When The Stars That Lie (Digital Devil Saga, Sera)
So! First official time putting anything I've written for DDS on the web. Am slightly nervous.
Sorry, Sera.
Written for obscurefandom's June challenge, using "Through Glass" by Stone Sour as inspiration. Specifically, how it ends: "when the stars that lie." Hence the title of the fic.
Anyway, enough of me babbling. ON TO FIC!
Title: When The Stars that Lie
Author: puella_nerdii
Fandom: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Characters: Sera (gen)
Rating: PG-13 to be safe
Challenge June '07 - inspired by "Through Glass" by Stone Sour
Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS through Digital Devil Saga 2.
Wordcount: 1,400
Summary: Sera's journey through song, and what happens when the songs stop working.
Sera remembers the first song. She’s dangling her legs over the edge of the table and resting her hands on the crinkled paper draped over it. Her toes don’t touch the ground yet. Doctor Angel says they will soon.
Doctor Angel pinches the sparkling glass vial between her thumb and forefinger and holds it up to the big light in the ceiling. Sera watches the dazzling rays filter down and bounce around from crystal to crystal inside until it gets bright enough to beam out of the glass and glow. Her lips form an “oh.”
It reminds her of the curling words printed on the front of the card Doctor Angel keeps hidden underneath the carpet in her office; Sera found it accidentally, when she stumbled over the rolled-up corner of the rug.
(“What is that?” Sera holds the card up and points to the golden ball shimmering in the center. Bumpy white shapes float around the ball and overlap it. Beneath the white and gold is a large splash of blue and green.
Tiny white spots appear high on Doctor Angel’s cheeks. “The yellow is the sun, the white things are clouds, the blue is the ocean, and you’re to put that back right away.”
“But what does that mean?” Sera asks.
Doctor Angel holds out her hand for the card. Her fingers are long and trembling. “Search for the data, if you must.”)
She remembers liking how they sounded in her head, so she decides how they sound out loud. “Light shines over heaven.”
Sera frowns. That isn’t right. Light is higher than that, and longer. “Light,” she says again, but this time the word is clear and she holds onto the i for a very long time.
Shines. Shine is even higher than light. Shine comes from above and colors the world. Shine raises the rest of the earth up to meet it. “Shines…”
Over heaven. Heaven is soft and gliding, like the clouds on Doctor Angel’s card. “Over heaven,” she says in her voice that isn’t quite speaking, and makes the end of heaven as thick and comfortable as she can, the way she imagines clouds feel, all snug and billowing.
Doctor Angel turns you around. “Who taught you that?”
“Nobody,” she answers.
***
It’s the first time she’s seen the other children. Sera sits up straight with her hands in her lap and tries not to stare, but all the voices lap around her ears. The highs and lows slamming together all at once should sound wrong, but they don’t. The peaks and valleys and scratches and smooth parts even out into a steady hum. Sera takes in a deep breath and tries to match her voice to the rolling tones in the background.
“’Ey, that’s pretty good.” She feels a tap on her arm; a dark-skinned boy a little taller than she is waves. The wooden beads in his hair clack together.
“Thank you,” Sera says politely.
“Kind of slow, though. Ever though about sometin’ wit’ a faster rhythm?”
“Like what?” she asks.
“Ah, I dunno,” he says, lacing his hands behind his head. “Mebbe…” His foot taps out an erratic beat on the floor, with snaps and claps tossed in as exclamation points. “An’ den ya hum along like dis…” His voice is scratchier than hers, but it’s warm, like water left under a bright light for a long time.
She lets her voice float on top of his; together, they go faster and faster until his voice cracks right when he tries to go as high as she can. His smile stretches even wider and he laughs-his laugh is even prettier than his voice. It slides up and down and it’s so loud, loud in the way she never is when she…Doctor Angel calls it singing. Doctor Angel just stares at her when she sings too noisily, and then Sera feels small and curled-up inside.
“Do ya do dis sorta thing a lot?” the boy asks her.
“I like to. When I can.”
“We gotta do it together, den.” He holds out his hand. “De name’s Cielo.”
“I’m Sera,” Sera says. She looks at his hand and blinks.
“Well, c’mon! Shake it. It ain’t gonna bite you.”
“Shake it?” she asks.
“Like-” He grabs her hand in his own and pumps it up and down. “Like dat, ya?”
“Oh!” She smiles. “That’s shaking?”
“Dat’s shaking hands,” Cielo tells her. “You do it when you meet someone.”
“I like it,” she decides.
***
The next time she sees Cielo, she can’t shake hands with him. His hands are trapped behind glass; they hang suspended in the green fluid, limp and shriveled like the strange dead things in Doctor Angel’s office.
“Light shines over heaven,” she sings in a whisper-a whisper because Doctor Angel’s peering into the tank just three feet away.
Tiny bubbles rise from Cielo’s lips, but no sound comes out of them.
“Number nineteen,” Doctor Angel says. “Step out of the way.”
