few things are perpetual, but many seem it
I woke up this morning, and something strange happened. I could not get out of bed. So I stayed there for a while and thought about a lot of things like the earth, planets, galaxies, and the universe. I was in between dreaming, sleeping, and waking for a very long time. Today, I am sad. The world seems bigger than I usually think. I can't exactly explain the way I feel, but I know it is something coming from sadness of moving toward it. Time keeps moving and moving and every few moments I tell myself I can still make something of the day, but all energy seems to be absent from my life on January 21. The sun is out, but I know it is deceiving because it is not even casting down heat. I remember coming home last year after a day full of seeing someone I love and shoving strawberries in my face and laughing. It was warm then and I would lay a blanket onto the grass and read and nap and study underneath the sky, which I love, by the way. I love the sky. Thinking about that makes my heart ache. I know you like the winter, but I just don't. I am so sorry.
I am tired and my eyes and ears are full with all the emptiness out my window. This is the only way I can explain the way I feel to you: At the same time, I want to go to sleep and wake up. I know. Even I do not understand.
There are more things in the earth and outside it that I do not understand than things that I do understand. I remember picking all of the dandylions and tying them into a chain, hanging them on the front door. I remember eating popsicle. I ate so many popsicles in just three months. I watched the stars come out and I walked for miles and slid my feet into streams. I was never afraid of anything. It is funny, the way I am supposed to know warmer, greener times will come, but I do not trust it completely. It is like standing outside with the cold biting at your face and your tears freezing to your cheeks and trying so hard to remember what it feels like to be warm. Nothing comes and the memory of warmth starts to dissolve.
School makes me bitter every other day. It makes me feel wonderful on the un-other days. I feel drained and overwhelmed and I do not think I am helping anyone so something has got to change. I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing anymore.
What holds people back from running away?
I am tired and my eyes and ears are full with all the emptiness out my window. This is the only way I can explain the way I feel to you: At the same time, I want to go to sleep and wake up. I know. Even I do not understand.
There are more things in the earth and outside it that I do not understand than things that I do understand. I remember picking all of the dandylions and tying them into a chain, hanging them on the front door. I remember eating popsicle. I ate so many popsicles in just three months. I watched the stars come out and I walked for miles and slid my feet into streams. I was never afraid of anything. It is funny, the way I am supposed to know warmer, greener times will come, but I do not trust it completely. It is like standing outside with the cold biting at your face and your tears freezing to your cheeks and trying so hard to remember what it feels like to be warm. Nothing comes and the memory of warmth starts to dissolve.
School makes me bitter every other day. It makes me feel wonderful on the un-other days. I feel drained and overwhelmed and I do not think I am helping anyone so something has got to change. I don't even know what I am supposed to be doing anymore.
What holds people back from running away?