"I think I've found the One"
This is going to sound SO nerdy. But I don't really care. I found God this week. I'd gone to my church camp with little expectations on expanding my faith, or even continuing on my spiritual journey. But something changed this week. It really did. Let me try and explain. It's kind of hard, but I need to get this all out. Some crap has happened in my life lately, and it's been pretty hard. And the only way I knew how to deal was to betray my faith, my instincts, and my Lord... I completely turned my back on everything. But this week I discovered that no matter how hard things get, I have so many people I can trust. I can also trust myself to God. ( I am not become to be what people like to refer to as a "bible hugger" or a "bible pusher"... but I have a faith and a trust that I refuse to be ashamed of. Take it as you will. ) Anyway, I met this awesome counselor named Chris Dowling. He gave a testimony about the Christians who refuse to live by the word, strip Christ of his title of "Messiah"........... you had to be there. But this man was amazing in his faith. And he did not just blindly believe. He worked so hard to come to these conclusions. I mean, I still have my questions and my doubts, but I know that He will accept me, inhibitions and all.
BUT ANYWAY. ABOUT THE ACTUAL CAMP EXPERIENCE. In a more.. literal sense.
Sunday:
We leave the church late because of someone named Brady Jones. And a little luggage and seat situation. And it made me grumpy. But once we were on the road and I got some food, I was good. We get to camp -early- which means that all of my whining was for no reason, but hey. The first people I see are Brittany Yoder and Jessica Morely. LOL. They are so fun. Then I saw my Chelsea Moo Moo. Yum. Then I see Robbie Arevalos. Who I have known since oh, 7th grade. I'll get to this later. Becks, Alicia, Jessie, Chelsea Moo Moo, and I all sign up for Maus East. We almost signed up for Maus West. Which would have been bad. I go to family group. Camp is themed "Join God's Party". So each FG is themed a different party. I get Hawaiian Luau with Don Dewey and Danique as the co-counselors. AWESOME. People in Ohana ( which is what we dubbed ourselves ) are: Michael Moore, Heathurr Bingen, Sam Cummings, Kirsten Svenson, Annie Wilson, Serge Soest, Roza Khatchatryan, Stephanie Steece, Nicole Worden, Donovan Autojay, myself.... I know I am missing someone, because there was 12 of us. Anyway, it turned out to be awesome. We met in the main part of Campell. The other three girls in Maus East were Kim Perring, Jessie Causey, and Lauren Kamp.
Monday:
Keynote kicked it. It was short and shweet. And it sprung forth delicious discussion in Ohana. But it made two of us cry. Heathurr and I. We were playing this game, I guess, and it required us choosing one thing or the other on a scale, and one of them was about faith. So I picked the middle, because after the crap lately, I'd completely lost my way. And suddenly I just began bawling. About Dani, about suicide, about everything. Heathurr cried because of her parents divorce. It was intense, but we all got closer. That day I signed up for Spoons with Robbie for interest groups. That was SO FUN. But I was very violent. Lol. I realized that Robbie was completely awesome, lol. I escaped with no letters and a very bruised hand, lol. Ohhh, I did bellyflops at freetime... lol, for some reason that made me intensely cool. That night was the Camp Games, I guess you could call it. Ohana won!!! [ woot, Nicki! ] Ohana, come onna, come and bring it onna.... Hahaha! We won the marshmallow thinger and we won the orange pass thing, so YAY! Lol. Serge had to completely immerse his face in a dish of whipped cream.... whoa. He lost, but it was HILLARIOUS. So, our prize was first sign ups on interest groups and FG at the pool. Hawt. Oh yes, and during FG the fire bell rang, and Don Dewey.... he said "we'll get to the firedrill later, we need to finish talking......" lol... he was totally awesome.
