Goddess Circle Reflection, March 16
So today I realized that my hesitation toward sisterhood is due in large part to my involvement in male-dominated activities: karate, counter strike along with two brothers closest in age to me. After getting to college and turning 21 that then transferred to hanging out at bars and talking to men. Courtship wasn't my agenda but men always seemed to think that was what I was doing. Did they really like talking to me, or did they appear to like talking to me because they wanted to sleep with me? I never put the two together until tonight... Also there is something to be said about being introverted and not allowing anyone to have the power to make you sad. I realized that the more people I encounter on a daily basis, the more people who will not like me. Every single person has someone who doesn't like them. And people who know MORE people are more likely to encounter said people. I accept that now! So if you don't like me... well that's too bad but I'm over it already. I was expecting you :D
I was always used to talking to men. I was also taught that when women talk its "cackling hens" and that there is backstabbing and manipulation when you speak to women which isn't there with men. That is also what I grew up to understand from my mother's interactions with other women. I didn't think that if I did want to live my life like my mother then I'd end up female-friendless just like her now. When you're a strong women you can either attract other women or you can frighten them off. I never knew that I always frightened them off. The only ones I didn't frighten were all strong women like me who also hung out with a majority of men.
I need to learn how to talk to women now. There are only 5 women I am able to talk to like this. Those women are Kassondra, Kim, Dominica, Nicona, and a new addition, Jessica. These women are amazing and I want them in my life more but time and space make it difficult.
With every other woman I try to talk to, the topics are always about giving birth, babies, lady stuff. Probably because the conversations are new and people don't wear their heart on their sleeve with strangers. I try to but then I think that doing that must be why I only have acquaintances and not close friends.
There's nothing wrong with talking about babies, birth, and breastfeeding... Its just that these topics are what I'm living and I'd prefer to talk about other topics that get me out of the subjects I live with everyday. My daughters are my best friends lately and I don't want to be living this life without a stronger circle and closer human experiences. Now I'm trying to talk to women and I really don't know how! This will take a lot of practice. I think today's circle helped me a great deal in getting the dialogue with my fellow sisters going. I want a red tent to have an open forum to discuss topics at a deeper level.
The topics I shared during the circle are as follows:
First menses, it occurred ides of march as did my first time with intercourse. I find it interesting that while we were discussing these topics I was on my moonphase and it was a full moon and it was a day after this mysterious day! I shared my experience with Danielle, my first and last best friend who I felt abandoned me in 6th grade to find a new best friend named Shannon and I released that! YES! Then opened my heart for new friendships to grow! Yes! I also spoke of my hesitation to launch my business because I think it isolates me from friendships. If I talk about my business it doesn't mean who I am talking to is a client. I need to release the fact that talking to people isn't offensive to them even though I think it is. I'm not a walking, talking commercial for my business. I am a human and hooping is what I love. I left my shame for self-promotion at the circle to be dissolved! A new me is here and I'm ready to stop being ashamed! The new year will be great. Year of the Horse.. I'm going to rise up and make my hoopdance class now. I will have a "Mommy and Me" class as well as an adult class that is aimed at vocalisations/singing while hooping and another standard starter class. These are my dreams!DREAMSSSSS YAY* bed time for girls so I gotta cut my ideas off here* <3
I was always used to talking to men. I was also taught that when women talk its "cackling hens" and that there is backstabbing and manipulation when you speak to women which isn't there with men. That is also what I grew up to understand from my mother's interactions with other women. I didn't think that if I did want to live my life like my mother then I'd end up female-friendless just like her now. When you're a strong women you can either attract other women or you can frighten them off. I never knew that I always frightened them off. The only ones I didn't frighten were all strong women like me who also hung out with a majority of men.
I need to learn how to talk to women now. There are only 5 women I am able to talk to like this. Those women are Kassondra, Kim, Dominica, Nicona, and a new addition, Jessica. These women are amazing and I want them in my life more but time and space make it difficult.
With every other woman I try to talk to, the topics are always about giving birth, babies, lady stuff. Probably because the conversations are new and people don't wear their heart on their sleeve with strangers. I try to but then I think that doing that must be why I only have acquaintances and not close friends.
There's nothing wrong with talking about babies, birth, and breastfeeding... Its just that these topics are what I'm living and I'd prefer to talk about other topics that get me out of the subjects I live with everyday. My daughters are my best friends lately and I don't want to be living this life without a stronger circle and closer human experiences. Now I'm trying to talk to women and I really don't know how! This will take a lot of practice. I think today's circle helped me a great deal in getting the dialogue with my fellow sisters going. I want a red tent to have an open forum to discuss topics at a deeper level.
The topics I shared during the circle are as follows:
First menses, it occurred ides of march as did my first time with intercourse. I find it interesting that while we were discussing these topics I was on my moonphase and it was a full moon and it was a day after this mysterious day! I shared my experience with Danielle, my first and last best friend who I felt abandoned me in 6th grade to find a new best friend named Shannon and I released that! YES! Then opened my heart for new friendships to grow! Yes! I also spoke of my hesitation to launch my business because I think it isolates me from friendships. If I talk about my business it doesn't mean who I am talking to is a client. I need to release the fact that talking to people isn't offensive to them even though I think it is. I'm not a walking, talking commercial for my business. I am a human and hooping is what I love. I left my shame for self-promotion at the circle to be dissolved! A new me is here and I'm ready to stop being ashamed! The new year will be great. Year of the Horse.. I'm going to rise up and make my hoopdance class now. I will have a "Mommy and Me" class as well as an adult class that is aimed at vocalisations/singing while hooping and another standard starter class. These are my dreams!DREAMSSSSS YAY* bed time for girls so I gotta cut my ideas off here* <3