above babel, far from this world
I was talking to Anna, and she fell asleep ("o asre neab!") so I have nothing to do.
Hello, folks. I've been real busy. No Time to get online or check my mail, even. Did you miss me? I sure as hell did. Too many things have been happening, so I don't really know where to start. :-?
This is going to be a long one, I think.
OK go.
Have you read ztrin's latest post, btw? It's true. This deadly flu thing is no joke, apparently. And I have been having fever on and off for the past week, plus coughing quite a bit- though I try to control it when I'm around people. I went to the doctor alone today :(( because AL said he would disown me if I didn't get myself checked, so I did. The doc said if I don't get well in 3 days, I'd have to go to hospital and get myself X-rayed. You know, get tested for the SARS thing. I don't want to check myself in hospital, I hear there are loads dying in there and I just don't want to go, OK. I hate hospitals. I really do. I'm sorry if I sound melodramatic, but you know, I don't really want to die. And I'm really quite ill. I feel weak, although I can sit up in my computer chair and type and stuff. Which is good, because I couldn't even get out of bed this morning.
It's scary. One infected person sneezes in the bus, and everyone in that bus will get infected as well. Schools have been shut down, from primary to junior colleges. I'm in a polytechnic, I think it's like...a technical school for you guys or something? Well, anyway, my school is still going on as per usual. It just doesn't make sense. I was walking to the doctor just now (in the rain, getting splashed by fucking cars from head to toe? not my idea of fun.) and not a single kid in the streets. Nobody below the age of 18. The stores were empty. The nurses were wearing those protective masks things which made them look like evil dentists. Everyone here has forgotten about the war in Iraq. A few days ago, everyone would be gathered around the television sets in the canteens during lunch, worrying about the war. Now we're all discussing SARS victims instead. Well, everyone who still goes to school anyway. I didn't go today, won't go tomorrow as well. If I really am infected, I don't think i should go to school and spread it to people I love.
I'm really quite scared, you know. It's hard to talk about it with people from real life, because they worry so and it just freaks me out.
Also, the L.A. thing. I'm dying (ahaha) to go. But the lady told us that everything is pretty tentative, because of the war. It's pretty complicated, but I hear the U.S. is thinking of blacklisting Singapore because of this SARS thing. As in, nobody's allowed to go in and out from Singapore. My teacher told us Singapore's the third country in the list of places dangerously infected with this thing, so. I don'r know. Plus the war. Which I already mentioned. I really want to go to L.A. though.
I'm getting tired.
Um, what else, what else. Oh yeah, school's killing me man. This term is hellacious. I've been getting alll sorts of setbacks in my documentary about hospice patients, it's pretty mad. Disheartening when you put in so much effort and nothing comes out of it. Lots of lots of work. Even the most cheerful and hardworking students in school? They're going mad from the pressure. It's just pretty stupid how a deadly virus is sweeping across the country and everyone in school is just fucking stressed about homework and deadlines. This is a pretty stupid country, yeah?
Trin, I need your help man. Essay. No joke. I will die if I have to do it alone. Help, man. Help. Help help help help help.
So yeah, school sucks. Nothing new. Ivan's been pissing me off left, right and centre. And you know what? We act like we don't even know each other anymore. AL thinks he's a jerk, I'm slowly losing any soft spots for him. Ivan, I mean. Whatever, this is not important anyway.
What else, what else. Oh, I haven't seen my niece in 2 months. After the whole big fight between my parents and my sisters, well they kinda just dropped out of my life. And it's so depressing. After the doc's, I walked past a bakery and I saw a Powerpuff Girls birthday cake and I just started bawling. Because my niece, she loved them you see. Only she loves Digimon as well and keeps getting them mixed up and calls them "Digipuff". Haha. What a sweetie. I miss her. I don't really know where she is, I think my sisters' handphone lines all got cut off. I miss her hell of a lot, but there's not much I can do about it.
Last Sunday, I broke down because my mum had difficulty breathing and was crying on the couch, asking for my younger sister. My mother is seriously ill and apparently she's dying, in case you didn't know. I don't really love my mum, but it's still pretty horrible to watch. I mean, I'd have cried if it was any other person curled up on that couch and crying for someone else to come. I ran to my room and cried because I felt really hurt and stupid. Damaged. Because my whole life, my mum didn't love me really, and now she's going to die. It's hard to explain. I'd just go through life thinking, wow my own mother didn't love me at all and now she's dead. Uh...I'm not sure how to explain it, like I said. Never mind.
