Writer's Block: Loved Ones Afar
Is it unnatural to miss someone you can't remember ever knowing?
I miss my grandmother, on my mother's side. She passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, when my mom was 10 years old. Her death led to the rapid decline of my mom's safe and comfortable childhood, into a cruel world full of anger and pain and rebellion. She's recently been healing from all of that. In some ways... in other ways, losing your mother at that age will forever leave you damaged.
I miss her because she could have wrought such a different outcome in my mother's life. I miss her, because my mom misses her so much. My mother comments sometimes that whenever she has a hummingbird fly right up to her, she thinks it's her mom saying hello. Grandma loved hummingbirds. The little bird tattooed on my ankle is not a coincidence.
I miss my great-grandfather Embree. He died before I was even a year old. It's strange to look at photos of him and my great-grandmother, and feel so deeply connected to him... he lived the life that I hope someday to live myself. In all aspects, he was someone to look up to. I wish I could have known him longer.
I miss my great-grandma Embree, who we just recently lost last year. I know she was ready to go, and I did get the privilege of knowing her for much longer than most people get to know their great-grandparents. She was a pistol. I haven't really accepted that I will not see her again, in this life.
I miss my great-grandma Sugiyoka. She was the sweetest teeny-tiny japanese woman you could have ever met. I miss her enthusiastic greetings, despite being 90 . I miss feeling so closely connected to my japanese heritage, through her... my grandfather and great uncle don't speak a word of Japanese, or emphasize too much on the culture. There's a story she told me, about being a young teenager and against an arranged marriage that was planned for her... she threw a fit, then jumped onto her horse and rode away, refusing to meet her "husband". They did eventually get married, and she was happy with him "after all of that fuss".
I miss my uncle Jay, who committed suicide when I was very young. I cannot remember his face... but I remember being very, very happy when he was around. But he strengthens my belief that this is not the only life we'll lead, and that we continue on.
I miss my best friend. It's like I'm missing a little part of my soul. I can only wish her happiness when she's at school, and it pains me when she says she's unhappy and wants to come home. I miss sitting in her driveway in the middle of the night, venting about everything, and crying, and simultaneously cheering each other up. I miss her free spirit, and her openness and willingness to accept and try new things. I feel much more at ease with myself when she's near.
I miss my boyfriend. There is no time that I feel better than when I am laying next to him, with my head on his chest. I can venture into the world, go to work and do things on my own without him... I am perfectly capable of being apart. But I always feel better when he's with me.
I miss my grandmother, on my mother's side. She passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, when my mom was 10 years old. Her death led to the rapid decline of my mom's safe and comfortable childhood, into a cruel world full of anger and pain and rebellion. She's recently been healing from all of that. In some ways... in other ways, losing your mother at that age will forever leave you damaged.
I miss her because she could have wrought such a different outcome in my mother's life. I miss her, because my mom misses her so much. My mother comments sometimes that whenever she has a hummingbird fly right up to her, she thinks it's her mom saying hello. Grandma loved hummingbirds. The little bird tattooed on my ankle is not a coincidence.
I miss my great-grandfather Embree. He died before I was even a year old. It's strange to look at photos of him and my great-grandmother, and feel so deeply connected to him... he lived the life that I hope someday to live myself. In all aspects, he was someone to look up to. I wish I could have known him longer.
I miss my great-grandma Embree, who we just recently lost last year. I know she was ready to go, and I did get the privilege of knowing her for much longer than most people get to know their great-grandparents. She was a pistol. I haven't really accepted that I will not see her again, in this life.
I miss my great-grandma Sugiyoka. She was the sweetest teeny-tiny japanese woman you could have ever met. I miss her enthusiastic greetings, despite being 90 . I miss feeling so closely connected to my japanese heritage, through her... my grandfather and great uncle don't speak a word of Japanese, or emphasize too much on the culture. There's a story she told me, about being a young teenager and against an arranged marriage that was planned for her... she threw a fit, then jumped onto her horse and rode away, refusing to meet her "husband". They did eventually get married, and she was happy with him "after all of that fuss".
I miss my uncle Jay, who committed suicide when I was very young. I cannot remember his face... but I remember being very, very happy when he was around. But he strengthens my belief that this is not the only life we'll lead, and that we continue on.
I miss my best friend. It's like I'm missing a little part of my soul. I can only wish her happiness when she's at school, and it pains me when she says she's unhappy and wants to come home. I miss sitting in her driveway in the middle of the night, venting about everything, and crying, and simultaneously cheering each other up. I miss her free spirit, and her openness and willingness to accept and try new things. I feel much more at ease with myself when she's near.
I miss my boyfriend. There is no time that I feel better than when I am laying next to him, with my head on his chest. I can venture into the world, go to work and do things on my own without him... I am perfectly capable of being apart. But I always feel better when he's with me.