She does, but not before she notices the red letters scrolling across the display to the right of the tank.
TO BE TERMINATED.
***
But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, she wants to tell them, but she can’t speak inside the EGG. Not in words.
She’s supposed to be looking for someone, she knows. And she needs to talk to him. Doctor Angel and Madame Cuvier repeated that point over and over.
(“But where do I look?” she asks.
“Up,” Doctor Angel answers shortly.)
So Sera stretches herself up and up, spiraling with the ladder formed by the data until the zeroes and ones break down into waves lapping against the blinding white spot that’s both right above her head and infinitely far away all at once.
Say something. She has to say something. But the radiance drives all the thoughts out of her head. All she can think is light shines over heaven light shines over heaven light shines over heaven…
“Light…” If this was a place in the real world, her voice would be thin and wavering now, but here she is whatever she wants to be, so her voice soars even higher than the data can. “Light shines over heaven…”
At first, she hears the sound trying to bridge the gap between here and infinity, and it’s too small, it won’t make it. Then she hears it. It’s low at first, and then it explodes in her digital ears: a wall of overlapping harmonies surging towards her, singing her song a thousand times better than she ever could.
Sera opens her real eyes. Doctor Sheffield is standing over her, clipboard in hand.
“You did it, Sera,” he says. “I’m very proud of you.” He smiles.
Sera smiles back at him, because it feels like she clasped the sun in her hands and pulled it down into her chest.
***
Sera can’t sing. Singing is beautiful and transcendent, and singing is light, and there is no heaven for light to shine over, there is no shining, there’s only blood and shadows and stained dirty tattered things.
So she screams instead. She reaches up on high but not to bring the light down, it’s to bring the burning down, and she sees what is already written there. She only needs to stretch her mouth open wide and let the data stream through it. So she wrenches her teeth apart and thinks of Doctor Sheffield smirking over Doctor O’Brien and shouts: you lied it was you you’re the darkness and I followed you and I was lost and I hate you I hate you I hate you I wish you were dead I wish you were worse than dead I wish you were what you really are and I wish the entire world could see it, see you in the burning light and scream just like I’m screaming.
Her scream is made flesh. Doctor Sheffield howls as the light attacks him, swarms around him and sinks hooks into his flesh, twists it and bends it until the spikes and daggers pop up all over his body. Now everyone will see. Now everyone will see how sharp his teeth are, how the blades tucked in his arms just want to rip everything apart and pull the shreds of the world back into his mouth that never closes.
The world doesn’t have any place for songs.
Sorry, Sera.
Written for obscurefandom's June challenge, using "Through Glass" by Stone Sour as inspiration. Specifically, how it ends: "when the stars that lie." Hence the title of the fic.
Anyway, enough of me babbling. ON TO FIC!
Title: When The Stars that Lie
Author: puella_nerdii
Fandom: Shin Megami Tensei: Digital Devil Saga
Characters: Sera (gen)
Rating: PG-13 to be safe
Challenge June '07 - inspired by "Through Glass" by Stone Sour
Warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS through Digital Devil Saga 2.
Wordcount: 1,400
Summary: Sera's journey through song, and what happens when the songs stop working.
Sera remembers the first song. She’s dangling her legs over the edge of the table and resting her hands on the crinkled paper draped over it. Her toes don’t touch the ground yet. Doctor Angel says they will soon.
Doctor Angel pinches the sparkling glass vial between her thumb and forefinger and holds it up to the big light in the ceiling. Sera watches the dazzling rays filter down and bounce around from crystal to crystal inside until it gets bright enough to beam out of the glass and glow. Her lips form an “oh.”
It reminds her of the curling words printed on the front of the card Doctor Angel keeps hidden underneath the carpet in her office; Sera found it accidentally, when she stumbled over the rolled-up corner of the rug.
(“What is that?” Sera holds the card up and points to the golden ball shimmering in the center. Bumpy white shapes float around the ball and overlap it. Beneath the white and gold is a large splash of blue and green.
Tiny white spots appear high on Doctor Angel’s cheeks. “The yellow is the sun, the white things are clouds, the blue is the ocean, and you’re to put that back right away.”
“But what does that mean?” Sera asks.
Doctor Angel holds out her hand for the card. Her fingers are long and trembling. “Search for the data, if you must.”)
She remembers liking how they sounded in her head, so she decides how they sound out loud. “Light shines over heaven.”
Sera frowns. That isn’t right. Light is higher than that, and longer. “Light,” she says again, but this time the word is clear and she holds onto the i for a very long time.
Shines. Shine is even higher than light. Shine comes from above and colors the world. Shine raises the rest of the earth up to meet it. “Shines…”
Over heaven. Heaven is soft and gliding, like the clouds on Doctor Angel’s card. “Over heaven,” she says in her voice that isn’t quite speaking, and makes the end of heaven as thick and comfortable as she can, the way she imagines clouds feel, all snug and billowing.
