Sand Nipples, Nefertiti’s Head & The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy Quest
aka The White Sand Beach At The End Of The Universe
In the continuing tradition of our intrepid hero intrepidly scouring new parts of The Uwosis (Universe Where Our Story Is Set) to discover both strange and exciting sights, as well as strange and exciting insights, the brave and noble JHD Orlinovskischmidtberg has recently racked up a few bonus traveller miles.
This past weekend was The Ultimate Beach Weekend To End All Beach Weekends, with our hero, currently landlocked in the skyscraper metropolis that is Taipei, seeking out two different beaches along the northern coast of the now-famous upside-down poop-shaped island. It should, at this point, be mentioned that our hero, having grown up at the coastal seaside resorts towns of Plettenberg Bay (named after an English Governor) and Port Elizabeth (named after an English Queen) was forced to sublimate his desire to be a Waterbaby after moving to the city of Johannesburg (not named after anyone English) at the tender age of 6 and three quarters. Recently, the desire to once again merge with Neptune’s Birdbath has proven too strong for even a hero of such impressive ilk as our JHD.
Saturday’s Adventuring
Saturday morning, after doing a light spot of moving house, our hero sought similar, like-minded company for an excursion to Baishawan, which means White Sand, a beach about 90 minutes away, via MRT and taxicab. The trio of like-minded heroes first stopped briefly to photograph some abandoned space pods, what would’ve been the architectural equivalent of a retro orgasm, but due to subtropical humidity and too much stinky tofu, now remains a smashed window-pane testament to the joys of better planning. Still, the space pods, like relics from the past, reminded our hero that even he is not infallible.
A brief monologue on Taiwanese Bathing Habits is now required for clarificatory reasons. The Taiwanese, a nation brave of heart (anyone who can eat stinky tofu, chew betel nut and stare Communist China right between its Ben Wa Balls has got to be of Tolkein-like resistance) unfortunately are not so brave of body. In fact, they’re basically a nation of non-swimmers. It could be enormous amounts of superstition about ghosts and how a soul in hell can leave if it finds a replacement or the fact that they’re just a bunch of anally-retentive weirdoes who get frightened at the merest hint of water, but Taiwanese bathing is about as exciting as something named after something English. God forbid one should be allowed to bathe at a depth exceeding one’s knees. Thusly, a complicated system of irate lifeguards with whistles, seaweed-encrusted roped-off sections for bathers and numerous Asian folk on inflatable animals bashing each other and passing ocean pedestrians is used to make sure that nobody drowns or gets pulled into Neptune’s Abyss for having bad karma. Returning, as one is wont to do, to our beloved hero, it’s notable to note here that JHD was beginning to crave a surfable wave like spoilt rich American pop stars crave attention.
Sunday’s Outing
Sunday, we rose early (once again our hero, his two like-minded companions, plus two fair maidens) dined on bacon cheese dan bin (a bacon cheese cooked pancake of sorts) and luo buo gow (turnip cake) and headed off to Yehliu, which as an excellent example of early 18-th century soil erosion. Yehliu is a bizarre, so-this-is-what-an-acid-flashback-feels-like landscape of eroded calcium chlorate rock. Basically, three types of rock exist: a) ginger rocks, so named cos they look like pieces of ginger root, b) breast rocks, so named cos they vaguely resemble breast, just with the nipples doing strange Larry King impersonations, and c) mushroom rocks, so named because they look like toadstools. The site also boasts a rock formation that looks suspiciously like Nefertiti’s head, mutant bugs which look like a cross between cockroaches and potato bugs, and some Malawian orphans who live at the Buddhist Monastery in Bronkhorstspruit, who found themselves on the receiving end of many a photo opportunity. A little slice of Afrikaans-African-Buddhist in the middle of what could easily pass as the backdrop for the scene in Galaxy Quest where the Rock Monster tries to kill Tim Allen was just so small-world-after-all.
After Yehliu, we headed to another beach for some proper swimming in a lifeguard-less, non-roped-off beach filled with all manner of debris (such a flip-flops, detergent boxes and someone’s contact lens case), which occasionally rubbed up against the party during the bathing, causing some members to shriek wildly. Still, our hero delighted himself in a light spot of body-surfing, trying to do handstands and ‘the game where we try and dunk each other under the water a lot’.
To sum up, as Nicky would say, “Once again, a good time was had by all.”
Chinese photo fingers
Justin looking regal between the tiddies
Jared the joyful Joburg Jew jumps for joy
Nefertiti's head
Feeling anti-social???
