I don't belong
Friday I got out of work early - for once. Much to do still, but I occasionally reach the point I don't care. My paid time is done, and time for the weekend. I had a glass of wine at one of my favorite book cafes, and after that dropped a book at a hostel for releasing it wild. I haven't been to that hostel since 2004 when I first moved to this city, so it felt weird.
And then the whole walking around and being in this city feels weird since. The same way when I see a place as a tourist, or when I go to visit my mum - I see and can understand most people's motivations, but I just don't belong. And I hadn't had that feel that strong here for a long time. I don't belong.
I have bought food only twice this year. It's not high on my priorities now - and I feel unhappy. With the excuse of 'global recession' there were no salary increases, and most of my weekends are now gone 'volunteering' for work when there is no unvolunteer option.
The bus tickets have gone up 15%, food prices have gone up, rent is going up... "is that ok?". No, that's NOT ok. If using the global recession as an excuse why do all the companies have to make more? I get less money than last year, and most of my weekends aren't free. Even though those are not my primary concerns now, they still piss me off.
Friday I got fresh okras, scotch bonnets, black eye beans and yellow lentils, in their uncooked form. I don't want to be here, and I'll be applying for any job that would make me happier - while still one grain of hope for the paperwork is lingering somewhere. I'll cook and sort the things I've got, unleash all the literature, get my clothes to be less in amount and hope something happens. I don't belong here, and I'm not happy at people's greediness or the exploitation. Or in the wait for the paperwork that hasn't moved on in way too long.
And then the whole walking around and being in this city feels weird since. The same way when I see a place as a tourist, or when I go to visit my mum - I see and can understand most people's motivations, but I just don't belong. And I hadn't had that feel that strong here for a long time. I don't belong.
I have bought food only twice this year. It's not high on my priorities now - and I feel unhappy. With the excuse of 'global recession' there were no salary increases, and most of my weekends are now gone 'volunteering' for work when there is no unvolunteer option.
The bus tickets have gone up 15%, food prices have gone up, rent is going up... "is that ok?". No, that's NOT ok. If using the global recession as an excuse why do all the companies have to make more? I get less money than last year, and most of my weekends aren't free. Even though those are not my primary concerns now, they still piss me off.
Friday I got fresh okras, scotch bonnets, black eye beans and yellow lentils, in their uncooked form. I don't want to be here, and I'll be applying for any job that would make me happier - while still one grain of hope for the paperwork is lingering somewhere. I'll cook and sort the things I've got, unleash all the literature, get my clothes to be less in amount and hope something happens. I don't belong here, and I'm not happy at people's greediness or the exploitation. Or in the wait for the paperwork that hasn't moved on in way too long.