hard!"
And I totally did.
As I write this paragraph, it's Thursday, Aug 20th. Tomorrow Dad wants to go to LA. I really do want to go. Among other reasons, I want to hit up Plaza Mexico because I'm literally going mad with craziness (yep) trying to find a copy of Juan Son's Mermaid Sashimi. They might have scored a few imports but what if I go there and find nothing? I know I'm very one note, and that Juan Son is all I've been able to talk about lately, but dammit I can't help it. Once I have the Cd I'll be able to once more retreat to the Batcave and not bother anyone anymore. Everybody wins!
Really though, let's not forget the real, petty-ass reason I don't want to go. I don't want to miss Niños Ricos. It's true. I don't have a DVR or any other convenient way of recording the show and I absolutely refuse to miss it. What's kind of funny is this addiction has helped me come to terms with how little I need TV in general. I'm willing to miss any show I watch. Except for this one.
Just hook it to my veins, Telemundo.
Hey! That reminds me! Or did I already write about this shit? On August 1st, Mexico got its very own Telemundo network. This is cool for several reasons. They get a lot of established Telemundo programming but they get cool original telenovelas. Like one about Emiliano Zapata! Which means there's probably a lot of cool shoot shoot bang bang. Neat! I'd like to see that. I wonder if the OG properties are also RTI Colombia productions, though. They film quite a few telenovelas specifically for US consumption via Telemundo. And if it's a big enough success here (why wouldn't it be?) maybe they'll eventually also air Niños Ricos in Mayhico. Awesome.
Update! Dad tells me Friday morning that my Aunt Clara is in LA, and I would dearly love to see her! So I says yes after all. But after going all that way it turns out she was not where we were told she was going to be. Uh-huh. She was in Garden Grove and dad didn't feel like going all the way out there. So we went to my uncle Amado's instead.
But not before hitting up Plaza Mexico! But, what? PM totally sucks now! Disco Azteca is closed, and with it went my hopes of finding an import of Mermaid Sashimi. Sob! The last bastion of cockawesomery is Alma de Mexico. I almost bought a marionette and a giant Lotería set (They had El Borracho instead of El Charro!!) but I said no! Maybe I could finagle a trip to Ameoba! (In the end I didn't even have to do that, Ozzy let me order it online yay!)
When we finally got to uncle Amado's place, cousin Ozzy was on his way out. He told me he was going to a poker game with some friends and invited me to go with him.
Ozzy wore his AdultCon cap, and not to be outdone, I brought my Weinerland beanie. I feel it was just as good.
When we got back he showed me Green Lantern: First Flight because I've kind of wanted to get into Green Lantern for a while. Something about Johns being the greatest thing ever or some such tomfoolery. (Like I would know) And after seeing the promos for Green Lantern's Blackest Night storyline I have to say I am excited by the notion of the Blue Lantern Corps! Why? Because their fucking rings are powered by hope! I love the fact that their power rings are obstensibly the most powerful of all, but are worth dick unless an active Green Lantern is in the vicinity. Love it!
If such a geeky thing were to exist I would make an awesome Blue Lantern. Dreamy kid like Serge = teh powah.
Ozzy's the biggest comic geek I know (in fact he bears more than a passing resemblance to The Simpsons' Comic Book Guy) and I value and respect his opinion. However, he doesn't like the idea of there being any Lantern Corps other than Green. That having been said, I have no problem buying a Blue Lantern logo shirt and waving it in his face accompanied by such maxims as "Suck it, bitch!" and "Eat my shit!"
See, I'm still not a comic book guy, I just like getting overexcited about most anything. Especially if somebody else don't like it.
And that's the end of me. Now it's Lor time.
Here's another splendiferous week of recaps just bursting with Niños Ricos flavor. Kitty cat dresses! Homemade porn! Pulling your sister's hair! And public outings! I told you quite a bit of the Santi/Diego goings-on already, but the best stuff happened before the locker room. Even if it isn't what the teasers promised us. Plus what I already told you will make a little more sense after you read that shit. Have fun!
