why i'm so upset......
This is kinda long. But if you really do want to know everything. Just read it...
My dad has once again run off. On a night that I needed him, he didn't bother to call. He just forgot about me. So I wrote him a 3-page-long letter about how I felt. Basically it said that I was ashamed of him. And sick of his bull crap. I didn't even call him Dad throughout the entire letter. I called him Brian. Basically in there I had told him that I was used to not having him around, but I had JUST began to trust him again. I told him that he's taught me that life is full of dissappointment and regrets. And that he taught me not to trust ever again. And I also told him the reason that I didn't see him on Father's Day this year. I said "If you're wondering why I didn't even CALL..here's why. Last year, on Father's Day, I went to your house. Grandma picked me up and took me to your house. You weren't there, so we called you. You said you'd be home in a little bit. So I waited..And waited. And by the time midnight rolled around, I was begging to go home. You weren't there yet, and I didn't know when you would be. But I did know that when you walked in, I wouldn't want to see your face. All I wanted was to see the look on your face when you opened the present that I bought for you with my OWN money. But apparently you were too busy doing something else for that. I'm used to not having you there. Drugs will always be first in your life. And I now realize that. But it's time that you realize all the pain that you're causing." And then about Christmas time..."When Grandma moved to Florida I was lucky if I saw you once a year. And of course, that was only when Grandma was in Michigan. And every time I came over for Christmas it was just so that I could see Ashley and Steven. It was never to see my 'Daddy'. Because I knew that if I got my hopes up even once about seeing you. If I got excited, I KNEW that I'd be in for a long road of betrayel." And then this is the last thing I'm gonna put on here. I told him that I was greatful for my mind earlier and so this is after it. "Why am I greatful for my mind you ask? Because I can still talk myself out of things. And because my mind will teach me to be better. Better than you." And I ended the letter. There was more before the Father's Day part and in between and watnot. But those were the main points of it. Anyway...That's why I'm so upset...And why I have been listening to this damn song all day. But yeah. Thanks for readin this! I love you all!!!!
The song that I can't stop listening to!!!
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
My dad has once again run off. On a night that I needed him, he didn't bother to call. He just forgot about me. So I wrote him a 3-page-long letter about how I felt. Basically it said that I was ashamed of him. And sick of his bull crap. I didn't even call him Dad throughout the entire letter. I called him Brian. Basically in there I had told him that I was used to not having him around, but I had JUST began to trust him again. I told him that he's taught me that life is full of dissappointment and regrets. And that he taught me not to trust ever again. And I also told him the reason that I didn't see him on Father's Day this year. I said "If you're wondering why I didn't even CALL..here's why. Last year, on Father's Day, I went to your house. Grandma picked me up and took me to your house. You weren't there, so we called you. You said you'd be home in a little bit. So I waited..And waited. And by the time midnight rolled around, I was begging to go home. You weren't there yet, and I didn't know when you would be. But I did know that when you walked in, I wouldn't want to see your face. All I wanted was to see the look on your face when you opened the present that I bought for you with my OWN money. But apparently you were too busy doing something else for that. I'm used to not having you there. Drugs will always be first in your life. And I now realize that. But it's time that you realize all the pain that you're causing." And then about Christmas time..."When Grandma moved to Florida I was lucky if I saw you once a year. And of course, that was only when Grandma was in Michigan. And every time I came over for Christmas it was just so that I could see Ashley and Steven. It was never to see my 'Daddy'. Because I knew that if I got my hopes up even once about seeing you. If I got excited, I KNEW that I'd be in for a long road of betrayel." And then this is the last thing I'm gonna put on here. I told him that I was greatful for my mind earlier and so this is after it. "Why am I greatful for my mind you ask? Because I can still talk myself out of things. And because my mind will teach me to be better. Better than you." And I ended the letter. There was more before the Father's Day part and in between and watnot. But those were the main points of it. Anyway...That's why I'm so upset...And why I have been listening to this damn song all day. But yeah. Thanks for readin this! I love you all!!!!
The song that I can't stop listening to!!!
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you