huge black circles under my eyes.

[punchqueen]

i'm home alone tonight, which is nice, i guess. it's just that i haven't been by myself in a week or so and in the last month the only time i have been alone is when i've been sick (which has been an all too common occurence). i've been home since class this afternoon and have developed an enormous and debilitating headache. i need to read for school and write for myself (and for school also) but i just can't do it. all i can do is eat popsicles and watch the l word. i don't even like the l word. it's strange, i've always been this exceptionally verbal person but these days it feels like i don't even know myself well enough to write a letter. i'm going to dinner with eva tomorrow night, unless one of us flakes (which wouldn't be unexpected), i'm hoping that seeing her is the impetus for some kind of action. or movement forward. i don't really want to go into therapy or anything like that right now. it's just that i can't have large sections of time alone in my house. i'm not focused or stable enough for it to be good for me. what do other people do when they feel this way? i'm having a pretty terrific time but something about the way things are going feels really uncomfortable when all the moving and the going and the fun stops.

in more concrete and less repetitive news, i went to pittsburgh this weekend and had a wonderful time. i went to see anna sing opera and jazz and jesus and folk songs, and the whole experience made me want to be a republican jesus loving opera singer. but more than that it made me love anna vogelzang.

i owe my life to the women who have loved me, and to the ones who continue to even more so. i know it's true. i know it's truuuue.