(no subject)
So I've made the decision to quit my job. I've been looking a week or two and had a few calls and e-mails so I'm fairly confident I'll find a new job pretty quick. I just can't work here anymore. I have no motivation to get anything done. Louise has food poisoning and I had to stay home yesterday to take care of her. The meds she was on made her loopy. It was so nice not to have to come here. This morning all I wanted to do was stay home, but I forced myself to come in.
I feel like I'm going crazy. It's similar to the way I felt when I dropped out of college. Like the world is spinning around me out of control. I want to cry all the time, and I never cry. I want to sleep all day. Food doesn't really appeal, I have a few things I'll eat and I just eat them all the time. At least this time it's mainly sandwhiches, last time it was Rice Crispy treats. I don't know if this is the job, or my love life, or winter or what. I don't know what to do. I know I should probably go to a shrink or something but I don't see the point. I won't go on medications and I see no percentage in talking about it. I don't have any specific problems that I can fix. Talking doesn't get me a boyfriend or a job I like. I'm so tired of talking about it all. I hate that wanting a boyfriend means that much to me. I don't know how to turn off the bad thoughts in my head. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone. I just want my life - the world - to stop for a little while so I can get myself together again. I didn't want this to happen again. Is this just going to keep happening? Every few years my sanity just crumbles around me and I can't deal with my life anymore. I want it to stop. I want to be happy and enjoy things again. I want to not feel lonely all the time. I want to stop feeling like I'm coming out of my skin. I want to see some sort of end to this.
I should be working but I've just been wandering the internet all morning. I thought if I got this out here it would make me feel a little bit better. I guess it did, a little. I need to get to work. I can't leave if this place is a mess. I just wish I could find a way to care.
I feel like I'm going crazy. It's similar to the way I felt when I dropped out of college. Like the world is spinning around me out of control. I want to cry all the time, and I never cry. I want to sleep all day. Food doesn't really appeal, I have a few things I'll eat and I just eat them all the time. At least this time it's mainly sandwhiches, last time it was Rice Crispy treats. I don't know if this is the job, or my love life, or winter or what. I don't know what to do. I know I should probably go to a shrink or something but I don't see the point. I won't go on medications and I see no percentage in talking about it. I don't have any specific problems that I can fix. Talking doesn't get me a boyfriend or a job I like. I'm so tired of talking about it all. I hate that wanting a boyfriend means that much to me. I don't know how to turn off the bad thoughts in my head. I don't want to hurt myself or anyone. I just want my life - the world - to stop for a little while so I can get myself together again. I didn't want this to happen again. Is this just going to keep happening? Every few years my sanity just crumbles around me and I can't deal with my life anymore. I want it to stop. I want to be happy and enjoy things again. I want to not feel lonely all the time. I want to stop feeling like I'm coming out of my skin. I want to see some sort of end to this.
I should be working but I've just been wandering the internet all morning. I thought if I got this out here it would make me feel a little bit better. I guess it did, a little. I need to get to work. I can't leave if this place is a mess. I just wish I could find a way to care.