on the unsexiness of archetypes, or: negotiated sex recs!
Pausing in the middle of Paper Hell for this.
You know what I've had a yen for lately, because it doesn't appear nearly often enough in fic -- or in published fiction, either, for that matter?
Negotiated sex.
I really, really want stories where characters have to talk about sex, have to communicate their likes and dislikes and wants and needs, have to own their desires and figure out how to make them work. It can be in the context of kink, or poly, or even two people just trying to work stuff out. Honestly, I think one of the biggest flaws in sex writing is that characters don't discuss this sort of thing often enough, that they don't take the time to figure out what they want from sex. (Because there's a lot more to it than "orgasms yay!," or there can be.) Instead, they're following this generic cultural script that isn't necessarily attached to who they are or what they want, and I think that's where you get a lot of IKEA sex, or Generic Seme/Uke Stuff and Nonsense, or *insert cliche here*, because the sex isn't about these people having sex, it's about Sex! That just happens! And there are these bodies doing these particular sex acts, but really, it could be any character. Just change a few physical characteristics here, alter a few lines of dialogue there.
And obviously, not all sex needs like an hour of discussion beforehand, but -- okay, Mistress Matisse is one of my favorite sex columnists out there, and she addresses the problem really well here. Here's what she has to say:
Now, one can debate endlessly about what qualifies as kinky sex. But I've figured out exactly what makes sex vanilla. The defining feature of vanilla sex is this: You communicate about it using only mental telepathy. Or so I'm forced to assume, because nonkinky people don't talk about fucking. Not before they fuck, and definitely not while they're fucking. With every kinky person I've ever dated-which is a lot-there was some conversation about "So, what are you into?" And during kinky sex, it's normal to give overt instructions: "Lick me there. Higher-yeah, like that!" Or ask questions: "Is that good? Faster or slower?"
So the no-talking thing completely threw me. I've slept with men who spoke no English whatsoever, and it felt not unlike that. But at least those guys knew we were working with a handicap. The vanilla guys all seemed to assume there was a default pattern of how sex should happen, and discussion was neither necessary nor desirable.
As a fellow kinky woman, I'd have to agree. And I find it troubling on a narrative level and on a meta one. Sex is anything but a template, and when you don't take at least some time to explore what sex means to the characters having it -- which should hopefully involve some kind of communication, if the characters are trying to make the sex good -- then you can't rely on a premade script, because no character's going to conform to that script perfectly. It's why I have trouble with yaoi manga, it's why I have trouble with romantic comedies, hell, it's why I have trouble with so much canon het; they're more about archetypes than characters, and good writing, to me, is all about characters. By removing communication from the equation, the characters don't have anything to rely on except that aforementioned script, and it all becomes incredibly nonspecific to their experiences.
Obviously, some kinds of sex need more negotiation than others -- sex with a new partner, for one, and if you're writing kinky consensual sex and the characters don't talk about it at some point, I'm going to raise my eyebrow. And obviously, some characters are going to have difficulty communicating, or communicating in a way that their partner understands. But I don't know, isn't that kind of conflict compelling from a storytelling angle? Isn't the process of figuring out what you want and trying to get it a great kind of narrative in and of itself? Isn't it possible for two characters to both want sex, and want it a lot, but for conflicts to crop up as they try to work out how to do it?
Those are the kinds of stories I want to read, and those are the kinds of stories I want to tell. It's another reason why I'm getting so frustrated with shoddily-written noncon these days -- so often it's a cheap source of drama, not grounded in who the characters are and what they want, and there's no sense that this fantasy is tied to the characters at all. It absolves the characters from dealing with each other as people, and reduces them to types.* You can't do that with negotiated sex.
I'll toss out a few recs for fics that I think deal really well with negotiation and sex, and I encourage you guys to do the same in the comments.
Contractual Obligations: A Love Story in Three Traffic Lights
White Collar, Peter/Elizabeth/Neal. NC-17.
