Oh, my God! Jonas cock!
Hello, everyone! How goes everything? Not much to speak of here until you-know-what on April 16th. If you do not, in fact, know what, then don't worry your pretty little head about it. But go get your head checked out if it is indeed little. I don't care how pretty it is. There could be something wrong with you, possibly..
Hey! Serge is looking! For a job! Honest and truly! I've applied at both standalone McDonald's digs in town because I figure that would be my best chance. I don't mind having to start all over again job-wise, but it really is a bummer that my best and only reference is dead.
I also applied at Hollywood video because, gasp! Can it be? They're looking for gamernerds like me? Yes! Trouble is, it was an online app, I fucking hate those. I'm going to ask about my app's status and really drive home the point that I want. this. fucking. job.
Really bad. You guys know me! You know how sweet and super nice I am to everyone! When they deserve it!! I'm way more helpful than the fucks they hire at, say, EB games/gamestop. Have you ever been helped by any of them? No, you haven't. I wouldn't do that shit. I'd be all up in your grille! But in a friendly, helpful way! Wish me luck on the in-your-face-getting. Gotta show them I'm serious I am about this job. For example, look at how many exclamation points I've used in this paragraph! A lot! I never do that. So you know I'm serious.
My cousin Noel stayed with us for the week last week, and he helped me look for shit around town. The verdict is in: There is no work to be found in Hemet.I'm thinking of buying a new pair of pants for when I ruin my knees begging for what little work there is in town.
Noel is one of those weirdos. You know the kind I mean. The kind that can actually sleep and wake up during the AM hours. I used to think it a myth, but apparently time exists before noon. Who knew? We even rode bikes up to the Ramona Bowl. Why? Mom wouldn't let us use the car because her insurance policy only covers her. Damn. We took dad's truck out once, but neither of us knows how to drive stick. It was still fun. Anyway, going to the Ramona Bowl was fine, but my legs burned with the kind of fire only years of laziness can achieve. Bikes suck. What was cool, though, is they actually let us walk around on the outdoor set. It was pretty tits. I'd never been back there before on account of I was never a rock indian when I was in 2nd grade. I wanted to be a rock indian, dammit! I'm brown! I could totally have passed for that shit! Argh!
If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, look up the Ramona Outdoor Play. THE NATION'S LONGEST RUNNING OUTDOOR PLAY!
...fucking rock indians.
Also, I got to show him our bitchin' library. He apparently lives at the library. He also apparently donates, like, a shitload of books, which is awesome. However, the next time I hear he's once again donated stacks of comics that he could have just as easily given to me, I may have to pound on him a little. Starve a nerd, feed a comic book geek. Not that I'm a comic book geek now or anything. But if I had some o'them comics, who knows where I'd be right now?
We checked the friends of the library store and found some kitschy junk! We even bought some records. How sad is it that my virst vinyl is Ricky Nelson? What can I say? That boy was pretty. And he sings Unchained Melody on this thing, so that was an immediate win. Aaaaand I got me some Andres Segovia. But seeing as how I don't currently own a machine capable of playing such vinyl-ey goodness, I just kinda....have them.
We went to Boy's Burger and do you know what they have there? Capsule toys! No, I'm not done yet...capsule toys based on religious figures! I'm serious. They're called the Santos series and they're these little figurines of Jesus and the Virgin Mary and stuff. Oh my shit, it was so deliciously blasphemous and campy that I wanted one! Noel got Jesus and Guardian Angel, which he gave to my mom and brother, respectively. I am so going back there! Oh, also, the dude who works there-- hand to God, or failing that, God's capsule toy figure -- he looked like a Mexican Michael Cera. If he were Mexican, he would be this dude. And I need photographic evidence.
If you're confused as to the nature of this entry's title, you'll find your answer here! I have been a huge fan of the Venture Bros. since season one. Most of you know this. Most of you also know that they kind of lost me a bit during season 2 'cause I didn't think it was as great as season one. For example, Jonas Venture Jr. going from a gruff, revenge-seeking absorbed twin into a cartoony sitcom character? Fucking weird. But I digress, lest I be here all day writing this shit. Suffice it to say season 2 eventually won my shit over and it's been Go Team Venture! ever since.
Well! As thanks for introducing him to the brothers Venture, cousin Ozzy (Damn. lots of cousin talk lately. I feel like I'm in a Katamari game of some sort.) sent me season 3 as a pressie. First of all---omg, it looks like atari game box art! Same font, same super detailed, action packed cover art that almost makes up for atari games's archaic-ass graphics and sound! It was love at first sight.
But when they say uncensored, they mean that shit.
Seeing Dr. Venture Sr. in the kitchen the night after some lovins with his dick hanging out of his boxers? Oh. My God. I think a part of my soul died when I saw that. There it was. Jonas cock. That's Jonas Venture, not as in a certain other set of siblings you may have heard of. I've heard 'uncensored' from Adult Swim DVDs before, but they still dumped swearing and put those little black boxes around people's junk. No, not this time. I'm happy to announce, though, that once I got over the initial emotional scarring I got to enjoy what is otherwise an awesome and hilarious season. But there really is a lot of penis in season 3. Wow.
I've got no problem with penis, I mean, I have one. I hear other people have one, too. I've seen them in movies and in comics and paintings. But seeing hand-drawn penis on celluloid....dangling. I wanted to cry a little bit. I think I want to cry a little now.
Remember when Bambi's mom dies? It was like that. But with dick.
And that may have been the longest paragraph regarding penis I have ever written.
