(no subject)
And so I got thinking...
Perhaps I'm a little deep in the depths of things right now, due to over indulgences last month and too much going on...
Ever get the feeling that you want to just shout out to the world "STOP!"
Too much has been happening on all sides, and I feel like I've taken an emotional battering even if nothing has been directed at me. Maybe it's part grief as well.. my grandfather died last month, which was sad. We all had our opportunities to say goodbye, and he'd had a long happy life and lived long enough to see his great grandchildren born. But life started to change. Parents moving in temporarily to live with my grand mother, a shift in focus from the next generation (my nephews) to my grandmother.
On the other side of the fence, my in law's to be, who have a physical and mental aversion to telephones are having their own issues. And we get caught in the middle. It's the getting caught in the middle which I hate. R's brother, with no working phone is periodically determined to have a family bbq in Rosebud and visit the grave site of their grandmother. In order for this to happen, heaven and earth have to move.. getting in contact with his Mum who lives in Bendigo and also does not have a phone. Ensuring there is petrol money for the drive down to Melbourne. Meeting at our place, getting a visit from an organising cousin who says 'call when you get there' and we wonder why?
Driving all the way to Rosebud to find his brother and partner have split, are not talking. Finding his brother has just taken off as he doesn't want to see people. What's wrong with a telephone message. I don't care... tell me you have fucking gastro.. just don't make other people drive for 7 hours, waste an entire day, and you're not there. Anyways.. If I was done before, I'm seriously done now... no more effort will be expended on my part for a long time. Let's go back to the just not talking.. if anyone else gives a damn they can sort it out.. hell, it isn't fully my family after all.
Now that theoretically it is now calm after the storm with my family, I've been thinking about weddings again a bit more.. as we need to make a deposit, which my folks agreed to put down for us. Sensibly they want to sit down and discuss financial commitments before they write out a cheque.. but life (and death) get in the way. No appropriate time..
I think things may have settled now, so I've been thinking about the nuts and bolts of thing again.. a rough over all estimate of price (more than a house deposit - about $24k if we do things moderately, but including some good airfares somewhere). Serious amounts of money.
But back to the nuts and bolts.. thinking about nuts and bolts, and another misread/misunderstood email/ miscommunication made me worry about getting stuck in the middle with friends.
Weddings are innately political. Traditionally, the who invites whom, who sits where, who does what, who doesn't do what? If we ask this person if they would like to do this, will that person be upset. Every single step is like walking on egg shells.. Great way to start a 'new life' together, not that it will be new for us. I'm trying to face it now.. everyone could be offended.. does it matter?
Already, battle lines have been drawn. Divorced parents on one side not wishing to be in the same room. Will they cope? Can the shit be left at home? Even if it can, will the tension make it uncomfortable for everyone else, even if the boxing gloves stay off.
So we've laughed about handing out valium before the ceremony begins, or putting E's in the champagne cocktail.. but seriously, what is the answer? Is there an answer?
Perhaps it begins or ends with the show bag type thing I'm tempted to create. Like a kids activity pack on a plane, could it keep the warring families and couples from eachother. They are important to us too.. we want them to have a good time too.
At the end of the day, I think we're left with a pretty much bare bridal table.. where we sit, trying not to take sides, not to favour any parent, group or appear to support any given side of any argument.
Do we look like the fucking UN? < / rant>
1. No talking about past slights (unless perhaps committed by the bride or groom, or unless it is in the spirit of fun in the poking the bear kind of sense)
2. no boxing gloves, no kettles of fish - The only Fish will be the one I marry!
3. If you don't like someone and have major issues with them, you are not permitted to approach that person
4. If you are having issues with someone, strong drugs like valium are recommended, meanwhile drugs like acid are not, even if it brings out your 'creative side'.
5. If you are having issues with someone and come close to blows, you agree to completion of tasks or challenges that may be set by the bride/groom - this may include singing, dancing, hopping on one foot or other challenges as deemed inappropriate etc
6. the evening must be enjoyed! Staying on is recommended. If you don't make it to the after party.. you suck!
7. **Strong kudos will be giving to any warring parties, who, prior to the commencement of events, sit down and enter peace discussions**.
8. **Such kudos will likely include financial incentives, such as donations of food and wine to your respective countries, and other financial incentives, like being let off the hook for wedding presents. Note that there is no link between us and the AWB**
9. Dancing shoes in some form must be worn. Dancing shoes may be opted out of, if party hat is worn.
10. If you feel that you cannot abide by the above terms and conditions, even if you are parents of the said couple, please feel free to give notice and not attend, in whatever form is appropriate, in advance, so we can invite people who can behave! (and people who want to party!!). We want our friends there, but preferably not killing each other.
Hopefully I haven't upset anyone.. but maybe some food for thought.. at least for me..
