Fic in Thirty Seconds
Item the first: ugh essays. End of semester isn't as bad this semester as it was last fall, probably because I wasn't in the end-of-semester production, but I have enough to do. And het_challenge to finish. And ACen shortly after. Which will ROCK.
Item the second: Mith and Lindenleaves did this a while back, and I thought I'd follow their example, because it's both fun and kind of helpful.
Here are thirty-second summaries of selected fics of mine. If there are any fics not on this list that you'd like to see summarized, just comment and tell me, and I'll be happy to do it. (Heck, I encourage you to do so.)
Four
Kara: I am locked up. I am not coping well.
Leoben: That's an understatement. Let me frak with your head.
Kara: *kills him, repeatedly and in increasingly intimate ways*
Leoben: It's totally working.
Kara: I appear to have lost my entire godsdamned mind.
Leoben: Just wait until Season Four.
Nirvana (1)
Heat: I'm trying to make what I know about you match up with the things I remember, but it doesn't quite line up, and I don't understand, and that makes me angry. And conflicted. And hungry.
Subaru: I want to give myself away until there's nothing left.
Heat: This is fucked up. Can I eat you?
Subaru: yes yes please -- my, Seishirou, what sharp teeth you ha -- OW. moreplease.
Heat: What did you just call me?
Subaru: We're both doing a lot of conflating here. Don't stop. please.
Seishirou: You know, you're kind of a bitch.
Sera: LA LA LA NOT LISTENING. Meaniepants.
Quintessence of Dust
Roland: I explicate Hamlet, and in the process end up explaining myself and a bunch of the game's core themes, and I can sort of recognize them for what they are but I'm paralyzed with inaction which is probably a bad quality for a leader of a guerilla organization to have and you're really hot.
Argilla: Nirvana is fucking weird.
Roland: Are you heterosexual yet?
Argilla: Join AA. Then we'll talk.
Tour of Duty
Zack: We are adorable.
Aeris: And doomed. Write to me.
Zack: Sure thing. Let's have cute sweet sex and make everyone have woob attacks.
Zack and Aeris: *send letters back and forth and are generally funny and adorable and in love*
Zack: I kind of hate my job sometimes.
Aeris: Take it easy after you go to Nibelheim, then, okay?
Nibelheim: *happens offscreen*
Aeris: ... D:
World: *forgets about Zack*
Aeris: D: D: D:
Much Later, Sephiroth: *stabs*
Zack: Hi.
Aeris: Hi.
Zack: Missed you.
Aeris: I know.
The Situation: *is okay, except that it's not*
Fortune and Fools
Balthier: I'm an actor now, and kind of Christopher Marlowe.
Kait Tyral: I'm the leading lady of the troupe, and kind of Aphra Behn.
Meric Ralenson: I'm the overworked manager, and kind of a lot of different historical personages rolled into one.
Meric: We're in debt, nobody likes our plays, and Balthier's too much of a ponce for Balfonheim.
Balthier: HEY.
Kait: Eh, he's learning. Slowly.
Balthier: motherfucker.
Kait and Meric: *get into a row about Daddy Issues*
Balthier: *AVOIDS, because he's Balthier and that's his favorite coping strategy*
Barfight: *happens*
Balthier: shit.
Zecht: You. Upstairs. Now.
Balthier. SHIT.
Zecht: I disguise myself as Reddas, just like you disguise yourself as Balthier.
Balthier: It's not a disguise.
Zecht: Whatevs. Become my spy or I court-martial your ass.
This Whole Chapter: *is shamelessly theatrical*
Zecht: The patron of your troupe's in bed with Rozarria.
Balthier: In bed with Rozarria or in bed with a Rozarrian?
Zecht: Knowing the author, possibly both. But don't be a smartass. Find out exactly what he's up to, or I will pwn you.
Balthier: Fuck, you're good at this.
Zecht: I know.
Kait: Lord Beoulve doesn't care about us anymore. Have some useful exposition.
Balthier: I'm slowly starting to understand what's going on. Maybe.
The Game: *is about to change DRASTICALLY*
Irony Cudgel: *LOOMS*
Story: *HALTS*
Puel: Working on it.
Ashe, Vossler, Ondore, and everyone else who has yet to appear: Ahem.
Puel: WORKING. ON. IT.
Of Age
Ashe: I am restless and on the verge of adulthood.
Archadia: *treats Ashe like a child*
Ashe: *deals with it about as well as you'd expect*
Drace: My countrymen suck sometimes.
Ashe: You're strong and competent and sexy. Do me.
Drace: This might not be the best idea --
Ashe: Do me.
Drace: If you insist.
Hot Lesbian Sex: *commences*
Old Gods
Puel: Resurrection, huh? *breaks cliche over knee*
Gabranth: I never get to have nice things.
Puel: If you did, you wouldn't be you.
Gabranth: I am not the man I was. And I failed Drace. And I deal poorly with that sort of thing. So, uh, gods. Even though I'm not sure if I actually believe in you anymore, a little help here?
Gods: *silence. Mocking silence.*
Gabranth: -- fine, I'll MAKE you bastards listen.
