this is more reflective than any post at 9 AM has the right to be.
So in a fit of procrastination, I have spent the morning going through Mith's and my old posts on Hetalia.
And by old, I mean old. Over a year old -- which really isn't that old at all, but boy does it feel it sometimes.
I'm not usually given to nostalgia. I'm usually opposed to the sentiment, in fact; if I have a meta-theme as a person and as an artist, it's about the inevitability of change and the need to break stasis and how longing for the past is an impediment for future progress. That being said, though, we did something pretty great back then, didn't we? Not "great" in the sense of Epic Life-Changing work, even, but great in the sense that we had a blast and managed to bring a lot of other people, unwitting or not, along for the ride. And that's why I got suckered into Hetalia, and why Mith and I have written god knows how much fic starring gay countries (...counting the unpublished stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if we've hit 400 or 500k), and why I fell for TB/X before that, and FFXII before that. I love fandom because I love stories, and I love playing with them, and I love having fun with other fans.
And that's the key, isn't it? Fun. Hell, Mith and Linden and I started AHEW because, well, it's fun. (For certain Very Special Definitions of fun, but trust me when I say we don't take it entirely seriously -- parts of it, yes, because parts of history you kinda have to treat with some modicum of respect and thought, but there's a lot of room for play and really horrible jokes and even hope in that universe, and I've been bogged down by negativity and neuroses and OH GOD WE HAVE GOTTEN HISTORY ALL WROOOOOONG with the project for so long that I forgot about that.) I remember how thrilled I was when Mith wrote that first fic, and when we spent Thanksgiving writing Anthem (and realizing that we did in fact ship US/UK, because guys, WE DIDN'T AT FIRST WE JUST SORT OF WROTE-CONVINCED OURSELVES INTO DOING IT), and England in leather pants, and the time I said I wasn't going to write Nationporn and I totally did, and the beautiful redefining thing Mith pulled off with How I Wonder. And I remember how we saved fanart obsessively and tracked down MADs and hit up the kinkmeme (which had like 600 comments back then) and fell in love with Peep's historycomics and Mumu's modding and took such joy in all the fic and art being produced.
I don't want them back, exactly, though I do miss some of the people I talked to most around then and wish I talked to them still. But I want some of that sheer unrestrained fannish joy back, that sense of not taking fandom for granted. The ability to go wow, we've created something cool here, and we're STILL creating really cool things all the time, and isn't it awesome that we have a place to do that? Because I've gotten acclimated to fandom, to a certain extent, and I'm not seeking out the new stuff the way I was, and I've been content of late to shake my cane at fannish passersby and grumble about The Good Old Days.
But you know? The days are still pretty good, as far as fandom's concerned. Yeah, you get your bad apples, and there's a higher number of them now that the fandom's exploded in size, but that's an issue of proportionality, not of Everything Going Downhill. And maybe Mith and Linden and I aren't three out of a rather small sample of people writing for the fandom anymore, but that's not a bad thing, either, because it means that a lot of other talented writers have emerged and gotten the accolades they deserve. (Mostly. Well, I try to rec the hell out of the authors and fics that deserve it.)
And heh, people really have been wanking about us/AHEW/what-have-you for over a year, but I honestly do think I'm more or less inured to that now. I mean, I don't like it -- inasmuch as I don't think anyone likes being the subject of (the bad kind of) wank -- but well, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing and what I've done in fandom, and if that's not people's cup of tea, it's not my job to change that or to win them over.
And rereading all the stuff Mith and I have done? I do like it. On its own merit. Sometimes I forget how important that part is.
Really, if I DO regret anything, it's not keeping some kind of index of all the art-and-other-gifts Mith and I have received, because I shouldn't take THOSE for granted, either, and so many of them still bring such joy to me.
I don't know what conclusion I'm drawing from all this, to be honest, other than PUEL YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO BEFORE CLASS, WRAP THIS UP WOMAN. But I don't know. Maybe fandom's still a pretty cool place to be, and maybe I can appreciate what was and still look forward to what's to come.
