A curmudgeon's guide to Paris
Do you have few feelings for the French? Do you feel like you have an overabundance of money? Do you enjoy long lines? Do you think all tourist destinations should only have one entrance? Then Paris is the city for you. If you actually want to see the beauty of France, I imagine Marseilles, Avignon, Cannes or Nice would do quite nicely, and they're all in the South.
I'll admit that my main problem with Paris is the price tag. I know that life is not about how much money you spend, but if you should go to Paris, bring as many euros as you can with you. Actual tourist attractions, such as any Musee or architectural wonder such as Basiliques or any of the many Notre Dames are quite cheap as is public transportation via the Metro or bike rental via the Velib. Everything else has the strange ability to change price quite rapidly and while the rhyme and/or reason is mostly taxes and/or cost of running a business (one place charged 6 euro for coffee, but was near the Tour Eiffel and thus frequented by tourists who only ordered drinks so they could use the toilette . . .), it can be disheartening for people with tightened purse strings. On that note, should you choose a hostel/hotel within Paris, expect one of these three things: cleanliness, friendliness or value. The cheaper accommodations will also tend to be in the gritty areas of the city. Postcard Paris does exist, but you should prepare yourself to pay more, in euros and patience, if you want to stay and/or visit those types of things specifically.
Patience is a limited thing. If you want to do typical tourist things in France, remember:
L'enfer c'est les autres. -- Jean-Paul Sartre
Often translated into English as: Hell is other people.
Hell really is other people. A lot of things have been written about the disdain of Parisians, and I agree that Parisians don't really love tourists, but . . . I hate tourists. I grew up in a tourist destination. Watching strangers swoop onto sacred land and destroy wildlife in order to get the perfect photo opportunity and then swoop out with nary a care pisses me off. It pisses the French off, too. They have managed to make things more difficult for tourists. Their signs and maps for tourist destinations will send you the long way around and cleverly away from the one entrance, and there usually is only one entrance. If you bring a car, the car park will be a ways away from the thing you want to see. When I realized this, I clapped my hands and did a little dance of joy. Hate is a lovely thing sometimes. The tired, sweaty look on the faces of other tourists did my heart a world of good while I waited in lines. Paris flips the middle finger to those of you who only want the perfect picture, and I love it.
One note about Parisians: they won't hang out with you unless you pay them. Paris is an international city. Its got immigrants who don't speak the language. Its got pickpockets and people out to make a quick euro at your expense. These things are part of its charm. What isn't charming is that everything is crowded, unless you are willing to wake up early. So, for those of you who are averse to large bunches of strangers, visit Paris in the morning, say around 9am, and then take a train to the South. You'll be much happier. The nightlife is supposedly spectacular, but it is more international than it is French.
Thieves and assholes are just as much characters of the big city and they're here in Paris, too. People tried to pick my pockets and take things from my bag at least three times that I noticed in the three days I've been here. Someone succeeded, which is why one of my free maps disappeared. I hope they enjoyed that free map as it led them up a hill via the most inconvenient route. People have also pushed me in every conceivable way you can push a person. Paris is crowded and it hates everyone. There are pleasant places and people in Paris, but I'm not telling you how to find them. You might want to visit and that's not the point of this post.
One thing that impressed me was the state of their homeless people. Many seem well-fed, well-exercised and kept pets who also looked to be in a similar state of health. Rent in Paris is ludicrous, so I wouldn't expect that people who work in Paris actually live in Paris or that the homeless are unemployed. Not all of the homeless are beggars. Apparently, beggars are discouraged from begging, so they will stand or sit with signs and a container.
If none of this convinced you that you shouldn't visit Paris, then I would advise you to pick your experience wisely. Sign up for a tour if you want to visit all the tourist destinations. Visit with people of the same temperament and a similar amount of money they are willing to spend. Only frequent patisseries if buttery pastries are your thing. Volunteer for and send aid to agencies that support the sans domicile fixe (SDF). Mostly, I wrote this so you wouldn't come here and be disappointed. As long as you know that there are horrible things, it makes the existence of horrible things more palatable, I find.