Tuesday:
Family group at the pool, baby. Hot stuff. Except that only Serge, Nicki, Sam, Mike, and I swam. But fun, nonetheless. We went to lunch.. LATE, of course, so I ended up sitting with these two kids named Alex and Lauren... and they drove me nuts at the time. But that is when I met Chris Dowling. Awesome. I signed up for Princess Party for Interest Groups. It was so cool. Danique and Melodee led it, and they talked about relationships and and God. It made me regret even THINKING of going all the way with Neil, Collin, and Will. Yuck. I realized I want a guy on the same spiritual level I am on. Not to be uppity or anything. Family groups at night was awesome. That night was the party hardyness. All of camp when to the different FG's parties. It was great... Mardi Gras was nifty, Carnivale was sort of irritating, New Year's Eve was SO cool ( we had nummy cider ), Christmas ( which TOTALLY reminded me of Christmas ), Ohana... ours was bomb with our pineapple soda and stocked food bar... limbo... wheee, then Dance party. Dance party was whoa, because we danced out behind Campbell Lodge in the dirt. It was gross, but really cool at the same time. I mostly sat inside and chatted with Craig. Vespers that night was at the pool. I was sitting in between Robbie and Alicia. It was a good vespers, but... when we were to name someone who we knew was wounded... I thought of Danielle... and I just started sobbing. Debilitating sobs, the kind where you can't breathe or think about anything but the pain ripping apart your heart.... and Robbie held me. He had no idea what was wrong... but he held me anyway. Sang to me. And I just sobbed until I couldn't anymore. After vespers I ended up in the pool change room, and Heathurr, Leah Dewey, and Stephanie Burris ended up all comforting me. And I love Heathurr so much.... ♥.
Wednesday:
Dance day, baby. FG... of course, totally awesome. Um, let me think... Oh freaking yeah! I hiked up to Sam's Peak with Serge, Melodee, Trevis ( fresh, man ), Chris, Danique, Stephanie, Zech, B-dog, Group Sex, Nick... and others. There was 21 of us, and we started at 5:30 in the morning. We got up there at about 6:50. Chris brought rocks and suggested we all write a burden on them and sort of lay them down there before God. So I wrote Danielle's name on a rock, and left it at the base of the cross. It felt to so good to put it out there for God to see and heal, though He already knew. Then some of us stayed up to watch the sunrise. To feel so cold, then to suddenly feel the warmth of the sun on your face... it's amazing. It was kind of like how my faith was at camp. A good metaphor. Anyway, needless to say, I was REALLY tired. Crying the night before left me really drained. But I did it. I think I did Tae Bo for IG. Kirsten led it, it was pretty cool. I did it because I thought it would be relaxing. It was cool. That night was the dance. Leah made me GORGEOUS. But before that, in FG, we had to start planning our Vespers. But everyone was so tired, we all sort of jumped down each others' throats. So we held off on that one. The dance was pretty cool. Chelsea Moo Moo hooked up with this kid named James. :-D Cute! Vespers was at the fire circle. Awesome. But we were all SO TIRED. And that night Dani P. thought it would be funny to scare the crap out of me in the dark, and I got SO pissed. I freaked out, Alicia got pissed at me... blah. We were better by the end of the night, but... yeah. We sereneded the boys that night.
Thursday:
Ohana busted bum to plan our Vespers in time. All of FG time went into it. Potato bar for lunch. Alex ( dir. ) gave us an extra half an hour for FOB. I slept the entire time. My IG was Cheesy Dating with Robbie. Cheese is good. Did you know? There was this laughing cow cheese.... GOSH IT WAS GOOD. lol. We got to ask questions about dating whilst shoving cheese in our mouths. Fun stuff. During freetime I got ready for the Graduate Banquet. I completely dolled up in a mini skirt, a cute little black shirt, and ballet flats. Did the hair, the makeup, the glitter, the whole bit. I got a lot of compliments. I felt really good about myself. The banquet made me sad... because if I get my internship next summer... I won't be able to go to camp for my last year. I hope they won't conflict... I hope and pray I'll be there. That night was also the talent show. "HEY THERE AMIGO". Gosh, I love Nick, lol. All the acts were pretty good.... Nicki hoolahooped to Bohemian Rhapsody... it brought back kickin' memories of last year. That night was Ohana's vespers. It turned out chill, we made everyone sit in these "boxes" with candles.. and it turned out to be a big cross. :-D It was so beautiful. Heathurr and I gave testimonies... it was so hard, but I got through all right. I addressed my suicide attempt in front of people I've known my ENTIRE LIFE, who never would have throught. It was very intense. But it was great.
