just_muse_me | 3.1.5. David Assael quote
3.1.5. “Sometimes it's hard to avoid the happiness of others.” - David Assael
Co-written with notskywalker
Riley nearly jumped out of his skin when shuffled in to his kitchen and found someone in there. It wasn’t really that late, but the rest of the house had been quiet to he’d assumed everyone had gone to bed. The four of them lodged into the tight space that was his apartment seemed to be working okay so far. Evie was just staying by default, with an unspoken declaration that there was no effing way she could go home to her own bed when Riley was feeling like he was. Riley had no objections; he didn’t want to be alone in bed either. Tab’s new… male person (Riley really wished she’d come to the boyfriend realisation so he at least had a polite label for the guy) was also staying to be Tab’s bed warmer. It was somehow working, though Riley realised they were probably all trying to orbit around him so he had a clear path to deal with the miserable side effects the medications were causing him. Also, he hadn’t actually taken the step to introduce Tab to Evie yet. It was on his to-do list and the reason it hadn’t gone from a to-do to a do was because he didn’t think ‘Tab this is my girlfriend, Evie. Evie this is my twin sister, Ta- ohfuckgottapuke’ was really in the realm of how he envisaged that important meeting to go. He figured that was probably mostly the reason he hadn’t met Tab’s other half yet also… at least he hoped it was.
All of which was the reason why Riley made a noise that was a cross between a squeak and a gasp of fright and dropped his empty water bottle when he found Tab’s… bed warmer standing in the kitchen flicking through the TV guide on the counter. Luke turned at the noise of plastic clattering against tile and automatically bent to pick the bottle up. He handed it back to Riley, clearing his throat softly. “Hey,” he said, albeit a little awkwardly. “I didn’t wake you, did I? Tab and I were just going to have some hot chocolate…” he explained, gesturing to the small saucepan of milk simmering on the stove top.
Riley shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine. It wouldn’t matter if you did, anyway.” He held up his bottle and went over to the sink. “Just need a top up.” He filled the bottle up, drank the whole thing in one length gulp and then filled it up again, this time screwing the cap in place. He set place it down on the counter and held his hand out. “You must be Luke.” He realised as he did this, he was automatically waiting for Luke to hesitate or balk at shaking his head. Not because he was Tab’s big brother but because he was starting to harbour a sense people might not want to even shake hands with someone who had HIV. He had to try and bump this paranoia before it engulfed him.
Luke took Riley’s hand and shook it firmly. “It’s nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind me staying here. If the place is too crowded for you, I can check in to that hotel down the street,” he offered.
The handshake was firm, confident and not at all hesitant. Riley exhaled to release a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as the handshake ended. “No, bloody hell, of course not,” he replied. “I was worried it might suck for you. I’m sorry about this. It’s the last situation I would want to meet someone Tab is interested in but it’s all I can offer right now,” he said quietly.
“It’s better than not at all,” Luke pointed out, his voice dropping to the same tone Riley’s had taken. He shut element on the stove off so he wouldn’t have to worry about it burning. “How are you holding up?”
Riley shrugged. “I’ve been better. But thanks for asking.”
“You know, if you need anything… well, anything Tab or your girlfriend haven’t already got in had, just give me a shout, yeah?” Luke offered, holding his hand out for emphasis.
“I appreciate that,” Riley murmured with a faint smile. “And thanks for the soup, by the way. You didn’t have to do that, but I know it was a relief for Tab that you could. She hasn’t said, but I know just from her eyes that she doesn’t feel like she’s doing enough. Having her here is everything to me - more than enough - which means having you come to her so she feels she can stay is everything to me also. Last time… she kept feeling obligated to go back to New York. I had no choice but to tell her I was fine so she wouldn’t stay instead. It sucked. I can’t do this shit without her. She’s my strength. She’s the reason I’ve somehow seemed to have accepted this without… losing it, without pushing people away and trying to suck myself into a vortex of my own misery. But I also know that right about now, she will be worrying she’s going to fuck up and lose you. Her heart can’t be in two places at once. You’ve made things that it doesn’t have to be. So… thank you.”
Luke listened, awed at how in tune Riley seemed to be to his sister, but not because he was, because it was a natural occurrence. They probably knew each other better than they knew themselves and while Luke was close to his sisters, it wasn’t like this. He’d always wondered what it was like to have a twin. To see it in action was, well, really cool. “I know it’s been kind of fast, but I feel really connected to her. We just found each other right before hard times. It doesn’t freak me out. I just want to help her and try to stop some of the hurt, if I can… if she’ll let me. I’ll help you both in any way I can,” he admitted.
