(no subject)
I'm sitting here listening to David's Grey "This Years Love".
That in itself is depressing enough.
I thought this one would be different. but why? i hate that everyone tells me that he does, but it feels like he doesn't but he's all to blame because "he has a hard way of showing emotion." if im already having troubles when we hang out, what's going to happen if we ever date? why does he put the ball in my court all the time? fucking CALL ME! he's called me once, compared to my two. not even a big difference. it just feels like it. welcome to overanalyzing 101.
why do i jump to that conclusion? Callie says I'm only looking at the negative. but that's what girls do.
there's only 2 days of the semester left. he will be here and i will be in omaha. not too bad. but still worthless. people have started saying their goodbyes to me and it's not good. some people i can't see myself not seeing on a day to day basis and it kills me, others i could care less about.
i get to see Dah on May 19th.
i have distanced myself from J, Dah and my family. and i feel like shit for it, but i needed that week. i needed to sort things out. i have gotten to know so many people here, but i still feel lonely.
going to Omaha without a job = ridiculous. what the fuck am i going to do?
i will be a junior in college and my longest relationship was 3 months when i was a sophmore....in highschool. it doesn't even register on my relationship scale.
why do 3 good things happen in a day but all i can look at are the negative things?
1. got an A on my soc final
2. saw and talked to him 3 times today
3. went and drove around with Josh, Neil, Kasey and Callie. it was amazing.
one bad thing:
1. although i got to see him, i expected way too much out of the situation, he expected me to be how we always are. and i don't want that. i want to be forward with him, but that in itself might be too much and do the exact same damage to me.
That in itself is depressing enough.
I thought this one would be different. but why? i hate that everyone tells me that he does, but it feels like he doesn't but he's all to blame because "he has a hard way of showing emotion." if im already having troubles when we hang out, what's going to happen if we ever date? why does he put the ball in my court all the time? fucking CALL ME! he's called me once, compared to my two. not even a big difference. it just feels like it. welcome to overanalyzing 101.
why do i jump to that conclusion? Callie says I'm only looking at the negative. but that's what girls do.
there's only 2 days of the semester left. he will be here and i will be in omaha. not too bad. but still worthless. people have started saying their goodbyes to me and it's not good. some people i can't see myself not seeing on a day to day basis and it kills me, others i could care less about.
i get to see Dah on May 19th.
i have distanced myself from J, Dah and my family. and i feel like shit for it, but i needed that week. i needed to sort things out. i have gotten to know so many people here, but i still feel lonely.
going to Omaha without a job = ridiculous. what the fuck am i going to do?
i will be a junior in college and my longest relationship was 3 months when i was a sophmore....in highschool. it doesn't even register on my relationship scale.
why do 3 good things happen in a day but all i can look at are the negative things?
1. got an A on my soc final
2. saw and talked to him 3 times today
3. went and drove around with Josh, Neil, Kasey and Callie. it was amazing.
one bad thing:
1. although i got to see him, i expected way too much out of the situation, he expected me to be how we always are. and i don't want that. i want to be forward with him, but that in itself might be too much and do the exact same damage to me.