Getting Ripped In Boracay
So I'm in the Tropical Paradise (quite deserving of the capital letters) of Boracay, one of over 1000 islands that make up the Philippines, and just one of the many useless facts I learned about the islands today. Aside from being a walking, talking Chappies wrapper of use-ful/less information, I'm now also a snorkelling tourist. Oh words can't even begin to explain how utterly gorgeous this place is - it's like a cliche come gloriously to life. White beaches. Blue waters. Warm blue waters. Palm trees. And all situated on a massive coral reef, which is well worth snorkelling, diving etc. I snorkelled in a bay at about 4 this afternoon. I had the place entirely to myself, well except for some locals. It was too too magnificent. Pity digital cameras don't function underwater.
Speaking of locals, they are ridiculously friendly. Not stalker friendly. Not dog-who's-just-discovered-how-sexy-your-left-leg-is friendly. Just friendly. Like there's this dude who works at the hotel I'm staying. He thought nothing of just sitting down at the table with me, after taking my order, and chatting about this and that. Of course, This And That also involved a fair deal of Things You Can Do In The Philippines, plus a side order of How I Can Help You Do Those Things, garnished healthily with some I Can Give You A Good Price. All this makes for a sumptuous meal of Am I Being Taken For A Ride?, which, call me a paranoid South African, makes me think Hmmmmm, My What Big Ulterior Motives You Have Grandmamma. Largely I'm not wrong. For example, last night I figured I'd treat myself to a fancy dinner. Turns out fancy restaurant neglected to mention that the prices don't include VAT. Or you need to pay an extra 100 pesos for the license to get you out there on the boat thingy. It's all very unclear. There's also the 'It'll cost you 200' scheme, which means the actual, demanded price could be either 200 US dollars or 200 000 pesos. But I was warned of this one, so there's no pulling the cowrie shells over my eyes.
On the other hand, the friendly hotel dude, while I was dining on my eggs 'n bacey this morning, started chatting to some random Filipino dude, who next thing I knew sat down, introduced himself and started telling me the most interesting stories about the island, its history etc. For example, did you know that the original people of the Philippines are black? The bulk of today's population originally came from Brunei, sailed here, traded with the island's original inhabitants who then agreed to move to the mountains for the gold they just traded. Interesting hey?!?!?
I also 'climbed' (code for a walk up three short flights of stairs) to the island's highest point, Mount Luho, which offered the most spectacular views of the island, both north and south. It's actually really tiny and you could totally walk its length and breadth in less time than it takes for an episode of Days Of Our Lives to be aired. Speaking of which, I had two shocks when I switched on the TV in my hotel room.
Shock 1 - MNet. Yup, MNet, in my hotel room, in the Philippines. Doesn't get more obscure than that.
Shock 2 - Since when is MNet now broadcasting Days and Bold? Not that I minded watching some nostalgic soapies, and we all know how much I love my soapies. But did I miss a memo? Why wasn't I informed of this? And why, you may ask, do I even care? Possibly it's because I've now realized that when I get home, so many things will have changed out from underneath me. However, blah blah blah, why are we talking about MNet for fracksakes.
The hotel waiter offered a scooter tour of the island this afternoon. After much schmoozing, and telling me how cheap it'd be, I agreed. I've already mentioned how I went to the highest point, and the snorkelling, and there's also the trip to The End Of The Island, which technically is a relative term, but hey, who am I to argue with the locals! But, the truly fun bit of the island's end, was, as I was hopping back onto the scooter, I heard an unpleasant 'Ggggggggggggggh' noise. Which, upon downward inspection, turned out to be the sound one's crotch makes when splitting right down the middle. I can only thank the good Lord, or my Angles, or Buddha, or whoever was watching over me today that a) there was a stand right there that sold boardshorts, b) I had money on me, c) I had my travel bag, which I used as a shield from the prying eyes of the curious-to-see-what-all-the-fuss-and-laughter-was-all-about locals and d) there were loos right there so I could change. All things considered, it was bloody funny though.
Back to Taipei on Monday morning, but in the meantime I'm dividing my time between walking White Beach, relaxing on White Beach, swimming in the tropical waters of White Beach and reading my book on White Beach. I'm so relaxed it's dangerous.
Oh yeah, and one more thing: they say October offers the best sunsets in Boracay. I quite agree. See the pics below.
[Update: So two things of interest just happened. 1) I had dinner at the Hobbit House, as recommended to me by Toni and Nicky. The Hobbit House boasts 'the world's shortest waiters' and is staffed by a series of pint-sized Filipino midgets. I, of course, got the one with a severe talking disorder, who I maintain I could only barely follow because of my year of trying to understand Twinglish (aka Taiwanese English). The scenery was amazing - ferris wheel with lights ablaze next door and big band swing playing on the tv - but I'm willing to bet that the irony of the sign 'Say NO to minors' was lost on the owners. 2) I must be very relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I seem to have missed a day somewhere. Luckily something made me double check my ticket, at which point I discovered that I had one day less in Boracay than I imagined. Ooooops! Silly me!]
