The best of the worst! That's right, it's BADFIC SHARING TIME.
I have run out of paid account, and I am broke. fff. It is silly to miss icons as much as I do. ;_;
You know what I haven't run out of, though? (this is an extremely awkward transition, bear with me.) Badfic. I don't know what it is about it, but I freaking love badfic. No, really. I'll wade through the worst stuff the Internet has to offer, sometimes without even an MST to cushion the awful, and I'll have a blast. It's the same principle behind loving really terrible movies, I think (and I also love a lot of really terrible movies) -- there's something delightful about stories that are so bad that you stop caring about verisimilitude and enjoy them for the ways in which they inevitably get worse. They're too gloriously terrible to actually anger you, because that kind of anger requires you to take the story at least a little seriously in the first place, and well, you can't. Who hasn't enjoyed an Eye of Argon reading, or laughed their ass off at Plan 9 From Outer Space? Heathens, that's who.
There's a lot of badfic out there, but not all of it's entertainingly awful. Most of it is rather blandly bad, the product of lazy or inexperienced writing rather than coked-out flights of fancy or insanity or both. But there's some shit that sticks with you forever, and that's what I propose we all share tonight.
Subjugation is probably my very favorite badfic. The writing is -- well, the writing is pretty terrible, but for the most part is grammatically competent, and I think I tend to prefer badfic that is, honestly. That way, the SPAG doesn't detract from the glorious awful of the story itself. AND THERE IS GLORIOUS AWFUL HERE, GUYS. If you haven't already heard of it, this is the HP fanfic where Dumbledore knocks up, abuses, and (in the words of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books) hella rapes his hermaphroditic pregnant wife, Severus Snape. And, like. Obviously I am not laughing at rape or spousal abuse or anything else here, but I will laugh at how absurdly OTT it is. Fan of h/c though I may be, there's a point where the h ceases to, well, h, and becomes hilarious instead. Hell, in one of the later chapters in the story even Snape is like IF EVERYONE FINDS ME DISGUSTING AND HIDEOUS THAN WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT IN MY PANTS WHY IS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME. And -- honestly, this fic kind of defies summary, but if "Snape grows his hair to his waist and plaits it," "the entire faculty coos about how happy Dumbledore and Severus Snape-Dumbledore are together and how adorable their assbaby will be," and "Lupin's werewolf has a foot fetish" don't help explain why this thing is hysterical, not much else will.
Or, you know, I could show you part of it. WARNING: YOU ARE NOT PREPARED. (Also, um, premise of fic, which is basically "everybody rapes Snape.")
The Headmaster licked his lips, savoring the taste. "Did you like that, my sweet? Need more?" He shrugged off his robes revealing the rock hard shaft Severus still had nightmares about.
He also revealed a surprisingly youthful body.
The ancient wizard had broad shoulders, washboard firm stomach, narrow waist, and he was hung like a centaur! Snape gulped in amazement. Dumbledore had kept his robes on the first time. He had really seen only that purple head of the cock before it had disappeared into his body in a sea of pain.
And, as could be expected with their past relationship, Severus had never had occasion, or inclination to see the man naked. He could not believe that anyone over sixty could look like this, let alone someone who was nearly one hundred and sixty years old!
No wonder the Headmaster had been able to manhandle him so easily!
Poor Severus was so terrified that he could only gap at Dumbledore, eyes wide with confusion, mouth open like a fish out of water.
How could this be? Past the wrinkles on his hands and face the older wizard had well defined muscles that fairly rippled as he moved, like an athlete.
Could it be natural? He very much doubted it unless Albus was not completely human.
Was this done with the aid of a potion or some powerful magic? This was much more likely.
Though very quickly Severus realized with an almost fatalistic calm that it did not matter how the old man had come to be that way. Because whether it was accomplished with magic or by natural forces, Albus Dumbledore's Herculean body, was about to fuck him into the mattress!
"It is time to consummate our marriage." Dumbledore smiled. Severus whimpered and tried unsuccessfully to disappear into the thick colorful quilts. "Yes, little one, be afraid," Dumbledore did not even try to suppress a very smug smirk as his hand moved to guide his cock into the tight opening. "I have not yet begun to debauch!"
...obviously that fic carries with it a huge WARNING tag for pretty much everything you can think of, but if such things are trainwrecky-awful for you rather than backbutton-awful, well. *rubs hands together, cackles in glee*
I know I'm not the only badfic connoisseur out here. So what are some of the best worst fics you've read? The most spectacular trainwrecks? The stories you like to spring on unsuspecting friends so you can see their horrified reactions and howl with laughter? Give me your worst, and pass the brain bleach. We're all going to need it.
