Jou Ma Se Pagoda
Well if this weekend wasn't The World's Gayest Roadtrip, then broccoli quiche isn't an entree. In the history of Gay Roadtrips, nothing short of Priscilla Queen Of The Desert could have gone down gayer.
The Characters:
Jared, a Jewish gay
Justin, aka The Bear, definitely gay (even the locals could tell...see later)
Peter, a half-Canadian, half-Taiwanesian, half-girlpants gay
Kevin, fully Taiwanesian gay, but not on Wednesdays
Robin, aka Mavis, the hired help, also gay
Nick, Mavis' gay lover, he's gay too
Location, Location, Location:
Sun Moon Lake, the ultimating laking experience in Taiwania, is located 5 or such-and-such hours from Taipei by bus and is approximately half an hour by scooter from The Middle Of Nowhere. The lake is surrounded on all four sides by lush vegetation, temples and Japanese tourists.
Day One:
It was suggested that we hire bicycles and ride around the lake. Thank Chang Kai-shek's Mother's Pagoda (see later) that we stumbled on a mopeds-for-hire store first, as the combination of obnoxiously steep uphills, the 35 degree heat and Nick's complaining would likely have killed us all. After a few speed wobblies, some photos proving how butch we all were that we could ride broommmm-broommmms and a few obligatory shrieks from Peter, the entire cast set off on a whirlwind drive around the lake in search of the big fuck-off pagoda. We Mary Poppinsed our way around said lake (top speed 28km/h - and on the downhill nogal!), soaking up the sights, like Wenwu Temple, the utterly spectacular Buddhist temple devoted to scholars and business pursuits, and the occasional shriek of delight from Peter as his adolescence got the better of him. Sigh! To be a youth again...
The pagoda (aka Tsen Pagoda or Tzuen Ta), dedicated by Chiang Kai-shek (the, like, main dude who, like, forefathered Taiwan. And stuff) to his mummy, Madam Wang, sits on a mountain 954 meters above sea level. The pagoda itself is 46 meters high, which for those of us without BsC's means that when you climb to the top and ding the giant bell loudly and annoyingly over and over and over again, you're exactly 1 000 meters up in the sky! The grounds were covered in little white stones, which instantly reminded me of snowflakes and [let's all welcome the Eddie Izzard reference], I had to do splashy splashy in the pebble snow. Also, Justin and I sent the boys down to ground level with strict instructions to 'carve' some words into the 'snow'. Thusly, any South African who climbed the temple after us, would have likely had a good giggle at the sight of the words 'Jou Ma' scrawled in the pebbles. 'Jou Ma', for the non-Sefricans among my loyal readership, literally means 'Your Mother', as in 'Your mother is so old, when she was in school, there was no History class.' Geddit!!?!?!?!
Queer-sine:
What do six ravenous fags eat after a hard day of scootering around a lake? Naturally, the answer is: As Much Meat As We Possibly Can. To this end, Sun Moon Lake offers some curious carnivorous delights for those not inclined to be too Vegetarian-like. In my 27 years on this planet, I have already eaten such strange culinary delights as croc, shark, antelope, wildebeest, zebra and Taiwanese food. I can now add wild boar, mountain deer, mountain goat and fern to the list, as well as re-affirming my great love for pineapple shrimp balls.
The Second Day:
We rose a little earlier on Day 2, and did The Ultimate Hike up to the top of a mountain, where a weather centre and a couple of dead frogs live. The hike, although quite scenic felt a little peculiar as there was no path or trail to speak of, just a long tarred road.
After being such rugged tarwhackers, we headed for the lake itself, to hire a boat and got a 6-12 person boat with a nice little tour guide, who agreed to ferry us around. A major benefit to being a White Folk in Taiwan is that people will go out of their way to please you (interpret that any ol' which way you like), and this dude not only threw in some extra time on the boat ride, but also took us to his house (aka houseboat, the ultimate in bachelor-pads for people who don't get seasick) so we could swim in the lake. Swimming in Sun Moon Lake is forbidden, except for the annual Cross-Sun Moon Lake Swimathon, where approx 9.3 Taiwanese are sacrificed to the Gods of the Lake through drowning. Still, those rich blue waters looked terrible inviting.
Kevin got chatting to the Boat Man, who...get this...outed us! He asked Kevin if we were gay. Like he had to ask; one shriek from Peter would have given it all away. Still, it was amusing to think how easily he spotted it, not being able to understand a word we were saying. And I love the fact that he didn't give a shit.
