(no subject)
I'm thinking I must deserve all this, right? I know I'm an awful person, even though I've never really done anything awful. I have it inside of me; I can always feel it, which makes me just as awful as if I had done something. Or perhaps I am even worse, for attempting to fool everyone into thinking I am something I am not. At any rate, this all must be punishment. I fear that believing this is the only thing that will keep me from feeling pity for myself. I'd rather die than feel self-pity, or feel as if others pity me. I also fear that believing this will eventually lead to self destruction.