Fic: Mirror my malady (1/3)

[moya_no_baka]

Title: Mirror my malady
Author: moya_no_baka
Rating: NC-17 overall / R for this part (I guess)
Characters/Pairing: Puck/Kurt
Genre: Crossover, Angst, Romance
Warnings: Somewhat disturbing themes of war crimes and torture (non-graphic), cussing, boy on boy almost-sex (yay!)
Spoilers: General spoilers to ‘X-men’ movies (including ‘X-Men: First Class’), no real spoilers for Glee.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or the universes.
Summary: “I’ve been at the mercy of men just following orders.” Kurt whispered. “Never again.”
Beta: ChelsaOfBakerStreet
Word Count: 19.500+ overall / 6.400+ for this part


A/N:

1) Took me some time to update this story arc and the ‘Supernatural’ crossover seems to go so SLOWLY (I swear I was going to update it last summer :/ ) At this rate I have no idea when I will pull off the SPN chapter. But sometimes an idea just hits you out of nowhere and you HAVE to type it down since it’s not letting go.

But dear god, it turned out WAY longer then I first predicted it to be.

2) A word on the M-rated part of this fic: I don’t think I can write dirty talk T_T
My fic sex scenes are usually pretty much wordless and somewhat tamed, so I am trying to challenge myself with this series. Not sure I am succeeding.
(Dialogues are generally not my strongest side.)

3) There are some German translations at the end of the fic - thanks to lillian_raven, who is all kinds of awesome :)
(Free tip: Copy and paste translations to notepad for easier reading - no need to scroll up and down the page all the time)

4) Fic title from song “Wolf like me” by TV on the radio

5) Fic is a stand-alone type but it's a part of larger universe and it will make more sense if you read "Purple", "You cling on to all the good times" and "The path I fear to tread".

6) Also, I just had a most amazing idea for Glee/Avengers/X-Men crossover <3
Which leads me to the next issue: I need help with creating codenames for Kurt and Puck. If you leave your suggestions you get some brownie points and credits if I use them :P

7) Also:
I am writing porn at work computer while working with customers and listening to their little kids screaming and playing around.


(No, seriously, there is something wrong with me. I wrote a blowjob scene while some brat was throwing a tantrum right next to my shop stand and I wasn’t even bothered by it.)

*****************************************************************************

Noun
malady (plural maladies)
1. Any ailment or disease of the human body; especially, a lingering or deep-seated disorder.
2. A moral or mental defect or disorder.

************

“When an individual acquires a great power, the use or misuse of that power is everything. Will it be for greater good, or will it be used for personal or for destructive ends. Now, this is a question we must all ask ourselves. Why? Because we are mutants. For psychics this presents a particular problem - when it is acceptable to use our power and when do we cross that invisible line that turns us into tyrants over our fellow men?”
- Prof. Charles Xavier, ‘X-Men: The Last Stand’

************

Kurt felt frozen in his spot. He couldn’t move a muscle, couldn’t react at all. He felt like he couldn’t even breathe and was afraid that if he blinked, then everything will turn up to be one huge, disappointing daydream. If he moved now the entire thing would crumble to ashes all around him.

“This is bullshit!” Santana waved at the TV where a conference took place in front of Worthington Laboratories. A middle-aged man was standing at the podium with dozens of microphones before him, talking about the biggest breakthrough in modern-day medicine. “What the hell is that talk about ‘the cure’? We’re not sick!”

Kurt had to close his eyes for a moment, since his vision turned blurry with tears after he tried to keep them open for so long. He desperately wanted someone to pinch him, to wake him up before he started to really believe it.

“This is bad.” Rachel wrung her hands, clearly anxious because of the news and the ramifications that would soon occur. She was undoubtedly thinking about her fathers, safely tucked away in New York. “Do you guys think it will stay voluntary?”

