muses_w_remotes | 11.9. Brothers & Sisters quote
11.9. "You've done nothing but cause my family pain, so if your perfect little world has come crashing down around you because the truth has finally come out, you know what, join the damn club!"
| Brothers & Sisters
[Follows THIS]
Riley stretched a little as he looked out the window of the hospital room window. The Special Care Nursery had a nice view of the hospital gardens, which was good strategic site planning. Parents sitting vigil at a new baby's bedside could be stressful and tiring. It made sense they had a view to look at during those long hours of waiting. He was on godson watch again, with Harri having just left with Aiden. Tara had taken advantage of a roomful of family (and trusted babysitters) to go for a shower and Lachlan was up the hall on the phone to his family in Scotland to break the sad news.
In hindsight, he thought Harri meeting Baby Riley had gone pretty well. The baby boy was hooked up to the expected medical equipment, so cuddles were off the menu, but with finally the right medical treatment, he wasn't so miserable and didn't protest to Harri's presence at all. In fact, he had watched her curiously with his big blue eyes and grabbed her finger when she tenatively and reluctantly touched his little chest. It was interesting to watch. Riley wasn't usually a baby who took to people he didn't know, especially out of his parents' presence, and Harri had zero experience with infants. Yet, there had been some sort of silent mutual agreement between them that they would both get through this with minimum stress. Riley had remained close in case his godson hadn't coped well with another stranger in his presence. The poor little thing was already flinching whenever an unusual person came near him after being stabbed and prodded so much in the preceding hours. Thankfully the flinching hadn't extended to his Mum and Dad. Riley didn't think neither Tara nor Lachlan could cope if their baby son started pulling away from them.
But he just couldn't be really sure how well Harri processed the event. She hadn't outwardly reacted very much but she hadn't overly resisted to the experience, either. It was almost like she resolutely just knew meeting a baby made it all very real. Riley couldn't blame her for that... meeting his godson for the first time had made a lot of things very real for him, too. Things that had once again been brought to the forefront with Harri's situation. He wished what he was feeling was jealousy because that would be easy to deal with. But all he could feel deep down, heavy in his gut, was loneliness. And it wasn't the loneliness you felt when you were on your own because he rationally knew he wasn't. He had Evie, he had Tab, he had Tara, Lachlan, Luke, Pat, Aiden... the list went on. It was that solidarity that no one around him would be feeling the same way he was. No matter how much the understood and empathised with him, no one could really know how it felt to be HIV Positive and yearn so desperately for a baby that may not ever come.
He didn't begrudge Harri's fears and worry at all, though. In fact, he was glad she would have people who did understand a little of what she was going through and he would do anything she needed him to do to help her find them. Hell, even Tab would be able to identify with Harri's feelings having battled through a recent pregnancy scare herself. He wouldn't wish this loneliness on anyone. He knew Harri would make it somehow, no matter what her decision was. She would, because she was strong and capable, even if she wasn't feeling much like it in the dark shadow of the unexpected news.
It was because of this loneliness that Riley could never be jealous of anyone facing the gauntlet of being a parent. It was an amazing thing that too many people took for granted. Seeing those around him happy made it easier for him to keep his head above water and stay afloat, even if he was still grieving over the diagnosis somewhere deep inside. He has reasons to keep going and not give up hope.
It didn't stop that ache in his heart, though. That want that just seemed to get louder every day.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 705
| Brothers & Sisters
[Follows THIS]
Riley stretched a little as he looked out the window of the hospital room window. The Special Care Nursery had a nice view of the hospital gardens, which was good strategic site planning. Parents sitting vigil at a new baby's bedside could be stressful and tiring. It made sense they had a view to look at during those long hours of waiting. He was on godson watch again, with Harri having just left with Aiden. Tara had taken advantage of a roomful of family (and trusted babysitters) to go for a shower and Lachlan was up the hall on the phone to his family in Scotland to break the sad news.
In hindsight, he thought Harri meeting Baby Riley had gone pretty well. The baby boy was hooked up to the expected medical equipment, so cuddles were off the menu, but with finally the right medical treatment, he wasn't so miserable and didn't protest to Harri's presence at all. In fact, he had watched her curiously with his big blue eyes and grabbed her finger when she tenatively and reluctantly touched his little chest. It was interesting to watch. Riley wasn't usually a baby who took to people he didn't know, especially out of his parents' presence, and Harri had zero experience with infants. Yet, there had been some sort of silent mutual agreement between them that they would both get through this with minimum stress. Riley had remained close in case his godson hadn't coped well with another stranger in his presence. The poor little thing was already flinching whenever an unusual person came near him after being stabbed and prodded so much in the preceding hours. Thankfully the flinching hadn't extended to his Mum and Dad. Riley didn't think neither Tara nor Lachlan could cope if their baby son started pulling away from them.
But he just couldn't be really sure how well Harri processed the event. She hadn't outwardly reacted very much but she hadn't overly resisted to the experience, either. It was almost like she resolutely just knew meeting a baby made it all very real. Riley couldn't blame her for that... meeting his godson for the first time had made a lot of things very real for him, too. Things that had once again been brought to the forefront with Harri's situation. He wished what he was feeling was jealousy because that would be easy to deal with. But all he could feel deep down, heavy in his gut, was loneliness. And it wasn't the loneliness you felt when you were on your own because he rationally knew he wasn't. He had Evie, he had Tab, he had Tara, Lachlan, Luke, Pat, Aiden... the list went on. It was that solidarity that no one around him would be feeling the same way he was. No matter how much the understood and empathised with him, no one could really know how it felt to be HIV Positive and yearn so desperately for a baby that may not ever come.
He didn't begrudge Harri's fears and worry at all, though. In fact, he was glad she would have people who did understand a little of what she was going through and he would do anything she needed him to do to help her find them. Hell, even Tab would be able to identify with Harri's feelings having battled through a recent pregnancy scare herself. He wouldn't wish this loneliness on anyone. He knew Harri would make it somehow, no matter what her decision was. She would, because she was strong and capable, even if she wasn't feeling much like it in the dark shadow of the unexpected news.
It was because of this loneliness that Riley could never be jealous of anyone facing the gauntlet of being a parent. It was an amazing thing that too many people took for granted. Seeing those around him happy made it easier for him to keep his head above water and stay afloat, even if he was still grieving over the diagnosis somewhere deep inside. He has reasons to keep going and not give up hope.
It didn't stop that ache in his heart, though. That want that just seemed to get louder every day.
All muses referenced with permission and are from the princeton2nyc universe
Word Count | 705