muses_w_remotes | 12.16. Can't Hardly Wait quote
12.16. “Just so you know, judging from my little experience, I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes.”
| Can’t Hardly Wait
Co-written with asinthecity | Follows THIS
Riley appeared at the top of the stairs in his bathrobe and smirked down at his twin sister standing at the bottom. Some things never changed. Clearly Tab had just come home and decided standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling for her brother's appearance was the best course of action. He tightened the sash around his waist and pushed his fingers through his messed up curly hair. "I think you should yell a little louder. They didn't hear you in Antarctica," he said.
Tab folded her arms across her chest, and smirked up at him in return before she took a deep breath. "RILEY PARIS BROWNE, GET YOUR SKINNY ARSE DOWN HERE! Was that better, arse pain?"
Riley winced a little and left his hand against his head. "No. Cheers. Now I have a headache and bleeding ears," he snorted as he descended the stairs. "Where have you been?" he asked.
"Don't say I don't ever give you anything," she grinned as she moved back to give her brother room. She didn't really need him staying on the stairs to tower over her that little bit more. "I needed to go see someone."
Riley reached the bottom of the stairs and raised an eyebrow at her. "Anyone in particular?" he asked and then yawned as he made his way into the living room. He flopped down on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table. "You were gone early. I can't remember the last time you beat me up in the morning."
Tab slipped out of her jacket as she followed him into the living room. It wasn't just that she'd got up early, it was that she'd also tried to dress with a bit of effort. She looked like she might have been going for a job interview, and her usually unruly red hair was pinned back and tamed. "I don't know if it's something you need to hear about right now. Why don't you just tell me your news first. Now that you're done being occupied elsewhere."
Riley's smirk fell into a frown and he looked at her uncertainly. "Are you alright?" he asked.
Tab started to take the pins out of her hair and nodded. "Yeah, beanpole. I'm okay. Really. Are you?"
"You look like you've been to a funeral," Riley realised but he didn't push much more. He still watched her, though, his green eyes studying her a little closer. The alarm on his watch beeped and he huffed in annoyance. "Damnit. Give me a second." He disappeared up the hall for a few moments and came back with the pill box Tab had bought him all those months ago and a large glass of water, putting them down on the coffee table. "I've got some news," he told her.
"Thanks, you look like you've been fucked into the grave." She pulled her mouth to the side and released a rush of air. "Sorry. Just tired. Early start, and all that." She waited for him to get settled again, watching her brother take his pills very much normal by now. "I know, that's why I asked you to tell me it first. So what's this news? Don't tell me you've grown a second dick and go for longer?"
"Not quite," Riley said after swallowing the first set of pills. He poured the next lot out onto the glass surface. "We were practicing," he added with a smile.
"Practicing? You two shag almost more than me and Luke, what could you possibly need to practice?" Tab looked at him as she ruffled her hair and leaned forward to throw her pins onto the coffee table before unbuttoning her shirt a little from the bottom so she could be comfortable. "Is this really something I need to know about?"
Riley swallowed the last of the pills and finished the water. He was still hot and thirsty from the fever. Getting shagged six ways from Sunday probably hadn't helped, but who the hell cared? You were supposed to sweat out a fever anyway, so it made sense. "I hope so," he told her. "Evie and I are going to try for a baby."
Tab sat there and stared at him, trying to work out if he was being serious. Riley definitely had his serious face on, even if it was looking overheated. "So you got enough sperm to have it washed? The count's good?"
Riley nodded with a smile. "Above average," he confirmed, holding her gaze.
She sat there a little longer, then without warning she launched herself at her brother and climbed on top of him as she hugged him. "Oh my god, you're really going to try for a baby! Holy fuck, that's the best news ever. My big bro's going to start making a baby! Fuck."
"Oh shit, Tab!" Riley said, trying to stop himself getting crushed as he hugged her back. "Please don't knee me int he nuts. I'm going to need them!"
"I won't knee you in the nuts!" She held on tight but tried really hard to move into a better position. "Shit, beanpole. This has seriously made today fifty thousand times better. Jesus, a real little baby Browne."