Kurt just felt numb. Slowly, he stood from his spot on the couch where the group gathered to watch some action-flick, only to have their entertainment cut short by sudden news announcement. Half-blindly he stumbled toward the huge arched windows, looking at the world outside. The mansion grounds were covered in thick layer of mist, the morning being exceptionally chilly. Absent-mindedly he thought that Storm should have done something to fix this gloomy weather. He desperately wished for Noah to be here, to be his grounding point in the midst of all the emotions that stormed inside him, but the other boy was away for the day, visiting his mother and little sister.

If he had been a religious person, Kurt would say that the alleged cure was the answer to his prayers. But he did not pray and he did not believe in higher power. There was only evolution, mutation and development, biology always changing and reshaping. He stopped thinking of himself as a freak long time ago, thanks to his father and friends, but the powers that rested within his mind were still as much of a burden as they were from the very first day he manifested. If there was really a cure - then it was unnatural, something to fight against the will of nature that created mutants in the first place. It was entirely illogical to think that you could fight a progressing evolution without nature fighting right back.

But to be free of constantly keeping your guard up, to truly be able to feel every emotion without fearing that it might slip from under his control...

“Kurt?” Mercedes’ voice tore him away from his thoughts and he turned slightly, to look back at his friend. The entire group was looking at him with a mix of uncertainty and a little bit of apprehension “You alright?”

“Not really.” He gave her a weak smile. “But I will be.”

****************

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!”

Kurt startled while filing his nails, his hands twitching and sending the pointy end of the file to stab at his cuticle. Ouch.

“What are you talking about?” The soprano mumbled around the injured finger on which he sucked lightly. He knew that the action was completely pointless since it didn’t lessen the mild pain any, but people had that weird habit of putting minor cuts in their mouths. It was kind of gross, if you thought about it.

“About you wanting to volunteer for the fucking cure!” Puck shut the door to Kurt’s room, loud enough to rattle the framed pictures on the connecting wall. “Are you insane?”

“Hello to you too, Noah. Nice to see you back home.”

“Don’t get smart with me, Hummel.” Kurt long ago learned how to recognize if Puck was angry with him - not that the other boy wasn’t as transparent as a cellophane sheet - but yelling and switching to his family name was usually the first visible sign. Usually Kurt would know he was in deep trouble with the other boy but right then he couldn’t find it in him to give a shit.

“What do you want me to say?” Kurt shrugged, still seated by his desk, as he inspected the damage done to his nail.

“How about, ‘I had gone bat-shit crazy for a while but I am all better now’?” Puck huffed, having enough of being ignored and grabbing Kurt’s wrist, pulling the hand away from under Kurt’s gaze. His touch was firm and not hurting, but being handled that way still made Kurt angry all the same.

“Let go of me!” Kurt yanked his arm back, finally rising from his chair and squaring his shoulders, as if getting ready for a fight. He had no intention on backing out of his decision.

“Listen to me, Hummel.” Puck got close into the empath’s face, eyes narrowing in anger. “You are NOT doing this. I will not let you.” He raised his hand and slapped it over Kurt’s mouth to keep him quiet when the other teenager opened it to protest. “You are not going to screw yourself up with this. You do not need it the cure, Kurt, because you are not sick.”

“I don’t recall it being your decision!” Kurt pushed the other boy away from where he’d been backed into a wall. It felt like he was being cornered in his own room and he definitely didn’t like the feeling. “It’s my choice and I am going to do it.” He raised his head a little in defiance, giving the other boy a hard, cold look. “I am going to be normal again.”

“You are normal!” Puck shouted in exasperation, his hands resting heavily on the empath’s shoulders. He felt like giving the other teen a hard shake until something rattled loose in that crazy head of his and he started to see reason again.

“You know, out of all people I thought you would understand but you have no clue, do you?” Kurt shook off the grip, taking a step back and pushing Puck away. “There is not a single day that I am not thinking about all of this. I am not like you guys, your powers don’t threaten to turn others crazy if you are having a bad day. Almost every single day I get a headache from constantly keeping my shields up. Every day is a fucking struggle to stay sane, and I am so sick of it.” Kurt turned away from the other boy, focusing on the dirt spot on the wall, as if it was the most interesting sight in the world. He couldn’t make himself look at Puck, fearing that he might give in if Puck was really that determined to talk him out of it. “Every day is constant battle and it makes me sick to the bone that I have to fight myself all the time, because if I let go it’s not only me that will get hurt, it’s others as well.”

