(no subject)
had the worst nightmare ever that Duluth was under attack by Zombie-type things but you didn't have to kill them you just had to outrun them and Dan wasn't really around and I was staying in this huge building (maybe the DECC or something similar) that was right near the lake but downtown and tons of people had found reffuge in this building also and we were building community and helping each other out, and surviving.
AND THEN I drove my favorite old Chevy Celebrity Station Wagon up to Skyline blvd. to my friend Cori's house (because apparently she lives here now, and apparently zombies cant get up the hill) and I learned that Dan wanted to break up with me so that he and Cori could be together, but they still wanted me to hang out with them. and I did. and it was torture.
And I woke up sweaty and I felt so jealous and I wished Dan was next to me, and this was the first time I have felt crippled by how much I care for him. It became pain-stakingly apparent how much I cherish his laugh, and his caress, and his hugs, and his good morning texts, and his midnight-dozey kisses, and his morning kisses, and afternoon kisses, and filler kisses, and rush of emotion kisses, and the way he likes to tuck me in when he gets out of bed, and his orange green eyes, and his tender heart, and soft touch.
And it reminded me of Ben. Stupid Ben. my end of summer OKcupid fling. He was nice to me, but kind of a jerk, and we dated for a month, and then things got weird, but we were still together for about another month, and I still fucked him, cause I thought that would help or some shit. But it didn't because he was into my roommate and kept me around to be close to her. WELL FUCK YOU BEN.
I get so scared that someone is going to do that again, or some weird variation of that. I have really cool friends, and I know that, that's why I'm friends with them.
But Dan isn't like that, so why am I still scared? Why am I still jealous?
I always wish I dreamed more, but if dreams always make me feel like this, then I dont want them.
AND THEN I drove my favorite old Chevy Celebrity Station Wagon up to Skyline blvd. to my friend Cori's house (because apparently she lives here now, and apparently zombies cant get up the hill) and I learned that Dan wanted to break up with me so that he and Cori could be together, but they still wanted me to hang out with them. and I did. and it was torture.
And I woke up sweaty and I felt so jealous and I wished Dan was next to me, and this was the first time I have felt crippled by how much I care for him. It became pain-stakingly apparent how much I cherish his laugh, and his caress, and his hugs, and his good morning texts, and his midnight-dozey kisses, and his morning kisses, and afternoon kisses, and filler kisses, and rush of emotion kisses, and the way he likes to tuck me in when he gets out of bed, and his orange green eyes, and his tender heart, and soft touch.
And it reminded me of Ben. Stupid Ben. my end of summer OKcupid fling. He was nice to me, but kind of a jerk, and we dated for a month, and then things got weird, but we were still together for about another month, and I still fucked him, cause I thought that would help or some shit. But it didn't because he was into my roommate and kept me around to be close to her. WELL FUCK YOU BEN.
I get so scared that someone is going to do that again, or some weird variation of that. I have really cool friends, and I know that, that's why I'm friends with them.
But Dan isn't like that, so why am I still scared? Why am I still jealous?
I always wish I dreamed more, but if dreams always make me feel like this, then I dont want them.