Livejournal Therapy
I really haven't had the time to say much here, and I don't have much to say either since I never write about any real problems I have in my life. I keep all matters on here trivial for various reasons. So, though no one on here will understand this question I will pose it anyway just to let loose some bottled-up feelings:
Could this month possibly get any worse?
Because I could not wish anything bad to anyone on my friends list, I hope no one can relate to this general feeling. However, if you do you are not alone:)
I can't think of one area of my life that doesn't have me stressed out-- and the reasons range from tiny to gigantic things. When I subtract all these negative things from my life in my mind, I look at my life and think, "Wow. My life isn't so bad." However, it seems like the stressors in my life just keep at it-- picking away at my sanity and patience.
Patience- I have none at the moment. Especially not for other people's drama at the moment. Not that I don't care about my friends and family, I just can't handle anyone else's problems in addition to my own right now. I hope that no one that I'm close to feels like I'm intentionally shutting them out.
I can't help but think I need to go away by myself... for just a couple days or a week... I feel like everything in my brain is jumbled and my priorities, my desires, my self needs to rest so I can figure out what I need to do to make myself happy again in the future. Forget the past.
New subject: School.
I lacked motivation in the beginning of this semester, though I understood and completed all my assignments with no troubles. Now my troubles are that I have found my motivation only to discover Chemistry is making less sense than it was before. I think it's just this chapter, and once we start on new material I will be okay. Also, for reasons beyond anyone's control, my professor is far behind on lecture for the time we have left in class. It's not her fault... Hell, I'm not even sure how it happened. She even revised the syllabus to make the rest of the semester go smoother. However, she had to cancel lecture today. We have an exam on Monday,and I could not get my questions answered today. Ouch. It's just one question in particular. I will try to work at it and hopefully it will make sense before Monday.
I'm skipping Russian tonight, too. My school is having an open house so he won't be doing his normal lecture. Instead he will be giving a lecture on languages in government or something to that effect. I felt that studying for my Chemistry exam would be more important, though I am interested in that lecture.
New subject: Work.
I am going to write my letter of resignation. I'm not sure when I am giving it to them. It will be some time between now and next summer. But today I felt like I have just had it with that goddamn store altogether. I have been contemplating leaving the fabric store for some time for various reasons.... and here they are:
1. I have worked there for three years and only make $6.50/hr. I never started working there for the money (obviously), especially considering I was making close to $12/hr. living in Texas. I worked there for experience with fabric and other sewers. However, I soon learned that the wage that I make is not an appopriate amount of money for the experience and the physical labor involved. I cut my hours down to two days a week and after work those days are essentially wasted because I'm dead tired afterwards. A nap usually helps, but in no way remedies the pain in my lower back and feet.
2. I've seen over the course of three years people coming in to apply for a job there who DO NOT sew or have any experience working at a fabric store. I've seen these people negotiate wages and start out making more than me with less experience! What the fuck? Talk about demeaning my worth.
3. Hancock fabrics is not a company that cares for or watches out for its employees' interests. They only worry about covering their asses and having bodies to work. I realize the concept of a business, but I think employees would be more inclined to stay if they felt they were appreciated or even watched out for. This reason is much more complex and would take a lot longer to explain, but believe me when I say they don't care about the "little guy."
4. My fourth and final reason is the one that I feel has forced me to resign. Let me start off by saying that even though I despise my job I still give my 100% in terms of work ethic and customer service. I've become close to many customers during my years working there. However, when I am off the clock and I shop there I expect to be treated like a CUSTOMER. Today (and on numerous other occasions), it was clear to me I do not get that respect. Employees do have to have a member of management to cut and ring up their purchase and I understand and agree with this practice. I waited in line while a line was forming behind me. I then proceeded to find the assistant manager on duty to cut my fabric. The manager then attempts to take other people in line who got there after me first. I politely let her know that I was first in line. She cut my fabric, but she still has to ring me up. She lets me know that she will be at the register in a minute to ring me up, and then helps other people in line. I'm disappointed and frustrated, but seeing that there was a line I felt that customers should be helped because Hancock fabrics is too cheapt to schedule the right amount of people on any given day. I'm standing up at the register for about 7 minutes (already having been there for a grand total of half an hour), and the employee working the register announces that there was a return (a task at which a manager has to perform as well). Now, I was in line way before the woman who was returning something. I wait to see what the manager is going to do-- just hoping that I would be treated fairly. No. She gives her attention to the other customer, and I interrupt, "Mary Jo, I was in line before this lady."
Mary Jo then replies, "I have to help a customer first."
I then angrily reply, " I AM a customer."
She then babbles about being busy and can't deal with this. So I leave my cut fabric on the counter and walk out of the store.
So why does the fact that I work there mean that I do not get the same respect any other customer would get when I am not on the clock? Is my time any less valuable? Is my money worthless? And most of all, is this a typical practice of most businesses and their employees?
And the above incident is not isolated, it happens 4 out of 5 times I go there. I'm tired of it. I feel that if I quit there perhaps I will get better customer service. It's so sad that it's come to that.
So there you have it. If you've made it this far I'm suprised. I got tired of writing it halfway through and contemplated just closing the window altogether. Now, if you did make it this far, what do you think about my work situation? I know that my reasons to quit are justified, but I guess I just need some encouragement.