Perhaps I'm a little deep in the depths of things right now, due to over indulgences last month and too much going on...
Ever get the feeling that you want to just shout out to the world "STOP!"
Too much has been happening on all sides, and I feel like I've taken an emotional battering even if nothing has been directed at me. Maybe it's part grief as well.. my grandfather died last month, which was sad. We all had our opportunities to say goodbye, and he'd had a long happy life and lived long enough to see his great grandchildren born. But life started to change. Parents moving in temporarily to live with my grand mother, a shift in focus from the next generation (my nephews) to my grandmother.
On the other side of the fence, my in law's to be, who have a physical and mental aversion to telephones are having their own issues. And we get caught in the middle. It's the getting caught in the middle which I hate. R's brother, with no working phone is periodically determined to have a family bbq in Rosebud and visit the grave site of their grandmother. In order for this to happen, heaven and earth have to move.. getting in contact with his Mum who lives in Bendigo and also does not have a phone. Ensuring there is petrol money for the drive down to Melbourne. Meeting at our place, getting a visit from an organising cousin who says 'call when you get there' and we wonder why?
Driving all the way to Rosebud to find his brother and partner have split, are not talking. Finding his brother has just taken off as he doesn't want to see people. What's wrong with a telephone message. I don't care... tell me you have fucking gastro.. just don't make other people drive for 7 hours, waste an entire day, and you're not there. Anyways.. If I was done before, I'm seriously done now... no more effort will be expended on my part for a long time. Let's go back to the just not talking.. if anyone else gives a damn they can sort it out.. hell, it isn't fully my family after all.
Now that theoretically it is now calm after the storm with my family, I've been thinking about weddings again a bit more.. as we need to make a deposit, which my folks agreed to put down for us. Sensibly they want to sit down and discuss financial commitments before they write out a cheque.. but life (and death) get in the way. No appropriate time..
I think things may have settled now, so I've been thinking about the nuts and bolts of thing again.. a rough over all estimate of price (more than a house deposit - about $24k if we do things moderately, but including some good airfares somewhere). Serious amounts of money.
But back to the nuts and bolts.. thinking about nuts and bolts, and another misread/misunderstood email/ miscommunication made me worry about getting stuck in the middle with friends.
Weddings are innately political. Traditionally, the who invites whom, who sits where, who does what, who doesn't do what? If we ask this person if they would like to do this, will that person be upset. Every single step is like walking on egg shells.. Great way to start a 'new life' together, not that it will be new for us. I'm trying to face it now.. everyone could be offended.. does it matter?
Already, battle lines have been drawn. Divorced parents on one side not wishing to be in the same room. Will they cope? Can the shit be left at home? Even if it can, will the tension make it uncomfortable for everyone else, even if the boxing gloves stay off.
So we've laughed about handing out valium before the ceremony begins, or putting E's in the champagne cocktail.. but seriously, what is the answer? Is there an answer?
Perhaps it begins or ends with the show bag type thing I'm tempted to create. Like a kids activity pack on a plane, could it keep the warring families and couples from eachother. They are important to us too.. we want them to have a good time too.
At the end of the day, I think we're left with a pretty much bare bridal table.. where we sit, trying not to take sides, not to favour any parent, group or appear to support any given side of any argument.
Do we look like the fucking UN? < / rant>
1. No talking about past slights (unless perhaps committed by the bride or groom, or unless it is in the spirit of fun in the poking the bear kind of sense)
2. no boxing gloves, no kettles of fish - The only Fish will be the one I marry!
3. If you don't like someone and have major issues with them, you are not permitted to approach that person
4. If you are having issues with someone, strong drugs like valium are recommended, meanwhile drugs like acid are not, even if it brings out your 'creative side'.
5. If you are having issues with someone and come close to blows, you agree to completion of tasks or challenges that may be set by the bride/groom - this may include singing, dancing, hopping on one foot or other challenges as deemed inappropriate etc
6. the evening must be enjoyed! Staying on is recommended. If you don't make it to the after party.. you suck!
7. **Strong kudos will be giving to any warring parties, who, prior to the commencement of events, sit down and enter peace discussions**.
8. **Such kudos will likely include financial incentives, such as donations of food and wine to your respective countries, and other financial incentives, like being let off the hook for wedding presents. Note that there is no link between us and the AWB**
9. Dancing shoes in some form must be worn. Dancing shoes may be opted out of, if party hat is worn.
10. If you feel that you cannot abide by the above terms and conditions, even if you are parents of the said couple, please feel free to give notice and not attend, in whatever form is appropriate, in advance, so we can invite people who can behave! (and people who want to party!!). We want our friends there, but preferably not killing each other.
Hopefully I haven't upset anyone.. but maybe some food for thought.. at least for me..