“It will get better. Professor X had been teaching you and it got better, right?” Puck somewhat hated himself for the naive hope that was clear in his voice. “You just have to keep learning.”

“No.” Kurt shook his head and turned towards the other boy, tears welling in his eyes. “When I heard about the cure... It was a light of hope, Noah. A way to finally be free of pain, of this endless battle with my own mind. The end of losing control and hurting myself and others. The end of being too scared to touch others, so I don’t accidentally get pulled into their emotions and memories. The end of barriers crumbling into nothing because of the emotions around me, end of hopelessness and panic rooms and being so hurt that I could barely move.” He looked back at Puck now, tears almost falling from his eyes, kept at bay only by the tattered remains of his will. “I feel like I am slowly going insane and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.”

Puck offered only silence for his confession but Kurt could see the muscles of his jaw twitching, like he wanted to say something and was holding himself back.

“If you take it you’ll have to move out. You will have to leave the school.”

Kurt wasn’t stupid; he knew exactly what Noah was not saying.

You would have to leave me.

“I know.” Kurt sobbed. “But I can’t keep on like this. I am not strong enough and one day it’s going to be too much and I won’t be able to cope, because it’s already so hard to recover from when my shields get fried. One day it’s going to kill me, Noah, and that thought is scaring the shit out of me. I need it to stop. I need to stop being afraid.”

Puck wanted to say something, shout, reason with the empath but he couldn’t find words. He wanted to hold him close, tell him that everything was going to be alright, but he was too angry to do that. He felt torn between a need to make it better and telling the other boy to fuck off and leave him alone.

“Can we at least learn more about it, before you jump into it head first?” Puck sighed, shoulders sagging in defeat. “See how other mutants react, if there are side effects?”

“Yes.” Kurt nodded. “I was about to do it anyways.” He looked up at the older boy, still clearly angry at him, judging from the way he was once again avoiding looking at him.” I can’t live like this anymore, Noah. I just can’t.”

****************

As it turned out, Kurt’s idea of ‘learning more about it’ was vastly different from his. He never would have suspected that the empath was the type to sneak out at night to go to the more shady part of the city. Kurt told him that one of his semi-friends from his old school still talked to him though Skype and while the ex-classmate was a mutant as well, his and Kurt’s opinions were nearly completely opposite. It was his idea for them to attend one of the meetings of ‘his people’, as he put it.

“He thinks it’s the government's way to control us.” Kurt shrugged and then snuggled deeper inside his camel coat to protect himself from the evening chill. They were walking through a seemingly abandoned back alley. “Wes is thinking about joining an anti-cure movement.”

Good for him, Puck thought.

He still didn’t think that it was a good idea. He didn’t really have much against sneaking out at night - he wasn’t exactly a saint himself - but the whole ‘mutant initiative’ meeting seemed shady even to him. He didn’t really think Kurt would get enough information from it - if any - but he was willing to let Kurt call the shots. Hell, if the meeting turned out to be one huge anti-cure manifest, then maybe Kurt would have a reason to reconsiders his decisions.

The Holy Trinity Church was their destination and it was partially ruined and not exactly welcoming. Huge yellow posters screaming ‘No humans allowed!” might have something to do with that. Puck could feel others staring, both of them sticking out like sore thumbs in the midst of the poorly dressed and roughed up mutants - it seemed like tattoos and piercings in any possible part of the body were the preferred style. Nobody seemed to pay them any real attention though, and that was good enough for him.

The meeting was, to tell the truth, slightly boring. They didn’t really learn anything new and the rumors that were flying around couldn’t be trusted without a reliable source. Some said that the cure was and would remain voluntary, to help those who are bothered by their mutation, or those whose mutation changed their appearance to the point that it was impossible for them to blend with humans. Some said that the government would force the cure on the rest of the mutant population if not enough of them agree to accept it. Others would stand up and talk about the horrible side effects that the ‘cured’ mutants would suffer, but when questioned about their knowledge it turned out to be only rumors that they heard flying around.

