Two Years
It has been now two years since my family and I moved to Germany. We arrived July 3rd 2003. I remember the next day, the 4th of July, having a party with the other Americans here (and America enthusastic Germans). How ironic and out of place I felt celebrating my home nation's independence day in another country. Plus I didn't feel like celebrating, at that time I'd rather be back in California with friends, car, and fun. I was taken away from all that, and I was angry at God for doing the taking.
That first summer was hard. Meeting people and going places I could care less about. Missing home for the pure reason that there I could do what I wanted. My plan was to stay in Germany for 1-2 years and then go back to California and college.
The first year was very hard as well. Trying to assimilate, make friends, and become familar iwht a new place is hard enough. But doing that while resisting and resenting God is unbearable. I struggled with so many issues, so many doubts and worries about living here. My heart was not in the work. It was not in God. I was tring desperatly to nurse and care for my own heart while trying to keep God aways from it. But you can only hold yourself for so long.
The second year was much better. Amazing actually! I made friends and felt at home in Germany. I surrendered my bruised and anguish filled heart to the Lord. But unlike the other times, this stuck. I started to have a relationship with Him. And being in a bible college helped for sure. It was a place I loathed while resisting God, but it became a place of growing in my acceptance of Him. I learned more about God, myself and the life He calls us to as His children. I talked with Him and He spoke to me. He called me by name to His purpose.
As it turns out I am only staying in Germany for two years. But instead of running back to Califronia where I know I have a good chance of slipping back into a life "too busy for God" I'm going on the mission field. Growing up, its the last thing I wanted to do and the last thing I ever thgought I would do. But now, it's what I want to do! How God can turn a heart around!
It would be nice to go back to California. It was my home for so long. I feel comfortable there. There are people I care about there. Its familar to me. But now, so is Germany. And Spain will soon feel like that. I have no single earthly "home" which kinda defeats the purpose of the meaning of "home". I do not have a place I belong to except the place I am at in that moment. An yet, I do not feel a loss or a viod at not having a set "home". Its actually a comfort. For I am not of this world anymore. As I've come to know in my time here, I am of God's world, of His home.
So a happy 4th of July to all my homes. I leave for Spain in 10 days. A new "home". But as I've learnt since moving across the world... Home is where your stuff is. And my stuff is all over the place!
That first summer was hard. Meeting people and going places I could care less about. Missing home for the pure reason that there I could do what I wanted. My plan was to stay in Germany for 1-2 years and then go back to California and college.
The first year was very hard as well. Trying to assimilate, make friends, and become familar iwht a new place is hard enough. But doing that while resisting and resenting God is unbearable. I struggled with so many issues, so many doubts and worries about living here. My heart was not in the work. It was not in God. I was tring desperatly to nurse and care for my own heart while trying to keep God aways from it. But you can only hold yourself for so long.
The second year was much better. Amazing actually! I made friends and felt at home in Germany. I surrendered my bruised and anguish filled heart to the Lord. But unlike the other times, this stuck. I started to have a relationship with Him. And being in a bible college helped for sure. It was a place I loathed while resisting God, but it became a place of growing in my acceptance of Him. I learned more about God, myself and the life He calls us to as His children. I talked with Him and He spoke to me. He called me by name to His purpose.
As it turns out I am only staying in Germany for two years. But instead of running back to Califronia where I know I have a good chance of slipping back into a life "too busy for God" I'm going on the mission field. Growing up, its the last thing I wanted to do and the last thing I ever thgought I would do. But now, it's what I want to do! How God can turn a heart around!
It would be nice to go back to California. It was my home for so long. I feel comfortable there. There are people I care about there. Its familar to me. But now, so is Germany. And Spain will soon feel like that. I have no single earthly "home" which kinda defeats the purpose of the meaning of "home". I do not have a place I belong to except the place I am at in that moment. An yet, I do not feel a loss or a viod at not having a set "home". Its actually a comfort. For I am not of this world anymore. As I've come to know in my time here, I am of God's world, of His home.
So a happy 4th of July to all my homes. I leave for Spain in 10 days. A new "home". But as I've learnt since moving across the world... Home is where your stuff is. And my stuff is all over the place!