(no subject)
I plopped down on the recliner and violently grabbed the t.v. remote, pressed the power button and then just as quickly pressed it again...its useless. I can't watch t.v. I can't talk on the phone. Nothing is going to subside this void, which is becoming more potent by the second now.
Peter, the vet assistant, made a special trip to the office on his day off when I told him how bad Simba had gotten. Even though he was a little uncomfortable dishing out advice, he consoled me and consented with my decision to finally have him put to sleep. The expected trauma hit full swing before, during and afterward...I held his head and told him he's a good boy. I told him I loved him. I tried to stop shaking for Simba's sake but he was flying on valium and hopefully didn't notice anyways.
At this moment, I would give anything to believe in God and Heaven and the whole bit..it would really help a lot, but I have no fucking idea what to think about that stuff...and writing this entry, narrating my feeling like this, feels trite and pointless.
Peter, the vet assistant, made a special trip to the office on his day off when I told him how bad Simba had gotten. Even though he was a little uncomfortable dishing out advice, he consoled me and consented with my decision to finally have him put to sleep. The expected trauma hit full swing before, during and afterward...I held his head and told him he's a good boy. I told him I loved him. I tried to stop shaking for Simba's sake but he was flying on valium and hopefully didn't notice anyways.
At this moment, I would give anything to believe in God and Heaven and the whole bit..it would really help a lot, but I have no fucking idea what to think about that stuff...and writing this entry, narrating my feeling like this, feels trite and pointless.