Riley couldn’t stop the frown as it settled across his forehead. He pushed his fingers slowly across his lips and then his hand up. “Why? Why would you? Wouldn’t you prefer to just take something easier? Something without all this… this…” He waved his hand helplessly, unable to find a word that encompassed his complete discontent.
Luke went over to the kitchen table and pulled one of the seats out. “Sit down, mate,” he said and took the seat across the table. “No,” he finally said simply.
“No?” Riley dropped down into seat and then leaned forward to put his forehead down on the tabletop. “Sorry, just a little nauseous. Give me a minute. I’m not done here yet.”
Luke got up again and went to fetch Riley’s water. He put it down in easy reach and sat down again. “No, I don’t want something easier. I don’t want something without all this. I want Tab, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready for whatever she wants next. But I just know she can’t want anything next until you’re okay. Until then, I want to help, mate. I do. There is no conspiracy. I’m not here just because I want in her pants. If that’s all I wanted, I would never have had a second chance with her. She would’ve walked away and that would’ve been it. I… really like your sister, Riley. More than like. I want to try and make her happy and experience things with her that make her smile. But if you don’t give me your blessing, then I can’t possibly stick around. She needs to be with someone you trust, someone she knows you approve of, someone who understands that you will always be the most important person in her life. It’s just the way things are,” he said, understanding the situation clearly. “I hope I can be that person.”
Riley lifted his head and wet his lips. “You hurt her and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you hurt a thousand times more,” he murmured. “You don’t make her happy, then I’ll do exactly the same. She deserves the world, Luke. Can you give it to her? Can I trust you to take care of her when I can’t?”
Luke nodded. “You can… and I will. I promise.”
“Then go and take care of her,” Riley told him with a small smile. He stood up, patting Luke on the back with an unreadable gaze and then padded out of the room to go back to bed.
- Tabitha Browne [asinthecity] and Evie Miller [imnodoctor] referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,447
Co-written with notskywalker
Riley nearly jumped out of his skin when shuffled in to his kitchen and found someone in there. It wasn’t really that late, but the rest of the house had been quiet to he’d assumed everyone had gone to bed. The four of them lodged into the tight space that was his apartment seemed to be working okay so far. Evie was just staying by default, with an unspoken declaration that there was no effing way she could go home to her own bed when Riley was feeling like he was. Riley had no objections; he didn’t want to be alone in bed either. Tab’s new… male person (Riley really wished she’d come to the boyfriend realisation so he at least had a polite label for the guy) was also staying to be Tab’s bed warmer. It was somehow working, though Riley realised they were probably all trying to orbit around him so he had a clear path to deal with the miserable side effects the medications were causing him. Also, he hadn’t actually taken the step to introduce Tab to Evie yet. It was on his to-do list and the reason it hadn’t gone from a to-do to a do was because he didn’t think ‘Tab this is my girlfriend, Evie. Evie this is my twin sister, Ta- ohfuckgottapuke’ was really in the realm of how he envisaged that important meeting to go. He figured that was probably mostly the reason he hadn’t met Tab’s other half yet also… at least he hoped it was.
All of which was the reason why Riley made a noise that was a cross between a squeak and a gasp of fright and dropped his empty water bottle when he found Tab’s… bed warmer standing in the kitchen flicking through the TV guide on the counter. Luke turned at the noise of plastic clattering against tile and automatically bent to pick the bottle up. He handed it back to Riley, clearing his throat softly. “Hey,” he said, albeit a little awkwardly. “I didn’t wake you, did I? Tab and I were just going to have some hot chocolate…” he explained, gesturing to the small saucepan of milk simmering on the stove top.
Riley shook his head. “No, no. It’s fine. It wouldn’t matter if you did, anyway.” He held up his bottle and went over to the sink. “Just need a top up.” He filled the bottle up, drank the whole thing in one length gulp and then filled it up again, this time screwing the cap in place. He set place it down on the counter and held his hand out. “You must be Luke.” He realised as he did this, he was automatically waiting for Luke to hesitate or balk at shaking his head. Not because he was Tab’s big brother but because he was starting to harbour a sense people might not want to even shake hands with someone who had HIV. He had to try and bump this paranoia before it engulfed him.