Forget dykes on bikes; this was fags on trikes
Wenwu Temple in all its resplendent redness
Chang Kai-shek's mother's pagoda
Jou ma se pagoda
A view over the lake
The tea leaf fields on our walk up to the weather station
The Characters:
Jared, a Jewish gay
Justin, aka The Bear, definitely gay (even the locals could tell...see later)
Peter, a half-Canadian, half-Taiwanesian, half-girlpants gay
Kevin, fully Taiwanesian gay, but not on Wednesdays
Robin, aka Mavis, the hired help, also gay
Nick, Mavis' gay lover, he's gay too
Location, Location, Location:
Sun Moon Lake, the ultimating laking experience in Taiwania, is located 5 or such-and-such hours from Taipei by bus and is approximately half an hour by scooter from The Middle Of Nowhere. The lake is surrounded on all four sides by lush vegetation, temples and Japanese tourists.
Day One:
It was suggested that we hire bicycles and ride around the lake. Thank Chang Kai-shek's Mother's Pagoda (see later) that we stumbled on a mopeds-for-hire store first, as the combination of obnoxiously steep uphills, the 35 degree heat and Nick's complaining would likely have killed us all. After a few speed wobblies, some photos proving how butch we all were that we could ride broommmm-broommmms and a few obligatory shrieks from Peter, the entire cast set off on a whirlwind drive around the lake in search of the big fuck-off pagoda. We Mary Poppinsed our way around said lake (top speed 28km/h - and on the downhill nogal!), soaking up the sights, like Wenwu Temple, the utterly spectacular Buddhist temple devoted to scholars and business pursuits, and the occasional shriek of delight from Peter as his adolescence got the better of him. Sigh! To be a youth again...
The pagoda (aka Tsen Pagoda or Tzuen Ta), dedicated by Chiang Kai-shek (the, like, main dude who, like, forefathered Taiwan. And stuff) to his mummy, Madam Wang, sits on a mountain 954 meters above sea level. The pagoda itself is 46 meters high, which for those of us without BsC's means that when you climb to the top and ding the giant bell loudly and annoyingly over and over and over again, you're exactly 1 000 meters up in the sky! The grounds were covered in little white stones, which instantly reminded me of snowflakes and [let's all welcome the Eddie Izzard reference], I had to do splashy splashy in the pebble snow. Also, Justin and I sent the boys down to ground level with strict instructions to 'carve' some words into the 'snow'. Thusly, any South African who climbed the temple after us, would have likely had a good giggle at the sight of the words 'Jou Ma' scrawled in the pebbles. 'Jou Ma', for the non-Sefricans among my loyal readership, literally means 'Your Mother', as in 'Your mother is so old, when she was in school, there was no History class.' Geddit!!?!?!?!
Queer-sine:
What do six ravenous fags eat after a hard day of scootering around a lake? Naturally, the answer is: As Much Meat As We Possibly Can. To this end, Sun Moon Lake offers some curious carnivorous delights for those not inclined to be too Vegetarian-like. In my 27 years on this planet, I have already eaten such strange culinary delights as croc, shark, antelope, wildebeest, zebra and Taiwanese food. I can now add wild boar, mountain deer, mountain goat and fern to the list, as well as re-affirming my great love for pineapple shrimp balls.
The Second Day:
We rose a little earlier on Day 2, and did The Ultimate Hike up to the top of a mountain, where a weather centre and a couple of dead frogs live. The hike, although quite scenic felt a little peculiar as there was no path or trail to speak of, just a long tarred road.
After being such rugged tarwhackers, we headed for the lake itself, to hire a boat and got a 6-12 person boat with a nice little tour guide, who agreed to ferry us around. A major benefit to being a White Folk in Taiwan is that people will go out of their way to please you (interpret that any ol' which way you like), and this dude not only threw in some extra time on the boat ride, but also took us to his house (aka houseboat, the ultimate in bachelor-pads for people who don't get seasick) so we could swim in the lake. Swimming in Sun Moon Lake is forbidden, except for the annual Cross-Sun Moon Lake Swimathon, where approx 9.3 Taiwanese are sacrificed to the Gods of the Lake through drowning. Still, those rich blue waters looked terrible inviting.
Kevin got chatting to the Boat Man, who...get this...outed us! He asked Kevin if we were gay. Like he had to ask; one shriek from Peter would have given it all away. Still, it was amusing to think how easily he spotted it, not being able to understand a word we were saying. And I love the fact that he didn't give a shit.
Forget dykes on bikes; this was fags on trikes
Wenwu Temple in all its resplendent redness
Chang Kai-shek's mother's pagoda
Jou ma se pagoda
A view over the lake
The tea leaf fields on our walk up to the weather station