(no subject)

[punk_loves_80s]

feeling deeply unsatisfied. with myself. this is the first time since our party i've felt like this. i can't actually believe i've been arsing about at college and being so blasé about it. i really need to concentrate. i'm really worried that now i've completely fucked it up and won't be able to get back on track. feeling lonely- i hate being without company and i'm all alone. i hate alone time. feel fat and disgusting. have read all my christmas books. one has made me realise how much i really want a fashion job and not working in some motherfucking boring office, typing up shit. gah. haven't chosen outfit for tomorrow either. need new year's resolutions and need to stick to them

1. work as hard as i can at college(that's a promise)
2.stop getting so drunk all the time. a, it's dangerous and b, i always make a complete twat of myself and no one likes that.and c, it really drains my money
3. lose my disgusting christmas weight and buy the jeans i like in dp.
4. stop being so bloody loud.and talking so much
5. buy some more clothes-just to cheer myself up
6. try and find a better job in gosport. where i'm not treated like shit

things i won't change
1.smoking
2.swearing
3.loving my friends

my hair is also really greasy and needs washing. that makes me unhappy. feel shity about everything. and like i'm never going to cheer up.need to receive some pure alice like love and not empty love.won't see her until 2mo :(