SPRING BREAK 07! WOOOO!
EDIT: just realized that i'm due for my lady days tomorrow. it actually doesn't help as much as you'd think to know that most of this terrible feeling is actually just hormones. also, fuck not self-medicating.
i've got the panic to the point of waking myself up at about seven thirty every morning game going on. actually, it's not panicking so much as just low level anxiety. i hate it when i wake up with my heart racing asking myself a slew of unanswerable questions. there are a lot of what ifs these days.
i'm having trouble not feeling like a grade-a first class victim and when i'm not feeling like a victim i'm having trouble not feeling like a hurtful cunt. and i'm having even more trouble not just getting pissed and kicking the shit out of everyone and anyone and getting it all out that way. if anyone wants to fight please give me a call. i'm at the point of starting fights with hispanic girls and big burly dudes on the subway. so if anyone wants to give me a black eye, here is your opportunity.
i'm actually not in as shitty of a place as it sounds but the internet is a place for whining and self promotion. this is clearly the former.
the mornings are hard. the nights are fine because i'm usually not sober enough to really stay in the conversation with myself. but in the mornings it's been hours of beating the shit out of myself in my subconscious and i can't help but want to call people up on the phone and yell at them. which isn't really a good urge i understand.
something about having made a bed and lying in it? something about erring and divinity? something about feeling bad for myself?
anyways, i'm swimming a lot and cleaning my room out and all of that is good. if someone could just throw me a bone i'd feel better. spring break has sprung. they say it's spring, but i just don't think so.
i've got the panic to the point of waking myself up at about seven thirty every morning game going on. actually, it's not panicking so much as just low level anxiety. i hate it when i wake up with my heart racing asking myself a slew of unanswerable questions. there are a lot of what ifs these days.
i'm having trouble not feeling like a grade-a first class victim and when i'm not feeling like a victim i'm having trouble not feeling like a hurtful cunt. and i'm having even more trouble not just getting pissed and kicking the shit out of everyone and anyone and getting it all out that way. if anyone wants to fight please give me a call. i'm at the point of starting fights with hispanic girls and big burly dudes on the subway. so if anyone wants to give me a black eye, here is your opportunity.
i'm actually not in as shitty of a place as it sounds but the internet is a place for whining and self promotion. this is clearly the former.
the mornings are hard. the nights are fine because i'm usually not sober enough to really stay in the conversation with myself. but in the mornings it's been hours of beating the shit out of myself in my subconscious and i can't help but want to call people up on the phone and yell at them. which isn't really a good urge i understand.
something about having made a bed and lying in it? something about erring and divinity? something about feeling bad for myself?
anyways, i'm swimming a lot and cleaning my room out and all of that is good. if someone could just throw me a bone i'd feel better. spring break has sprung. they say it's spring, but i just don't think so.