This is the fic that made me start watching White Collar. I knew nothing of the canon before I read this, and when I finished, my sole complaint about the story was that there was no way the canon was possibly that good.
(Turns out I was wrong. White Collar is excellent. Y'all should check it out.)
Anyway, as the above shows, I think this is one of those fics you can read without too much prior knowledge of the canon, because it's that good and the characters are that sharply drawn. This might just be the best OT3 fic I've ever read, ever, and that's because while all three of the characters in this story love and want each other, there are a lot of obstacles they have to work through first, and the way they do it is charming and touching and difficult in all the right ways and sexy as hell. The fic has a great sense of humor, the writing is sharp and immersive, and damn is the sex hot. Seriously, I can't recommend this fic enough. Go read it.
The Only Way Out is Through
Axis Powers Hetalia, Japan/America, England/America, Japan/England/America, with some Russia/America on the side. NC-17 [and fair warning, the kink in this one is hard].
No, I never get tired of reccing this fic. *grins* The above fic is more about negotiation in a poly context; this one's more about negotiated kink, and the play here is edged with so much else -- all the complications of history these characters bring with them -- and the moments when those desires break through are breathtaking and heartbreaking and absolutely beautiful. England and Japan and America have to work, and work through a lot, over the course of these scenes, and the ways they do it get to the hearts of their characters in a way that few fics I've read have. If you want to know what BDSM is, and what it can mean, I can't think of a better fic to read.
Your turns, guys. Are there any good fics you can think of where characters really have to work through what they want, and that working-through and communication is an essential part of the sex? Rec them in the comments! Don't worry about whether or not I know the fandom, or whether anyone else does -- for this, I'll pretty much read anything you throw at me. Heck, if you don't have recs but you have something to add to the discussion, I'm down with reading those, too.
*Obviously not all noncon does this, hence the "shoddily-written" prefix. But so goddamn much of it falls into this pattern of "Don't! Stop! Don't -- stop -- don't -- stop -- don't stop! Don't stop!" And, frankly, I'm sick of it.
.
You know what I've had a yen for lately, because it doesn't appear nearly often enough in fic -- or in published fiction, either, for that matter?
Negotiated sex.
I really, really want stories where characters have to talk about sex, have to communicate their likes and dislikes and wants and needs, have to own their desires and figure out how to make them work. It can be in the context of kink, or poly, or even two people just trying to work stuff out. Honestly, I think one of the biggest flaws in sex writing is that characters don't discuss this sort of thing often enough, that they don't take the time to figure out what they want from sex. (Because there's a lot more to it than "orgasms yay!," or there can be.) Instead, they're following this generic cultural script that isn't necessarily attached to who they are or what they want, and I think that's where you get a lot of IKEA sex, or Generic Seme/Uke Stuff and Nonsense, or *insert cliche here*, because the sex isn't about these people having sex, it's about Sex! That just happens! And there are these bodies doing these particular sex acts, but really, it could be any character. Just change a few physical characteristics here, alter a few lines of dialogue there.
And obviously, not all sex needs like an hour of discussion beforehand, but -- okay, Mistress Matisse is one of my favorite sex columnists out there, and she addresses the problem really well here. Here's what she has to say:
Now, one can debate endlessly about what qualifies as kinky sex. But I've figured out exactly what makes sex vanilla. The defining feature of vanilla sex is this: You communicate about it using only mental telepathy. Or so I'm forced to assume, because nonkinky people don't talk about fucking. Not before they fuck, and definitely not while they're fucking. With every kinky person I've ever dated-which is a lot-there was some conversation about "So, what are you into?" And during kinky sex, it's normal to give overt instructions: "Lick me there. Higher-yeah, like that!" Or ask questions: "Is that good? Faster or slower?"
So the no-talking thing completely threw me. I've slept with men who spoke no English whatsoever, and it felt not unlike that. But at least those guys knew we were working with a handicap. The vanilla guys all seemed to assume there was a default pattern of how sex should happen, and discussion was neither necessary nor desirable.