¡Pásatelas super duuuper!
I once ate a whole Labrador Retriever! I'm serious!
Contains no artificial sweeteners!
Serge
Hey! Serge is looking! For a job! Honest and truly! I've applied at both standalone McDonald's digs in town because I figure that would be my best chance. I don't mind having to start all over again job-wise, but it really is a bummer that my best and only reference is dead.
I also applied at Hollywood video because, gasp! Can it be? They're looking for gamernerds like me? Yes! Trouble is, it was an online app, I fucking hate those. I'm going to ask about my app's status and really drive home the point that I want. this. fucking. job.
Really bad. You guys know me! You know how sweet and super nice I am to everyone! When they deserve it!! I'm way more helpful than the fucks they hire at, say, EB games/gamestop. Have you ever been helped by any of them? No, you haven't. I wouldn't do that shit. I'd be all up in your grille! But in a friendly, helpful way! Wish me luck on the in-your-face-getting. Gotta show them I'm serious I am about this job. For example, look at how many exclamation points I've used in this paragraph! A lot! I never do that. So you know I'm serious.
My cousin Noel stayed with us for the week last week, and he helped me look for shit around town. The verdict is in: There is no work to be found in Hemet.I'm thinking of buying a new pair of pants for when I ruin my knees begging for what little work there is in town.
Noel is one of those weirdos. You know the kind I mean. The kind that can actually sleep and wake up during the AM hours. I used to think it a myth, but apparently time exists before noon. Who knew? We even rode bikes up to the Ramona Bowl. Why? Mom wouldn't let us use the car because her insurance policy only covers her. Damn. We took dad's truck out once, but neither of us knows how to drive stick. It was still fun. Anyway, going to the Ramona Bowl was fine, but my legs burned with the kind of fire only years of laziness can achieve. Bikes suck. What was cool, though, is they actually let us walk around on the outdoor set. It was pretty tits. I'd never been back there before on account of I was never a rock indian when I was in 2nd grade. I wanted to be a rock indian, dammit! I'm brown! I could totally have passed for that shit! Argh!
If you don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, look up the Ramona Outdoor Play. THE NATION'S LONGEST RUNNING OUTDOOR PLAY!
...fucking rock indians.
Also, I got to show him our bitchin' library. He apparently lives at the library. He also apparently donates, like, a shitload of books, which is awesome. However, the next time I hear he's once again donated stacks of comics that he could have just as easily given to me, I may have to pound on him a little. Starve a nerd, feed a comic book geek. Not that I'm a comic book geek now or anything. But if I had some o'them comics, who knows where I'd be right now?
We checked the friends of the library store and found some kitschy junk! We even bought some records. How sad is it that my virst vinyl is Ricky Nelson? What can I say? That boy was pretty. And he sings Unchained Melody on this thing, so that was an immediate win. Aaaaand I got me some Andres Segovia. But seeing as how I don't currently own a machine capable of playing such vinyl-ey goodness, I just kinda....have them.
We went to Boy's Burger and do you know what they have there? Capsule toys! No, I'm not done yet...capsule toys based on religious figures! I'm serious. They're called the Santos series and they're these little figurines of Jesus and the Virgin Mary and stuff. Oh my shit, it was so deliciously blasphemous and campy that I wanted one! Noel got Jesus and Guardian Angel, which he gave to my mom and brother, respectively. I am so going back there! Oh, also, the dude who works there-- hand to God, or failing that, God's capsule toy figure -- he looked like a Mexican Michael Cera. If he were Mexican, he would be this dude. And I need photographic evidence.
If you're confused as to the nature of this entry's title, you'll find your answer here! I have been a huge fan of the Venture Bros. since season one. Most of you know this. Most of you also know that they kind of lost me a bit during season 2 'cause I didn't think it was as great as season one. For example, Jonas Venture Jr. going from a gruff, revenge-seeking absorbed twin into a cartoony sitcom character? Fucking weird. But I digress, lest I be here all day writing this shit. Suffice it to say season 2 eventually won my shit over and it's been Go Team Venture! ever since.
Well! As thanks for introducing him to the brothers Venture, cousin Ozzy (Damn. lots of cousin talk lately. I feel like I'm in a Katamari game of some sort.) sent me season 3 as a pressie. First of all---omg, it looks like atari game box art! Same font, same super detailed, action packed cover art that almost makes up for atari games's archaic-ass graphics and sound! It was love at first sight.
But when they say uncensored, they mean that shit.
Seeing Dr. Venture Sr. in the kitchen the night after some lovins with his dick hanging out of his boxers? Oh. My God. I think a part of my soul died when I saw that. There it was. Jonas cock. That's Jonas Venture, not as in a certain other set of siblings you may have heard of. I've heard 'uncensored' from Adult Swim DVDs before, but they still dumped swearing and put those little black boxes around people's junk. No, not this time. I'm happy to announce, though, that once I got over the initial emotional scarring I got to enjoy what is otherwise an awesome and hilarious season. But there really is a lot of penis in season 3. Wow.
I've got no problem with penis, I mean, I have one. I hear other people have one, too. I've seen them in movies and in comics and paintings. But seeing hand-drawn penis on celluloid....dangling. I wanted to cry a little bit. I think I want to cry a little now.
Remember when Bambi's mom dies? It was like that. But with dick.
And that may have been the longest paragraph regarding penis I have ever written.
¡Pásatelas super duuuper!
I once ate a whole Labrador Retriever! I'm serious!
Contains no artificial sweeteners!
Serge