.
You know what I haven't run out of, though? (this is an extremely awkward transition, bear with me.) Badfic. I don't know what it is about it, but I freaking love badfic. No, really. I'll wade through the worst stuff the Internet has to offer, sometimes without even an MST to cushion the awful, and I'll have a blast. It's the same principle behind loving really terrible movies, I think (and I also love a lot of really terrible movies) -- there's something delightful about stories that are so bad that you stop caring about verisimilitude and enjoy them for the ways in which they inevitably get worse. They're too gloriously terrible to actually anger you, because that kind of anger requires you to take the story at least a little seriously in the first place, and well, you can't. Who hasn't enjoyed an Eye of Argon reading, or laughed their ass off at Plan 9 From Outer Space? Heathens, that's who.
There's a lot of badfic out there, but not all of it's entertainingly awful. Most of it is rather blandly bad, the product of lazy or inexperienced writing rather than coked-out flights of fancy or insanity or both. But there's some shit that sticks with you forever, and that's what I propose we all share tonight.
Subjugation is probably my very favorite badfic. The writing is -- well, the writing is pretty terrible, but for the most part is grammatically competent, and I think I tend to prefer badfic that is, honestly. That way, the SPAG doesn't detract from the glorious awful of the story itself. AND THERE IS GLORIOUS AWFUL HERE, GUYS. If you haven't already heard of it, this is the HP fanfic where Dumbledore knocks up, abuses, and (in the words of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books) hella rapes his hermaphroditic pregnant wife, Severus Snape. And, like. Obviously I am not laughing at rape or spousal abuse or anything else here, but I will laugh at how absurdly OTT it is. Fan of h/c though I may be, there's a point where the h ceases to, well, h, and becomes hilarious instead. Hell, in one of the later chapters in the story even Snape is like IF EVERYONE FINDS ME DISGUSTING AND HIDEOUS THAN WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT IN MY PANTS WHY IS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENING TO ME. And -- honestly, this fic kind of defies summary, but if "Snape grows his hair to his waist and plaits it," "the entire faculty coos about how happy Dumbledore and Severus Snape-Dumbledore are together and how adorable their assbaby will be," and "Lupin's werewolf has a foot fetish" don't help explain why this thing is hysterical, not much else will.
Or, you know, I could show you part of it. WARNING: YOU ARE NOT PREPARED. (Also, um, premise of fic, which is basically "everybody rapes Snape.")
The Headmaster licked his lips, savoring the taste. "Did you like that, my sweet? Need more?" He shrugged off his robes revealing the rock hard shaft Severus still had nightmares about.
He also revealed a surprisingly youthful body.
The ancient wizard had broad shoulders, washboard firm stomach, narrow waist, and he was hung like a centaur! Snape gulped in amazement. Dumbledore had kept his robes on the first time. He had really seen only that purple head of the cock before it had disappeared into his body in a sea of pain.
And, as could be expected with their past relationship, Severus had never had occasion, or inclination to see the man naked. He could not believe that anyone over sixty could look like this, let alone someone who was nearly one hundred and sixty years old!
No wonder the Headmaster had been able to manhandle him so easily!
Poor Severus was so terrified that he could only gap at Dumbledore, eyes wide with confusion, mouth open like a fish out of water.
How could this be? Past the wrinkles on his hands and face the older wizard had well defined muscles that fairly rippled as he moved, like an athlete.
Could it be natural? He very much doubted it unless Albus was not completely human.
Was this done with the aid of a potion or some powerful magic? This was much more likely.
Though very quickly Severus realized with an almost fatalistic calm that it did not matter how the old man had come to be that way. Because whether it was accomplished with magic or by natural forces, Albus Dumbledore's Herculean body, was about to fuck him into the mattress!
"It is time to consummate our marriage." Dumbledore smiled. Severus whimpered and tried unsuccessfully to disappear into the thick colorful quilts. "Yes, little one, be afraid," Dumbledore did not even try to suppress a very smug smirk as his hand moved to guide his cock into the tight opening. "I have not yet begun to debauch!"
...obviously that fic carries with it a huge WARNING tag for pretty much everything you can think of, but if such things are trainwrecky-awful for you rather than backbutton-awful, well. *rubs hands together, cackles in glee*
I know I'm not the only badfic connoisseur out here. So what are some of the best worst fics you've read? The most spectacular trainwrecks? The stories you like to spring on unsuspecting friends so you can see their horrified reactions and howl with laughter? Give me your worst, and pass the brain bleach. We're all going to need it.
.