I call this one, He's a bad man! But in his heart he wants to be good!
Actually, what I really call it is...
Oh! Before I begin, I give you something totally unrelated to NR! That cut title reminded me. It's Las JotiMañanitas lyrics! Or as you know it, "Faggy Birthday." See, I actually paid attention to them this time. Here they is!
En un día como hoy
Un niño nacio
¡No tenemos la culpa que jotito salio!
¡Que jotito salio!
Which, translated as only Serge can means:
On a day like today
A boy was born
It's not our fault he came out a little faggy!
He came out a little faggy!
And the line that repeats is actually sung to the tune of Happy-Birthday-To-You. Que-jotito-sa-lio!
It's actually, "It's not our fault he turned out to be gay" but jotito is another one of those adorable diminutives you've come to love. It's the diminutive form of joto, more commonly referred to as fag. So both little and faggy work. What a fucking language. It's a wonder you don't speak fluent-ass Spanish by now, mein Lor. Now, to the land of telenovela!
Monday! And we're still at Hard Bar! The boys have gotten into a fight, Alex caught them at it, and now the cops are involved. They want to bring in the boys for a drunk and disorderly but neither of them have had anything to drink. This whole thing is just a misunderstanding. A slightly pink around the mouth Esteban says, "We're best friends, officer." Pipe convinces the cops to let them go and things is okay! But now that Alex is pissed she won't go home with either one of them. Pipe offers to take her and Anaís (winkwink) home and off they go.
Back at Dorotea's place, PSP kid Miguel is still in the mood for lurve. Dorotea says he must have gotten the wrong idea from the chat they had in her office that day. Miguel says, "Oh, I've got a lot of ideas! About all the fun stuff you and I can do together." This kind of naughty talk goes on until Mauro shows up. Miguel actually (factually) brings up threesomes and a pissed off Mauro kicks him the eff out.
Manny's lawyer Vanessa is pissed the fuck off. She tells Cesar that his son showed Manuel some video of the two of them during the getting of on. She's disgusted he would make a recording like that and says if Cesar doesn't destroy that footage she'll have his shit killed. And she looks 100% serious. Vanessa just don't give a fuhck.
Back at the office, Monica and Diego's mom Aura are still gettin' all shlicked up. Monica says the night is still young (since Alex just got off work I'm guessing it's just after midnight) and she knows the perfect place for the two of them to go to. They've been talking about their failed love lives so Monica suggests a certain place where you can go and, you know, get a little friendly with people. Aura says she's not really into that, she'll just go home. As you all know, she's got a little boy at home to think about! I wonder what he's up to.
I'll tell you! Diego and Santi are still hanging out and Santi seems a little friendlier than usual. Never mind that they totally gloss over the fact that Diego calls Santiago on being jealous of Manuel sleeping over the other night. Diego says he's drunk and should maybe take it easy. Santi's like, "I'm not drunk! Look at this!" and he stretches his arms out wide and tries to cross one foot in front of the other to stand on one leg. He fails spectacularly and falls toward the balcony's railing. Diego catches him before he can hurt himself and the two look at each other for a moment with the ultra puppy dog eyes. Aura walks by at this exact moment and thinks they're holding each other so she decides to leave them alone. Diego says, "You...should probably lie down. You're drunk."
(This is NOT the scene we were promised. I specifically remember Diego admit to Santiago that he likes him. Then he tries to move in for a kiss and Santi freaks out and jumps away from him.)
We're at the hospital now. Back at Isa's house, Karina was freaking out and calling for help. Guillermo was the only other person in the house at the time and he finds Karina stumbling out of the bathroom. She's in a lot of pain and she's hemhorraging badly. She's afraid she's lost the baby and Guillermo rushes her bloodiness to the hospital.
Guillermo calls Eduardo and tells him he needs to get his ass to the hospy. Gasp.
Bloody vaginal discharge: For when your telenovela storylines ain't drippy enough.
