(no subject)
Sticking with my small circle of people made it easy to forget how different people outside my circle of friends could be. It's easy to say you don't care about the opinions of others when you don't have to encounter them face to face. Easy to forget that my occupation defines most of what I am to people outside of my life. Don't get me wrong, I know I'm not smart, I'm no poet with words, I'm not the most informed on what's going on in the world today-- but I'm not stupid either.
At least.... not as stupid as people seem to think. I didn't live this long, doing what I do, by being stupid.
People like that remind me why a lot of the boys I worked with used. It's easier to work when you don't have peoples opinions hanging over your head, when you don't have those thoughts nagging, when you don't have... any feelings most of the time. Some of them were high from sun up to sun down. I've always hated drugs, even when I was doing them, they lead to so many miserable things and I don't know how many people I watched get sick before I realized I was becoming like that... becoming like them. And if nothing else, that was something I couldn't do. Straighten out, go to school, or something.
I straightened out, at least, never went to school but I can fake it well enough. As long as people don't go asking me about the proper way to find x on a triangle or that kind of nonsense. But here I am with some stupid math textbook in my lap at 1 AM attempting to "better" myself, to what end? I don't know... I don't know how long I'll be around, what difference it will make.
Maybe I should thank them, if it weren't for assholes I might just be comfortable in my life instead of trying to change it.
At least.... not as stupid as people seem to think. I didn't live this long, doing what I do, by being stupid.
People like that remind me why a lot of the boys I worked with used. It's easier to work when you don't have peoples opinions hanging over your head, when you don't have those thoughts nagging, when you don't have... any feelings most of the time. Some of them were high from sun up to sun down. I've always hated drugs, even when I was doing them, they lead to so many miserable things and I don't know how many people I watched get sick before I realized I was becoming like that... becoming like them. And if nothing else, that was something I couldn't do. Straighten out, go to school, or something.
I straightened out, at least, never went to school but I can fake it well enough. As long as people don't go asking me about the proper way to find x on a triangle or that kind of nonsense. But here I am with some stupid math textbook in my lap at 1 AM attempting to "better" myself, to what end? I don't know... I don't know how long I'll be around, what difference it will make.
Maybe I should thank them, if it weren't for assholes I might just be comfortable in my life instead of trying to change it.