And I'm not so sure if I'm sure of anything anymore

[punisher142]

Yeah, things have gotten really shitty lately. Mom and Bri got in a huge fight, i got stuck in the middle and got kicked out/moved out willingly at the same time. So i moved to liverpool all by my lonesome, just me, myself and I. I like it that way, sometimes it's a bit quiet but it works for me, it's better than the hell i had at home. I was working at crucible steel trying to make it through my 3 moth probationary period. Well, all is said and done and i got fired from my job on friday, my last day of probation. I feel myself slipping on a downward spiral. Depression has set in. I dont know what to do with myself anymore. I've never been fired before, let alone being told that i wasn't good enough. I feel very much so alone, yet another holiday season with out my dad (really sucked) and without a special someone to spend it with. I was absolutely miserable on new years eve. I was at the inner harbor in downtown Baltimore visiting friends. The ball dropped everyone was drinking and kissing their loved ones. I was very alone at that moment and i felt like shit. I should have been at home with my friends, the ones that have been there through thick and thin. I absolutely hate feeling like this. I have no apetite, cant sleep. I'm emotionally exhausted. I was happy there, i was doing my dammedest to learn as much as i could and bust my ass. I wanted that to be my career. Now i've got nothing except for worry and a mostly empty apartment (me, dresser, bed, recliner, tv (no cable), and my computer). Thats it. Ive got some money in the bank but that is mostly going to car reparis. I'm filing for unemployment. My mom is pressing me to take advantage of the system which makes me crazy, most of you know me well enough to know that i cant NOT work. I hate being idle. I applied at a local chevy dealership, which im anxious about because i'm honestly not all that familiar wiht the new chevrolet line. If something there doesn't work out, i've got thoughts of the military dancing around in my head again. I'm second guessing my decision to go into the automotive business. I got fired because i didn't have the experience they were looking for. I told them straight up that i had little to no experience with heavy machinery or deisel engines or hydraulics. I more or less got fired because they could and i'm very discouraged. I walked out of there (being escorted by the union represtentative) in absolute hysterics. I dont know what to do with myself. I feel lost. Last night after i went to hang out with Kristy for a bit then over to Josh's to hang out with that crew, i laid in bed wide awake thinking about work till like 4 then started thinking about how i'm gonna make ends meet now. My tools are still there i have to borrow a truck to go pick them up at some point this week to get them home. I just dont know any more. I hate that feeling. it's one of those times in my life that i'm really glad i dont drink, because i'd probably be dead right now from alcohol posioning. Or damn near it. I asked them if there was any chance of rehire but htey said they will call me in about a week and a half once they have a meeting with all the supervisors to let me know. I will probably end up turning down the offer if they ask me to come back. I dont want to set myself up for a huge let down if they decide to fire me in another 3 months. I cant handle another event like that one. i think i might join the military just so i can go blow shit up. that and i have a death wish. I'm too strong for suicide, but willing enough to do something stupid like join the military and get shipped off to the sand pit. which should have been turned into a glass bottom pool a long time ago.

new address
Gabe Petrocci
34 Braemar Drive Apt. 10
Liverpool, NY 13090

same ole cell, if you want it cuz you dont have it, send me a letter, i'll get back to you, i like to get mail, it makes me smile