After leaving Hard Bar, Esteban heads to Isa's house. He's feeling a little randy or something, I don't know. Isa, as usual, a total bitch to him until he mentions the possibility of sex. Then she's like, Oh! Really? and is totally into it.
And the two of them totally get it on! Or they might have, if Isa's dad hadn't come knocking on the door. He says Karina's in the hospital. She's lost the baby.. Then Eduardo hears a noise in her room and asks who's with her. She says "You don't want to know." And closes the door. By then Esteban's getting dressed again. It seems daddy killed the mood. Esteban says he doesn't want his dad walking in on them or anything. And Isa is left all alone with her disgusting headboard that's really a ginormous image of herself.
(No, really. Her headboard is a giant portrait of her. Classy!)
Juan's kickin' it at home on his little netbook when his dad barges on in. "Hey, thanks for knocking, dad!" but Cesar ain't in the mood for Juan's shenanigans, I'll have you know. Cesar wants to know how the crap he stumbled upon his super secret recording equipment and how dare he show Manuel video of him getting it on with Vanessa? Cesar says he doesn't make those recordings for fun, he keeps them to make sure none of the women he sleeps with will try to blackmail him later. "Gee, dad, I had no idea you had such a noble purpose behind it all!" Still thinking the whole thing pretty funny, he asks, "Hey, pop, I can still have access to your secret porn archives, right?" Not feeling the love, Cesar gives Juan the telenovela BITCHSLAP! and Juan actually looks close to crying this time.
He just wanted some porn! With his dad in it. Ew.
Earlier, when Lucía and Guillermo go back to the apartment building with their paperwork all filled out, the guy suddenly tells them the apartment's already been rented out. Just like that. The two of them think the guy's acting a little weird but they can't do shit about it so they go. Neither of them know that Monica's using her mover-and-shaker powers for evil by totally screwing over the both of them and making it nearly impossible for either of them to find a new place to live.
When Lucía gets back to the De la Torre house, Veronica says they need to talk about something extra super double important. I'll give you the gist. The gist is this: I need you to get the hell out of my house. They don't have anywhere to live yet but she says fine. She'll be out of the house and out of her hair by tomorrow morning.
David's on his way home after workin' the streets (in his taxi, I mean) and getting Alex mad enough to refuse him a ride home. His thuggishness Arturo comes over to say hi to David. He wants to know how David's doing with the taxi. David says it's hard to break even when he can only make the rounds at night since he has to go to school during the day. So Lord Thugnificent Arturo says he's got a business proposition for him! "You know I'm not interested in any of your strange business practices." But Arturo says, "No, this isn't strange at all! Listen, while you're at school during the day, how's about letting me take the taxi around and you take over again at night like you usually do?" David says he'd have to think it over.
Morning time is here and Santiago wakes up in Diego's bed. Diego's sitting in a chair watching him sleep and he says, "Good morning! You must be feeling the hangover by now so I brought you a little something." and points at the nightstand, where a glass of water and some painkillers are waiting for him. A haggard but grateful Santiago says thanks and makes a mad grab for the pills and water, then comes the sudden realization of where he is and he starts freaking out. Diego says, "Relax. Nothing happened. You were too drunk to drive home last night, that's all. Nothing happened." and walks out.
A little later, the boys make it into the kitchen and Diego's mom has breakfast ready for them. Santiago apologizes and says he can't stay. Aura says, "But Santi, you should really have something to ea-" 'Sorry! I have to go!' and he gets the fuck out of there as fast as his skinny jeans will take him. Diego runs after him, "I'll see you at school, then! Won't I?"
Aura says, "I'm sorry, did I say something? You don't think he's embarrassed after last night?"
"Nothing happened last night, mom. At least not what you think. Santiago got drunk and he passed out. We just went to sleep. Really. Nothing happened."
'Santi didn't seem to think so.'
"That's what worries me."
