If Only to Wake 1/1
Title: If Only to Wake
Author:
pul_the_triger
Pairing: Frerard
Rating: PG13-R
POV: Gerard
Summary: its about coming home, just not in the way you think.
Disclaimer: i dont own them, only the plot
Dedication: To all those insomniacs who depend on pills and those who dont but dream. Yes, to everyone that dreams
Beta: myself and a friend here at home
Warnings: suicide(?), character death, we all know slash
If Only To Wake
I woke up to the sound of the clock ticking on the wall. Steady like the heartbeat i felt in my chest. But its not about what i wake up to but more of what i wake up for.
Sleep never came easily for me, but when it did i was thankful for my dreams. I'd be there standing on the gravel road with you, hand in hand as we would walk into the space we never knew where it would lead us.
When in my dream i can see myself with you at the trainstation waiiting for the earliest train that headed for nowhere. Where in that no where i shall search for more of my soul that i can bear out to you. When in the same silence of our waiting we both share a cigarette, content. That we broke our chains and left our rings on the bedside table, in our houses.
Yes, our houses, since we were coming home. On our train that will bring us to nowhere.
When sleep does come for me, my eyes close and i welcome it. Knowing in all sense, i welcome you. No one needs to know i see you like this, when we would smoke in the trainstation after we walked through our gravel road. Ever waiting. Ever young.
Only when i wake up to the sound of the clock, that i remember i wake up to remember my dreams. And she holds me good morning, my wife, how i imagine yours would hold you too. Ofcourse i love her, she is the one i open my eyes to, just not the one i open them for.
And after the morning i forget you. Come night i can remember once again. The struggle to sleep brings me to you. Like the intoxication your love has given me in this ever waking dream. If only to you, i'll sleep forever.
But then at times, my dream changes, and i try to show to you how different the flowers have become, the tint of their petals fade as their heads drop in submission to time. The way i bare my soul to you in the words almost makes you a stranger to me.
As our hands would lock together, every single time. I forget that i do not know you. Together, we'd smoke a cigarette and watch the smoke rise as we would wait for the train that would take us to nowhere. And again i would wake to forget you, just to sleep so i can find the stranger to remember what tomorrow was like.
But when i wake, my eyes see nothing. My mind feels desperation and my hands are ever searching. Only when time did leave me did i see. I cradle in my hands the freedom the flowers had left behind. I would take it all in and sleep would welcome me.
The gravel has not changed, only the fact that now the train would finally come for us. And i held on ever tighter. I knew you could sense it too, that you take the cigarette from your mouth and drop it into the ashtray. The train was here.
I do the same, and with it the ashes of my age and finally the key of remembering that i had always brought with me. If only to wake. To wake to anything... or never again.
And if anything, this was only going to be a poor man's memory.
~the end~
Author's Note: small bursts of inspiration that i put together with the boys in mind. :D it will be whatever you perceive it to be.
sorry bout the cross post. hehehe, one shot.
link to my other oneshots here
*promt 239 (i woke up to), 222, 198 (sleep never came easily), 188 (on the side of the road), 187 ( You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will.~Spike Buffy the Vampire Slayer), 156 (no one needs to know), 137 (a poor man's memory), 129, 65("Write your soul down word for word"-Matchbox 20, "You Won't be Mine") and 185 from the community all_unwritten*
Author:
pul_the_triger
Pairing: Frerard
Rating: PG13-R
POV: Gerard
Summary: its about coming home, just not in the way you think.
Disclaimer: i dont own them, only the plot
Dedication: To all those insomniacs who depend on pills and those who dont but dream. Yes, to everyone that dreams
Beta: myself and a friend here at home
Warnings: suicide(?), character death, we all know slash
If Only To Wake
I woke up to the sound of the clock ticking on the wall. Steady like the heartbeat i felt in my chest. But its not about what i wake up to but more of what i wake up for.
Sleep never came easily for me, but when it did i was thankful for my dreams. I'd be there standing on the gravel road with you, hand in hand as we would walk into the space we never knew where it would lead us.
When in my dream i can see myself with you at the trainstation waiiting for the earliest train that headed for nowhere. Where in that no where i shall search for more of my soul that i can bear out to you. When in the same silence of our waiting we both share a cigarette, content. That we broke our chains and left our rings on the bedside table, in our houses.
Yes, our houses, since we were coming home. On our train that will bring us to nowhere.
When sleep does come for me, my eyes close and i welcome it. Knowing in all sense, i welcome you. No one needs to know i see you like this, when we would smoke in the trainstation after we walked through our gravel road. Ever waiting. Ever young.
Only when i wake up to the sound of the clock, that i remember i wake up to remember my dreams. And she holds me good morning, my wife, how i imagine yours would hold you too. Ofcourse i love her, she is the one i open my eyes to, just not the one i open them for.
And after the morning i forget you. Come night i can remember once again. The struggle to sleep brings me to you. Like the intoxication your love has given me in this ever waking dream. If only to you, i'll sleep forever.
But then at times, my dream changes, and i try to show to you how different the flowers have become, the tint of their petals fade as their heads drop in submission to time. The way i bare my soul to you in the words almost makes you a stranger to me.
As our hands would lock together, every single time. I forget that i do not know you. Together, we'd smoke a cigarette and watch the smoke rise as we would wait for the train that would take us to nowhere. And again i would wake to forget you, just to sleep so i can find the stranger to remember what tomorrow was like.
But when i wake, my eyes see nothing. My mind feels desperation and my hands are ever searching. Only when time did leave me did i see. I cradle in my hands the freedom the flowers had left behind. I would take it all in and sleep would welcome me.
The gravel has not changed, only the fact that now the train would finally come for us. And i held on ever tighter. I knew you could sense it too, that you take the cigarette from your mouth and drop it into the ashtray. The train was here.
I do the same, and with it the ashes of my age and finally the key of remembering that i had always brought with me. If only to wake. To wake to anything... or never again.
And if anything, this was only going to be a poor man's memory.
~the end~
Author's Note: small bursts of inspiration that i put together with the boys in mind. :D it will be whatever you perceive it to be.
sorry bout the cross post. hehehe, one shot.
link to my other oneshots here
*promt 239 (i woke up to), 222, 198 (sleep never came easily), 188 (on the side of the road), 187 ( You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will.~Spike Buffy the Vampire Slayer), 156 (no one needs to know), 137 (a poor man's memory), 129, 65("Write your soul down word for word"-Matchbox 20, "You Won't be Mine") and 185 from the community all_unwritten*