Fic: I’ll Be Your Shelter (Just Pay Me Back With One Thousand Kisses) Part 1/2
Title: I’ll Be Your Shelter (Just Pay Me Back With One Thousand Kisses)
Author: freeiheitpisarz
Rating: NC-17
Characters/Pairings: Kurt Hummel, Burt Hummel, Noah Puckerman, Finn Hudson, Puckurt slash
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
Warning: Un-beated, Mentions of past non-con, mentions of medical conditions
Spoilers: Season one, season two
Disclaimer: I don’t own Glee, nor do I own RENT nor ‘I’ll Cover You,’
Word Count: 2750
Author’s Note: Inspired by a prompt on Glee_Angst_Meme. And the fact I finally watched RENT today.
Summary: Burt worries about Kurt. Unfortunately a trip to the doctor causes them to re-evaluate their lives
*
Burt was worried about his son. He knew Kurt hadn’t been feeling well lately. He was having a little difficulty getting Kurt to agree to going to the doctors.
“You’ve lost too much weight, you’ve constantly been tired, you keep getting a fever,” Kurt interrupted his angry speech with another coughing fit. “There’s also that cough. We’re going to the doctors. I’ve already made an appointment.”
Kurt slumped his shoulders, defeated. “Fine,” Kurt agreed. “I’ll go. But I’m fine.”
*
Kurt didn’t say anything as he climbed into Burt’s SUV after school. Burt assumed it had something to do with him forcing Kurt to go to the doctor.
“If it’s nothing important, I’ll make it up to you after,” Burt said as he pulled out of the school parking lot. “But I don’t want to risk it.” Kurt nodded, sinking lower in his seat as he looked out his window.
*
“It’s just one day off school.” Burt said as they entered the house.
“I have a History test tomorrow, dad,” Kurt argued, heading straight for the fridge for a drink. “I need to go to school.”
“You can take the test some other time, Kurt. This is more important.” Kurt growled, frustrated, before disappearing downstairs to his room.
“Tough day?” Carole asked, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around him. Burt sighed, exhausted.
“I’m worried about the kid, but he’s just being stubborn,” he replied. “We have to go back for a blood test.” Carole nodded, kissing him on the cheek sympathetically.
“You go and sit down and relax,” Carole said. “I’ll make his favourite for dinner, for him to eat before he starts fasting. That might put him in a better mood.” He smiled.
“Thanks, love.” He said, kissing her on the forehead in thanks.
*
Kurt seemed to be in a better mood the next day when they went to get the blood test done. He timidly asked if they could do out for lunch afterwards and Burt was pleased enough that his son was eating that he agreed. Besides, Kurt would probably need to eat something after fasting and the blood tests.
He held Kurt’s hand during the blood tests, even though Kurt blushed at being babied. Kurt didn’t extract his hand from Burt’s grip though, so he took that as a good sign.
*
“But Dad!” Kurt protested. “I have Glee on Thursday.”
“I’m sorry, really,” Burt said. “But it was the only time they could book us in. I’m sorry. Mercedes will be able to catch you up when she stays over this weekend.” Kurt brightened at the possibility of a sleepover.
“Really?” He asked. “It would be nice for a sleepover with just the two of us.” Burt smiled, ruffling his son’s hair and ignoring his huff of protest.
“You spoil that boy.” Carole said as he watched Kurt skip to his room.
“And you don’t spoil Finn?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. Carole smiled.
*
Burt’s throat constricted as he watched his son leave the doctor’s room, leaving him behind. He buried his head in his hands and let out a choked sob.
Human Immunodeficiency Virus. He repeated the words in his head. A virus only capable of surviving by living in the cells of other organisms. He barely registered the doctor rubbing his back soothingly. The virus incorporates itself into the cells, where are part of the immune system. He struggled not to cry. It leads to the destruction of cells and damages the immune system. He closed his eyes. Sexual contact or sharing drug-injecting equipment are the most common methods of transmission.
He thanked the doctor quickly, before running from the doctor’s room. His son, his baby boy, was either doing drugs or having unprotected sex. He knew Kurt was smart enough not to do drugs, but then he’d thought his baby was smart enough not to have unprotected sex.
*
He felt anger bubbling under the surface. Kurt was silent, sharing in a daze out the window. “How could you?” He yelled. “How could you be so stupid to have unprotected sex? I bought you up to be smarter than that! How could you be so stupid?”
Kurt remained silent during his entire lecture and he wondered if Kurt was even listening to him.
*
Kurt disappeared inside his room the second the car stopped. Burt made himself stop and take a few deep breaths. There was no use in getting angry at Kurt now. Kurt needed his help, his support. He climbed out of the SUV, before making his way into the house. He was glad Carole and Finn weren’t home yet, glad to have some quiet time with his kid.
Burt felt heavy when he entered Kurt’s room, seeing Kurt curled up in the foetal position on his bed. He could hear Kurt trying not to cry, choking back the sobs desperately. Burt felt all his anger leave him as he stepped toward the bed. Kurt tensed as he climbed onto the bed and he tried not to take it personally.