(Iván had something interesting to say regarding the boys tonight, "lol I think Santi is a little bitch. Grow a pair, Santi, and go get Diego!")
So, not a good ending for The Little Prince and ADORABLE FAGGOT SON.
Back at the De la Torre house, Alex has her and her mom's luggage out front and David's helping put it into the cab. David tries to apologize for last night but Alex isn't even mad anymore. She's like, pfft, whatever, bitch. Just then, Santiago gets home on his super shiny crotch rocket. He asks what Alex is doing and she says she's moving out. Aunt veronica wanted her and her mom out as soon as possible because of their whole money crunch. "What?! Let me talk to my mom. I'll-" But Alex says it's okay, it really is for the best. When Santi asks where they're going to stay she says they'll be kickin' it in a hotel for a while. Santi says, "I'm really sorry, Alex. You and my aunt Lucía know you can count on me for anything if you need me." A cheery Alex says, "I know we can! I love you!" and gives her cousin a big hug. Aw! David tries to open her cab door for her and she's like, psh, I got this.
Later that day Santi's working on his bike when Esteban comes over. "Where's Alex?" 'She doesn't live here anymore.' "What? What do you mean?" 'I mean she doesn't live here anymore.' Esteban grabs Santi's shirt collar and repeats himself more clearly, in loud words so Santiago can hear him, "Where did she go?!" Santi's like, "I don't know. She said she'd call once she gets situated. You're just going to have to wait."
Esteban lets him go. "So. Why didn't I see you at school today?"
'I'm not going back to school anymore.'
"Why not?"
'I'm sick of dealing with you whiny rich kids every day. I've got enough problems of my own without you brats. I'm just sick of you all. Sick of everything.'
"Whoa, now, Santiago. Don't tell me you're having another one of your existential crises again?"
'Yeah, Esteban, I'm having another existential crisis.' and after saying some morbid shit regarding the sweet release of death Esteban gives him the mad-ass stink eye. "You be careful with that." like Santiago wanting to kill himself was a personal insult to him. You'd think Esteban cared about the guy.
Esteban checks in on mom. He knows what she's up to so he says to her that he likes Alex, so she better leave her and her mother alone. If she doesn't, he'll tell absolutely eeee'erbody that she schtupped Isa's dad.
Dun dun DUUUUUN!
-
Welcome to Tuesday! And to make sure I don't make shit way too long again, it's time for a format change! That means I'm going to shut the fuck up for once! From now on you're getting all the gay without the mess! So I'll mostly be writing for Santiago and Diego now. I'll still pepper in the good stuff happening elsewhere, but because you wanted it that way...you get the gay. When there is gay to be had.
So what happens? Well, Telemundo seems intent on giving us table scraps between the biggie scenes featuring los gays. So nothing happens until the end of today's ep, and even then very little. So here's a little of what else is happening.
Alex gets settled into her hotel room and when she goes back out to thank David he tells her how he really feels about her. His reward for such a corageous bearing of his heart is being totally shot down. She cares for him, but only wants him as a friend. Ouch!
Juan's told both his dad and Amelia he's totally cool with the two of them hooking up. But Cesar knows that Juan knows about his super secret and super naughty recording equipment, so I don't know if he sees what's coming.
PSP kid Miguel sees Dorotea in her office and tries to get it on with her yet again. She implies she just might scratch his itch in exchange for some information. Namely: WHO BE RAPIN'? Or so I'm guessing.
Juliana is also still trying to bone Mauro, and comes on to him in the library. He gets mad and raises his voice and everyone stares. Sigh, bitches.
Continuity be damned! Esteban gets a magic haircut today. Alex calls him from her hotel room and he wants to take her out on the town. When he picks her up his hair is shorter than it was in his room immediately before this scene. Hrm! They go to the country club and Monica happens to be there, she's perfectly nice to Alex until she realizes she's Lucía's daughter and then becomes la super bitch. Esteban tries to smooth things over by telling her Monica's bipolar. Haw.