All kinds of silly, part 1
All kinds of silly, part 2
All kinds of silly, part 3
In the continuing tradition of our intrepid hero intrepidly scouring new parts of The Uwosis (Universe Where Our Story Is Set) to discover both strange and exciting sights, as well as strange and exciting insights, the brave and noble JHD Orlinovskischmidtberg has recently racked up a few bonus traveller miles.
This past weekend was The Ultimate Beach Weekend To End All Beach Weekends, with our hero, currently landlocked in the skyscraper metropolis that is Taipei, seeking out two different beaches along the northern coast of the now-famous upside-down poop-shaped island. It should, at this point, be mentioned that our hero, having grown up at the coastal seaside resorts towns of Plettenberg Bay (named after an English Governor) and Port Elizabeth (named after an English Queen) was forced to sublimate his desire to be a Waterbaby after moving to the city of Johannesburg (not named after anyone English) at the tender age of 6 and three quarters. Recently, the desire to once again merge with Neptune’s Birdbath has proven too strong for even a hero of such impressive ilk as our JHD.
Saturday’s Adventuring
Saturday morning, after doing a light spot of moving house, our hero sought similar, like-minded company for an excursion to Baishawan, which means White Sand, a beach about 90 minutes away, via MRT and taxicab. The trio of like-minded heroes first stopped briefly to photograph some abandoned space pods, what would’ve been the architectural equivalent of a retro orgasm, but due to subtropical humidity and too much stinky tofu, now remains a smashed window-pane testament to the joys of better planning. Still, the space pods, like relics from the past, reminded our hero that even he is not infallible.
A brief monologue on Taiwanese Bathing Habits is now required for clarificatory reasons. The Taiwanese, a nation brave of heart (anyone who can eat stinky tofu, chew betel nut and stare Communist China right between its Ben Wa Balls has got to be of Tolkein-like resistance) unfortunately are not so brave of body. In fact, they’re basically a nation of non-swimmers. It could be enormous amounts of superstition about ghosts and how a soul in hell can leave if it finds a replacement or the fact that they’re just a bunch of anally-retentive weirdoes who get frightened at the merest hint of water, but Taiwanese bathing is about as exciting as something named after something English. God forbid one should be allowed to bathe at a depth exceeding one’s knees. Thusly, a complicated system of irate lifeguards with whistles, seaweed-encrusted roped-off sections for bathers and numerous Asian folk on inflatable animals bashing each other and passing ocean pedestrians is used to make sure that nobody drowns or gets pulled into Neptune’s Abyss for having bad karma. Returning, as one is wont to do, to our beloved hero, it’s notable to note here that JHD was beginning to crave a surfable wave like spoilt rich American pop stars crave attention.
Sunday’s Outing
Sunday, we rose early (once again our hero, his two like-minded companions, plus two fair maidens) dined on bacon cheese dan bin (a bacon cheese cooked pancake of sorts) and luo buo gow (turnip cake) and headed off to Yehliu, which as an excellent example of early 18-th century soil erosion. Yehliu is a bizarre, so-this-is-what-an-acid-flashback-feels-like landscape of eroded calcium chlorate rock. Basically, three types of rock exist: a) ginger rocks, so named cos they look like pieces of ginger root, b) breast rocks, so named cos they vaguely resemble breast, just with the nipples doing strange Larry King impersonations, and c) mushroom rocks, so named because they look like toadstools. The site also boasts a rock formation that looks suspiciously like Nefertiti’s head, mutant bugs which look like a cross between cockroaches and potato bugs, and some Malawian orphans who live at the Buddhist Monastery in Bronkhorstspruit, who found themselves on the receiving end of many a photo opportunity. A little slice of Afrikaans-African-Buddhist in the middle of what could easily pass as the backdrop for the scene in Galaxy Quest where the Rock Monster tries to kill Tim Allen was just so small-world-after-all.
After Yehliu, we headed to another beach for some proper swimming in a lifeguard-less, non-roped-off beach filled with all manner of debris (such a flip-flops, detergent boxes and someone’s contact lens case), which occasionally rubbed up against the party during the bathing, causing some members to shriek wildly. Still, our hero delighted himself in a light spot of body-surfing, trying to do handstands and ‘the game where we try and dunk each other under the water a lot’.
To sum up, as Nicky would say, “Once again, a good time was had by all.”
Chinese photo fingers
Justin looking regal between the tiddies
Jared the joyful Joburg Jew jumps for joy
Nefertiti's head
Feeling anti-social???
All kinds of silly, part 1
All kinds of silly, part 2
All kinds of silly, part 3