Luke took Riley’s hand and shook it firmly. “It’s nice to meet you. I hope you don’t mind me staying here. If the place is too crowded for you, I can check in to that hotel down the street,” he offered.
The handshake was firm, confident and not at all hesitant. Riley exhaled to release a breath he didn’t realise he was holding as the handshake ended. “No, bloody hell, of course not,” he replied. “I was worried it might suck for you. I’m sorry about this. It’s the last situation I would want to meet someone Tab is interested in but it’s all I can offer right now,” he said quietly.
“It’s better than not at all,” Luke pointed out, his voice dropping to the same tone Riley’s had taken. He shut element on the stove off so he wouldn’t have to worry about it burning. “How are you holding up?”
Riley shrugged. “I’ve been better. But thanks for asking.”
“You know, if you need anything… well, anything Tab or your girlfriend haven’t already got in had, just give me a shout, yeah?” Luke offered, holding his hand out for emphasis.
“I appreciate that,” Riley murmured with a faint smile. “And thanks for the soup, by the way. You didn’t have to do that, but I know it was a relief for Tab that you could. She hasn’t said, but I know just from her eyes that she doesn’t feel like she’s doing enough. Having her here is everything to me - more than enough - which means having you come to her so she feels she can stay is everything to me also. Last time… she kept feeling obligated to go back to New York. I had no choice but to tell her I was fine so she wouldn’t stay instead. It sucked. I can’t do this shit without her. She’s my strength. She’s the reason I’ve somehow seemed to have accepted this without… losing it, without pushing people away and trying to suck myself into a vortex of my own misery. But I also know that right about now, she will be worrying she’s going to fuck up and lose you. Her heart can’t be in two places at once. You’ve made things that it doesn’t have to be. So… thank you.”
Luke listened, awed at how in tune Riley seemed to be to his sister, but not because he was, because it was a natural occurrence. They probably knew each other better than they knew themselves and while Luke was close to his sisters, it wasn’t like this. He’d always wondered what it was like to have a twin. To see it in action was, well, really cool. “I know it’s been kind of fast, but I feel really connected to her. We just found each other right before hard times. It doesn’t freak me out. I just want to help her and try to stop some of the hurt, if I can… if she’ll let me. I’ll help you both in any way I can,” he admitted.
Riley couldn’t stop the frown as it settled across his forehead. He pushed his fingers slowly across his lips and then his hand up. “Why? Why would you? Wouldn’t you prefer to just take something easier? Something without all this… this…” He waved his hand helplessly, unable to find a word that encompassed his complete discontent.
Luke went over to the kitchen table and pulled one of the seats out. “Sit down, mate,” he said and took the seat across the table. “No,” he finally said simply.
“No?” Riley dropped down into seat and then leaned forward to put his forehead down on the tabletop. “Sorry, just a little nauseous. Give me a minute. I’m not done here yet.”
Luke got up again and went to fetch Riley’s water. He put it down in easy reach and sat down again. “No, I don’t want something easier. I don’t want something without all this. I want Tab, and I’m willing to wait as long as it takes for her to be ready for whatever she wants next. But I just know she can’t want anything next until you’re okay. Until then, I want to help, mate. I do. There is no conspiracy. I’m not here just because I want in her pants. If that’s all I wanted, I would never have had a second chance with her. She would’ve walked away and that would’ve been it. I… really like your sister, Riley. More than like. I want to try and make her happy and experience things with her that make her smile. But if you don’t give me your blessing, then I can’t possibly stick around. She needs to be with someone you trust, someone she knows you approve of, someone who understands that you will always be the most important person in her life. It’s just the way things are,” he said, understanding the situation clearly. “I hope I can be that person.”
Riley lifted his head and wet his lips. “You hurt her and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you hurt a thousand times more,” he murmured. “You don’t make her happy, then I’ll do exactly the same. She deserves the world, Luke. Can you give it to her? Can I trust you to take care of her when I can’t?”
Luke nodded. “You can… and I will. I promise.”
“Then go and take care of her,” Riley told him with a small smile. He stood up, patting Luke on the back with an unreadable gaze and then padded out of the room to go back to bed.
- Tabitha Browne [asinthecity] and Evie Miller [imnodoctor] referenced with permission
Word Count | 1,447