It's not that easy being me...

[pubert]

I can't help but feel that I'm missunderstood... Then I think a little bit, and realize that I don't even understand myself. I'm so rigid, and smooth at the same time. All the people that I care about the most and try the most to be a part of their lives I push away at the same time by trying too hard. I feel like I have to act a certain way and

Comments

GOOD TIMES ARE HERE TO COME

[wisconsincchick]

Eric,
I know that we havent been very close and i have had a little trouble with you lately. I get so frustrated with you somtimes and maybe its because i have changed and grown older. That does not mean though that i dont treasure what we had and what we could potentialy have. Just because i have new freinds doesnt mean i love u anyless. I just have a hard time because first of all i am always inbetween u and kate and its hard for me to understand where you are coming somtimes and secondly i see u in pain and i dont know how to get through to you and help you. I honestly wish there was somthing i could do for u but its like u are not accepting of me and my help which really hurts. It feels like you cant trust me. I dont want to be like we are now. I want you to know you can talk to me whenever you want and i want to feel comfortable talking to you. I dont want you to feel that my bluntness to you about how i persive your actions to kate to lead you to belive i dont care for u because i do. Please dont be shy and call me or email me at wisconsinrunner22@hotmail.
Sarah
P.S.
Im sorry i was not striaght forward with you about the whole kissing thing. I hope we both can be mature to forgive and forget about that and about sudays little scuffle.

Re: GOOD TIMES ARE HERE TO COME

[wisconsincchick]

Its...nevermind...I do believe you Sarah, I've always believed what you said...It's just right now, I don't want to believe you, I don't want to believe me and kate are over, and to have someone like you who is so blunt and dry about it, It's frustrating, because everyone else has gotten over it and can crack jokes about it and talk about it like its no big deal. Its not like that for me, I still haven't found peace with myself over the whole thing yet and its still a bit unsettling to know I just lost someone so important, and I can't have them back. Every word I speak about it just gets progressively more bitter, and I'm sorry how I come off, but I honestly can't help it (to everyone)... And just like no one realizes I am trying to help them, I don't realize sometimes that people are trying to help me until its too late...I know you want me to get over kate, I know everyone does, but its not that easy and its not that painless, and truthfully its something I really don't want to do...I just have to grow to accept help more, like the rest of us. I think right now my problem is jelousey, I just want to hold on to everyone as they all find new partners...even brandon whom I finally thought I was clicking with got a girlfriend, and are spending so much time together its insane, Its not like I'm not happy for him, or you, or anyone else...Its just that...I just lost that caring and "thick and thin" love and support...and I really want it back...

Re: GOOD TIMES ARE HERE TO COME

[wisconsincchick]

I truly am trying to understand your situation and i am going to whole heartedly support the fact that you cant get over her. I know kate is a special person i mean if she wasnt i wouldnt be her freind and i cant imagine not having a freindship with her. What I feel when i think about that is prob. only a fraction of what you feel of course becasue not only was she your best freind but your first love. I am going to respect that you need time from now on and try to leave you at peace. As long as i feel you are not hurting kate in any ways of coures. I hope one day you do realize though that there are others out there. As for the whole boyfreind thing i am sorry that i have been spending less time with you. I feel bad cause i feel like i am not only ditching you but others. I really think you and i should set up a day over thanksgiving break to hang out. Just u and me. If thats cool with you i will figure out my schedual and u can figure out yours and we can try to work out some time.
Sarah