Riley didn't let the hug release just yet. "Maybe... hopefully... we're going to try once at least," he confirmed. "Even if I'm scared and all those other things."
"Once? Okay, well, that's fair enough." Tab did actually understand how hard this was going to be. She'd started to do research and some reading about IVF. "Well, just so you know... I'm kind of scared for you, too. I know I seem really happy, and I am! Just... it's going to be a while, isn't it? Lots of waiting."
Riley nodded, chewing on his lower lip. "Depending on Evie's cycle and all that, it'll take a couple of weeks after the initial start of it all, then about three weeks after that before we know if she is pregnant. I mean, a pregnancy test could show as early as two weeks if she is, but three weeks is about the best time to tell. We first have to start giving Evie hormone shots for a couple of weeks though to prepare for it all. It's going to be... pretty intense."
Tab stayed leaning against him, one arm slipped around his shoulders. "So you're not really going to know anything until well after the wedding, huh?"
"No, at least," Riley told her. "I think that's going to be one of the hardest parts. Waiting to see if it's worked. Actually, none of it's going to be easy. But at least it's possible. I didn't think it was going to be. I'd managed to convince myself it wasn't."
"Maybe that's good in your weird Riley way? I mean, that way if it all came back as a no, then you wouldn't be disappointed, right? This way you actually get to enjoy it. Sort of." She rest her head against his and looked at him, his eye right near hers. "I'm still proud of you, beanpole."
Riley smirked a little at her. "Hey, you know me. I'll always find something to freak out about or over-analyse. With all the wake up calls, lately, I just think we would be stupid to let fear stop us. The clinic knows what they're doing. They're well-reknowned for it. They have a high success rate. It's not like I can be more HIV Positive than the next Positive person. We're all in the same boat, just got it different ways. I just wish I had a little crystal ball some days. But if I did, Lachlan wouldn't have gotten shot, Chase wouldn't have stage two cancer... I wouldn't be Positive. I guess shit really does happen. It doesn't all have to be shit, though."
"Then you'd know the good as well, and it'd take the surprise out of life. Some surprises are worth the shit. Like meeting Evie," Tab pointed out. "If there's anything me and Luke can do to help you just have to ask. You know that, right?"
Riley nodded. "Actually, I'm kind of glad you're both in Princeton right now. It's just going to help." He laughed softly. "I prefer the good to be surprises. Otherwise I could well have Pat over here threatening to shove my crystal ball up my arse for ruining your's and Evie's wedding surprises. Brides have to be fabulous, darling!"
Tab blinked. "We get wedding surprises? What surprises?! I'm not wearing anything with puffy sleeves! Or anything resembling a disco ball. I love Pat, but no metallics for the love of Hendrix."
Riley snorted. "He means your surprises as a bride. Not letting people see the dress before you walk up the aisle, how you have your hair, what shoes you wear. It's the little things. He wants you to remember the day, squirt. That's all. He isn't going to tell you what to do, he just has a good eye for what looks great on people. He won't make you dress as a disco ball, but he might insist on one at the reception."
Tab was still eying Riley suspiciously but she slid down on the sofa and let her leg rest over his. "If you say so, Big Bro. Anyway, of course I'm going to remember the day. I mean, it's my first and only wedding. Plus we're doing the twin thing. That's pretty memorable. I still can't believe it... few weeks and we'll be married. And you'll be on your way to getting a baby!"
"Just go with the flow," Riley told her with a laugh. "Pat will make it easier for you in the long run. He just wants you to have happy memories. He loves weddings." He fanned at his face a little bit, his cheeks still feeling like they were burning. "It's surreal. I really can't believe it. There I used to pull the piss out of Lachlan when he was in the lead up to his wedding because he was tying the knot. Now it's us and it's weird, but a good weird."
"Yeah, good weird. I'm just glad I get to do this with you. I don't think it should've really gone any other way. Twin wedding is the only way. And don't get me wrong, I love Pat helping. I need Pat helping because I wouldn't have a fucking clue." Tab looked at Riley, frowning a little as she watched him fan himself. "Maybe you should take a cold shower, or something?"
