Sunday Thoughts
Everyone should know by now that Sunday is my annoying thought day, as in thoughts that seem to overwhelm to such a point you're mixed with half complete sadness and half insanity and another half happy and content, yes I know that's 3 halves but we're talking metaphorically anyway so leeeave it aaout ;-)
Anyway, there has to be a point surely? Yeah there is, sometimes when you really like someone you just kind of know you just can't let them in, you just think that if you do they'll let you down again like everyone else seems to. I'm not trying to be melodramtic, I just know this girl who's cool as hell and yet I feel like I'm at school again, something odd happens and I just can't talk, I worry so much about what someone might think I end up feeling really boring and dull, and yet a second later with a person added I'm fine and normal, I guess I'm scared of letting anything go because as you get older I think more 'situations' that fall flat you get more weary. I just wish I wasn't, but then again I guess it's just a natural human emotion, but it's a fucker ain't it?
It'd be much better if I thought, hey, just go with it, see what happens, don't force stuff, don't hold back, just be 'you' but surely you have to know 'you' to start with, maybe I know 'me' too much, I spend more time with 'me' than anything I think, I know that's obvious and I kow it's digging back to the old posts of just wanting a home and something secure but that doesn't go away and I want it to, just until I got my degree outta the way.
I don't mean I should forget all responsabilites in all respect, I just mean I wish I could go with things better, I wish I wasn't so weary, sometimes I wish I was the person up on stage, in any variety, and then a day later I'm happy to be me again, but the highs and lows have been massive in the last six months, it's madness, I don't want to go out and hound a relationship, I am happy where I'm at, and then the next day I just need a hug...from the right person though...
Security I have for myself, I just want to share it with someone, but actually let them in before I feel the need to let them down, I'm not really sure what all this ramble is, but I needed to get it out and home is so blinkin far away I've done the olde 'into the shop' thing, which I shouldn't, but without it I'd surely explode into a big ball of Dan across the street, and I don't think aaanyone would want that.
'Le sigh'
Tomorrow though I'm going to Exeter, gonna get myself some new clothes, mebbe a DVD or two, should hopefully meet up with mate Kirsty as well as she's working that way these days, I've been in a wierd daze for about 3 days now, I'm hoping to snap outta it asap cos I got loadsa freaking deadlines coming up!!
ONWARDS!!! YEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......miaow....wooof.....puurrrr........caw caaaw...............
That's better......
Anyway, there has to be a point surely? Yeah there is, sometimes when you really like someone you just kind of know you just can't let them in, you just think that if you do they'll let you down again like everyone else seems to. I'm not trying to be melodramtic, I just know this girl who's cool as hell and yet I feel like I'm at school again, something odd happens and I just can't talk, I worry so much about what someone might think I end up feeling really boring and dull, and yet a second later with a person added I'm fine and normal, I guess I'm scared of letting anything go because as you get older I think more 'situations' that fall flat you get more weary. I just wish I wasn't, but then again I guess it's just a natural human emotion, but it's a fucker ain't it?
It'd be much better if I thought, hey, just go with it, see what happens, don't force stuff, don't hold back, just be 'you' but surely you have to know 'you' to start with, maybe I know 'me' too much, I spend more time with 'me' than anything I think, I know that's obvious and I kow it's digging back to the old posts of just wanting a home and something secure but that doesn't go away and I want it to, just until I got my degree outta the way.
I don't mean I should forget all responsabilites in all respect, I just mean I wish I could go with things better, I wish I wasn't so weary, sometimes I wish I was the person up on stage, in any variety, and then a day later I'm happy to be me again, but the highs and lows have been massive in the last six months, it's madness, I don't want to go out and hound a relationship, I am happy where I'm at, and then the next day I just need a hug...from the right person though...
Security I have for myself, I just want to share it with someone, but actually let them in before I feel the need to let them down, I'm not really sure what all this ramble is, but I needed to get it out and home is so blinkin far away I've done the olde 'into the shop' thing, which I shouldn't, but without it I'd surely explode into a big ball of Dan across the street, and I don't think aaanyone would want that.
'Le sigh'
Tomorrow though I'm going to Exeter, gonna get myself some new clothes, mebbe a DVD or two, should hopefully meet up with mate Kirsty as well as she's working that way these days, I've been in a wierd daze for about 3 days now, I'm hoping to snap outta it asap cos I got loadsa freaking deadlines coming up!!
ONWARDS!!! YEEEEE HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.......miaow....wooof.....puurrrr........caw caaaw...............
That's better......