[Fanfiction] Never seen a blue sky
Fandom: Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitteiru (Betrayal knows my name)
Pairing: Hotsuma x Shusei
Rating: M/NC-17
Warnings: Spoilers until episode 13 (anime) and volume 6 (manga); smex
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me. This also applies to anything related to this series. Any similarity with real world situations is pure coincidence.
Author's note: This is the second time I write something that can be classified as fanfic... haha. Not used to smex scenes so please forgive me. This is an un-beta text so there might be some grammar mistakes.
“There’s nothing worse than solitude. Pain can’t hurt me. Death can’t threaten me anymore. Disappearing is what is left for me.”
Shusei opened his eyes. His heart was beating so strongly against his chest he thought it might burst. Sweat ran down his forehead, wetting his brown long fringe and making ways towards his pillow, which was already quite damp. His breathing was irregular, like if the air refused to enter his lungs, depriving him from oxygen but once there, it insisted in not leaving to the point of suffocating him. Another nightmare. The third one this week.
Why? After coming back to the Twilight Mansion, being rescued from Ashley clutches, why did he have to dream? Was he some kind of traumatized kid who kept dreaming after such an intense and tiring battle? He didn’t understand. What was the point of understanding too? That long-haired Opast was dead and Takashiro-sama successfully protected Yuki from Reiga. There was no certainty when they would attack again, however the head of the Giou Clan made sure to be better prepared for their next meeting.
A sharp pain distracted Shusei from the questions in his mind. His scars were bleeding. His fingers brushed through it with feathery touches but withdrew almost immediately. It hurt. It hurt so much he could barely stand up. A silent cry escaped from his lips. The old wound never bothered him before so why was it hurting now? A thin trail of blood tarnished his white pale skin as he sat on the edge of the bed. It was warm. It was hot. Like it would burn him alive, right there, to ashes. His pajamas were starting to evidence some reddish spots. Did he scratch himself without knowing in his nightmare.
A small whimper broke the deadly, stale silence in the room. Shusei’s eyes locked on the source of the noise. Hotsuma was sleeping soundly, curled like a child in an armchair near the small framed window. The alarm clock marked 6:58. It was a chilly morning.
- “What is he doing in my room?” - Shusei smiled, his expression softening, forgetting for a moment the inexplicable pain. He doesn’t remember chatting with the younger male yesterday before going to bed. He must have sneaked during his sleeping. His nightmare.
Hotsuma was like a stray cat: wild, unpredictable, with claws sharper than knives but craving for a second, an ephemeral moment of love, of devoted attention. Shusei would give him that moment. He would sacrifice everything. His gift from God, his sight, his time. He would give him his life if Hotsuma asked for it. He had no other reason for living. His world revolved around the orange-haired boy. But he knew he couldn’t quench the younger male’s thirst. His scars would accuse him forever, look down on him, remind him of his mistake, his sin, his power.
Hotsuma was poisoned and he had no antidote to cure it. He was just another drug, giving false hopes, brief instants of comfort but slowly killing him, tearing him up, step by step, until nothing is left. Only Yuki could pull him out from the dark pit. And Yuki did. So Shusei was no longer needed. His role was done. He would follow the current and sail away, never thinking of coming back to the shore.
Well, Hotsuma would surely scold him if he could read minds. His insecurities led him to be an easy prey for Ashley. Shusei shook his head. It’s was over now. He glanced again at the petite rectangular clock. It was 7:03. He got up, his feet weak and unstable. His scars still hurt and the crimson in his shirt was much more visible now. He grabbed his woolen blanket, still retaining some of his body heat, with a faint scent of lavender and covered Hotsuma, who was twitching from the hawkish breeze.
The orange-haired boy snuggled closer to the soft and warm cover, his face displaying some traits of fatigue. How much did he sleep last night?
- “Like a child, huh?” - Shusei kneeled next to Hotsuma, observing his sleeping face. Did his partner do the same thing all these nights? He wanted to touch his cheeks, run his fingers through those smooth strands of hair but wouldn’t dare to tarnish his rough features with blood.
Why did he still feel insecure and guilty even though Hotsuma confessed he wouldn’t run away from the scars anymore? He wasn’t a burden anymore, right? Why did he have to feel all this anxiety and be hesitant towards his only partner? Why had the scars started to bleed, to hurt him? What was missing?
- “Shusei?” - A faint voice called him. - “What is wrong?” - Hotsuma opened his eyes briefly, still not used to the raising daylight penetrating the window. A tiny yawn escaped his mouth.