Riley shook his head. "I've got a fever. I need to try and shake it. It's Lachlan's birthday in a few days and Tara is hoping we can get together for it. They were going to call it off because of Chase, but Chase made a point of telling them not to. He knew they would try to." He brushed his fingers through his hair with a laugh. "Or it could be high blood pressure from the stress of the fact I am getting married, trying for a baby, flying to Scotland and officially becoming a godfather all in a matter of weeks. Shit, I just can't believe it. Any of it. I'm getting married, you're getting married, which is... holy hell. Pat's engaged, Lachlan's already married and a father. Chase is married and a father too, now. It's unbelievable. I suddenly don't just feel like a post-graduate twenty-something anymore. Throw into the mix Evie's long lost sister showing up and Chase losing a ball... how has my hair not gone grey, seriously? Everything seems good, bad, fucking scary and totally amazing all at the same time."
"Fuck, I still can't believe Evie has a long lost sister! I mean, where the hell did that come from?" Tab made a face as she tried to get around everything that was going on. It was sad about Chase, and she really only knew what was going on because of Lachlan and Riley being his doctor. She hadn't really spent much time with the Aussie. She did get to spend time with Mia though, when Luke volunteered their baby sitting services. Tab wondered if maybe she was just going to have to get used to babies regardless given how often she wound up near one. Especially with Riley and Evie trying for a family. "How has no one's hair gone grey? I suddenly feel like moving to Princeton gave me a whole new life... It's insane!"
"I wanted to talk to you about that," Riley admitted, tugging the front of the bathrobe open just a little as he continued to feel like he had just stepped out of a sauna.
"Ask me about... moving to Princeton?" Tab looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "Or the sister?"
Riley shook his head. "Not the sister. I don't even know what Evie is going to do about that yet. She hasn't mentioned it much since. I just wanted to say if you guys wanted to stay here a bit longer... here at the house... it's cool. I mean, I don't want you to think you have to find a place urgently because I kinda really like having you here and there's plenty of room, so if you wanted to stay, you could."
Tab watched her brother quietly for a moment. "Are you sure? Truth is, I've been enjoying living here. I just didn't want us to outstay our welcome, or anything. I kind of missed being this close to you."
"Yeah." Riley smiled at her. "I'm really sure. I just... I dunno, I didn't want to ask in case you and Luke were keen to get out on your own again. I know living here with Evie and me can be a pain in the butt sometimes with, yeah, our... stuff... and shift work and things. But the house really is big enough and it's not like we totally piss each other off. I know Luke's loaded, but it would still save some cash. Just lately, I'm seeing how important it is to be with your family and friends when you can."
Tab snuggled up to her brother again, and rest her head on his shoulder. "I know what you mean... I'm still--some days I still remember exactly what it felt like when I thought I'd lost you. I keep forgetting Luke has money. He just never acts like it, or talks about it. I'm really not in a hurry, plus we haven't really found a place that's ours. You know I'm the first to complain about your 'stuff', arse pain, but I don't really care. I like it here."
"I just thought we could spend time together now while we can. Who really knows what's going to happen down the track? I mean, Evie having a sister..." Riley shook his head in disbelief. "It's huge. She tried to ask me what to do and things, but I could only tell her what I would do. At the end of the day, she's got to make the choices. But family is family. She thought it was just her and her father. Never thought she had a sister. I can't even imagine what it would be like not to have one."
"I imagine it would be pretty quiet," Tab told him with a snicker. She was actually aware of just how much noise she could make. "I don't know what it would be like without you. I can't even imagine what it would be like to discover having you as a brother after twenty-five years, or whatever. That's just such a mind fuck. I don't really know what Evie should do... Other than the sister is family." Tab shifted to look up at her brother. "And as crazy as family can be... it is still family."
Riley smirked with a laugh. "You'd probably hate me if you hadn't grown up with me," he said in amusement. "Family is... I guess sometimes it isn't always a good thing. But siblings. You can't beat it. I mean, everyone I know are really close to their brothers or sisters. They're your blood. They're part of you, you know?"