Gabranth: *blasphemes against his father's teachings a whole lot*
Phyllo: blah blah blah-eth Mosphoran Highwaste blah blah Exodus blah blah pwnt.
Gabranth: BINGO.
Irony Cudgel: *WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Zargabaath: *effortlessly steals the scene*
Zargabaath: Also, I totally know what you're up to, and you really shouldn't do it.
Gabranth: Never gonna give you up/Never gonna let you down...
Zargabaath: Were you just singing Rick Astley?
Gabranth: No. yes.
Zargabaath: You know, therapy would be a lot less perilous.
Gabranth: Maybe I actually get to be the hero now.
Gods: *point and laugh*
Exodus: *points and laughs. In pentameter.*
Gabranth: I can has Drace?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: I'm not here to be your wish fulfillment, bucko.
Gabranth: Fine. *CHARGES*
Exodus: *PWNS*
Gabranth: *PWNED*
Float: *is actually useful*
Gabranth: ...I hate my life.
Puel: Yeah. So. How the fuck do I top this one?
You Can't Go Home Again
Balthier: Time to rob a wedding!
Fran: You are, as always, excessively dramatic.
Vanishga: *is actually useful for once*
Balthier: Let's make out over the treasure pile.
Viruna: -- what the fuck?
Balthier: ohshit.
Viruna: So you're Balthier. You little PRICK.
Balthier: uh.
Viruna: I don't actually hate you, I just think you're an idiot.
Balthier: Maybe.
Viruna: Any chance you'd come back for a while?
Balthier: I'm not your brother anymore.
Fran: You have many many unresolved issues.
Balthier: I know. Let's not talk about it.
You Can't Take the Sky from Me
Puel: First fanfic since I quit HP. Oh gods.
Balthier: *is a n00b, and crashes his ship in the Dalmasca Westersand*
Balthier: I am woefully underprepared for my new life. Ohshit wolves. Am too low-level to deal with mobs. FLEE -- oh hi viera please don't kill me with that lovely bow of yours.
Fran: You are oddly charming.
Balthier: *victory?*
Fran: Let us pwn wolves together.
Balthier: We make a good team. Howsabout it?
Fran: I agree, perhaps in spite of my better judgment.
Balthier: This is going to be awesome.
Balthier: *is right*
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Minato?
Junpei: *gets it for once*
Everyone Else: *cheerfully oblivious*
Junpei: Minato's weird, guys.
Akihiko: Junpei, don't break the fourth wall.
Junpei: I feel inadequate.
Minato: I'm a creepy little fucker. Storm's coming.
Junpei: Yeah.
Item the second: Mith and Lindenleaves did this a while back, and I thought I'd follow their example, because it's both fun and kind of helpful.
Here are thirty-second summaries of selected fics of mine. If there are any fics not on this list that you'd like to see summarized, just comment and tell me, and I'll be happy to do it. (Heck, I encourage you to do so.)
Four
Kara: I am locked up. I am not coping well.
Leoben: That's an understatement. Let me frak with your head.
Kara: *kills him, repeatedly and in increasingly intimate ways*
Leoben: It's totally working.
Kara: I appear to have lost my entire godsdamned mind.
Leoben: Just wait until Season Four.
Nirvana (1)
Heat: I'm trying to make what I know about you match up with the things I remember, but it doesn't quite line up, and I don't understand, and that makes me angry. And conflicted. And hungry.
Subaru: I want to give myself away until there's nothing left.
Heat: This is fucked up. Can I eat you?
Subaru: yes yes please -- my, Seishirou, what sharp teeth you ha -- OW. moreplease.
Heat: What did you just call me?
Subaru: We're both doing a lot of conflating here. Don't stop. please.
Seishirou: You know, you're kind of a bitch.
Sera: LA LA LA NOT LISTENING. Meaniepants.
Quintessence of Dust
Roland: I explicate Hamlet, and in the process end up explaining myself and a bunch of the game's core themes, and I can sort of recognize them for what they are but I'm paralyzed with inaction which is probably a bad quality for a leader of a guerilla organization to have and you're really hot.
Argilla: Nirvana is fucking weird.
Roland: Are you heterosexual yet?
Argilla: Join AA. Then we'll talk.
Tour of Duty
Zack: We are adorable.
Aeris: And doomed. Write to me.
Zack: Sure thing. Let's have cute sweet sex and make everyone have woob attacks.
Zack and Aeris: *send letters back and forth and are generally funny and adorable and in love*
Zack: I kind of hate my job sometimes.
Aeris: Take it easy after you go to Nibelheim, then, okay?
Nibelheim: *happens offscreen*
Aeris: ... D:
World: *forgets about Zack*
Aeris: D: D: D:
Much Later, Sephiroth: *stabs*
Zack: Hi.
Aeris: Hi.
Zack: Missed you.
Aeris: I know.
The Situation: *is okay, except that it's not*
Fortune and Fools
Balthier: I'm an actor now, and kind of Christopher Marlowe.
Kait Tyral: I'm the leading lady of the troupe, and kind of Aphra Behn.
