(no subject)
this is an apology, this is a plead.... this is my insanity and what keeps me going day in and day out.... read, think, comment or not..i dont even know if i will respond to your opinions...but i am tired of holding it in.........i know i have pushed you all away since everyhting happened.... some of you hav said nothing.... some of you got angry... some of you worried... some of you were indifferent bout the situation... however you took it... this is y i did it...... My LIFE is my LIFE.... it is up to me who knows whats going on or not..unforunately since recent events.. you have all discovered what is going on..... i didnt appreciate the fact that most discussed it without coming to me immediately...but to late to fix that....right now... im lost among the clouds.... im still angry at everything that happend.... im mad at how people were not there the whole way thru for me..cuz im still in this.. my head is still beneath the ground whether urs is or not.....
everyone knows that my only happiness seems to be Lee... and to me.. it mostly is..... im not saying i dont appreciate anything else in life..... i enjoy friends and outings and work and learning and music ...but my heart is in him... my soul is his.... he is what makes me happy...and if that upsets you.. i cant do anything about it....and neither can he..... im so happy to have you back lee....cuz i need you...but sometimes i feel like no one needs nor wants me....you will all shoot up ur hands and say... thats not tru i love you...but honestly... 1/2 the time i think ur my acquaintences... not my friends... if thats hurts im sorry....but im tired of the occasional smile and hello... i cant tell u what i want besides jus how htings used to be.... long ago...when life was easy and i wasnt having a panic attack every other day... i wish i could glue myself to everyone like i used to be..but i think its jus gonna take time..... lee... im glad we're together again...and even though im fighting with everything i have inside to keep you.... feelings are floating back to how things used to be... im here for ur convenience.... when u want me il be there... but when u get bored and u wanna find something new im left on the side of the street again.... i find myself looking for outside people to talk to....people who cant judge me at all..... i keep talkin to people and im not finding the responses i want.. tell me thats life... i know but it still dosnt make things ok........ i want to be wanted... everyone does.... im so tired..... there must be a hole in me from everything ive felt lately.. all the tears that ive cried... its hard to go from day to day.... without the rest of peace......i want the sun to warm my face and the breeze to take away beads of sweat from my legs.......i want to be happy again........ if u want to say im pitying myself go ahead i dont care.. im jus writing this to let anyone who wants to know... know.... i wish sometimes i could get inside ur heads and know the absolute truth... what u really want out of me.. or what u want me to do......i wish some of you would love me for who i am no matter what.... i wish the sarcasm would go away sometimes..... even the stupidest comments hurt me lately.......
im guesing some of you MIGHT ask directly what do i want u to do..... i honestly dont know........ besides.... love me for who i am... dont think less of me... and dont take me for granted..... prepare me to say goodbye...cuz when some of you do it abruptly.. i think i might never see you again.... i love you all.... i hope to be at peace soon
everyone knows that my only happiness seems to be Lee... and to me.. it mostly is..... im not saying i dont appreciate anything else in life..... i enjoy friends and outings and work and learning and music ...but my heart is in him... my soul is his.... he is what makes me happy...and if that upsets you.. i cant do anything about it....and neither can he..... im so happy to have you back lee....cuz i need you...but sometimes i feel like no one needs nor wants me....you will all shoot up ur hands and say... thats not tru i love you...but honestly... 1/2 the time i think ur my acquaintences... not my friends... if thats hurts im sorry....but im tired of the occasional smile and hello... i cant tell u what i want besides jus how htings used to be.... long ago...when life was easy and i wasnt having a panic attack every other day... i wish i could glue myself to everyone like i used to be..but i think its jus gonna take time..... lee... im glad we're together again...and even though im fighting with everything i have inside to keep you.... feelings are floating back to how things used to be... im here for ur convenience.... when u want me il be there... but when u get bored and u wanna find something new im left on the side of the street again.... i find myself looking for outside people to talk to....people who cant judge me at all..... i keep talkin to people and im not finding the responses i want.. tell me thats life... i know but it still dosnt make things ok........ i want to be wanted... everyone does.... im so tired..... there must be a hole in me from everything ive felt lately.. all the tears that ive cried... its hard to go from day to day.... without the rest of peace......i want the sun to warm my face and the breeze to take away beads of sweat from my legs.......i want to be happy again........ if u want to say im pitying myself go ahead i dont care.. im jus writing this to let anyone who wants to know... know.... i wish sometimes i could get inside ur heads and know the absolute truth... what u really want out of me.. or what u want me to do......i wish some of you would love me for who i am no matter what.... i wish the sarcasm would go away sometimes..... even the stupidest comments hurt me lately.......
im guesing some of you MIGHT ask directly what do i want u to do..... i honestly dont know........ besides.... love me for who i am... dont think less of me... and dont take me for granted..... prepare me to say goodbye...cuz when some of you do it abruptly.. i think i might never see you again.... i love you all.... i hope to be at peace soon