chillin wit tards
"religion is for people afraid of hell, spirituality is for those of us who've been there"
thats probably one of the best quotes ever. someone in AA said it.. and its fucking A right.
as much as i hate to admit it i need something more.. i do feel a higher power. whether it be god, nature, my vagina. whatever. i feel it. i need it. my desicion(sp) making put me there and only puts me in awful situations. i can no longer try to justify my actions. there is no justification. i am a terror. all i want to do is bring hell to others. i dont want to be that way. and i know i didnt used to feel that way. but with my past i used to feel i could. but i do no better. but i dont really know any other way to be. sure i could be nice to those i hate but that wouldnt be real. i fucking hate them.
if your views dont coincide with mine i cant really understand.. well no scratch that i can understand someones thoughts if they are completely opposite of mine. but i cant tolerate those who have no opinion. who are just living. who have no beliefs of there own. who merely take up space. you will never do anything good or bad for society. and i need controversy. i live to argue, to fight. i am fortunate for people who disagree with me for it gives me someone to argue with.. its not cool i know. but i dont fucking care.
and when people tell me your lucky you live in america where you can say the things you do and have the freedom associated.. well i can truley state it doesnt matter to me if i would be shot for what i think is right.. i would and do tell authority to suck it. i would tell a king or queen to fuck off. its what i was born to do..
i have a purpose. and that is to change lives. whether its one or millions. i will. i will make people look deeper.. to try and find meaning in there own lives.. scratch material shit away and look at what we are really supposed to live for. im still finding my own life and what i live for but its hard.
im going to start taking guitar lessons. i need to get my songs out. i have lyrics but no band to sing for and no instument to jam on. i am pretty musically incapable, but that can change.
ive been so negative about myself the past few years.. if i try to make myself look better than another its just a front.. i do know im nothing more than another human made up of the same cells. i really dont think im better than anyone. that doesnt mean i cant make fun of there faults or what i see as faults. its said to treat others as though you wish to be treated.. well i do. i want a friend honest enough to tell me when im a piece of shit. i have none. i dont want pity. ive bathed myself in pity over the years.
but i am strong.. i have played victum because its what i know.. its what ive been since i was 3 and having been molested by a teenage boy.. and 4 others during my childhood. but when i think back its like i didnt mind it maybe.. i was getting attention. and it was sexual so i thought that must mean im wanted.
ok so im going to go volunteer at special O. hence the subject.
thats probably one of the best quotes ever. someone in AA said it.. and its fucking A right.
as much as i hate to admit it i need something more.. i do feel a higher power. whether it be god, nature, my vagina. whatever. i feel it. i need it. my desicion(sp) making put me there and only puts me in awful situations. i can no longer try to justify my actions. there is no justification. i am a terror. all i want to do is bring hell to others. i dont want to be that way. and i know i didnt used to feel that way. but with my past i used to feel i could. but i do no better. but i dont really know any other way to be. sure i could be nice to those i hate but that wouldnt be real. i fucking hate them.
if your views dont coincide with mine i cant really understand.. well no scratch that i can understand someones thoughts if they are completely opposite of mine. but i cant tolerate those who have no opinion. who are just living. who have no beliefs of there own. who merely take up space. you will never do anything good or bad for society. and i need controversy. i live to argue, to fight. i am fortunate for people who disagree with me for it gives me someone to argue with.. its not cool i know. but i dont fucking care.
and when people tell me your lucky you live in america where you can say the things you do and have the freedom associated.. well i can truley state it doesnt matter to me if i would be shot for what i think is right.. i would and do tell authority to suck it. i would tell a king or queen to fuck off. its what i was born to do..
i have a purpose. and that is to change lives. whether its one or millions. i will. i will make people look deeper.. to try and find meaning in there own lives.. scratch material shit away and look at what we are really supposed to live for. im still finding my own life and what i live for but its hard.
im going to start taking guitar lessons. i need to get my songs out. i have lyrics but no band to sing for and no instument to jam on. i am pretty musically incapable, but that can change.
ive been so negative about myself the past few years.. if i try to make myself look better than another its just a front.. i do know im nothing more than another human made up of the same cells. i really dont think im better than anyone. that doesnt mean i cant make fun of there faults or what i see as faults. its said to treat others as though you wish to be treated.. well i do. i want a friend honest enough to tell me when im a piece of shit. i have none. i dont want pity. ive bathed myself in pity over the years.
but i am strong.. i have played victum because its what i know.. its what ive been since i was 3 and having been molested by a teenage boy.. and 4 others during my childhood. but when i think back its like i didnt mind it maybe.. i was getting attention. and it was sexual so i thought that must mean im wanted.
ok so im going to go volunteer at special O. hence the subject.