Blackest dreams
These last two days i have been in a very shit poor mood. Going as far as not going to a guild meeting i wanted to go to and needed to go to. to refuseing to get out of bed even when i know i should and when i have things to do with people. then when i wake up to go do things with people i just sit there with my eyes closed not wanting to look at anyone and trying to force my self not to listen to either of them. This whole fucking weekend was me trying to focus my thoughts and sight on one small thing,anything i dont care what it was, as long as it made it so i did not have to think about anything. I still need to keep my day time facade of smiling up until thursday. then i can have some days off to get back to where i need to be. If there every was a time where i want to forget about everyone and just do all the shit i feel like doing it would be right now. I'm hitting my own thin red line. i dont want to feel anything. im struggling really hard to not let go. putting every thing i have to try to keep myself from fucking up.