He moved so he was leaning against the headrest, before reaching out and pulling Kurt toward him into a hug. Kurt stiffened slightly, only relaxing slightly.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Burt said softly. “I was just upset that you made a mistake like that.”
Kurt laughed bitterly. “Like he was going to use a condom,” Burt frowned. “He didn’t even listen to me when I said no,” Burt froze as Kurt furiously wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. “I was walking home after Cheerios practise. He grabbed me and dragged me into an alleyway. I tried to fight him off but he was too strong and I was tired. I’m sorry, daddy.” Kurt clutched Burt’s shirt, burying his head in it. He tried to squash the rising anger he felt at the man that violated his little boy, because his little boy needed him right now.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Burt asked. Kurt laughed humourlessly.
“Dad, I don’t tell you half the things that happen at school. You were so devastated after that call, I thought knowing about this could kill you.”
“How did I not notice?” Burt asked quietly. “How are you okay?”
“It’s not your fault. I hid it from you. I pushed past it, hid it,” Kurt replied. “And I’m not okay. Not really. I get freaked around bigger men. I had to change the route I walked home because I had a panic attack every time I walked home. I have nightmares all the time and most of the time I cry myself to sleep,” his voice cracked toward the end. “I just got better at covering it up.”
Burt felt his heart break at the sad way his son told him that, almost as if it were normal. And it probably was to him now.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t notice,” He whispered. “I feel like a failure. Like I failed as your father.” Kurt shook his head, clutching Burt’s hand firmly.
“You’re not a failure. You haven’t failed as a father. You can’t always protect me from the world. I know what the world’s like. You don’t have to protect me and you can’t always.”
“I hate that you know that,” Burt said. “And just because I can’t always protect you doesn’t mean I can’t try.” They stayed silent for a moment before Kurt spoke again.
“I’m scared, dad,” Kurt whispered. “You heard what the doctor said. People with HIV have a higher risk of developing cancer or other illnesses. What if I get cancer like mom? What if I get sick?”
“I can’t promise you anything. I wish I could, believe me I want nothing more than to tell you everything will be fine. I can’t though. All I can tell you is no matter what happens, we’ll do everything in our power to make sure you get through it.”
“Burt, Kurt I’m starting dinner.” Kurt froze as Carole called down from the top of the stairs.
“Don’t worry, buddy. It’s just going to be us tonight. I’m going to get some takeaway leftovers and make sure no one bothers us tonight,” Kurt nodded, giving him a weak, grateful smile. “Kurt,” he hesitated. “I want you to start seeing someone. A psychiatrist, I mean. Once a week maybe. I’ll take an afternoon off every week and drive you.”
Kurt hesitated, licking his lips nervously. “Maybe, dad. I don’t know if I can do that yet.” Burt nodded, before retreating up the stairs.
Kurt didn’t cry himself to sleep that night.
*
Burt was relieved when Kurt reluctantly agreed to see a psychiatrist. He was worried about Kurt’s mental wellbeing, on top of his psychical wellbeing. He worried that Kurt wouldn’t be able to handle treatment if he wasn’t in the right place mentally.
“Do you think we can stop by the newsagency?” Kurt asked shyly as he climbed into Burt’s SUV. Burt looked up, surprised. “Dr. Elizabeth said I should get a journal so I can write everything down. She said I should have something I can write all my thoughts in and something that nobody but me should be able to read.”
“Okay,” he said slowly, pleased Kurt was sharing aspects of his therapy. “We’ll go to newsagency then and you can pick something out.” Kurt smiled gratefully, before reaching forward to change the radio station. Burt raised an eyebrow and Kurt smiled cheekily.
*
Burt could feel Carole’s eyes on him as he explained to Finn not to touch Kurt’s black sketchbook. He knew she was worried and he probably wasn’t help matters by being so mysterious, but his main focus was helping Kurt. And helping Kurt meant making sure nobody read his sketchbook.
“Is something wrong?” Carole asked, concerned as Finn disappeared to go to Rachael’s. “Neither of you have said anything about the blood tests and you were acting all weird that afternoon. Now this.” He reached out and pulled her out to sit on his lap.
“I’m sorry for worrying you. But there’s something Kurt and I have to sort out before I can talk to you,” he said. “I’m sorry but Kurt’s wellbeing comes first and I want him to be ready before I say anything.” This obviously did nothing to settle her, but she finally nodded, before kissing him lightly on the cheek.
“You’re a great man, Burt Hummel and a brilliant father.” She told him, smiling.
“You’re brilliant too.”
*
Burt looked up, startled, as Kurt slammed the front door shut before running straight to his room, slamming that door too. Finn didn’t follow Kurt through the door, so he presumed Finn had decided to go to Rachael’s.
He knocked quietly and when he received no answer he opened the door and climbed down the stairs. Kurt was lying on his stomach in the middle of the bed, his head buried in his pillow. Burt could just make out the muffled cries as he approached the bed, making sure Kurt knew he was approaching.