She nodded as she started to chew on her thumb nail. She was still debating whether to tell him where she'd been, but this wasn't the time. Maybe later when he wasn't feeling so crook. "I know. I really do. I'd be lost without you, beanpole. And I wouldn't hate you. I could never hate you."
Riley nodded and smiled softly. "I can't do this without you, squirt," he finally told her.
Tab smiled back. "Not like you got a choice, Big Bro. You're kind of stuck with me for life, so... better you embrace it."
"I'm scared about doing the parent thing. Tara and Lachlan make it look so easy. Hell, Chase and his wife make it look easy. What if I stuff it up?" Riley asked, rubbing at the back of his neck anxiously.
"Didn't we already have this conversation? Riley, listen to me... if you can put up with me as a sister, you can definitely do the parent thing. It's no different, just you're old enough to change nappies and burp babies. I'm sure if you ask, they were all just as scared. Anyone would be crazy not to be," she replied as she gave him a look.
Riley was just latching onto his sister as a lifeline in his fear. He needed her to keep him grounded, even if they sat here all night while she reassured him about everything from being a father to the sky being blue. It wasn't a new scenario between them. "Do you think you'll have kids one day?" he asked her.
"I don't know," Tab answered honestly. "It depends on Luke being ready, and if I ever feel ready. I love RJ, and I know I'll love your kid. I can do the aunt thing... I just don't know if I can do the mum thing. I can't give the kid back at the end of the day, you know? I have to keep it."
Riley laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, that's generally how it works. Unless you're one of those rich freaks who has their kid raised by a nanny, which is fucked up anyway." He rested his head against the back of the sofa in thought. "I wonder what my kid might be like. I wonder a lot. RJ is so much like Lachlan to look at, but you can see Tara in him, too."
"I'll just climb in my time machine and let you know," Tab joked. "I wouldn't want a kid raised by a nanny. If you're going to go to all that trouble of carrying one, you should have to raise it and see the benefits of all that pain. And play with it, and love it. And probably stop calling it an it but you know..." She scratched at her nose, her mind maybe just a little bit turning to Mother Superior. The woman had tried, albeit unsuccessfully. Tab couldn't exactly fault her there. "Your kid will be amazing."
"Technically is an it until you know it isn't an it anymore," Riley pointed out rationally. "That's why RJ got 'Bump' for a good portion of Tara's pregnancy. I was thinking I should call Dad."
Tab froze, her teeth biting down hard on her thumb. "I went to see him."
Riley looked at her in surprise. "You what? When?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Today. That's why I left early, and that's why I look like I've been to a funeral." Tab moved away a little to look at Riley properly. "I didn't want you worrying about Dad, so I went and saw him on both our behalves. I figured you had enough on your plate, and you said it yourself that thinking seeing about Dad stresses you out on top of everything else."
"W-Well, yeah... because I was worried about how he was after leaving Mum..." Riley frowned, sitting forward a little. "What happened? What did he say?"
Tab shrugged. "I told him about the twin wedding, and he was happy. A little sad, but happy. I think maybe he wanted to give me away, but... I can't let him, Riley. I know it's selfish, but I just can't. Me and Evie both just need to give each other away. Mostly it was just awkward. I took him an Easter egg. I didn't really know what to fucking say, other than to show him I'm okay. Which I am. I'm not the fuck up Mum thinks I am."
Riley nodded, remaining silent at first. "He was probably hurt..." he guessed quietly. "He left Mum like I told him too and I've made no effort with him. He's stuck in some flat on his own, alone, for the first time in over twenty five years. No one has really thought about how he might be feeling in all this. It's always how we're feeling or how Mum's feeling."
"I just wanted to let him know we hadn't forgotten him. Just... a lot was going on. Believe it, or not, I do actually care about him. I was trying to help." Tab pushed her fingers through her hair. "I don't know if I made it worse."
Riley rested his cheek against his hand, trying to sort through everything in his mind. "I don't even know what to think," he admitted. "I don't even know how he will feel about anything. I just... don't know him at all."