Vanessa, Manny's lawyer gives Santiago's dad Roberto the money is desperately needs to pay off his gambling debts and in says she wants to make some investments in the companies of Roberto's that are going under. Ooh, with drug munnies, mayhaps?
In the cafeteria, Lucía and Berta (David's mom, who, as I said before, also played Giovanni's mom, yay!) discuss some shit. Shit like Berta asking Lucía and Alex to stay with her family until they can find a new place of their own.
Gasp! Alex just broke David's heart and now they're totally going to be living together. I smell whacky Colombian sitcom spinoff!
Diego's sitting by himself in the cafeteria today and Matías sits down and asks what he's doing. Diego says, "I'm just waiting for Santi." in the saddest, most heartbreaking voice ever. *
Being a dumb ass, Mati doesn't know what the shit Diego's talking about, so he says he wants to invite Diego to, get this, an Orgy! Diego just smiles and says, "No, thanks. I have more important things to do today."
Mati's like, "Whatever, party pooper." and leaves Diego to be all sad and lonely again.
Whacky spinoff number Two! Los Días y las Orgies de Matías the horny!
(*Iván says I was exaggerating but it really was sad! It actually made me want to cry a little. It was like, Eeyore's pitiful stick house falling over. Or Charlie Brown's christmas tree! Eugh! Maybe I'm just a snivelly little bitch today 'cause I got to the part in KH2 where Dr. Finkelstein's experiment goes around stealing christmas presents because it wanted a heart and hoped to find one in the love people give in presents, and that scene always gets to me. Oh, KH and NR love of mine)
After school, apparently immediately after, 'cause he's still in his uni, Diego goes to visit Santiago. "I didn't see you at school today. It's not about last night, is it? Because I already told you, nothing happened."
Santi says that's not it. "I'm bored. I'm bored of everything." Then one of my timers went off and went to ABC for some reason SO I FUCKING MISSED WHATEVER HE SAID AFTER THAT. Then he says "Not one person in my family deserves to be alive." And Diego just stares at him with them puppy dog eyes like he usually does.
So yeah, Santi's suicidal. Again. So let's make a game of this. Take a drink.
-
Wednesday and we once again are more or less given as little as Santi and Diego as possible. But what we do get is pretty good. Also since I'm writing mostly about them for all you know they were in the entire episode! Funderful!
Most of today's ep takes place either at the country club. Manuel happens by Esteban and Alex and says hello. Esteban and Manuel play nice but Alex is unaware that the two of them totally hate/plan to destroy each other now.
But Alex isn't left alone for long, 'cause Isa comes by and is a total bitch to her. She even goes so far as to offer Alex A BUTTLOAD OF MONEY to stay away from Esteban for good. Haw.
Matías gets to the club with Lola and Rocío. See, he still plans on getting them all nuded up so he can take pictures to post to their website. Manuel kinda likes Rocío so they pair off and get all tee hee.
Mati and the girls are by the pool when Esteban comes to talk to him. They shoot the shit for a bit before they see Santiago and Diego walking along the pool together having a very pleasant conversation. (I thought Santi was supposed to be suicidal again but he looks happy enough with Diego right now)
Mati says, "Would you look at those two girlfriends!" And Esteban turns to look. "You know, everyone's already saying Diego's gay and it looks like he's dragging Santiago down with him."
Esteban says, "If you ask me it looks like Santiago doesn't have a problem with that at all." and they stare at the boys gettin' all friendly with each other again.
"Get this, Esteban, today at school I invited him to the club with me and these fine ass ladies and he told me he had more important things to do, and now he's here with Santiago?"
Esteban says, "So you think it's about time we cross these two off the man list?"
'I think so.'
Oh noes! If they out Diego to everyone I'm pretty sure Santiago will probably sell him out because he's still a self-hating homo and how will they fall in love then, Lor? However will they fall in sweet, forlorn, secret gay love?