“This is a waste of time.” Kurt had a sour look on his face, obviously disappointed in the proceedings as much as Puck was. “And when I talk to Wes the next time I will tell him exactly what I think about those meetings of his.” He almost turned to leave, glad that they stuck to the back of the church, where they were close to the exit. The meeting was growing louder and louder with each passing minute.

“Don’t move.” Puck hissed and grabbed his arm as Kurt moved, holding him in steel grip.

“Wha--”

“Wait.” With the slight move of his head Puck pointed towards the middle of the dais that became a speech platform for the evening. He was liking this less and less by the second.

“They want to exterminate us!” A black and purple-haired girl called out towards the current speaker, voicing a worry that was on many people’s minds that evening.

“This cure is voluntary.” The thin man waved his arms. “Nobody is talking about extermination.”

“No one ever talks about it.” A voice rang out through the church, causing people to turn their heads, looking for the source. “They just do it.”

Kurt froze in his spot. Out of all the mutants in the world, he was the one they did not want to see tonight.

Magneto looked somewhat tired and more than a little haggard but nevertheless, he stood tall and proud as he launched into a speech about mutant extermination. Kurt could feel the crowd’s agitation and he knew the meeting would be cut short. He tugged on Puck’s hand, hoping that the other boy would get the message and he did. They slipped quietly out of the door and out of sight.

The outside was still chilly and a light drizzle started while they were indoors. Kurt tugged the coat tighter around himself and they started up the alley, hoping to get away as quickly and as silently as possible.

“I don’t think so.”

John was standing in their way to the exit along with several other mutants Kurt did not know. He quickly turned his head to look for another exit from the alley but the other side was blocked as well.

“That’s them.” A dark-skinned woman with sleek ponytail and more tattoos than was necessary stepped out of the church’s side entrance, followed shortly by Magneto himself. “They are new. I know every mutant in this neighborhood and I’ve never seen them before.”

“That’s because they are Professor's puppets.” Pyro clearly wasn’t happy to see them. “Come to spy on us, did you?”

Puck reached out slightly, his hand automatically finding Kurt’s side and pulling the other boy slightly behind him as Pyro stepped towards the pair. Acting on auto-pilot, Kurt turned around until they were back to back, so he could keep an eye on Magneto and the other side of the alley. So far the older man said or did nothing, other than studying them with calculating eyes.

“Look dude, we were here for the meeting, that’s all. Let us through and we can all go our separate ways.”

“I don’t think we can do that.” John smirked. “We can’t have you running back to the Professor.”

Puck didn’t even have to think. Dropping to the ground and pulling Kurt down with him the equations and formulas passed through his brain in a split second. In one moment he calculated the difference of mass and density. The changes in molecules and gravity and force. The electron binding energy and weight of atom needed for the change.

In the few seconds between pulling them to ground and flattening his palms against cold concrete of the alley, Puck already knew everything he needed to know. The tingle underneath his skin was a familiar feeling, as he pushed through the molecules of the concrete, taking what he needed and using it as he wished.

A pillar made of bricks and stone pushed from the church’s wall right next to Pyro with amazing speed, slamming into his side and throwing him across the narrow alley to the opposite wall. The impact of his body was audible and Puck thought it was a satisfying sound. He quickly turned his power to the mutants behind Pyro, thrusting up a wall between them, more than ten feet high. He couldn’t manipulate objects into desired result without taking the equivalent matter from another source, so he used the opportunity to punch a hole in the church’s wall next to them, big enough to serve as an escape route.

“Run!” He shouted over his shoulder to Kurt. “I’m right behind you!”

Kurt sprang to his feet, in a matter of second hitting the makeshift exit when he heard a pained grunt behind him and turned his head to look.

Puck had been pinned to the wall with what seemed to be elements of old, rusty scaffolding and torn pipes. His back was flat against the building’s wall, metal bands wrapping over his torso like a net and another winding across his throat to keep him from trashing around. He could have freed himself with his power, if it was not for the metal twisting around his upper arms and wrists, keeping him well from touching anything he could manipulate into a different shape.