"I know..." Tab said quietly as she let her gaze stray to the coffee table. "I guess we just need to work on getting to know him."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 3,645
| Can’t Hardly Wait
Co-written with asinthecity | Follows THIS
Riley appeared at the top of the stairs in his bathrobe and smirked down at his twin sister standing at the bottom. Some things never changed. Clearly Tab had just come home and decided standing at the bottom of the stairs yelling for her brother's appearance was the best course of action. He tightened the sash around his waist and pushed his fingers through his messed up curly hair. "I think you should yell a little louder. They didn't hear you in Antarctica," he said.
Tab folded her arms across her chest, and smirked up at him in return before she took a deep breath. "RILEY PARIS BROWNE, GET YOUR SKINNY ARSE DOWN HERE! Was that better, arse pain?"
Riley winced a little and left his hand against his head. "No. Cheers. Now I have a headache and bleeding ears," he snorted as he descended the stairs. "Where have you been?" he asked.
"Don't say I don't ever give you anything," she grinned as she moved back to give her brother room. She didn't really need him staying on the stairs to tower over her that little bit more. "I needed to go see someone."
Riley reached the bottom of the stairs and raised an eyebrow at her. "Anyone in particular?" he asked and then yawned as he made his way into the living room. He flopped down on the sofa and put his feet up on the coffee table. "You were gone early. I can't remember the last time you beat me up in the morning."
Tab slipped out of her jacket as she followed him into the living room. It wasn't just that she'd got up early, it was that she'd also tried to dress with a bit of effort. She looked like she might have been going for a job interview, and her usually unruly red hair was pinned back and tamed. "I don't know if it's something you need to hear about right now. Why don't you just tell me your news first. Now that you're done being occupied elsewhere."
Riley's smirk fell into a frown and he looked at her uncertainly. "Are you alright?" he asked.
Tab started to take the pins out of her hair and nodded. "Yeah, beanpole. I'm okay. Really. Are you?"
"You look like you've been to a funeral," Riley realised but he didn't push much more. He still watched her, though, his green eyes studying her a little closer. The alarm on his watch beeped and he huffed in annoyance. "Damnit. Give me a second." He disappeared up the hall for a few moments and came back with the pill box Tab had bought him all those months ago and a large glass of water, putting them down on the coffee table. "I've got some news," he told her.
"Thanks, you look like you've been fucked into the grave." She pulled her mouth to the side and released a rush of air. "Sorry. Just tired. Early start, and all that." She waited for him to get settled again, watching her brother take his pills very much normal by now. "I know, that's why I asked you to tell me it first. So what's this news? Don't tell me you've grown a second dick and go for longer?"
"Not quite," Riley said after swallowing the first set of pills. He poured the next lot out onto the glass surface. "We were practicing," he added with a smile.
"Practicing? You two shag almost more than me and Luke, what could you possibly need to practice?" Tab looked at him as she ruffled her hair and leaned forward to throw her pins onto the coffee table before unbuttoning her shirt a little from the bottom so she could be comfortable. "Is this really something I need to know about?"
Riley swallowed the last of the pills and finished the water. He was still hot and thirsty from the fever. Getting shagged six ways from Sunday probably hadn't helped, but who the hell cared? You were supposed to sweat out a fever anyway, so it made sense. "I hope so," he told her. "Evie and I are going to try for a baby."
Tab sat there and stared at him, trying to work out if he was being serious. Riley definitely had his serious face on, even if it was looking overheated. "So you got enough sperm to have it washed? The count's good?"
Riley nodded with a smile. "Above average," he confirmed, holding her gaze.
She sat there a little longer, then without warning she launched herself at her brother and climbed on top of him as she hugged him. "Oh my god, you're really going to try for a baby! Holy fuck, that's the best news ever. My big bro's going to start making a baby! Fuck."
"Oh shit, Tab!" Riley said, trying to stop himself getting crushed as he hugged her back. "Please don't knee me int he nuts. I'm going to need them!"
"I won't knee you in the nuts!" She held on tight but tried really hard to move into a better position. "Shit, beanpole. This has seriously made today fifty thousand times better. Jesus, a real little baby Browne."