The God’s eyes smiled. - “He’s a kid after all.” - “Nothing. Just go back to your own room and sleep. Stop invading other people’s space.” - His voice was delicate and friendly yet, it was on the verge of betraying him.
- “But I prefer it here. Besides, if you…” - Hotsuma noticed the strange stains on his partner’s shirt. - “What are these?” - He extended his hand, trying to feel them.
Shusei recoiled immediately, his feet almost giving up. There was a clear distance between then and some hints of panic on his face. - “Oh no! Why am I evading his caress?” - Unable to find the right answer, he simply got up and tried to leave the room as fast as possible.
- “Shusei?” - Hotsuma’s voice sounded more like a plea. Did he do something wrong? Something that insulted, hurt or displeased his friend? He was fully awake now and ready to chase his partner if needed. But Shusei did something he hadn’t seen since the last week. It was fallacious, untrue, false, the sign that something was clearly disturbing and eating the older male. He was smiling. That fake smile.
- “Don’t…” - It came out almost like a whisper. He wouldn’t allow his weakness to destroy their bond. If it was still intact and undamaged. - “I’m going for a shower. It’s still early so go get some sleep.” - Would Hotsuma realize how his voice was wavering?
- “Shusei!” - His voice was strong and had a certain resonance. - “Don’t run away! SHUSEI!” - But the brown haired already left the room. Only the sound of the door closing firmly echoed in the insipid silence.
_*_*__**_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_**_*_*__*_*_*_**_*_*_*_**_*
Shusei never imagined the freezing water could be so soothing. At first, the icy drops pierced his skin like thousands of sharp needles in all directions, making him numb. Now, the cleansing ritual washed his blood and calmed the burning trails in his body. It washed all the dirt and all the filth. If it could also wash all this worries. If it could at least wash himself and melt with the water.
_*_*__**_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_**_*_*__*_*_*_**_*_*_*_**_*
- “Shusei” - The orange haired boy called. Again.
Shusei innocently thought his partner would have left the room by the time he came back. 7:21. Less than half an hour. Did he really bathe in such a short period of time? - “What are you still doing here?” -
- “Tche” - Hotsuma ran to his direction, grabbing Shusei’s arm forcibly, with a bruising strength, in the process and threw him onto the bed, his robe disheveled from the impact.
- “What are you…” - A pair of lips touched his. A kiss. Kissing. Hotsuma was kissing him not so delicately but not rough too. It was thoughtful and hesitant. A conflict of emotions. He didn’t know how to reciprocate. It finished in less than a couple of seconds.
Both boys sat on the edge of the bed, their feet so close it almost made contact and Hotsuma’s hand running thorough his perfectly styled hair, messing with some damp strands. - “Tell me what is happening Shusei.”
- “Nothing.” - He had no option but to put that fake smile again. - “Everything’s fine.”
- “Please.” - His words shattered the fragile wall the older male build around him.
Tears poured from Shusei’s eyes. Was he crying? And he couldn’t control it. Hotsuma didn’t try to stop him too. The small droplets were scorching, his sobs barely audible. The younger male wanted to hug him, to soothe his heart. But he stayed there, quiet and motionless. He was waiting for an explanation. Whatever Shusei felt lying.
- “I’m afraid. I’m afraid of myself for not knowing what to do or where to go. I’m afraid of you Hotsuma. I’m afraid you will not need me anymore. I’m afraid of my nightmares. I’m afraid of my scars.” - He lifted he face towards his partner. - “What am I to you Hotsuma?” - His tears had stopped.
- “You…” - Hotsuma was surprised by the sudden confession. - “You are my everything. Don’t ever think in disappearing. Not again.” - And leaned forward, brushing his lips one more time to his partner’s ones. His lover.
Shusei closed his eyes this time. While the kiss before was full of hesitation, now it was filled with certainty. It was slow, mild, each second becoming more tempting. His heart was starting to beat faster and faster. It was uncomfortable but he didn’t mind. Hotsuma put more strength, his needs more pushy and greedy. He demanded access to his mouth, his tongue eagerly already licking the bruised lips. Shusei reluctantly gave him permission, a gentle scent of mint lingering in his mouth. The kiss became uncontrolled, almost savage, their tongues on a dance on their own. If it wasn’t for the lack of oxygen, they wouldn’t release each other. Both their faces were tainted with light shades of pink and their breaths unstable.