“Puck!” Kurt ran back, not caring about the escape anymore (he was sure Noah would bitch about that fact later), his hands grabbing the metal bands and trying to pry them away. In response, they only seemed to wrap around him tighter and Puck let out a hiss of pain, followed by a string of colorful Jewish swearing.

Kurt whipped around, his gaze zeroing on the person responsible. Magneto had come closer, standing just few steps away from them, hand stretched out slightly.

“Let him go,” Kurt demanded, one hand still on the bands around other boy’s chest. “We haven’t come here to spy on you, so just leave us the hell alone.”

“It is not my policy to use my powers against children.” Magneto said, sounding almost sincere. “However, at this moment we cannot let you go back to Charles.” He ignored the murmur of voices around them, as the gathered mutants realized just how much power the old man had. “I believe it would be sufficient if you stayed here for couple more hours, until we put some distance between us.”

“No.” Kurt snapped back. None of the X-Men trusted Magneto as far as they could throw him, so Kurt didn’t really see a reason to start now. Not after he almost killed Marie.

“I’m not really giving you a choice, I’m afraid.” Magneto put down his hand but the metal bands still stayed in place, rendering Puck immobile. “Please take them inside.” He called out to the dark-skinned girl that identified them earlier. “They are not to be harmed.”

Magneto was wrong, though. Kurt did have a choice.

So far he had done it only in training but he was determined for it to work. Closing his eyes for a moment, hearing the steps of approaching girl, he let himself go.

The usually unwelcome sensation of being submerged in warm water came as a relief this time. It filled his ears, his eyes, his mouth, muffling the sounds around him, washing over his nerve endings in soothing wave. Opening his eyes, the empath couldn’t help the slight flinch when his vision changed - it happened every time - and the world burst in multitude of colors.

He could feel Noah next to him, his yellow worry and red anger and the unique, azure blue that only he had. In a second he had catalogued his colors and dismissed them, taking them in as Noah’s signature and excluding from his targets. Inhaling deeply, he took in the others.

Magneto was gray and green, an aura of calmness dense and solid, not unlike the Professor's. The girl coming to take them away was light red and blue - somewhat angry and annoyed. He focused on her, stretching his mind towards her colors and pushing.

She screamed. For one terrible moment Kurt was reminded of the way Karofsky and Azimio screamed and writhed on the ground the first time he manifested, but dismissed the thought - that was accident and this was self-defense. This was the reason he was getting lessons - so he could control his power and not do any more damage than he absolutely needed to.

The girl fell to her knees, clutching her head like it was about to explode. The colors of the crowd changed to orange confusion and then anger. It was something he could work with, so he took a couple of steps forward, minding that he was reducing his distance to Magneto, but he needed to move closer in order to use his powers. He grasped the swirling red with his mind, pulling, seeing the tendrils of white panic wrapping around red, the strings of black fear worming its way out of other mutants. He pulled and pushed, twisting them so they finally snapped back and lashed out on their owners.

People screamed, some in pain, some in fear. Some collapsed, others ran away, the few that remained frozen in spot soiled themselves because of the doubled, sometimes tripled emotional impact he just inflicted on them.

Kurt turned his gaze towards Magneto, who was standing close - so close Kurt could touch him if he stretched out his arm - but his aura seemed hardly changed. The man himself didn’t seem to move at all but his eyes grew hard and assessing, evaluating, as if Kurt was some kind of highly interesting specimen he hasn’t seen before. Kurt was not interested in finding out what exactly made Magneto achieve such impressive level of inner Zen, he just wanted to make sure they had safe escape from this place. He pulled his mind open even more, feeling his empathy flare up on the synapses in his brain, waking up the usually dormant parts of his power that made him see more than just colors. He was judging the best way to break through that layer of calmness for something negative, something he could work with...