At Juan's house, Juan's dad has a proposition for him. He thinks it's about time for Juan to become independent. He's going to buy Juan his own apartment and he won't have to worry about paying for anything at all. Juan's like, "That's great, dad! It's also a great way to tell your son you want him the hell out of your life!" But he takes the apartment, of course.
Wasting absolutely no time, Cesar has Amelia over and they get crackin' on the mackin'.
(It's true, Mati is a total dick, but I absolutely love how he and Santi get along in this episode, look!)
Mati is still chillin' by the pool when Santiago sits down where Esteban was. "Hey, Matías, I thought this place had rules regarding not bringing your hookers to the club."
"That's not very nice, you know! That one in the black over there is David's sister."
'David? David, David? Our David? That's his sister?'
"Sure is, isn't she a beauty?"
'Matías, don't tell me you're planning on raping these girls? Going to drug them, too?'
"Not at all, Santi! These girls will definitely be awake! And they're definitely going to enjoy it! Say, Santi, why don't you use those aquatic skills of yours and give those girls some swimming lessons? They're embarrassing themselves."
Santi can't help but laugh at what a total shitbag Mati is. And yes, Mati called him Santi! Nobody but Diego ever does that.
Guillermo shows Lucía the cabin that is going to be his new home. It belongs to Isa's dad, and out of the goodness of his heart Guillermo gets to live here now. Really, it's just to get him well out of town so he can continue banging his wife.
Back at the club, Diego's in the pool teaching the girls how to swim while Mati and Santi are still playing nice.
"Hey, you know, people at school talk. They're all saying Diego is gay. And you've been gettin' awful chummy with him lately."
'What? Don't be ridiculous.'
"Really. But it looks like he's plenty interested in Lola!"
Santiago almost breaks his neck twisting around in his chair to see Diego holding Lola up in the water.
"Say, I think Lola likes him, too. Not that I can blame her, just look at that bod!"
'Listen to yourself. You sure you're not the one who's gay?'
"Oh, what's wrong Santi? You're not jealous, are you? ~You like Diego!~"
Santi just shrugs him off. But continues to stare at Diego.
And over at casa de Cesar, he and Amelia get on up to the bedroom for some baby makin'. After which (yeah, after) he asks again to make sure she's legal. Oops! Too late, daddykins.
-
ThursdayThursdayThursday! It's Thursday. Here's what happened:
It's getting late, Mati and Manuel are waiting on Lola and Rocío, who are now wearing their school unis because they told their folks they were at the library instead of going with some rich boys to der club. But you don't care about that, so here's what the boys are up to!
Santi and Diego are in the locker room. Hanging out like boys do. In nothing but their towels. What?
"You know what, Diego? You may be talented in a lot of things, but I don't think being a swim teacher is one of them."
'Aw, really? And I was just starting to like the idea.'
Obviously still thinking about what Matías said to him earlier, Santi asks (like a total hypocrite), "Hey, Diego, have you ever considered not hiding at school anymore and telling everyone you're, um--"
'Say it, Santi.'
"--That you're gay? People at school are already talking."
'Are they?'
"Maybe if you told your friends that--"
'Those people aren't my friends, Santi. You know that. If they knew, they'd eat me alive.'
Uh-ohs!
Alex's mom goes to see her at Hard Bar and when she sees the little pink kitty dress she's wearing she. is. pissed.
Back at the De La Torre house, Santiago's in his omg ginormous room, and he's acting a little weird. First he's at his desk on his laptop, then he gets up and locks his door. OMG LOR HE'S GOING TO LOOK AT GAY PORN! No.
He picks up his phone. OMG LOR HE'S GOING TO CALL DIEGO AND BE GAY WITH HIM! No.
It turns out, he calls Anaís. Yeah, you read that shit right. His dumb ass calls Anaís. He says he wants to go to Hard Bar and she is only too happy to say yes.
Sergejecture time! Do you think he's maybe trying to get back in Anaís' good graces so he can downplay his friendship with Diego if and when they out him at school? Oh shit, son.
