Possible Ways To Kill My Mother...
1. Beat her with something. I'm thinking a baseball bat only I don't really play sports. It would be fantastic irony if I beat her to death with a computer actually, like the laptop. Just over and over and over until she was just dead. Oh that would be so sweet.
2. I could shoot her. That would be quicker than beating and probably less messy.
3. I'm not really into the stabbing thing mostly because I would have to touch her and that's gross. Although, if push came to shove it isn't the worst of all possibly choices.
4. I could blow up her car. That would be funny as anything. like BOOM! and you're dead. hahahahahahahahaha.
5. I could run her over with the car. That would be even funnier. "oops. did I hit something? oh well!"
6. I, being the morbidly obese infectious lard that I am, could sit on her and suffocate her. That one isn't very messy at all.
7. I could poison her. That's a very real possibility. Lord knows she eats more than any normal person, so it would be no problem to find something to poison.
8. When she becomes a stay-home mom I could bother her so much she kills herself. Then it's not even really my fault.
9.I could hide all her asthma medicine. Then I wouldn't be directly directly related to the suffocation.
10. The door on the passenger side of the camry doesn't work, so when I'm driving with her I could just not open the door for her and leave the car running with the garage door closed. Then she would die from carbon dioxide poisoning or whatever it is because she's too damn lazy to get out any of the doors in that car. So that would really be her own fault she died.
Plus, my mother is worth more dead than alive and the only thing I use her for is money because she's absolutely useless for anything else, so her being dead is the best of both worlds: I still get the money and I don't have to deal with all her stupid shit. Yay!
2. I could shoot her. That would be quicker than beating and probably less messy.
3. I'm not really into the stabbing thing mostly because I would have to touch her and that's gross. Although, if push came to shove it isn't the worst of all possibly choices.
4. I could blow up her car. That would be funny as anything. like BOOM! and you're dead. hahahahahahahahaha.
5. I could run her over with the car. That would be even funnier. "oops. did I hit something? oh well!"
6. I, being the morbidly obese infectious lard that I am, could sit on her and suffocate her. That one isn't very messy at all.
7. I could poison her. That's a very real possibility. Lord knows she eats more than any normal person, so it would be no problem to find something to poison.
8. When she becomes a stay-home mom I could bother her so much she kills herself. Then it's not even really my fault.
9.I could hide all her asthma medicine. Then I wouldn't be directly directly related to the suffocation.
10. The door on the passenger side of the camry doesn't work, so when I'm driving with her I could just not open the door for her and leave the car running with the garage door closed. Then she would die from carbon dioxide poisoning or whatever it is because she's too damn lazy to get out any of the doors in that car. So that would really be her own fault she died.
Plus, my mother is worth more dead than alive and the only thing I use her for is money because she's absolutely useless for anything else, so her being dead is the best of both worlds: I still get the money and I don't have to deal with all her stupid shit. Yay!