“Look out!” Puck’s shout broke through the barrier that was shutting him away from the outside world and he turned out just in time to see Pyro, who had apparently gathered himself up after Puck’s attack, hurling a ball of fire in his direction. He ducked; jumping away from it in panic but his feet caught on the alley debris and caused him to lose his balance. He reached for something by pure instinct, anything to break his fall and his hands found Magneto’s clothes. One hand twisted into the older man’s cloak, the other clasped around other mutant’s arm, and he twisted his body so he fell on his knees rather than his face. Magneto staggered under the sudden weight, clearly surprised by the action. It all happened in span of couple of seconds.

But it was enough.

Pain like he never felt before ran through him like a sword and Kurt wrenched his hand away from Magneto’s skin, an agonized sound dying in the back of his throat. He jerked back, off balance, knees and hands scraping against the rough concrete of the alley, not paying attention to splintered wood and shattered glass. His back hit the wall of the church, just a few feet away from where Noah was still imprisoned and then he froze.

Fire ran along the planes of his mind, leaving devastation behind. It branded him with needles, burned right through his own aura, brighter than anything he had ever seen or felt, brighter than the sun, brighter than actual fire, brighter than the fires of a crematorium...

Puck watched in terror as Kurt started to scream and curled onto himself, shaking almost like he was having some kind of seizure. The scream was horrible, nothing like Puck had heard before. Kurt sounded like he was dying, like something was killing him, slithering in his body and eating him from the inside. The mutants from the crowd who recovered faster than the rest were staring at him in open terror.

Kurt couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe, he could only scream. His life was dancing before his eyes like flashcards, like liquid lightning that burned away his skin, until it left behind nothing but charred bones. Everything was like a vertigo of memories that were jammed into his head all at once, making his mind expand, resonate in pain and feel like it was about to explode.

And then it stopped.

Puck’s breath stopped as well and he could only watch as Kurt let out last, violent shudder and then Kurt’s scream died, ending up with a low, raspy note that could only incline how raw his throat must feel from all the screaming. The long fingers that were twisted into his own hair as pain ate through him slowly unclenched, trembling in a way that could not be controlled. Kurt raised his head, just slightly and Puck saw that the empath’s eyes were empty, glossed over and with fright he thought that they looked like the eyes of a dead person.

“Wo bin ich?”

Kurt looked at his hands as he lowered them from his hair and for a moment he looked surprised.

Why was his skin so smooth? He hasn’t looked like this for decades...

“Was ist passiert?”

“Kurt?”

Something in that name seemed familiar and Kurt raised his head, looking at the boy pinned to the wall by the invisible force. He knew that boy...

“...Noah?” He whispered, feeling suddenly unsettled and light-headed, like he had just come down from a merry-go-round. “Was ist hier los?”

Puck looked at him, worry and fear in his eyes and then turned his head towards someone that Kurt hasn’t noticed before. “What the fuck have you done to him?”

Kurt looked up and froze.

He was looking at himself. He recognized his features, his eyes heavy with experience, his own wrinkled face, his white hair. It suddenly occurred to him that last time he checked he didn’t have the ability to split himself in two.

Pain hit him again, causing him to jerk violently back, head smacking against the wall, only adding insult to the injury. It isn’t you, a quiet voice in his head called out.

It isn’t you.

“Es tut weh!” He screamed, feeling tears springing to his eyes when agony laced its way through his mind, shredding the memories he already had and twisting in the ones he couldn’t recall that well. “Bitte, jemand soll machen, dass es aufhört!”

He could feel something pushing to the front of his mind, a memory he didn’t recognize (--barbed wire and screams of dying people and digging graves and the stench of dead bodies and the--) and when he tried to focus enough to take a closer look the pain that responded had him screaming again.

“Beruhige dich.” A hand rested gently on one of his shoulders, the other carefully cradling the back of his head to prevent him from hurting himself again. He froze. “Hol tief Luft für mich.”

Something in that voice made him obey and he took in a shuddering breath, letting it out after a second in something that half-resembled a sob.

“Langsam. Ein. Und aus.”

He followed the instructions and thankfully, after a moment the pain seemed to pass, leaving him weak and boneless. His body slumped forward, his head resting on the shoulder of the person who just helped him.

Kurt knew now that it wasn’t himself he was looking at. It was Magneto.

