as if you already haven't heard ENOUGH about it...
ok let me tell you a little bit about whats going on in my life right now...
lets see...
today i was told by my opera director that I had been given yet another role in this semesters' opera scenes program... that means i have big parts in 3 different scenes...thats right... 3 most people have one.. if they are lucky... i ... have... three..
i was already freaking out about the two that i was already going to sing... oy vey
i know, i know... you are thinking... WHAT... thats awesome Leah!!!
no... its not
it would be awesome if i wasnt trying to apply to OTHER schools and figure out what the hell i wanted to do with my life... if I was absolutely certain i wanted to pursue opera.. yea that would be awesome.. but right now... im going NUTS.
I still haven't figured out what i want to do... i think the music business thing is cool... but at the same time.. i have performed all of my life.. i have always been the one singing, not the person on the other side of everything.. it's scary.... yea, i can always go back to performing... but when you have pursued something and failed once already.. you REALLY REALLY dont want to fuck up the second time... so if i go into this music business thing and decide its not for me.. i just might jump off a cliff.
It's not so much that I failed at CIM or doing opera, for that matter... im actually doing quite well for myself here, as you can see with the 3 big roles in the scenes program... I guess its more about me failing at picking what i wanted to pursue, because I do not love opera, and I dont want to be the next renae fleming... I love performing, and i love singing, but I dont love all the work that comes with it.. for what you put in... the joy of performing is just not enough of a reward for me.. I have come to realize that i need stability... i could live the life of an opera star, but i couldnt live the life of the struggling artist that is a secretary and is just waiting for the oppertunity to get found before they become the opera star...(if they become the opera star) . mmm not so much, no thank you.
the next big dilemna is figuring out what to do next year... im pretty positive im going to Columbia in Chicago... here is the question:
Do I:
Major in Arts, Entertainment, and Media Management- music business, with a minor in vocal performance
OR
do i major in music - vocal performance, and do the music buniness thing as a minor
i get to do an internship at a local record company as both.. soooo??? what to do?
OY... so yea... and then i wonder... MAN... i always wanted to be in the FBI!!! ( no i am not kidding)
i could definetly see myself doing criminal justice --- throw some psychology in there and i could do behavioral science like Clarice Starling in Silence of the Lambs.. and work at the F...B...I.... fava beans and chianti anyone??
umm hmm.. what else??? my sister is dropping out of school too... :) must be something in the water...
not really her fault though.. the school is falling down around her and they dropped the program she is in... so.. she really doesnt have a choice, but she could have chose NOT to go to a schools she knew was a SHITHOLE... eh fuck that.. who am i to judge?
valentine's day was the way it always was... just another day.. i think im going to be single for the rest of my life.. but you know what? im ok with that... i have just sort of accepted it at this point... i really dont even think about sex anymore.. ok, im lying, i do
instead of goin out on a date for valentine's, i spent it with my world rythms teacher, beating on drums... which i must say .. was pretty fucking cool... i used to do african drumming..... he and i grooved the other night (valentine's day) in class... everyone else was just like.. wow... yea, it was a good feeling. I love drumming.. love love love it... they have jobs for that?? hahaha
umm hmm... i have a lesson tommorow, and a huge anatomy quiz in dance class.. oh yea.. and i have to sing in combined opera studio which scares the SHIT outta me.. i dont even know what i am going to sing... hmmmmmmm
lets see...
today i was told by my opera director that I had been given yet another role in this semesters' opera scenes program... that means i have big parts in 3 different scenes...thats right... 3 most people have one.. if they are lucky... i ... have... three..
i was already freaking out about the two that i was already going to sing... oy vey
i know, i know... you are thinking... WHAT... thats awesome Leah!!!
no... its not
it would be awesome if i wasnt trying to apply to OTHER schools and figure out what the hell i wanted to do with my life... if I was absolutely certain i wanted to pursue opera.. yea that would be awesome.. but right now... im going NUTS.
I still haven't figured out what i want to do... i think the music business thing is cool... but at the same time.. i have performed all of my life.. i have always been the one singing, not the person on the other side of everything.. it's scary.... yea, i can always go back to performing... but when you have pursued something and failed once already.. you REALLY REALLY dont want to fuck up the second time... so if i go into this music business thing and decide its not for me.. i just might jump off a cliff.
It's not so much that I failed at CIM or doing opera, for that matter... im actually doing quite well for myself here, as you can see with the 3 big roles in the scenes program... I guess its more about me failing at picking what i wanted to pursue, because I do not love opera, and I dont want to be the next renae fleming... I love performing, and i love singing, but I dont love all the work that comes with it.. for what you put in... the joy of performing is just not enough of a reward for me.. I have come to realize that i need stability... i could live the life of an opera star, but i couldnt live the life of the struggling artist that is a secretary and is just waiting for the oppertunity to get found before they become the opera star...(if they become the opera star) . mmm not so much, no thank you.
the next big dilemna is figuring out what to do next year... im pretty positive im going to Columbia in Chicago... here is the question:
Do I:
Major in Arts, Entertainment, and Media Management- music business, with a minor in vocal performance
OR
do i major in music - vocal performance, and do the music buniness thing as a minor
i get to do an internship at a local record company as both.. soooo??? what to do?
OY... so yea... and then i wonder... MAN... i always wanted to be in the FBI!!! ( no i am not kidding)
i could definetly see myself doing criminal justice --- throw some psychology in there and i could do behavioral science like Clarice Starling in Silence of the Lambs.. and work at the F...B...I.... fava beans and chianti anyone??
umm hmm.. what else??? my sister is dropping out of school too... :) must be something in the water...
not really her fault though.. the school is falling down around her and they dropped the program she is in... so.. she really doesnt have a choice, but she could have chose NOT to go to a schools she knew was a SHITHOLE... eh fuck that.. who am i to judge?
valentine's day was the way it always was... just another day.. i think im going to be single for the rest of my life.. but you know what? im ok with that... i have just sort of accepted it at this point... i really dont even think about sex anymore.. ok, im lying, i do
instead of goin out on a date for valentine's, i spent it with my world rythms teacher, beating on drums... which i must say .. was pretty fucking cool... i used to do african drumming..... he and i grooved the other night (valentine's day) in class... everyone else was just like.. wow... yea, it was a good feeling. I love drumming.. love love love it... they have jobs for that?? hahaha
umm hmm... i have a lesson tommorow, and a huge anatomy quiz in dance class.. oh yea.. and i have to sing in combined opera studio which scares the SHIT outta me.. i dont even know what i am going to sing... hmmmmmmm