Riley didn't let the hug release just yet. "Maybe... hopefully... we're going to try once at least," he confirmed. "Even if I'm scared and all those other things."
"Once? Okay, well, that's fair enough." Tab did actually understand how hard this was going to be. She'd started to do research and some reading about IVF. "Well, just so you know... I'm kind of scared for you, too. I know I seem really happy, and I am! Just... it's going to be a while, isn't it? Lots of waiting."
Riley nodded, chewing on his lower lip. "Depending on Evie's cycle and all that, it'll take a couple of weeks after the initial start of it all, then about three weeks after that before we know if she is pregnant. I mean, a pregnancy test could show as early as two weeks if she is, but three weeks is about the best time to tell. We first have to start giving Evie hormone shots for a couple of weeks though to prepare for it all. It's going to be... pretty intense."
Tab stayed leaning against him, one arm slipped around his shoulders. "So you're not really going to know anything until well after the wedding, huh?"
"No, at least," Riley told her. "I think that's going to be one of the hardest parts. Waiting to see if it's worked. Actually, none of it's going to be easy. But at least it's possible. I didn't think it was going to be. I'd managed to convince myself it wasn't."
"Maybe that's good in your weird Riley way? I mean, that way if it all came back as a no, then you wouldn't be disappointed, right? This way you actually get to enjoy it. Sort of." She rest her head against his and looked at him, his eye right near hers. "I'm still proud of you, beanpole."
Riley smirked a little at her. "Hey, you know me. I'll always find something to freak out about or over-analyse. With all the wake up calls, lately, I just think we would be stupid to let fear stop us. The clinic knows what they're doing. They're well-reknowned for it. They have a high success rate. It's not like I can be more HIV Positive than the next Positive person. We're all in the same boat, just got it different ways. I just wish I had a little crystal ball some days. But if I did, Lachlan wouldn't have gotten shot, Chase wouldn't have stage two cancer... I wouldn't be Positive. I guess shit really does happen. It doesn't all have to be shit, though."
"Then you'd know the good as well, and it'd take the surprise out of life. Some surprises are worth the shit. Like meeting Evie," Tab pointed out. "If there's anything me and Luke can do to help you just have to ask. You know that, right?"
Riley nodded. "Actually, I'm kind of glad you're both in Princeton right now. It's just going to help." He laughed softly. "I prefer the good to be surprises. Otherwise I could well have Pat over here threatening to shove my crystal ball up my arse for ruining your's and Evie's wedding surprises. Brides have to be fabulous, darling!"
Tab blinked. "We get wedding surprises? What surprises?! I'm not wearing anything with puffy sleeves! Or anything resembling a disco ball. I love Pat, but no metallics for the love of Hendrix."
Riley snorted. "He means your surprises as a bride. Not letting people see the dress before you walk up the aisle, how you have your hair, what shoes you wear. It's the little things. He wants you to remember the day, squirt. That's all. He isn't going to tell you what to do, he just has a good eye for what looks great on people. He won't make you dress as a disco ball, but he might insist on one at the reception."
Tab was still eying Riley suspiciously but she slid down on the sofa and let her leg rest over his. "If you say so, Big Bro. Anyway, of course I'm going to remember the day. I mean, it's my first and only wedding. Plus we're doing the twin thing. That's pretty memorable. I still can't believe it... few weeks and we'll be married. And you'll be on your way to getting a baby!"
"Just go with the flow," Riley told her with a laugh. "Pat will make it easier for you in the long run. He just wants you to have happy memories. He loves weddings." He fanned at his face a little bit, his cheeks still feeling like they were burning. "It's surreal. I really can't believe it. There I used to pull the piss out of Lachlan when he was in the lead up to his wedding because he was tying the knot. Now it's us and it's weird, but a good weird."
"Yeah, good weird. I'm just glad I get to do this with you. I don't think it should've really gone any other way. Twin wedding is the only way. And don't get me wrong, I love Pat helping. I need Pat helping because I wouldn't have a fucking clue." Tab looked at Riley, frowning a little as she watched him fan himself. "Maybe you should take a cold shower, or something?"