So there's Santi! Sitting with Anaís and Alex in her little pink kitty dress at Hard Bar! He's having a nice enough time bobbing along to the music with his drink (Hey! I think Santi's a lefty!) but he doesn't seem to be aware of Anaís at all. It's kind of funny.
After Lola gets home, David suspects her bullshit story that she and Rocío were at the library. So David asks Lola where she really was. She says, "The library, silly." and David goes, "Oh yeah? Then why is your hair wet?" and he manhandles Lola's damp locks in an abrupt and manly fashion.
He can't believe she's still pullin' shit like skipping school when he had to jump through hoops to get her back in.
Oh, brotherly love! Sweet, hair pulling brotherly love! <3
Alex's mom is still at Hard Bar and now she's joined by Esteban. The two of them agree that they don't like Alex working here, which leads to a conversation about how Esteban likey likes Alex. He assures her his intentions are good. And why wouldn't they be? He's already fucked her.
Aaaah! But she don't know that. I forgot.
Because Juan bribed one of daddy's guardy guards, he now has a copy of some good old daddy-on-Amelia action. He's checking it on his little bitty netbook and says "Eureka!" Not really. What he actually says is (not joking), "Homemade porn!"
The next morning it's time for school and Lucía can't wake Alex up. She's angry again and says this job of hers is already starting to effect her. She's going to be too tired to study for school and if that happens she better quit working. But Alex gets up and says she can manage. With the tips she made last night she can pay for another night's stay in their hotel room. She likes working, and if it helps them out of their tight money situation, all the better!
Oh, and Guillermo wants Lucía and Alex to move in with him to the cabin on the outskirts of town. Ooh.
That's all for Thursday! See you on Friday! Here's what happens: Diego is outed to the whole school! Ta!
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Wow! It's Friday, and as you know by now, I totally did not get to see this episode! The following is what little I could cobble together from the episode's teaser preview, my buddy old pal Iván, and Monday the 25th's recap.
Like I said up there, Diego is outed at GMS! He walks into the classroom and up on the board is the slogan WE DON'T WANT ANY PERVERT HOMOS AT SCHOOL. Really, it said we don't want any perverted homosexuals at school, but tha't s little dry. Maybe I should have gone with dirty fag? Oh, and like I told you over the weekend, some people in espaneesh speaking countries still consider homosexuality a form of sexual perversion, so there ya go.
Diego says "Who the hell wrote that there? You bunch of ignorant---"
But Esteban cuts him off and says, "Not ignorant. Homophobic. There's a difference."
And Diego is basically like, yeah I'm gay! It's mah body, I do whatIwant!
Ok, he didn't say that, per se, but Anaís comes up to defend him and erase PERVERT HOMOS from the board.
She also tells the class, "Diego's probably still more of a man than any of you other boys!" Oh shit, yo.
Laura speaks up too and tells the whole class she's a lesbian. ¡Auu!
Santi sits there and says nothing.
Later, Diego and Lesbian girl Laura have a nice little chat, the gist of it is they vow to each other not to take any shit from any of the other kids at school. They clasp hands together in a show of gay solidarity. WONDER GAY POWERS ACTIVATE!
Form of steam! Of the bath house variety! 'Cause, you know. They're gay.
Later later, Diego conronts Santiago and asks why he totally ignored him and didn't have his back during his fabulous outing.
Santi sits there and says nothing.
When Santi gets home after a long day of sitting there and saying nothing, he asks where his dad is, Veronica says he's left the house. He's renting a room with, oh I forgot her name. Gabriel's sister. Which means he is now living with Gabriel, haw! Roberto has a thing for Gabriel's sister (The maid, not Rocío. That would be both gross and illegal) which is funny, given that her brother Gabriel is currently fucking his wife. Joy!
That's it! Except for this, David sees Alex and Esteban kissing. Oh no. He is mad now. OH SHIT.
¡Pásatelas super duuuper!
If you had no hair, you'd look like Danny DeVito
Gets crackin' on the mackin'
Serge