.
And by old, I mean old. Over a year old -- which really isn't that old at all, but boy does it feel it sometimes.
I'm not usually given to nostalgia. I'm usually opposed to the sentiment, in fact; if I have a meta-theme as a person and as an artist, it's about the inevitability of change and the need to break stasis and how longing for the past is an impediment for future progress. That being said, though, we did something pretty great back then, didn't we? Not "great" in the sense of Epic Life-Changing work, even, but great in the sense that we had a blast and managed to bring a lot of other people, unwitting or not, along for the ride. And that's why I got suckered into Hetalia, and why Mith and I have written god knows how much fic starring gay countries (...counting the unpublished stuff, I wouldn't be surprised if we've hit 400 or 500k), and why I fell for TB/X before that, and FFXII before that. I love fandom because I love stories, and I love playing with them, and I love having fun with other fans.
And that's the key, isn't it? Fun. Hell, Mith and Linden and I started AHEW because, well, it's fun. (For certain Very Special Definitions of fun, but trust me when I say we don't take it entirely seriously -- parts of it, yes, because parts of history you kinda have to treat with some modicum of respect and thought, but there's a lot of room for play and really horrible jokes and even hope in that universe, and I've been bogged down by negativity and neuroses and OH GOD WE HAVE GOTTEN HISTORY ALL WROOOOOONG with the project for so long that I forgot about that.) I remember how thrilled I was when Mith wrote that first fic, and when we spent Thanksgiving writing Anthem (and realizing that we did in fact ship US/UK, because guys, WE DIDN'T AT FIRST WE JUST SORT OF WROTE-CONVINCED OURSELVES INTO DOING IT), and England in leather pants, and the time I said I wasn't going to write Nationporn and I totally did, and the beautiful redefining thing Mith pulled off with How I Wonder. And I remember how we saved fanart obsessively and tracked down MADs and hit up the kinkmeme (which had like 600 comments back then) and fell in love with Peep's historycomics and Mumu's modding and took such joy in all the fic and art being produced.
I don't want them back, exactly, though I do miss some of the people I talked to most around then and wish I talked to them still. But I want some of that sheer unrestrained fannish joy back, that sense of not taking fandom for granted. The ability to go wow, we've created something cool here, and we're STILL creating really cool things all the time, and isn't it awesome that we have a place to do that? Because I've gotten acclimated to fandom, to a certain extent, and I'm not seeking out the new stuff the way I was, and I've been content of late to shake my cane at fannish passersby and grumble about The Good Old Days.
But you know? The days are still pretty good, as far as fandom's concerned. Yeah, you get your bad apples, and there's a higher number of them now that the fandom's exploded in size, but that's an issue of proportionality, not of Everything Going Downhill. And maybe Mith and Linden and I aren't three out of a rather small sample of people writing for the fandom anymore, but that's not a bad thing, either, because it means that a lot of other talented writers have emerged and gotten the accolades they deserve. (Mostly. Well, I try to rec the hell out of the authors and fics that deserve it.)
And heh, people really have been wanking about us/AHEW/what-have-you for over a year, but I honestly do think I'm more or less inured to that now. I mean, I don't like it -- inasmuch as I don't think anyone likes being the subject of (the bad kind of) wank -- but well, I'm pretty comfortable with what I'm doing and what I've done in fandom, and if that's not people's cup of tea, it's not my job to change that or to win them over.
And rereading all the stuff Mith and I have done? I do like it. On its own merit. Sometimes I forget how important that part is.
Really, if I DO regret anything, it's not keeping some kind of index of all the art-and-other-gifts Mith and I have received, because I shouldn't take THOSE for granted, either, and so many of them still bring such joy to me.
I don't know what conclusion I'm drawing from all this, to be honest, other than PUEL YOU STILL HAVE WORK TO DO BEFORE CLASS, WRAP THIS UP WOMAN. But I don't know. Maybe fandom's still a pretty cool place to be, and maybe I can appreciate what was and still look forward to what's to come.
.