Riley shook his head. "I've got a fever. I need to try and shake it. It's Lachlan's birthday in a few days and Tara is hoping we can get together for it. They were going to call it off because of Chase, but Chase made a point of telling them not to. He knew they would try to." He brushed his fingers through his hair with a laugh. "Or it could be high blood pressure from the stress of the fact I am getting married, trying for a baby, flying to Scotland and officially becoming a godfather all in a matter of weeks. Shit, I just can't believe it. Any of it. I'm getting married, you're getting married, which is... holy hell. Pat's engaged, Lachlan's already married and a father. Chase is married and a father too, now. It's unbelievable. I suddenly don't just feel like a post-graduate twenty-something anymore. Throw into the mix Evie's long lost sister showing up and Chase losing a ball... how has my hair not gone grey, seriously? Everything seems good, bad, fucking scary and totally amazing all at the same time."
"Fuck, I still can't believe Evie has a long lost sister! I mean, where the hell did that come from?" Tab made a face as she tried to get around everything that was going on. It was sad about Chase, and she really only knew what was going on because of Lachlan and Riley being his doctor. She hadn't really spent much time with the Aussie. She did get to spend time with Mia though, when Luke volunteered their baby sitting services. Tab wondered if maybe she was just going to have to get used to babies regardless given how often she wound up near one. Especially with Riley and Evie trying for a family. "How has no one's hair gone grey? I suddenly feel like moving to Princeton gave me a whole new life... It's insane!"
"I wanted to talk to you about that," Riley admitted, tugging the front of the bathrobe open just a little as he continued to feel like he had just stepped out of a sauna.
"Ask me about... moving to Princeton?" Tab looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "Or the sister?"
Riley shook his head. "Not the sister. I don't even know what Evie is going to do about that yet. She hasn't mentioned it much since. I just wanted to say if you guys wanted to stay here a bit longer... here at the house... it's cool. I mean, I don't want you to think you have to find a place urgently because I kinda really like having you here and there's plenty of room, so if you wanted to stay, you could."
Tab watched her brother quietly for a moment. "Are you sure? Truth is, I've been enjoying living here. I just didn't want us to outstay our welcome, or anything. I kind of missed being this close to you."
"Yeah." Riley smiled at her. "I'm really sure. I just... I dunno, I didn't want to ask in case you and Luke were keen to get out on your own again. I know living here with Evie and me can be a pain in the butt sometimes with, yeah, our... stuff... and shift work and things. But the house really is big enough and it's not like we totally piss each other off. I know Luke's loaded, but it would still save some cash. Just lately, I'm seeing how important it is to be with your family and friends when you can."
Tab snuggled up to her brother again, and rest her head on his shoulder. "I know what you mean... I'm still--some days I still remember exactly what it felt like when I thought I'd lost you. I keep forgetting Luke has money. He just never acts like it, or talks about it. I'm really not in a hurry, plus we haven't really found a place that's ours. You know I'm the first to complain about your 'stuff', arse pain, but I don't really care. I like it here."
"I just thought we could spend time together now while we can. Who really knows what's going to happen down the track? I mean, Evie having a sister..." Riley shook his head in disbelief. "It's huge. She tried to ask me what to do and things, but I could only tell her what I would do. At the end of the day, she's got to make the choices. But family is family. She thought it was just her and her father. Never thought she had a sister. I can't even imagine what it would be like not to have one."
"I imagine it would be pretty quiet," Tab told him with a snicker. She was actually aware of just how much noise she could make. "I don't know what it would be like without you. I can't even imagine what it would be like to discover having you as a brother after twenty-five years, or whatever. That's just such a mind fuck. I don't really know what Evie should do... Other than the sister is family." Tab shifted to look up at her brother. "And as crazy as family can be... it is still family."
Riley smirked with a laugh. "You'd probably hate me if you hadn't grown up with me," he said in amusement. "Family is... I guess sometimes it isn't always a good thing. But siblings. You can't beat it. I mean, everyone I know are really close to their brothers or sisters. They're your blood. They're part of you, you know?"
