the movie was a blur. like someone spilled a cocktail on the screenplay.
so for me the shank of evening is anything after 8 am.
thats for me.
thats im all up on my own stoop like its an irish wake.
thats i stare off into the granulated dawn.
front yard. chain smoking. drinking heavily. 9 am-ish.
and one girl who comes out every morning at the same time, 9am ish, so her dog can pee and i've explained to her that i dont have a problem. or if i do have a problem its at least mitigated by the fact i work nights.
shes catching me usually like two drinks in so i'm very witty two drinks in. im damn'd urbane
and im bobbing my head like dean martin.
then she says his thing is redder than usual.
his thing?
yeah you know.
oh. yeah. yeah okay.
that could be a sign of something.
i wouldnt know.
(awkward pause)
its its own color thought isnt it. should i feel bad for looking?
its a parental relationship, us to them.
good point. yes. i see that.
(pause)
it should be its own crayon.
excuse me?
this is me: it should be its own crayon: dog penis red.
huhn.
(pause)
well...
(pause)
this is her (pajamaed, mussed): well except that dog penis red could only be used for that one thing.
well--
yeah, dog penis red could only be used to color in pictures of dogs penises.
youre right i think.
and we don't neccisarily want kids to go around drawing or coloring in pictures of dogs penises.
is anything else that color?
i dont think so.
youre right. nothing else is that color. it just doesnt occur in nature.
it just doesnt occur in nature.
(pause)
i still feel weird looking.
this particular morning i watched the aviator and had two drinks that where both
2 shots discount whiskey
approx. 8 ounces orange juice
and one tablespoon brown sugar
and at the time it seemed somehow a sinister combination. from what i remember from high school biology i was somehow ingesting three different types of sugar at once maybe.
i decided to name the drink the "julia roberts insuline shock steel magnolias seizure and wasnt Ouiser lovable yet rambunctuous and i think i might have cryed at the end but i was only 12 and why did mom make us watch so many melodramas marketed for ladies at such a young age anyway?"
or for short: "the Seizure Ouiser"
and after two of these things i feel fine. and by fine i mean drunk.
and so i go to the bathroom,
and i catch a glimps of myself in the bathroom mirror and my entire head from the clavicle up is dog penis red.
is the only way i can describe it.
and then after i decided i wanted to describe my face, just now, as dog penis red, because yes clearly im making some of this up for the sake of fiction, what i do is i image-googled the phrase "dog penis" just to make sure i was thinking of the right color.
and yeah never do that.
ever.
please.
seriously.
don't do it.
at all.
wow.
anyways all morning though ive felt trim.
and kindahv after the fashion of a young redford.
except i never have a vest.
why?
so i dunno, i recommend it. the "seizure ouiser."
except then also i dont recommend the other thing.
you know the google thing.
don't.
hey.
look at me.
don't.
okay.
kisses. b.
thats for me.
thats im all up on my own stoop like its an irish wake.
thats i stare off into the granulated dawn.
front yard. chain smoking. drinking heavily. 9 am-ish.
and one girl who comes out every morning at the same time, 9am ish, so her dog can pee and i've explained to her that i dont have a problem. or if i do have a problem its at least mitigated by the fact i work nights.
shes catching me usually like two drinks in so i'm very witty two drinks in. im damn'd urbane
and im bobbing my head like dean martin.
then she says his thing is redder than usual.
his thing?
yeah you know.
oh. yeah. yeah okay.
that could be a sign of something.
i wouldnt know.
(awkward pause)
its its own color thought isnt it. should i feel bad for looking?
its a parental relationship, us to them.
good point. yes. i see that.
(pause)
it should be its own crayon.
excuse me?
this is me: it should be its own crayon: dog penis red.
huhn.
(pause)
well...
(pause)
this is her (pajamaed, mussed): well except that dog penis red could only be used for that one thing.
well--
yeah, dog penis red could only be used to color in pictures of dogs penises.
youre right i think.
and we don't neccisarily want kids to go around drawing or coloring in pictures of dogs penises.
is anything else that color?
i dont think so.
youre right. nothing else is that color. it just doesnt occur in nature.
it just doesnt occur in nature.
(pause)
i still feel weird looking.
this particular morning i watched the aviator and had two drinks that where both
2 shots discount whiskey
approx. 8 ounces orange juice
and one tablespoon brown sugar
and at the time it seemed somehow a sinister combination. from what i remember from high school biology i was somehow ingesting three different types of sugar at once maybe.
i decided to name the drink the "julia roberts insuline shock steel magnolias seizure and wasnt Ouiser lovable yet rambunctuous and i think i might have cryed at the end but i was only 12 and why did mom make us watch so many melodramas marketed for ladies at such a young age anyway?"
or for short: "the Seizure Ouiser"
and after two of these things i feel fine. and by fine i mean drunk.
and so i go to the bathroom,
and i catch a glimps of myself in the bathroom mirror and my entire head from the clavicle up is dog penis red.
is the only way i can describe it.
and then after i decided i wanted to describe my face, just now, as dog penis red, because yes clearly im making some of this up for the sake of fiction, what i do is i image-googled the phrase "dog penis" just to make sure i was thinking of the right color.
and yeah never do that.
ever.
please.
seriously.
don't do it.
at all.
wow.
anyways all morning though ive felt trim.
and kindahv after the fashion of a young redford.
except i never have a vest.
why?
so i dunno, i recommend it. the "seizure ouiser."
except then also i dont recommend the other thing.
you know the google thing.
don't.
hey.
look at me.
don't.
okay.
kisses. b.