“Say your name for me.” A quiet voice. A soothing voice.

“I... I am...”

Magneto pulled away, hands still resting on Kurt’s shoulders, the touch somewhat calming him and preventing the raging inferno in his mind.

Kurt looked at the older mutant, at the age-old eyes and shuddered. He looked at the man crouching in front of him and tried to put together the puzzle of his memories, scrambled into hundreds of pieces.

Instead of replying, Kurt slowly raised his hand and touched Magneto’s wrist - Magneto let him - and moved the sleeve of the warm sweater upwards, until a row of faded numbers showed on the skin. Blinking slowly, he reached for his own arm; his skin was smooth and unblemished like always.

“I remember getting these.” Kurt’s voice trembled as he stared at the tattoo, his mind not really comprehending the difference between his and Magneto’s arms. “I remember how it felt to be branded like cattle and I remember the face of the man who gave me this.”

Kurt looked into Magneto’s eyes and could see right through the man. Shame, regret, genuine worry. He didn’t even need to see his colors.

“I remember Doctor Schmidt.” Magneto seemed to flinch at these words, so slightly that you would have missed it if you weren’t looking. “I remember Sonderkommando... The smell of burning bodies and the piles of hair and shoes and the golden teeth and...”

“I am so very sorry, Kurt.” Magneto-- no, Erik looked disturbed, his hands clenching briefly on Kurt’s shoulders. “This isn’t something you should ever have memories of.”

Kurt just stared, as if he hadn’t heard him, or maybe because of the memories pressing forward in his mind, swirling and intense to the point of making him nauseous.

The bonds keeping Puck in place fell down, making the surprised boy fall to the ground ungracefully. He gathered himself quickly but seemed hesitant to approach them.

“No!” Kurt startled them both with his outburst, a shuddering breath that left his lungs in great whoosh of air. “I can’t! Don’t go---“ The empath didn’t continue, shaking his head as if he wanted to clear his foggy thoughts. His fingers clenched the front of Erik’s sweater again, twisting into the fabric with desperate need to hold on. He was feeling dizzy, confused, like he was having an out-of-body experience. He wasn’t even aware of tears rolling down his cheeks as he struggled for words.

“Listen to me, child.” Erik’s hands cradled his face, gently, skin paper-thin and withered with age. It was comforting, somehow, and Kurt didn’t want to let go of that comfort. “You shouldn’t be subjected to memories that are not your own, much less these kind of memories. Forcing you to relieve them would be the height of cruelty.”

Kurt looked ready to protest again, words choking in the back of his throat.

“Take him home.” Magneto addressed Puck, giving the other boy a sad stare. “Charles can help him forget again.”

****************

Hank liked this less and less by the second.

It wasn’t that he minded acting like a primary medic for the school - God knew he did it enough times in the past before and now with Jean missing after pulling a resurrection act he was needed once again- but he had forgotten how much it hurt him to see others in pain.

When Charles asked him for an assistant he didn’t expect this.

He shone a pen light into Kurt’s eyes and the boy flinched a little, but if you had not looked for that reaction you would have missed it. His pupils reacted accordingly but that itself was a small comfort.

“Can you try something for me?” Hank gently took the boy’s hand, making sure the tips of their fingers met, skin to skin, with no isolation of his fur between them. “I want you to try reading me, just a little, on the surface emotions. Tell me if something feels wrong.”

Kurt blinked, as if not comprehending for a moment, and then he frowned, looking for something, pulling his power from the inside... and screamed.

The empath curled onto himself on the infirmary cot where he had been sitting ever since Puckerman dragged him in. Noah was standing silently by the infirmary wall so far during the examination, but now he was by the bed in a heartbeat, gentle hands pulling Kurt down on the cot, until he was laying half on his side, face buried in soft blankets.

“As I feared,” Hank muttered to himself, noting something on boy’s chart. Rummaging for something in one of the infirmary cabinets, he gave the boys a moment of privacy.

When this was all over, he would have to talk to Charles about upping the security in school - when he was still a resident here, the idea of two kids slipping out during such troubled times was unheard of.