She nodded as she started to chew on her thumb nail. She was still debating whether to tell him where she'd been, but this wasn't the time. Maybe later when he wasn't feeling so crook. "I know. I really do. I'd be lost without you, beanpole. And I wouldn't hate you. I could never hate you."
Riley nodded and smiled softly. "I can't do this without you, squirt," he finally told her.
Tab smiled back. "Not like you got a choice, Big Bro. You're kind of stuck with me for life, so... better you embrace it."
"I'm scared about doing the parent thing. Tara and Lachlan make it look so easy. Hell, Chase and his wife make it look easy. What if I stuff it up?" Riley asked, rubbing at the back of his neck anxiously.
"Didn't we already have this conversation? Riley, listen to me... if you can put up with me as a sister, you can definitely do the parent thing. It's no different, just you're old enough to change nappies and burp babies. I'm sure if you ask, they were all just as scared. Anyone would be crazy not to be," she replied as she gave him a look.
Riley was just latching onto his sister as a lifeline in his fear. He needed her to keep him grounded, even if they sat here all night while she reassured him about everything from being a father to the sky being blue. It wasn't a new scenario between them. "Do you think you'll have kids one day?" he asked her.
"I don't know," Tab answered honestly. "It depends on Luke being ready, and if I ever feel ready. I love RJ, and I know I'll love your kid. I can do the aunt thing... I just don't know if I can do the mum thing. I can't give the kid back at the end of the day, you know? I have to keep it."
Riley laughed softly and nodded. "Yeah, that's generally how it works. Unless you're one of those rich freaks who has their kid raised by a nanny, which is fucked up anyway." He rested his head against the back of the sofa in thought. "I wonder what my kid might be like. I wonder a lot. RJ is so much like Lachlan to look at, but you can see Tara in him, too."
"I'll just climb in my time machine and let you know," Tab joked. "I wouldn't want a kid raised by a nanny. If you're going to go to all that trouble of carrying one, you should have to raise it and see the benefits of all that pain. And play with it, and love it. And probably stop calling it an it but you know..." She scratched at her nose, her mind maybe just a little bit turning to Mother Superior. The woman had tried, albeit unsuccessfully. Tab couldn't exactly fault her there. "Your kid will be amazing."
"Technically is an it until you know it isn't an it anymore," Riley pointed out rationally. "That's why RJ got 'Bump' for a good portion of Tara's pregnancy. I was thinking I should call Dad."
Tab froze, her teeth biting down hard on her thumb. "I went to see him."
Riley looked at her in surprise. "You what? When?" he asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Today. That's why I left early, and that's why I look like I've been to a funeral." Tab moved away a little to look at Riley properly. "I didn't want you worrying about Dad, so I went and saw him on both our behalves. I figured you had enough on your plate, and you said it yourself that thinking seeing about Dad stresses you out on top of everything else."
"W-Well, yeah... because I was worried about how he was after leaving Mum..." Riley frowned, sitting forward a little. "What happened? What did he say?"
Tab shrugged. "I told him about the twin wedding, and he was happy. A little sad, but happy. I think maybe he wanted to give me away, but... I can't let him, Riley. I know it's selfish, but I just can't. Me and Evie both just need to give each other away. Mostly it was just awkward. I took him an Easter egg. I didn't really know what to fucking say, other than to show him I'm okay. Which I am. I'm not the fuck up Mum thinks I am."
Riley nodded, remaining silent at first. "He was probably hurt..." he guessed quietly. "He left Mum like I told him too and I've made no effort with him. He's stuck in some flat on his own, alone, for the first time in over twenty five years. No one has really thought about how he might be feeling in all this. It's always how we're feeling or how Mum's feeling."
"I just wanted to let him know we hadn't forgotten him. Just... a lot was going on. Believe it, or not, I do actually care about him. I was trying to help." Tab pushed her fingers through her hair. "I don't know if I made it worse."
Riley rested his cheek against his hand, trying to sort through everything in his mind. "I don't even know what to think," he admitted. "I don't even know how he will feel about anything. I just... don't know him at all."
"I know..." Tab said quietly as she let her gaze stray to the coffee table. "I guess we just need to work on getting to know him."
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 3,645