Hotsuma pinned the older male to the mattress, delivering feathery kisses on his face, his hands. The robe was now completely open, Shusei’s torso completely exposed to the God’s voice. A small chuckle escaped his lips.
- “You planned all this since last night, didn’t you? - Shusei’s fingers touched Hotsuma cheeks.
- “Well, you had to go to sleep so early.” - He didn’t even try to hide the smirk he was wearing now. - “You’ve been strange lately.”
- “Everything’s fine.” - It was true. His vacillation already worn off.
Hotsuma couldn’t wait to continue their love-making session. His lips were kissing his neck, biting and sucking in a soft spot. It would bruise. A mark of his possessiveness. His hands were travelling down his defined chest. Shusei was thin but there were muscles and Hotsuma loved touching there. The scars seemed to be perfectly fine now, not a trace of injury or the bleeding from before. The pink nipples quickly grew erect under the skilled ministrations he was receiving. A raspy, dry moan escaped his mouth. The orange-haired boy’s smirk widened.
- “Already losing it? I should have woken you up yesterday if I knew you were so eager for me.”
- “You’re really a kid.” - Shusei was aware of the lust in his partner’s eyes. It was so evident and reminded him of his. Realizing he was the only one naked, his hands quickly pulled off Hotsuma’s shirt, roughly, his orange hair quite messed up.
Hotsuma’s body was definitely manlier than his. His strong, athletic form and well-built torso contrasted with his slim figure. Shusei felt an urge to feel it, claim it as his own like the other man did. His thoughts were interrupted when Hotsuma suddenly pressed his lower body to his. They were both already hard and their briefs painfully, agonizingly tight. They were both starting to lose patience and foreplay seemed more like a nuisance now.
Hotsuma freed his partner from the annoying underwear and played with his lover’s manhood, up and down, his fingertips teasing the erect member. - “Ahhh…Hotsuma…” - His fingers were coated with pre-cum. Unwilling to wait any longer, he inserted a finger. Shusei cried out loud. A sound so pure and lustful, better than any symphony to Hotsuma.
- “Don’t cum yet Shusei. I’ll give you much more than this.” - A second finger followed suit. -
This time, a sharp pain ran down his spine. He couldn’t articulate any intelligible words and was wavering between pleasure and pain. - “It’s fine Hotsuma… I want you to feel it too.” - A new sensation hit him. Hard. It didn’t hurt. It wasn’t pain. It was something else. It was strange, the way Hotsuma’s fingers moved inside him. He was going to lose it soon.
- “I found your sweet spot, haven’t I?” - He withdrew his fingers, moisturized and slippery. He took his briefs by himself and prepared for what was coming next.
Shusei could cum with just looking at his partner playing with himself. He wanted to experience that pleasure again and share it with Hotsuma. - “Hurry up… I won’t wait for you any longer.”
Another chuckle between irregular and rough breathing. - “A little impatient aren’t we?” - He positioned himself right on the opening and kissed his lover’s lips, one more time, reassuring him that everything was going to be fine. - “Relax your body.”
One slow, deliberate thrust made Shusei cry again. The velvety voice called Hotsuma’s name with such a passion the other man thought he might came with only that. Oh, it hurt. Not so much as he imagined. He was used to pain. But there was something else. The pleasure, the bliss. Was this the meaning of being loved?
Hotsuma was losing in that flaming heat. The unbearable tightness that clung to him like there was no tomorrow. He should have claimed Shusei sooner if he knew it was this glory good. His vision was clouded with the waves of pleasure too and his lust couldn’t be satisfied. He wanted more of that warmth, that fever. He wanted to hear his name cried out, chanted like a prayer. - “It’s so good… so wet… ahh.. I can’t hold it much longer.” - He loved Shusei.
Both males were panting, moaning and synchronized in their movements. The thrust became stronger, fiercer, new heights of pleasure to be explored and attained. They came at the same time, Shusei spilling his seeds over their chests and Hotsuma releasing inside of him, filling him with a happiness he couldn’t obtain anywhere else. They remained silent, recovering their breaths, both carrying a heartfelt smile.
- “You shouldn’t have taken a bath this morning.” - Hotsuma caressed his partner’s forehead and kissed him lightly.
- “I guess we could take one now.” - Shusei snuggled closer to his lover’s arms. He felt protected.
A widespread smirk assaulted Hotsuma. - “We will be late for breakfast.”