He sat on the edge of the bed first and when Kurt didn’t tense, Burt moved over so he was sitting beside his son, leaning against the headrest.
“What’s wrong, buddy?” He asked softly.
“Nothing,” came the muffled reply. “You aren’t ready for this conversation.” He frowned, before realising what Kurt meant.
“Do I need my shotgun?” He asked.
“No,” Kurt replied. “It’s just me being stupid.”
“Come on, Kurt buddy. We promised to be honest, remember.” Kurt rolled slightly, glaring at him.
“That’s emotional blackmail,” he said, before sighing and rolling back over. “It’s stupid and unfair.” He mumbled.
“What is?” Burt asked.
“Puck tried to kiss me.”
Burt frowned. “So I do need my shotgun.” He could practically hear his son roll his eyes.
“No,” Kurt said. He was silent for a moment, before sighing. “He tried to kiss me and I pushed him away. I couldn’t do it because of my sickness.”
“Kurt-”
“I know. I know it’s stupid. But I’m worried that if we get together and we want to go further, we can’t. I can’t do that to him. And Puck’s the sort of person where sex in a relationship matters. He wouldn’t be able to wait forever.”
“I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but you should be focusing on getting yourself on track. Maybe once you start treatment, you can start worrying about relationships.” Kurt nodded, rolling over to face his father.
“It sucks when you’re right.” Kurt mumbled.
“But I’m right all the time.” Burt smiled, ducking when Kurt threw one of his pillows at him.
*
“Have you told Carole?” Kurt asked a week later in the car driving home from the psychiatrist. “Dr. Elizabeth says I should start telling people. So it becomes real and I can start dealing with it properly.” Burt nodded, his eyes on the road.
“She’s right. I haven’t told Carole. I think she knows something’s up, but she’s giving us space,” he glanced at Kurt. “Are you going to tell Finn too?” Kurt hesitated.
“Not yet,” he replied. “Carole first. Then maybe I’ll start thinking about telling others. I have to tell Mercedes first though. Then maybe Finn. I don’t know about anyone else.”
Burt nodded. “If Finn’s out tonight, we can talk with Carole after dinner. If you want?”
“I’d like that.”
*
“Wait,” Kurt said, reaching out and putting his hand on his father’s arm. “I- I want to tell her,” Burt nodded, leaning back against the couch, taking Kurt’s hand in his own and squeezing. Carole watched them silently, sitting in the armchair across from the lounge. “You know how I had those blood tests done the other week?” Carole nodded. Kurt took deep breaths and Burt squeezed his hand for support. “I- I have HIV.”
Carole gasped, glancing between Burt and Kurt. Kurt tensed and Burt worried about how she’d react. “Oh, honey,” She leant forward and captured Kurt in a hug, wrapping her arms around him. Kurt and Burt moved so Carole could see on Kurt’s left and Burt reached over to grasp her hand too. “Is there treatment?”
Kurt nodded. “There’s no cure but there’s a cocktail of drugs I’m going to have to take,” he said. “I have some pamphlets you can read if you want.” he offered shyly.
“Of course honey,” she glanced uncertainly between Kurt and Burt. “I don’t mean to be insensitive or to pry but how did this happen?”
Burt focused on his son as Kurt started trembling. “I- I was raped.” He finally stuttered. Carole gasped loudly again, her hand flying to her mouth. Her eyes went wide as she glanced between Burt and Kurt. She hesitated before wrapping her arms around Kurt again. Burt could vaguely make out tears glistening on Carole’s face. He rubbed Kurt’s back soothingly.
*
Carole waited until Kurt and Finn had gone to bed the next night before curling up against him while he was watching The Deadliest Catch. He wrapped his arm around her before reaching over for the remote and turning down the volume.
“Is he okay?” She asked, watching his face carefully. He kept his gaze on the TV.
“He started treatment today,” Burt replied. “He decided with Dr. Elizabeth that he was ready.”
“How’s the therapy going?” She asked. He licked his lips.
“He’s doing better. After Kurt’s session every week I talk to her for a few minutes. She thinks Kurt’s doing better. He doesn’t have nearly as many panic attacks and he doesn’t cry as much. He still has a few nightmares though.” Carole nodded and both of them focused on the TV for a moment.
“Are you okay?” She finally asked, turning to look at him again.
“I’m okay,” he replied. He paused. “I will be okay,” he corrected. “I will be when he gets better. We’re worried, both of us,” he hesitated. “His mother died of cancer and people infected with HIV have a higher risk of developing cancer,” Carole gasped softly. “He’s worried.”
“You don’t think he’ll get sick do you?” Carole asked softly.
“The virus is destroying his immune system,” Burt replied. “He has to have a lot of vaccinations.” Carole nodded.
“I’m here for you,” she whispered. “And so is Finn and Kurt’s other friends when he decides to tell them.”
“Thank you.” Burt smiled, kissing Carole on the cheek.