one more day... maybe...
*siiiiiiiiigh*
here it is, 6am and i'll be leaving in less than and hour to spend another day at the hospital. but, there is some hope today. josh will be there for maybe one more night. i sincerly have a feeling he'll get to come home today, but i could very well be wrong. if he doesnt then he will be home tomorow afternoon-ish.
the head-doctor talked to us yesterday morning and disided to forgo the surgery, for now. he wants to let his thumb heal, then go back in and fuse the bones together at the joint. so basically josh will be able to bend his thumb at the base joint, but the upper one will be fused at a slight angle and will be like one whole bone. that way he wont have arthritis(sp?) in a year, and he wont run the risk of it being able to break as easily. gods, but that just means more hospital time later on. fuck josh, why did you cut off your thumb???
i saw it for the first time yesterday. when the docs were doing there morning check-up they unrapped it. it was so bad i wanted to breakdown and cry my eyes out. but i held strong and just listened and held josh's hand. i wish i could take all his pain away, i would give anything to be in his place, sitting in the hospital with a hacked apart thumb, rather than have him going through it. why couldnt it have been ME, why him??!!
FUCK YOU FATE!!! FUCK YOU FOR DOING THIS TO MY HANDSOM JOSH!
this is the shit that makes me hate the fucking world. this is the shit that makes me a crule person. my friend johnny said that all the "why not me" talk made me even more "subaru-like"... i got right up in his face and knocked him the fuck out. yeah he's dead to me now. but if josh heard that, he would just feel worse, so johnny-boy, dont even try to come whinning to him. you're a worthless piece of shit and you got whats' comming to you!! fucking little bitch.
gods, i cant get angry now. i have to put on a goddamn smile and try to be happy, for my loves sake. he doesnt need me freaking out and making things worse.
i am going to bring in dice so we can play 10,000. i look forward to that. i just want him home.
shit, it's time to go. i'll write more tomorow morning.
here it is, 6am and i'll be leaving in less than and hour to spend another day at the hospital. but, there is some hope today. josh will be there for maybe one more night. i sincerly have a feeling he'll get to come home today, but i could very well be wrong. if he doesnt then he will be home tomorow afternoon-ish.
the head-doctor talked to us yesterday morning and disided to forgo the surgery, for now. he wants to let his thumb heal, then go back in and fuse the bones together at the joint. so basically josh will be able to bend his thumb at the base joint, but the upper one will be fused at a slight angle and will be like one whole bone. that way he wont have arthritis(sp?) in a year, and he wont run the risk of it being able to break as easily. gods, but that just means more hospital time later on. fuck josh, why did you cut off your thumb???
i saw it for the first time yesterday. when the docs were doing there morning check-up they unrapped it. it was so bad i wanted to breakdown and cry my eyes out. but i held strong and just listened and held josh's hand. i wish i could take all his pain away, i would give anything to be in his place, sitting in the hospital with a hacked apart thumb, rather than have him going through it. why couldnt it have been ME, why him??!!
FUCK YOU FATE!!! FUCK YOU FOR DOING THIS TO MY HANDSOM JOSH!
this is the shit that makes me hate the fucking world. this is the shit that makes me a crule person. my friend johnny said that all the "why not me" talk made me even more "subaru-like"... i got right up in his face and knocked him the fuck out. yeah he's dead to me now. but if josh heard that, he would just feel worse, so johnny-boy, dont even try to come whinning to him. you're a worthless piece of shit and you got whats' comming to you!! fucking little bitch.
gods, i cant get angry now. i have to put on a goddamn smile and try to be happy, for my loves sake. he doesnt need me freaking out and making things worse.
i am going to bring in dice so we can play 10,000. i look forward to that. i just want him home.
shit, it's time to go. i'll write more tomorow morning.