Meric Ralenson: I'm the overworked manager, and kind of a lot of different historical personages rolled into one.
Meric: We're in debt, nobody likes our plays, and Balthier's too much of a ponce for Balfonheim.
Balthier: HEY.
Kait: Eh, he's learning. Slowly.
Balthier: motherfucker.
Kait and Meric: *get into a row about Daddy Issues*
Balthier: *AVOIDS, because he's Balthier and that's his favorite coping strategy*
Barfight: *happens*
Balthier: shit.
Zecht: You. Upstairs. Now.
Balthier. SHIT.
Zecht: I disguise myself as Reddas, just like you disguise yourself as Balthier.
Balthier: It's not a disguise.
Zecht: Whatevs. Become my spy or I court-martial your ass.
This Whole Chapter: *is shamelessly theatrical*
Zecht: The patron of your troupe's in bed with Rozarria.
Balthier: In bed with Rozarria or in bed with a Rozarrian?
Zecht: Knowing the author, possibly both. But don't be a smartass. Find out exactly what he's up to, or I will pwn you.
Balthier: Fuck, you're good at this.
Zecht: I know.
Kait: Lord Beoulve doesn't care about us anymore. Have some useful exposition.
Balthier: I'm slowly starting to understand what's going on. Maybe.
The Game: *is about to change DRASTICALLY*
Irony Cudgel: *LOOMS*
Story: *HALTS*
Puel: Working on it.
Ashe, Vossler, Ondore, and everyone else who has yet to appear: Ahem.
Puel: WORKING. ON. IT.
Of Age
Ashe: I am restless and on the verge of adulthood.
Archadia: *treats Ashe like a child*
Ashe: *deals with it about as well as you'd expect*
Drace: My countrymen suck sometimes.
Ashe: You're strong and competent and sexy. Do me.
Drace: This might not be the best idea --
Ashe: Do me.
Drace: If you insist.
Hot Lesbian Sex: *commences*
Old Gods
Puel: Resurrection, huh? *breaks cliche over knee*
Gabranth: I never get to have nice things.
Puel: If you did, you wouldn't be you.
Gabranth: I am not the man I was. And I failed Drace. And I deal poorly with that sort of thing. So, uh, gods. Even though I'm not sure if I actually believe in you anymore, a little help here?
Gods: *silence. Mocking silence.*
Gabranth: -- fine, I'll MAKE you bastards listen.
Gabranth: *blasphemes against his father's teachings a whole lot*
Phyllo: blah blah blah-eth Mosphoran Highwaste blah blah Exodus blah blah pwnt.
Gabranth: BINGO.
Irony Cudgel: *WHAMWHAMWHAM*
Zargabaath: *effortlessly steals the scene*
Zargabaath: Also, I totally know what you're up to, and you really shouldn't do it.
Gabranth: Never gonna give you up/Never gonna let you down...
Zargabaath: Were you just singing Rick Astley?
Gabranth: No. yes.
Zargabaath: You know, therapy would be a lot less perilous.
Gabranth: Maybe I actually get to be the hero now.
Gods: *point and laugh*
Exodus: *points and laughs. In pentameter.*
Gabranth: I can has Drace?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: No.
Gabranth: Please?
Exodus: I'm not here to be your wish fulfillment, bucko.
Gabranth: Fine. *CHARGES*
Exodus: *PWNS*
Gabranth: *PWNED*
Float: *is actually useful*
Gabranth: ...I hate my life.
Puel: Yeah. So. How the fuck do I top this one?
You Can't Go Home Again
Balthier: Time to rob a wedding!
Fran: You are, as always, excessively dramatic.
Vanishga: *is actually useful for once*
Balthier: Let's make out over the treasure pile.
Viruna: -- what the fuck?
Balthier: ohshit.
Viruna: So you're Balthier. You little PRICK.
Balthier: uh.
Viruna: I don't actually hate you, I just think you're an idiot.
Balthier: Maybe.
Viruna: Any chance you'd come back for a while?
Balthier: I'm not your brother anymore.
Fran: You have many many unresolved issues.
Balthier: I know. Let's not talk about it.
You Can't Take the Sky from Me
Puel: First fanfic since I quit HP. Oh gods.
Balthier: *is a n00b, and crashes his ship in the Dalmasca Westersand*
Balthier: I am woefully underprepared for my new life. Ohshit wolves. Am too low-level to deal with mobs. FLEE -- oh hi viera please don't kill me with that lovely bow of yours.
Fran: You are oddly charming.
Balthier: *victory?*
Fran: Let us pwn wolves together.
Balthier: We make a good team. Howsabout it?
Fran: I agree, perhaps in spite of my better judgment.
Balthier: This is going to be awesome.
Balthier: *is right*
How Do You Solve a Problem Like Minato?
Junpei: *gets it for once*
Everyone Else: *cheerfully oblivious*
Junpei: Minato's weird, guys.
Akihiko: Junpei, don't break the fourth wall.
Junpei: I feel inadequate.
Minato: I'm a creepy little fucker. Storm's coming.
Junpei: Yeah.