The only good thing that came out of this month happened today-- I may be going to Russia for six weeks next summer. This is far in advance and things could change, but it's a possibility and something to perhaps look forward to.
Could this month possibly get any worse?
Because I could not wish anything bad to anyone on my friends list, I hope no one can relate to this general feeling. However, if you do you are not alone:)
I can't think of one area of my life that doesn't have me stressed out-- and the reasons range from tiny to gigantic things. When I subtract all these negative things from my life in my mind, I look at my life and think, "Wow. My life isn't so bad." However, it seems like the stressors in my life just keep at it-- picking away at my sanity and patience.
Patience- I have none at the moment. Especially not for other people's drama at the moment. Not that I don't care about my friends and family, I just can't handle anyone else's problems in addition to my own right now. I hope that no one that I'm close to feels like I'm intentionally shutting them out.
I can't help but think I need to go away by myself... for just a couple days or a week... I feel like everything in my brain is jumbled and my priorities, my desires, my self needs to rest so I can figure out what I need to do to make myself happy again in the future. Forget the past.
New subject: School.
I lacked motivation in the beginning of this semester, though I understood and completed all my assignments with no troubles. Now my troubles are that I have found my motivation only to discover Chemistry is making less sense than it was before. I think it's just this chapter, and once we start on new material I will be okay. Also, for reasons beyond anyone's control, my professor is far behind on lecture for the time we have left in class. It's not her fault... Hell, I'm not even sure how it happened. She even revised the syllabus to make the rest of the semester go smoother. However, she had to cancel lecture today. We have an exam on Monday,and I could not get my questions answered today. Ouch. It's just one question in particular. I will try to work at it and hopefully it will make sense before Monday.
I'm skipping Russian tonight, too. My school is having an open house so he won't be doing his normal lecture. Instead he will be giving a lecture on languages in government or something to that effect. I felt that studying for my Chemistry exam would be more important, though I am interested in that lecture.
New subject: Work.
I am going to write my letter of resignation. I'm not sure when I am giving it to them. It will be some time between now and next summer. But today I felt like I have just had it with that goddamn store altogether. I have been contemplating leaving the fabric store for some time for various reasons.... and here they are:
1. I have worked there for three years and only make $6.50/hr. I never started working there for the money (obviously), especially considering I was making close to $12/hr. living in Texas. I worked there for experience with fabric and other sewers. However, I soon learned that the wage that I make is not an appopriate amount of money for the experience and the physical labor involved. I cut my hours down to two days a week and after work those days are essentially wasted because I'm dead tired afterwards. A nap usually helps, but in no way remedies the pain in my lower back and feet.
2. I've seen over the course of three years people coming in to apply for a job there who DO NOT sew or have any experience working at a fabric store. I've seen these people negotiate wages and start out making more than me with less experience! What the fuck? Talk about demeaning my worth.
3. Hancock fabrics is not a company that cares for or watches out for its employees' interests. They only worry about covering their asses and having bodies to work. I realize the concept of a business, but I think employees would be more inclined to stay if they felt they were appreciated or even watched out for. This reason is much more complex and would take a lot longer to explain, but believe me when I say they don't care about the "little guy."
4. My fourth and final reason is the one that I feel has forced me to resign. Let me start off by saying that even though I despise my job I still give my 100% in terms of work ethic and customer service. I've become close to many customers during my years working there. However, when I am off the clock and I shop there I expect to be treated like a CUSTOMER. Today (and on numerous other occasions), it was clear to me I do not get that respect. Employees do have to have a member of management to cut and ring up their purchase and I understand and agree with this practice. I waited in line while a line was forming behind me. I then proceeded to find the assistant manager on duty to cut my fabric. The manager then attempts to take other people in line who got there after me first. I politely let her know that I was first in line. She cut my fabric, but she still has to ring me up. She lets me know that she will be at the register in a minute to ring me up, and then helps other people in line. I'm disappointed and frustrated, but seeing that there was a line I felt that customers should be helped because Hancock fabrics is too cheapt to schedule the right amount of people on any given day. I'm standing up at the register for about 7 minutes (already having been there for a grand total of half an hour), and the employee working the register announces that there was a return (a task at which a manager has to perform as well). Now, I was in line way before the woman who was returning something. I wait to see what the manager is going to do-- just hoping that I would be treated fairly. No. She gives her attention to the other customer, and I interrupt, "Mary Jo, I was in line before this lady."
Mary Jo then replies, "I have to help a customer first."
I then angrily reply, " I AM a customer."
She then babbles about being busy and can't deal with this. So I leave my cut fabric on the counter and walk out of the store.
So why does the fact that I work there mean that I do not get the same respect any other customer would get when I am not on the clock? Is my time any less valuable? Is my money worthless? And most of all, is this a typical practice of most businesses and their employees?
And the above incident is not isolated, it happens 4 out of 5 times I go there. I'm tired of it. I feel that if I quit there perhaps I will get better customer service. It's so sad that it's come to that.
So there you have it. If you've made it this far I'm suprised. I got tired of writing it halfway through and contemplated just closing the window altogether. Now, if you did make it this far, what do you think about my work situation? I know that my reasons to quit are justified, but I guess I just need some encouragement.
The only good thing that came out of this month happened today-- I may be going to Russia for six weeks next summer. This is far in advance and things could change, but it's a possibility and something to perhaps look forward to.