I'll admit that my main problem with Paris is the price tag. I know that life is not about how much money you spend, but if you should go to Paris, bring as many euros as you can with you. Actual tourist attractions, such as any Musee or architectural wonder such as Basiliques or any of the many Notre Dames are quite cheap as is public transportation via the Metro or bike rental via the Velib. Everything else has the strange ability to change price quite rapidly and while the rhyme and/or reason is mostly taxes and/or cost of running a business (one place charged 6 euro for coffee, but was near the Tour Eiffel and thus frequented by tourists who only ordered drinks so they could use the toilette . . .), it can be disheartening for people with tightened purse strings. On that note, should you choose a hostel/hotel within Paris, expect one of these three things: cleanliness, friendliness or value. The cheaper accommodations will also tend to be in the gritty areas of the city. Postcard Paris does exist, but you should prepare yourself to pay more, in euros and patience, if you want to stay and/or visit those types of things specifically.
Patience is a limited thing. If you want to do typical tourist things in France, remember:
L'enfer c'est les autres. -- Jean-Paul Sartre
Often translated into English as: Hell is other people.
Hell really is other people. A lot of things have been written about the disdain of Parisians, and I agree that Parisians don't really love tourists, but . . . I hate tourists. I grew up in a tourist destination. Watching strangers swoop onto sacred land and destroy wildlife in order to get the perfect photo opportunity and then swoop out with nary a care pisses me off. It pisses the French off, too. They have managed to make things more difficult for tourists. Their signs and maps for tourist destinations will send you the long way around and cleverly away from the one entrance, and there usually is only one entrance. If you bring a car, the car park will be a ways away from the thing you want to see. When I realized this, I clapped my hands and did a little dance of joy. Hate is a lovely thing sometimes. The tired, sweaty look on the faces of other tourists did my heart a world of good while I waited in lines. Paris flips the middle finger to those of you who only want the perfect picture, and I love it.
One note about Parisians: they won't hang out with you unless you pay them. Paris is an international city. Its got immigrants who don't speak the language. Its got pickpockets and people out to make a quick euro at your expense. These things are part of its charm. What isn't charming is that everything is crowded, unless you are willing to wake up early. So, for those of you who are averse to large bunches of strangers, visit Paris in the morning, say around 9am, and then take a train to the South. You'll be much happier. The nightlife is supposedly spectacular, but it is more international than it is French.
Thieves and assholes are just as much characters of the big city and they're here in Paris, too. People tried to pick my pockets and take things from my bag at least three times that I noticed in the three days I've been here. Someone succeeded, which is why one of my free maps disappeared. I hope they enjoyed that free map as it led them up a hill via the most inconvenient route. People have also pushed me in every conceivable way you can push a person. Paris is crowded and it hates everyone. There are pleasant places and people in Paris, but I'm not telling you how to find them. You might want to visit and that's not the point of this post.
One thing that impressed me was the state of their homeless people. Many seem well-fed, well-exercised and kept pets who also looked to be in a similar state of health. Rent in Paris is ludicrous, so I wouldn't expect that people who work in Paris actually live in Paris or that the homeless are unemployed. Not all of the homeless are beggars. Apparently, beggars are discouraged from begging, so they will stand or sit with signs and a container.
If none of this convinced you that you shouldn't visit Paris, then I would advise you to pick your experience wisely. Sign up for a tour if you want to visit all the tourist destinations. Visit with people of the same temperament and a similar amount of money they are willing to spend. Only frequent patisseries if buttery pastries are your thing. Volunteer for and send aid to agencies that support the sans domicile fixe (SDF). Mostly, I wrote this so you wouldn't come here and be disappointed. As long as you know that there are horrible things, it makes the existence of horrible things more palatable, I find.