Doctor Angel turns you around. “Who taught you that?”
“Nobody,” she answers.
***
It’s the first time she’s seen the other children. Sera sits up straight with her hands in her lap and tries not to stare, but all the voices lap around her ears. The highs and lows slamming together all at once should sound wrong, but they don’t. The peaks and valleys and scratches and smooth parts even out into a steady hum. Sera takes in a deep breath and tries to match her voice to the rolling tones in the background.
“’Ey, that’s pretty good.” She feels a tap on her arm; a dark-skinned boy a little taller than she is waves. The wooden beads in his hair clack together.
“Thank you,” Sera says politely.
“Kind of slow, though. Ever though about sometin’ wit’ a faster rhythm?”
“Like what?” she asks.
“Ah, I dunno,” he says, lacing his hands behind his head. “Mebbe…” His foot taps out an erratic beat on the floor, with snaps and claps tossed in as exclamation points. “An’ den ya hum along like dis…” His voice is scratchier than hers, but it’s warm, like water left under a bright light for a long time.
She lets her voice float on top of his; together, they go faster and faster until his voice cracks right when he tries to go as high as she can. His smile stretches even wider and he laughs-his laugh is even prettier than his voice. It slides up and down and it’s so loud, loud in the way she never is when she…Doctor Angel calls it singing. Doctor Angel just stares at her when she sings too noisily, and then Sera feels small and curled-up inside.
“Do ya do dis sorta thing a lot?” the boy asks her.
“I like to. When I can.”
“We gotta do it together, den.” He holds out his hand. “De name’s Cielo.”
“I’m Sera,” Sera says. She looks at his hand and blinks.
“Well, c’mon! Shake it. It ain’t gonna bite you.”
“Shake it?” she asks.
“Like-” He grabs her hand in his own and pumps it up and down. “Like dat, ya?”
“Oh!” She smiles. “That’s shaking?”
“Dat’s shaking hands,” Cielo tells her. “You do it when you meet someone.”
“I like it,” she decides.
***
The next time she sees Cielo, she can’t shake hands with him. His hands are trapped behind glass; they hang suspended in the green fluid, limp and shriveled like the strange dead things in Doctor Angel’s office.
“Light shines over heaven,” she sings in a whisper-a whisper because Doctor Angel’s peering into the tank just three feet away.
Tiny bubbles rise from Cielo’s lips, but no sound comes out of them.
“Number nineteen,” Doctor Angel says. “Step out of the way.”
She does, but not before she notices the red letters scrolling across the display to the right of the tank.
TO BE TERMINATED.
***
But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, she wants to tell them, but she can’t speak inside the EGG. Not in words.
She’s supposed to be looking for someone, she knows. And she needs to talk to him. Doctor Angel and Madame Cuvier repeated that point over and over.
(“But where do I look?” she asks.
“Up,” Doctor Angel answers shortly.)
So Sera stretches herself up and up, spiraling with the ladder formed by the data until the zeroes and ones break down into waves lapping against the blinding white spot that’s both right above her head and infinitely far away all at once.
Say something. She has to say something. But the radiance drives all the thoughts out of her head. All she can think is light shines over heaven light shines over heaven light shines over heaven…
“Light…” If this was a place in the real world, her voice would be thin and wavering now, but here she is whatever she wants to be, so her voice soars even higher than the data can. “Light shines over heaven…”
At first, she hears the sound trying to bridge the gap between here and infinity, and it’s too small, it won’t make it. Then she hears it. It’s low at first, and then it explodes in her digital ears: a wall of overlapping harmonies surging towards her, singing her song a thousand times better than she ever could.
Sera opens her real eyes. Doctor Sheffield is standing over her, clipboard in hand.
“You did it, Sera,” he says. “I’m very proud of you.” He smiles.
Sera smiles back at him, because it feels like she clasped the sun in her hands and pulled it down into her chest.
***
Sera can’t sing. Singing is beautiful and transcendent, and singing is light, and there is no heaven for light to shine over, there is no shining, there’s only blood and shadows and stained dirty tattered things.
So she screams instead. She reaches up on high but not to bring the light down, it’s to bring the burning down, and she sees what is already written there. She only needs to stretch her mouth open wide and let the data stream through it. So she wrenches her teeth apart and thinks of Doctor Sheffield smirking over Doctor O’Brien and shouts: you lied it was you you’re the darkness and I followed you and I was lost and I hate you I hate you I hate you I wish you were dead I wish you were worse than dead I wish you were what you really are and I wish the entire world could see it, see you in the burning light and scream just like I’m screaming.
Her scream is made flesh. Doctor Sheffield howls as the light attacks him, swarms around him and sinks hooks into his flesh, twists it and bends it until the spikes and daggers pop up all over his body. Now everyone will see. Now everyone will see how sharp his teeth are, how the blades tucked in his arms just want to rip everything apart and pull the shreds of the world back into his mouth that never closes.
The world doesn’t have any place for songs.