(no subject)
I don't like when i feel this way. When my neck burns... why? its all about love... when i get nervous. The thing is that i only felt that when 'he' said something i didn't want him to say. But i'm feeling this again.. but not with him. I think i'm a freak, somehow. This person is really cute, very very handsome, polite, intelligent... but he doesn't even lives in my country. i've never heard his voice, talked to him besides that way... and then he replies in a general way and i freak out. I don't want a crush like this... and his friend, he's so sexy that i have him like my desktop (gosh i'm stupid). Why can't I be as cool as him? then i feel nervous and say stupid things. And it's just me, because other stupid people (well, not that stupid) can talk to him with no problem.. but the way he replies... like you are not important for him, and i like it but i get very nervous. and the other people don't seem to care (it's internet, for god's sake). And then a situation comes and he says that "the only normal people there are..." and he says names, and i don't blame him but it makes him more difficult to reach for me. Sometimes i think i was born in the wrong place in the wrong year... i should be older. I feel older. But i'm not. Maybe not in the wrong place, but in the wrong time. I'm as cool as this girl, for example, and she is nice with me, but she can talk easily and seem so cool at the same time. I can't, because i'm not very sure about my english. Things that i say can be misunderstood and then i don't know how to explain, and it makes me more nervous... i'm really com
fortable there, with the other people i can talk to, but then, as i said, comes someone who is really important for me and i can't be myself. My firs mistake was when i joined, and he was very cool with me besides everything. Then i want to be myself but it appears to be fake, because constantly i'm changing, and thats not a good thing when you are discussing and change your opinion. when someone quotes me, i feel good. but when someone quotes me and start replying me, i get all nervous... specially if it is him. I even feel more comfortable with the admin quoting me... the answers i get are so normal, but i freak out too much. If i was older... thats the problem for me. Maybe posting my pic will be more easy, because i don't think i'm too ugly, but i have crushes in older people that will never be interested in me (neither like a friend), because that era of my existence is gone away. And i just realized that this is the shit here... and thats why i'm usually sad with no reason. Thats because i hide behind my computer all the time, because i hate people of my age, and i love the older ones through the net... its not my coolness, its just my age. And that a thing you can't change... my life is so wrong. And then you think about the future... i do love someone, and have lost my faith about him anyway. And then i confuse, and then i feel stupid. But then i cover everything up with my smile (which isn't fake) but it won't change anything. I have great things and nothing is wrong, besides that, which is the only thing i want and will never have.
fortable there, with the other people i can talk to, but then, as i said, comes someone who is really important for me and i can't be myself. My firs mistake was when i joined, and he was very cool with me besides everything. Then i want to be myself but it appears to be fake, because constantly i'm changing, and thats not a good thing when you are discussing and change your opinion. when someone quotes me, i feel good. but when someone quotes me and start replying me, i get all nervous... specially if it is him. I even feel more comfortable with the admin quoting me... the answers i get are so normal, but i freak out too much. If i was older... thats the problem for me. Maybe posting my pic will be more easy, because i don't think i'm too ugly, but i have crushes in older people that will never be interested in me (neither like a friend), because that era of my existence is gone away. And i just realized that this is the shit here... and thats why i'm usually sad with no reason. Thats because i hide behind my computer all the time, because i hate people of my age, and i love the older ones through the net... its not my coolness, its just my age. And that a thing you can't change... my life is so wrong. And then you think about the future... i do love someone, and have lost my faith about him anyway. And then i confuse, and then i feel stupid. But then i cover everything up with my smile (which isn't fake) but it won't change anything. I have great things and nothing is wrong, besides that, which is the only thing i want and will never have.