she turns and says "are you alright?" I said "I must be fine cause my heart's still beating"

[pukooh]

another night at home or at work another night with the same thoughts. a realization that i have made is this. yes it is my fault the situations i get myself into. this is a big step for me. because the easiest thing i do is misplace blame. it's so simple. and after all it makes me forget about my problems right? well for the past x ammount of nights as i crawl into my hole in the wall i think and i think and it's all the same. and i dont know what to do...for now there is no blame to pass. no simple dry cut way to happiness without pain, rather it be mine or someone else's and this is unbearable for me. i dont know the answers...fuck i barely know the right questions. i have issues...everyone does. but why do mine keep me up? keep me from eating...keep me from functioning? i know that there is an a, b, and c path...all have differnt directions..but in every way something is both good and bad. how does one judge which good is the best good...or which is the lesser bad. or how is there any way to know if there is a way for the better good and the lesser bad to pair together. i leave myself to this every time my head hits a pillow. and a tear forms...and i realize that i am more used to this than i am used to any other routine in my life. and i just want to scream. to anyone reading this i honestly appologize for all the incoherant rambling and i don't really expect any comments or anything. i also appologize for my horrid spelling, grammar, and well being alive i guess.

Red hair with a curl
mellow roll for the flavor
and the eyes for peeping
can't keep away from the girl
these two sides of my brain
need to have a meeting
can't think of anything to do
my left brain knows that
all love is fleeting
she's just looking for something new
and I said it once before
but it bears repeating