“Kurt, can you focus for me?” Hank asked, one huge but gentle hand resting on the empath’s shoulder, slowly turning the boy so he would reveal his face. Kurt’s eyebrows were pulled together in pain but he seemed alert. “Good, I need you to listen to me very closely now.”

Kurt nodded.

“I am going to give you an injection.” Hank showed him the automatic syringe he held in his palm, having loaded a proper medication into it. “It is called a psi inhibitor. Normally I don’t recommend using it, especially on people whose powers are connected with their minds, but at the moment I don’t see any other choice for you. Are you following?”

Another nod.

“It is going to shut down the parts of the neurosynapses in your brain that are responsible for your empathy. Some of them were seriously damaged in the recent... attack. I feel it is necessary to give your body a jump-start towards healing.” Noah was listening closely as well, a small frown on his brow. Hank wondered if his mother was ever forced to use it. “The only problem is, it’s going to affect the healthy synapses as well. It is going to shut down your empathy completely for a period of time.”

He could see Kurt didn’t understand what his problem was.

“Kurt, as an empath you created emotional bonds with people, sometimes so primal that you are not even aware of them being there.” He could see Kurt’s eyes widen a little bit as realization hit him. “All those connections, big and small, are going to shut down because of the inhibitor. It’s not going to be painful, but very uncomfortable and probably pretty scary. Are you okay with this?”

“A---another option?” Kurt rasped out and that quiet sound was scratchy enough to make Hank wonder just for how long he had been screaming.

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “There isn’t really another option, kid.”

“Do it.” Kurt sighed, his hands seeking Noah’s and relaxing just a little bit when the other boy grasped it.

“It’s quick acting.” Hank warned as he pressed the syringe to the inner side of Kurt’s elbow and released the plunger. Kurt didn’t even flinch at the feeling.

It took a minute before anything happened, Hank watching him like a hawk but finally, suddenly, Kurt’s eyes widened and he took in a long, shuddering breath. Puck could feel him stiffen on the bed, muscles pulling tight when the drug started to work.

“It’s ok.” Hank rested one giant hand just above Kurt’s collarbone, leaning a little over the infirmary cot to watch him and make sure no side effects occurred. His hand was heavy and comforting in a way but Kurt didn’t really pay much attention, too busy trying to breathe. “I know it’s scary but it will pass and when it’s over all the connections you had will still be there. I promise.”

Kurt’s brain registered the words but their meaning seemed to be too hard for him to grasp. He could feel each layer of empathy being stripped from his mind like used linens and while getting rid of his empathy once would make him rejoice; now it was just really fucking scary.

He could feel his power dying off and the bonds with other people withering away. He didn’t even know he had them. In some small way, he was aware of his bond with his dad and Noah and even Mercedes - he was always able to tell if they were okay, if they were sad or happy. It was like a second nature to him, something he stopped paying attention long time ago. But he didn’t know he had so many different primary bonds that were residing deep in his mind. Rachel, Finn, Brittany, Marie, Mike, Bobby, almost all his classmates, Storm and even Logan was there... and he could feel each and every bond stretch out in desperation to try to stay connected, but they all snapped either way, leaving him alone in his mind. He was aware of the small, pathetic sound he could hear in the background and only after a moment he realized it was his own whimpers bouncing off the infirmary walls.

“Shhh.” Someone whispered in his ear and Kurt knew it must have been Noah. Usually he could feel his presence when the other boy was near but now that place in him that Noah resided in was cold and empty and alone. “Everything it going to be ok, you’ll see.”

But he didn’t see, because the world before his eyes started to gray out at the edges and soon he knew no more.

*****************************************************************************

German translations (thanks to wonderful lillian_raven):

Wo bin ich? - Where am I?
Was ist passiert? - What happened?
Was ist hier los? - What is going on?
Es tut weh! - It hurts!
Bitte, jemand soll machen, dass es aufhört! - Someone make it stop, please!
Beruhige dich. - Calm down.
Hol tief Luft für mich. - Take a deep breath for me.
Langsam. Ein. Und aus. - Slowly. In. And out.