Friday:
Last full day o' camp. :-( Chris Dowling // Drew Powell gave a testimony at keynote which sparked so much debate and discussion at FG. Sam believed that Jesus was a divinely inspired man who performed miracles, but was hinting, I think, at saying that he was meant to simply spead God's word. I love Sam, and his and Don Dewey's opinions created a lot good debate. He sort of compared Jesus to Mother Theresa.. and I don't believe you can compare the Son of God, the Messiah, to a mere human. Keep in mind that I admire what Mother Theresa did, she was an AMAZING... but to compare the man who died for me, died to defend me to God... to a human... it didn't flow to well with Anne, Danique, and I. You had to be there... but it was really cool. Anyway, Spoons again for IG. Robbie and I completely cheated. We would switch all of our cards... lol. too much fun. And I spit water all over Sarah Wilson's face. That whole hour was just hysterical. Robbie and I got in this crazy water fight.... it lasted for about 5 hours, hehehe. That day was the camper // counselor basketball game. We ALMOST won... :-( I went swimming, and it was fun. I beat people with noodles and rode a blow up shark. LOL. Dinner was gross, but I sat with Leah, Squid, Robbie, Chelsea, James and some other kid... it was nifty. That night was the slideshow, the progressive vespers number 2, and affirmations. I had a funny bellyflop picture, lol. Progressive vespers ended at Inspiration Point.... the stars, the great expanse of sky.... it brought me so close.... :-) Affirmations in Ohana lasted for 4 and a half hours. It was intense, but thoughtful and sincere. When I got back to the cabin, only Kim Perring and Lauren Kamp were still awake. So we laughed about "Caspers" and "Dropping off the Cosbies"..... and they spilled red nailpolish on Lauren's bed.
Saturday:
The end. We had vespers at the creek this morning, sang some songs, Leah Dewey made me cry with her beautiful poem she wrote for me and read to the camp. We left, chilled at A & W, and came home.
So, basically. I was renewed. I met amazing new friends, and connected so intimately and spiritually with old ones. I ♥ Robbie so much, and he is supposed to be in Vegas next week. I really hope he comes and visits. Chris -totally- awesome. I feel like I have a new conviction that I completely lacked before.
- - - fin.
BUT ANYWAY. ABOUT THE ACTUAL CAMP EXPERIENCE. In a more.. literal sense.
Sunday:
We leave the church late because of someone named Brady Jones. And a little luggage and seat situation. And it made me grumpy. But once we were on the road and I got some food, I was good. We get to camp -early- which means that all of my whining was for no reason, but hey. The first people I see are Brittany Yoder and Jessica Morely. LOL. They are so fun. Then I saw my Chelsea Moo Moo. Yum. Then I see Robbie Arevalos. Who I have known since oh, 7th grade. I'll get to this later. Becks, Alicia, Jessie, Chelsea Moo Moo, and I all sign up for Maus East. We almost signed up for Maus West. Which would have been bad. I go to family group. Camp is themed "Join God's Party". So each FG is themed a different party. I get Hawaiian Luau with Don Dewey and Danique as the co-counselors. AWESOME. People in Ohana ( which is what we dubbed ourselves ) are: Michael Moore, Heathurr Bingen, Sam Cummings, Kirsten Svenson, Annie Wilson, Serge Soest, Roza Khatchatryan, Stephanie Steece, Nicole Worden, Donovan Autojay, myself.... I know I am missing someone, because there was 12 of us. Anyway, it turned out to be awesome. We met in the main part of Campell. The other three girls in Maus East were Kim Perring, Jessie Causey, and Lauren Kamp.