As a fellow kinky woman, I'd have to agree. And I find it troubling on a narrative level and on a meta one. Sex is anything but a template, and when you don't take at least some time to explore what sex means to the characters having it -- which should hopefully involve some kind of communication, if the characters are trying to make the sex good -- then you can't rely on a premade script, because no character's going to conform to that script perfectly. It's why I have trouble with yaoi manga, it's why I have trouble with romantic comedies, hell, it's why I have trouble with so much canon het; they're more about archetypes than characters, and good writing, to me, is all about characters. By removing communication from the equation, the characters don't have anything to rely on except that aforementioned script, and it all becomes incredibly nonspecific to their experiences.
Obviously, some kinds of sex need more negotiation than others -- sex with a new partner, for one, and if you're writing kinky consensual sex and the characters don't talk about it at some point, I'm going to raise my eyebrow. And obviously, some characters are going to have difficulty communicating, or communicating in a way that their partner understands. But I don't know, isn't that kind of conflict compelling from a storytelling angle? Isn't the process of figuring out what you want and trying to get it a great kind of narrative in and of itself? Isn't it possible for two characters to both want sex, and want it a lot, but for conflicts to crop up as they try to work out how to do it?
Those are the kinds of stories I want to read, and those are the kinds of stories I want to tell. It's another reason why I'm getting so frustrated with shoddily-written noncon these days -- so often it's a cheap source of drama, not grounded in who the characters are and what they want, and there's no sense that this fantasy is tied to the characters at all. It absolves the characters from dealing with each other as people, and reduces them to types.* You can't do that with negotiated sex.
I'll toss out a few recs for fics that I think deal really well with negotiation and sex, and I encourage you guys to do the same in the comments.
Contractual Obligations: A Love Story in Three Traffic Lights
White Collar, Peter/Elizabeth/Neal. NC-17.
This is the fic that made me start watching White Collar. I knew nothing of the canon before I read this, and when I finished, my sole complaint about the story was that there was no way the canon was possibly that good.
(Turns out I was wrong. White Collar is excellent. Y'all should check it out.)
Anyway, as the above shows, I think this is one of those fics you can read without too much prior knowledge of the canon, because it's that good and the characters are that sharply drawn. This might just be the best OT3 fic I've ever read, ever, and that's because while all three of the characters in this story love and want each other, there are a lot of obstacles they have to work through first, and the way they do it is charming and touching and difficult in all the right ways and sexy as hell. The fic has a great sense of humor, the writing is sharp and immersive, and damn is the sex hot. Seriously, I can't recommend this fic enough. Go read it.
The Only Way Out is Through
Axis Powers Hetalia, Japan/America, England/America, Japan/England/America, with some Russia/America on the side. NC-17 [and fair warning, the kink in this one is hard].
No, I never get tired of reccing this fic. *grins* The above fic is more about negotiation in a poly context; this one's more about negotiated kink, and the play here is edged with so much else -- all the complications of history these characters bring with them -- and the moments when those desires break through are breathtaking and heartbreaking and absolutely beautiful. England and Japan and America have to work, and work through a lot, over the course of these scenes, and the ways they do it get to the hearts of their characters in a way that few fics I've read have. If you want to know what BDSM is, and what it can mean, I can't think of a better fic to read.
Your turns, guys. Are there any good fics you can think of where characters really have to work through what they want, and that working-through and communication is an essential part of the sex? Rec them in the comments! Don't worry about whether or not I know the fandom, or whether anyone else does -- for this, I'll pretty much read anything you throw at me. Heck, if you don't have recs but you have something to add to the discussion, I'm down with reading those, too.
*Obviously not all noncon does this, hence the "shoddily-written" prefix. But so goddamn much of it falls into this pattern of "Don't! Stop! Don't -- stop -- don't -- stop -- don't stop! Don't stop!" And, frankly, I'm sick of it.
.