I'm so tired, man. I want everything to stop being stupid, and I want to laugh all day long without having to cough my lungs out.
And in spite of all this rubbish, I've quite unexpectedly landed myself with a boyfriend. It's been going on since the beginning of March, officially I mean. I didn't say anything because I've been feeling quite shy about it, haha. He's really quite lovely- good-natured and patient and sweet and goofy and the best part is that he loves all of me, especially the stupidest parts. I call him K, he likes to stick his nose in my hair and kiss my fingertips and it's hilarious how he thinks I'm graceful when I'm such a klutz that I go bumping into walls a lot. I like him best in the morning, because I get really relieved and happy when I get my first sight of him- usually at the bus stop because we walk to class together. It's all very co-dependent.
Once, I didn't come for morning class and he msged me on my phone saying "Where are you. I miss you." and I just replied " :(( " because I was on the way to school and I missed him quite a bit, too. So I was sitting at the steps, when AL came out to point and laugh at my pigtails. I think K heard our squabbling, because after AL went away, I saw a boy-shaped blur dashing out from the classroom and coming towards me at the speed of 192731029381-29m/s. He gave me a quick fierce kiss on the cheek, grinned crazily and then sprinted back to class before I could even react. K's really nice and wholesome and it's so weird because I'm such a mess, really and I just hope I don't screw this up like I've screwed up all those other times. It's just that sometimes I catch him looking at me with such marvel in his eyes, and I panic because it's surreal and does he not realise what a dumb girl I am! It's really quite scary but I love him quite a bit. Quite a lot. Funny how things like these start without any warning at all. All right, I'll shut up.
I'm going to sleep now, I hope I'll feel better in the morning. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, and you guys take care of yourselves, k? <3
ps. AMALIN, I just wanted you to know I didn't forget your birthday. I sang you a birthday song on that day, I did. I wanted to log on and post, but then documentary shite happened, then I got too depressed to even go online, then more stuff happened. I'm so sorry, my sun-and-stars. :(( I suck.
Pretty long huh. I really am the most long-winded person alive. \:D/
Hello, folks. I've been real busy. No Time to get online or check my mail, even. Did you miss me? I sure as hell did. Too many things have been happening, so I don't really know where to start. :-?
This is going to be a long one, I think.
OK go.
Have you read ztrin's latest post, btw? It's true. This deadly flu thing is no joke, apparently. And I have been having fever on and off for the past week, plus coughing quite a bit- though I try to control it when I'm around people. I went to the doctor alone today :(( because AL said he would disown me if I didn't get myself checked, so I did. The doc said if I don't get well in 3 days, I'd have to go to hospital and get myself X-rayed. You know, get tested for the SARS thing. I don't want to check myself in hospital, I hear there are loads dying in there and I just don't want to go, OK. I hate hospitals. I really do. I'm sorry if I sound melodramatic, but you know, I don't really want to die. And I'm really quite ill. I feel weak, although I can sit up in my computer chair and type and stuff. Which is good, because I couldn't even get out of bed this morning.
It's scary. One infected person sneezes in the bus, and everyone in that bus will get infected as well. Schools have been shut down, from primary to junior colleges. I'm in a polytechnic, I think it's like...a technical school for you guys or something? Well, anyway, my school is still going on as per usual. It just doesn't make sense. I was walking to the doctor just now (in the rain, getting splashed by fucking cars from head to toe? not my idea of fun.) and not a single kid in the streets. Nobody below the age of 18. The stores were empty. The nurses were wearing those protective masks things which made them look like evil dentists. Everyone here has forgotten about the war in Iraq. A few days ago, everyone would be gathered around the television sets in the canteens during lunch, worrying about the war. Now we're all discussing SARS victims instead. Well, everyone who still goes to school anyway. I didn't go today, won't go tomorrow as well. If I really am infected, I don't think i should go to school and spread it to people I love.
I'm really quite scared, you know. It's hard to talk about it with people from real life, because they worry so and it just freaks me out.