Monday:
Keynote kicked it. It was short and shweet. And it sprung forth delicious discussion in Ohana. But it made two of us cry. Heathurr and I. We were playing this game, I guess, and it required us choosing one thing or the other on a scale, and one of them was about faith. So I picked the middle, because after the crap lately, I'd completely lost my way. And suddenly I just began bawling. About Dani, about suicide, about everything. Heathurr cried because of her parents divorce. It was intense, but we all got closer. That day I signed up for Spoons with Robbie for interest groups. That was SO FUN. But I was very violent. Lol. I realized that Robbie was completely awesome, lol. I escaped with no letters and a very bruised hand, lol. Ohhh, I did bellyflops at freetime... lol, for some reason that made me intensely cool. That night was the Camp Games, I guess you could call it. Ohana won!!! [ woot, Nicki! ] Ohana, come onna, come and bring it onna.... Hahaha! We won the marshmallow thinger and we won the orange pass thing, so YAY! Lol. Serge had to completely immerse his face in a dish of whipped cream.... whoa. He lost, but it was HILLARIOUS. So, our prize was first sign ups on interest groups and FG at the pool. Hawt. Oh yes, and during FG the fire bell rang, and Don Dewey.... he said "we'll get to the firedrill later, we need to finish talking......" lol... he was totally awesome.
Tuesday:
Family group at the pool, baby. Hot stuff. Except that only Serge, Nicki, Sam, Mike, and I swam. But fun, nonetheless. We went to lunch.. LATE, of course, so I ended up sitting with these two kids named Alex and Lauren... and they drove me nuts at the time. But that is when I met Chris Dowling. Awesome. I signed up for Princess Party for Interest Groups. It was so cool. Danique and Melodee led it, and they talked about relationships and and God. It made me regret even THINKING of going all the way with Neil, Collin, and Will. Yuck. I realized I want a guy on the same spiritual level I am on. Not to be uppity or anything. Family groups at night was awesome. That night was the party hardyness. All of camp when to the different FG's parties. It was great... Mardi Gras was nifty, Carnivale was sort of irritating, New Year's Eve was SO cool ( we had nummy cider ), Christmas ( which TOTALLY reminded me of Christmas ), Ohana... ours was bomb with our pineapple soda and stocked food bar... limbo... wheee, then Dance party. Dance party was whoa, because we danced out behind Campbell Lodge in the dirt. It was gross, but really cool at the same time. I mostly sat inside and chatted with Craig. Vespers that night was at the pool. I was sitting in between Robbie and Alicia. It was a good vespers, but... when we were to name someone who we knew was wounded... I thought of Danielle... and I just started sobbing. Debilitating sobs, the kind where you can't breathe or think about anything but the pain ripping apart your heart.... and Robbie held me. He had no idea what was wrong... but he held me anyway. Sang to me. And I just sobbed until I couldn't anymore. After vespers I ended up in the pool change room, and Heathurr, Leah Dewey, and Stephanie Burris ended up all comforting me. And I love Heathurr so much.... ♥.
Wednesday:
Dance day, baby. FG... of course, totally awesome. Um, let me think... Oh freaking yeah! I hiked up to Sam's Peak with Serge, Melodee, Trevis ( fresh, man ), Chris, Danique, Stephanie, Zech, B-dog, Group Sex, Nick... and others. There was 21 of us, and we started at 5:30 in the morning. We got up there at about 6:50. Chris brought rocks and suggested we all write a burden on them and sort of lay them down there before God. So I wrote Danielle's name on a rock, and left it at the base of the cross. It felt to so good to put it out there for God to see and heal, though He already knew. Then some of us stayed up to watch the sunrise. To feel so cold, then to suddenly feel the warmth of the sun on your face... it's amazing. It was kind of like how my faith was at camp. A good metaphor. Anyway, needless to say, I was REALLY tired. Crying the night before left me really drained. But I did it. I think I did Tae Bo for IG. Kirsten led it, it was pretty cool. I did it because I thought it would be relaxing. It was cool. That night was the dance. Leah made me GORGEOUS. But before that, in FG, we had to start planning our Vespers. But everyone was so tired, we all sort of jumped down each others' throats. So we held off on that one. The dance was pretty cool. Chelsea Moo Moo hooked up with this kid named James. :-D Cute! Vespers was at the fire circle. Awesome. But we were all SO TIRED. And that night Dani P. thought it would be funny to scare the crap out of me in the dark, and I got SO pissed. I freaked out, Alicia got pissed at me... blah. We were better by the end of the night, but... yeah. We sereneded the boys that night.