Speaking of locals, they are ridiculously friendly. Not stalker friendly. Not dog-who's-just-discovered-how-sexy-your-left-leg-is friendly. Just friendly. Like there's this dude who works at the hotel I'm staying. He thought nothing of just sitting down at the table with me, after taking my order, and chatting about this and that. Of course, This And That also involved a fair deal of Things You Can Do In The Philippines, plus a side order of How I Can Help You Do Those Things, garnished healthily with some I Can Give You A Good Price. All this makes for a sumptuous meal of Am I Being Taken For A Ride?, which, call me a paranoid South African, makes me think Hmmmmm, My What Big Ulterior Motives You Have Grandmamma. Largely I'm not wrong. For example, last night I figured I'd treat myself to a fancy dinner. Turns out fancy restaurant neglected to mention that the prices don't include VAT. Or you need to pay an extra 100 pesos for the license to get you out there on the boat thingy. It's all very unclear. There's also the 'It'll cost you 200' scheme, which means the actual, demanded price could be either 200 US dollars or 200 000 pesos. But I was warned of this one, so there's no pulling the cowrie shells over my eyes.
On the other hand, the friendly hotel dude, while I was dining on my eggs 'n bacey this morning, started chatting to some random Filipino dude, who next thing I knew sat down, introduced himself and started telling me the most interesting stories about the island, its history etc. For example, did you know that the original people of the Philippines are black? The bulk of today's population originally came from Brunei, sailed here, traded with the island's original inhabitants who then agreed to move to the mountains for the gold they just traded. Interesting hey?!?!?
I also 'climbed' (code for a walk up three short flights of stairs) to the island's highest point, Mount Luho, which offered the most spectacular views of the island, both north and south. It's actually really tiny and you could totally walk its length and breadth in less time than it takes for an episode of Days Of Our Lives to be aired. Speaking of which, I had two shocks when I switched on the TV in my hotel room.
Shock 1 - MNet. Yup, MNet, in my hotel room, in the Philippines. Doesn't get more obscure than that.
Shock 2 - Since when is MNet now broadcasting Days and Bold? Not that I minded watching some nostalgic soapies, and we all know how much I love my soapies. But did I miss a memo? Why wasn't I informed of this? And why, you may ask, do I even care? Possibly it's because I've now realized that when I get home, so many things will have changed out from underneath me. However, blah blah blah, why are we talking about MNet for fracksakes.
The hotel waiter offered a scooter tour of the island this afternoon. After much schmoozing, and telling me how cheap it'd be, I agreed. I've already mentioned how I went to the highest point, and the snorkelling, and there's also the trip to The End Of The Island, which technically is a relative term, but hey, who am I to argue with the locals! But, the truly fun bit of the island's end, was, as I was hopping back onto the scooter, I heard an unpleasant 'Ggggggggggggggh' noise. Which, upon downward inspection, turned out to be the sound one's crotch makes when splitting right down the middle. I can only thank the good Lord, or my Angles, or Buddha, or whoever was watching over me today that a) there was a stand right there that sold boardshorts, b) I had money on me, c) I had my travel bag, which I used as a shield from the prying eyes of the curious-to-see-what-all-the-fuss-and-laughter-was-all-about locals and d) there were loos right there so I could change. All things considered, it was bloody funny though.
Back to Taipei on Monday morning, but in the meantime I'm dividing my time between walking White Beach, relaxing on White Beach, swimming in the tropical waters of White Beach and reading my book on White Beach. I'm so relaxed it's dangerous.
Oh yeah, and one more thing: they say October offers the best sunsets in Boracay. I quite agree. See the pics below.
[Update: So two things of interest just happened. 1) I had dinner at the Hobbit House, as recommended to me by Toni and Nicky. The Hobbit House boasts 'the world's shortest waiters' and is staffed by a series of pint-sized Filipino midgets. I, of course, got the one with a severe talking disorder, who I maintain I could only barely follow because of my year of trying to understand Twinglish (aka Taiwanese English). The scenery was amazing - ferris wheel with lights ablaze next door and big band swing playing on the tv - but I'm willing to bet that the irony of the sign 'Say NO to minors' was lost on the owners. 2) I must be very relaxed. So relaxed in fact that I seem to have missed a day somewhere. Luckily something made me double check my ticket, at which point I discovered that I had one day less in Boracay than I imagined. Ooooops! Silly me!]