Also, the L.A. thing. I'm dying (ahaha) to go. But the lady told us that everything is pretty tentative, because of the war. It's pretty complicated, but I hear the U.S. is thinking of blacklisting Singapore because of this SARS thing. As in, nobody's allowed to go in and out from Singapore. My teacher told us Singapore's the third country in the list of places dangerously infected with this thing, so. I don'r know. Plus the war. Which I already mentioned. I really want to go to L.A. though.
I'm getting tired.
Um, what else, what else. Oh yeah, school's killing me man. This term is hellacious. I've been getting alll sorts of setbacks in my documentary about hospice patients, it's pretty mad. Disheartening when you put in so much effort and nothing comes out of it. Lots of lots of work. Even the most cheerful and hardworking students in school? They're going mad from the pressure. It's just pretty stupid how a deadly virus is sweeping across the country and everyone in school is just fucking stressed about homework and deadlines. This is a pretty stupid country, yeah?
Trin, I need your help man. Essay. No joke. I will die if I have to do it alone. Help, man. Help. Help help help help help.
So yeah, school sucks. Nothing new. Ivan's been pissing me off left, right and centre. And you know what? We act like we don't even know each other anymore. AL thinks he's a jerk, I'm slowly losing any soft spots for him. Ivan, I mean. Whatever, this is not important anyway.
What else, what else. Oh, I haven't seen my niece in 2 months. After the whole big fight between my parents and my sisters, well they kinda just dropped out of my life. And it's so depressing. After the doc's, I walked past a bakery and I saw a Powerpuff Girls birthday cake and I just started bawling. Because my niece, she loved them you see. Only she loves Digimon as well and keeps getting them mixed up and calls them "Digipuff". Haha. What a sweetie. I miss her. I don't really know where she is, I think my sisters' handphone lines all got cut off. I miss her hell of a lot, but there's not much I can do about it.
Last Sunday, I broke down because my mum had difficulty breathing and was crying on the couch, asking for my younger sister. My mother is seriously ill and apparently she's dying, in case you didn't know. I don't really love my mum, but it's still pretty horrible to watch. I mean, I'd have cried if it was any other person curled up on that couch and crying for someone else to come. I ran to my room and cried because I felt really hurt and stupid. Damaged. Because my whole life, my mum didn't love me really, and now she's going to die. It's hard to explain. I'd just go through life thinking, wow my own mother didn't love me at all and now she's dead. Uh...I'm not sure how to explain it, like I said. Never mind.
I'm so tired, man. I want everything to stop being stupid, and I want to laugh all day long without having to cough my lungs out.
And in spite of all this rubbish, I've quite unexpectedly landed myself with a boyfriend. It's been going on since the beginning of March, officially I mean. I didn't say anything because I've been feeling quite shy about it, haha. He's really quite lovely- good-natured and patient and sweet and goofy and the best part is that he loves all of me, especially the stupidest parts. I call him K, he likes to stick his nose in my hair and kiss my fingertips and it's hilarious how he thinks I'm graceful when I'm such a klutz that I go bumping into walls a lot. I like him best in the morning, because I get really relieved and happy when I get my first sight of him- usually at the bus stop because we walk to class together. It's all very co-dependent.
Once, I didn't come for morning class and he msged me on my phone saying "Where are you. I miss you." and I just replied " :(( " because I was on the way to school and I missed him quite a bit, too. So I was sitting at the steps, when AL came out to point and laugh at my pigtails. I think K heard our squabbling, because after AL went away, I saw a boy-shaped blur dashing out from the classroom and coming towards me at the speed of 192731029381-29m/s. He gave me a quick fierce kiss on the cheek, grinned crazily and then sprinted back to class before I could even react. K's really nice and wholesome and it's so weird because I'm such a mess, really and I just hope I don't screw this up like I've screwed up all those other times. It's just that sometimes I catch him looking at me with such marvel in his eyes, and I panic because it's surreal and does he not realise what a dumb girl I am! It's really quite scary but I love him quite a bit. Quite a lot. Funny how things like these start without any warning at all. All right, I'll shut up.
I'm going to sleep now, I hope I'll feel better in the morning. I'm sorry I haven't been around much, and you guys take care of yourselves, k? <3
ps. AMALIN, I just wanted you to know I didn't forget your birthday. I sang you a birthday song on that day, I did. I wanted to log on and post, but then documentary shite happened, then I got too depressed to even go online, then more stuff happened. I'm so sorry, my sun-and-stars. :(( I suck.
Pretty long huh. I really am the most long-winded person alive. \:D/