Thursday:
Ohana busted bum to plan our Vespers in time. All of FG time went into it. Potato bar for lunch. Alex ( dir. ) gave us an extra half an hour for FOB. I slept the entire time. My IG was Cheesy Dating with Robbie. Cheese is good. Did you know? There was this laughing cow cheese.... GOSH IT WAS GOOD. lol. We got to ask questions about dating whilst shoving cheese in our mouths. Fun stuff. During freetime I got ready for the Graduate Banquet. I completely dolled up in a mini skirt, a cute little black shirt, and ballet flats. Did the hair, the makeup, the glitter, the whole bit. I got a lot of compliments. I felt really good about myself. The banquet made me sad... because if I get my internship next summer... I won't be able to go to camp for my last year. I hope they won't conflict... I hope and pray I'll be there. That night was also the talent show. "HEY THERE AMIGO". Gosh, I love Nick, lol. All the acts were pretty good.... Nicki hoolahooped to Bohemian Rhapsody... it brought back kickin' memories of last year. That night was Ohana's vespers. It turned out chill, we made everyone sit in these "boxes" with candles.. and it turned out to be a big cross. :-D It was so beautiful. Heathurr and I gave testimonies... it was so hard, but I got through all right. I addressed my suicide attempt in front of people I've known my ENTIRE LIFE, who never would have throught. It was very intense. But it was great.
Friday:
Last full day o' camp. :-( Chris Dowling // Drew Powell gave a testimony at keynote which sparked so much debate and discussion at FG. Sam believed that Jesus was a divinely inspired man who performed miracles, but was hinting, I think, at saying that he was meant to simply spead God's word. I love Sam, and his and Don Dewey's opinions created a lot good debate. He sort of compared Jesus to Mother Theresa.. and I don't believe you can compare the Son of God, the Messiah, to a mere human. Keep in mind that I admire what Mother Theresa did, she was an AMAZING... but to compare the man who died for me, died to defend me to God... to a human... it didn't flow to well with Anne, Danique, and I. You had to be there... but it was really cool. Anyway, Spoons again for IG. Robbie and I completely cheated. We would switch all of our cards... lol. too much fun. And I spit water all over Sarah Wilson's face. That whole hour was just hysterical. Robbie and I got in this crazy water fight.... it lasted for about 5 hours, hehehe. That day was the camper // counselor basketball game. We ALMOST won... :-( I went swimming, and it was fun. I beat people with noodles and rode a blow up shark. LOL. Dinner was gross, but I sat with Leah, Squid, Robbie, Chelsea, James and some other kid... it was nifty. That night was the slideshow, the progressive vespers number 2, and affirmations. I had a funny bellyflop picture, lol. Progressive vespers ended at Inspiration Point.... the stars, the great expanse of sky.... it brought me so close.... :-) Affirmations in Ohana lasted for 4 and a half hours. It was intense, but thoughtful and sincere. When I got back to the cabin, only Kim Perring and Lauren Kamp were still awake. So we laughed about "Caspers" and "Dropping off the Cosbies"..... and they spilled red nailpolish on Lauren's bed.
Saturday:
The end. We had vespers at the creek this morning, sang some songs, Leah Dewey made me cry with her beautiful poem she wrote for me and read to the camp. We left, chilled at A & W, and came home.
So, basically. I was renewed. I met amazing new friends, and connected so intimately and spiritually with old ones. I ♥ Robbie so much, and he is supposed to be in Vegas next week. I really hope he comes and visits. Chris -totally- awesome. I feel like I have a new conviction that I completely lacked before.
- - - fin.